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Bbalt I 

''Post Teiiebras Lux' \'^'<r^'^ ^F ^^/A^^^^S. 

Mormon ' '^"^«t 





FROM 1830 TO 1886 

Story of the Danite's Wife; Mountain Meadows Massacre Re- 
examined; A Thousand Fresh Facts and Documents 
Gathered Personally in Utah from 
Living Witnesses 


Dr. W. WYL 


Tribune Printing and Publishing Company 


Copyright 1886. 



Joseph Smith 




A Study Based on Facts and Documents 

With Fourteen Illustrations 




From a Cast in the Possession of Brigham Young. 


" Nobody knoAvs what the other world will be." 

" I have got the damned fools fixed and will carry out the fun." 

" The world owes me a good living and if I cannot get it without, 
I'll steal it— and catch me at it if you can." 

" We will all go to hell together and convert it into a heaven by 
castino- the Devil out ; hell is by no means the place this world of fools 
supposes it to be, but on the contrary, it is quite an agreeable place." 


" There is not a bishop in this whole Territory who is not a damned 

" We have the meanest devils on the earth in our midst and we 
intend to keep -them, for we have use for them." 

" I have many a time dared the world to produce as mean devils 
as we can ; we can beat them at anything. We have the greatest and 
smoothest liars in the world, the cunningest and most adroit thieves and 
any other shade of character that you can mention. We can pick out 
elders in Israel right here who can beat the world at gambhng ; who 
can handle the cards ; who can cut and shuffle them with the smartest 
rogue on the face of God's foot-stool. I can produce elders here who 
can shave their smartest shavers and take their money from them. We 
can beat the world at any gairie. We can beat them because we have 
men here that live in the light of the Lord; that have the holy priest- 
hood and hold the keys of the Kingdom of God." 


Volume Second of Mormon Portraits, which I have entitled 
Brigham Young and His People, will appear in a few months. 

I respectfully solicit information, either in personal interviews or 
by post, from all trustworthy sources and shall be much obUged for the 
same ; as well as for the pointing out of any errors of statement, how- 
ever slight, that may by accident have crept into this volume. My 
address is 

Dr. W. WYL, 
Salt Lake City, Utah. 

July 17, 1886. 

The family is the unit of the modern State. Woman is the heart 
and crown of the modern family. In Mormonism womanhood has 
been outraged and crucified from Emma Smith to the last polygamous 
victim and martyr. 

Looking around me and afar, and seeing no brighter or braver 
spirit opposing this monstrous evil, I take the liberty to inscribe this 
little volume on Mormonism to one who seems to be equally at home 
on either side of the Atlantic, 

Miss Kate Field. 



Territory of Utah, Executive Office, 
Salt Lake City, May 2, 1885. 

To w/iom this may come : 

Dr. W. Wyl, a representative of the Berliner Tage- 
blatf, and who is commended to me from a high personal 
and official source as a " highly cultivated and thoroughly 
reliable gentleman," has for four months assiduously 
labored in the investigation of the questions involved in 
Mormonism. I am satisfied that he has given the subject 
careful study, and is therefore qualified to write advisedly 
of the situation, past and present. 

Eli H. Murray, 


We, the undersigned, hereby certify that we know that 
Dr. W. Wyl, a German author and correspondent, has 
worked very earnestly for months to collect facts from a 
number of witnesses living in Salt Lake City, relating to 
the history of Mormonism. We believe that Dr. Wyl has 
done his work in a thoroughly honest and truth-loving 
spirit, and that his Book will be a valuable addition to the 
material collected by other reliable writers. 

W. S. Godbe, 
H. W. Lawrence, 
E. L. T. Harrison. 
Salt Lake City, Utah Ter., April 28, 1886. 

The Daily Tribune, (Editorial Rooms,) ) 
Salt Lake City, May 12, 1885. j 
Dr. W. Wyl: 

My Dear Doctor: — I have been doing myself the 
honor to keep a pretty close watch of you in this city for 
several months. I believe I never saw a more earnest, 
conscientious or persistent searcher after facts. I believe 
you know as much about Mormonism as any man who 
never spent more than twice the time you have in investi- 
gating it. 

I believe you will be of good service to man and to 
free government by presenting the array of facts which you 
have accumulated either in book or lecture form. I believe 
the conclusions you have drawn from the facts are sound, 
and now, Dear Sir, '' Hail and Farewell." 
Most sincerely yours, 

C. C. Goodwin. 

Salt Lake, Utah, May 7, 1885. 
To Dr. W. Wyl: 

Dear Sir: — I think, from the manner in which your 
inquiries have been conducted, that you have obtained a 
more thorough knowledge of the past history and present 
aspect of Mormonism than any one who has ever visited 
our Territory with this object in view. You have gathered 
materials for a book which ought to be of absorbing inter- 
est, and your ability as a writer (if you will allow me to 
be the judge) insures the presentation of the facts in hand 
in such a manner that the reader, who once opens your 
book will not be able to lay it aside until it is finished. 

With the hope that your book may have the success 
that it is sure to deserve, I remain very sincerely yours, 

Cornelia Paddock. 

To whojn this may co?ne : 

I have been thoroughly acquainted with the Mormon 
Church for over fifty years. I attended grammar school 

with Joseph Smith in Kirtland, Ohio, in the winter of 
1834 and 1835, and assisted in teaching Joseph Smith, the 
prophet, English grammar. I witnessed the history of the 
Church in Kirtland, Ohio, in Caldwell and Davies coun- 
ties, Mo., in Nauvoo, 111., and in Salt Lake City. I was 
intimately acquainted with Joseph Smith and his family 
for eleven years) also with all the leading men of the 
Church down to the present time. I have been thoroughly 
acquainted with the system and all the miportant facts of 
the history of the Mormon Church. In many interviews 
during March, April and May, 1885, I have given all the 
facts within my knowledge to Dr. W. Wyl, who wrote 
them down in shorthand. I think Dr. Wyl has enjoyed 
the best facilities for obtaining a thorough knowledge of 
Mormon History, and I look forward to his intended pub- 
lication with great interest. 

C. G. Webb. 
Salt Lake City, May 14, 1885. 

To whom it may concern : 

I was baptized into the Mormon Church forty-five years 
ago, in the river Mersey at Liverpool, by Elder John 
Taylor, now President of the Mormon Church. I have 
lived for twenty-five years in Southern Utah, city of Paro- 
wan, and have known personally nearly all those who were 
implicated in the ''Mountain Meadows Massacre." I 
was cut off from the Church because I could not convince 
myself that murder and stealing were agreeable to God. 
I came very near being killed as an apostate by the 
''Danites" or " Destroying Angels " of the Church. I 
think there are few persons living in Utah who have a 
more complete knowledge of the history of Mormonism 
in Southern Utah, especially during the terrible time of 
the so-called "Reformation," when the spirit of murder 
w^as supreme in the Church. I have told in many inter- 
views all the important facts stored up in my memory to 
Dr. W. Wyl, and he has taken them down in shorthand. 
I feel satisfied that he has collected a great number of 


facts which have never been published, and that he has 
acquired a very good inside view of the History and spirit 
of the Mormon Church. 

James McGuffie, 
N. 425 E* Third South Street. 
Salt Lake City, May 14, 1885. 

To whom it may concern : 

This is to certify that the writer has been associated 
with the Mormons for a period of over thirty years, and 
for the past seventeen years principally in Salt Lake City. 
I am personally and thoroughly acquainted with the poli- 
tical and religious institutions of the Mormons ; also with 
their history as a people, as well as with their public 
character as a community residing in the Territory of 

I have known the bearer, Dr. W. Wyl, author and cor- 
respondent of Berlin, Germany, for the past few months 
since he has resided in this city. He has been engaged 
in collecting data from which to write and publish a book 
on Mormonism, From the well-known characters and 
abilities of his ''witnesses," I feel safe in saying that he 
has obtained a fund of the most trustworthy information 
possible, and such as no preceding writer has ever been 
able to disclose. Dr. Wyl, through his evident impar- 
tiality and the entire absence of personal prejudice, has 
made a host of substantial friends in this city, from whom 
he has obtained a clear and vivid insight into the inner 
life of this "peculiar people," as well as the most com- 
prehensive conception of their objects, aims and purposes. 
From the pen of such an author the public may reason- 
ably expect a thorough and complete elucidation of the sub- 
ject to be treated, and learn — probably for the first time — 
that the Mormons diXt politically an aggressive people, and 
that Mormonism, as regards the secret aims and teachings 
of the leaders, is nothing less than organized Treason. 
Yours truly, 

Joseph Salisbury. 

Salt Lake City, April 27, 1885. 

To wJwm it may concern: 

My friend, Dr. W. Wyl, has spent nearly five months 
in Salt Lake City, in the spring of 1885, and in April and 
May, 1886, and has made a special and exhaustive study 
of the history of the Mormon Church, from its inception 
to date. Having carefully digested most of the publica- 
tions pro and contra on this subject, and having worked 
day after day with living witnesses, the very best to be 
had in the Territory, taking down their depositions in 
shorthand, Dr. Wyl has succeeded in collecting a mass of 
material which, in my opinion, will enable him to produce 
a book full of new facts relating to Mormon history. Such 
a book is much desired by all good citizens, and will do a 
great deal of good, especially in the present crisis of Utah 
affairs. Dr. Wyl's clear and full insight into Utah niat- 
ters, past and present, his zeal and fidelity in collecting 
and sifting data, justify the earnest hope that he will ere 
long present to the reading public of this country, Great 
Britain and Germany, a really standard book on the 
characters and history of the most noted among the Mor- 
mon leaders. David F. Walker. 

Salt Lake City, May 9, 1886. 


I do not wish to insult anybody in this book, or to 
hurt anybody's feelings. I desire to do my simple duty 
as a writer. That is all ; to do it as a critic and observer, 
having the courage of my opinions, and being happily 
free from ''all entangling alliances." 

I came first to this fine Territory in December, 1884; 
stayed a few weeks and received my first general impres- 
sions about the state of Utah affairs; took my first dip 
into Mormon history and into the ''Problem." I was 
received in the kindest manner by Governor Murray, Mr. 
David F. Walker, Judge C. C. Goodwin, Col. W. Nelson, 
Col. O. J. Hollister; by Wm. S. Godbe, H. W. Lawrence 
and E. L, T. Harrison, the well-known Mormon Apostates 
and Reformers and their triends; by the venerable and 
clear-headed widow of the " Paul of Mormonism," Mrs. 
Sarah M. Pratt, herself an exhaustless mine of curious in- 
formation; by the eminent authoress, Mrs. Cornelia Pad- 
dock; also by a number of Apostles, Priests and Presidents 
in the Mormon Church. My interest got awakened. I 
returned to Utah early in February, '85, remaining till the 
latter part of May. This second sojourn was devoted ex- 
clusively to the taking of depositions from the mouths of 
living witnesses: I have examined some eighty, all men 
and women of recognized probity, and most of them of 
superior intelligence. For months have I worked with 
them from eight to ten hours a day, repeating my inter- 
views until I had all the information they had to give. 
I am still working daily in this way. 

I have made studies in Rome, Naples and Sicily, in 
France and England; have published some books about 
Italy, and about the Passion Play in Oberammergau, but 
never have I felt so interested, in all my life, as now in 
the history and workings of Mormonism. What is the 

secret charm of this study? I don't know. It may be 
the fact, that the study of a strikingly peculiar religious 
sect affords more insight into human nature than any 
other investigation; it may be, that the analysis of a 
modern theocracy calls back so vividly the forms, work- 
ings and general history, more or less dark, of older the- 
ocracies, as that of the Jews, the Mohammedans and the 
Jesuits; it may be that a book like the "Confession" of 
John D. Lee shows not only in vivid and startling colors 
the organism of one bloody fanatic and his murderous 
mates, "but that it explains at the same time, by analogy, 
monsters like the Duke of Alva; shows that religious 
fanaticism has taught at all times that crimes committed 
in the name of God are meritorious, and shows, again, 
that such teachings find many believers, who, having 
devoted themselves^to the service of some fancied '' Lord," 
can lie and perjure themselves, rob and butcher, believing 
that they do the bidding of that God whom Jesus of 
Nazareth taught to be a loving father to all. 

The witnesses whose depositions are contained in my 
book have been, for the most part, victims of a great 
delusion. The Mormon missionaries told them in Europe 
that the Gospel of Christ had been restored ; that mira- 
cles of all kinds, including the gift of the Holy Ghost, 
daily revelations of the Almighty, and scores of other 
blessings would be given to the faithful followers of Joseph 
Smith, the great Seer and Prophet ; that here in Utah was 
the "home of the pure;" a paradise of innocence and 
goodness ; nothing but brotherly love, peace and fidelity ; 
that this was the new "Zion." But when they came here, 
they saw a different picture. They saw that Brigham 
Young was just as Joseph Smith had been, the great shark 
and that the faithful were the carp. They did not hear 
any more of the Bible, as they had heard in the old country ; 
in "Zion" the Gospel was: Pay your tithing, obey the 
priesthood in all things; ask never any question, but do 
- as vou are told ; take more wives, and if you have only a 
little one-roomed log cabin, never mind, take wives and 
build up the Kingdom, so that Brigham Young might soon 
be king of an independent State of the Union ; pay your 


tithing and pay besides to swell all kinds of donations ; 
give away your money ; ask never for an account, but be 
happy in your poverty, while the High Priesthood are liv- 
ing upon the fat of the land. Be spied upon every day in your 
actions by the ''teachers," and even in your thoughts, 
and be a spy yourself on your neighbor ; see whether he is 
strong in the faith, and if he is not, kill him — "cut his 
throat to save his soul ; that is the way to love your neigh- 
bor."* Hate your enemies — "Pray for them," as Kim- 
ball said publicly; "yes, that God may damn and destroy 
them" — and hate all that are not of your clan. Hate all 
that is American, and swear terrible oaths, in the Endow- 
ment House, that you will avenge the blood of the Pro- 
phet on this nation. To make it short: "You may do 
anything, you may be the most brutal wretch, you may 
marry twenty wives and neglect one after the other, you 
may rob and even kill your fellow-citizens (non-Mormons) 
— if yoMpay and obey you are all right ; so long as you do 
this you are a faithful and worthy brother, and sure of your 
kingdom and eternal glory in the other world." Such 
were the public teachings in the earlier times of the Utah 
theocracy. Since 1870 the talk and practice have become 
milder, but the principles are still the sd?ne. 

How could this tale, told to me a hundred times over, 
fail to convince me that this whole "religion" was a spec- 
ulation to enrich a few, give them gold, power and all the 
brute pleasure hidden in the Greek word "polygamy?" 
It has convinced me, sure enough ; because this tale came 
from the mouths of good, honest, sincere people, who had 
"gathered to Zion" full of religious zeal, who were terri- 
bly disappointed, and finally, when they showed a change 
in their opinions, ostracized, robbed and threatened with 
violence and even death. Do you suppose, reader, that all 
these people lie, or is the lie, perhaps, on the other side ? 
Is not all the interest in keeping up the original fraud and 
the highly profitable system on this other side ? I should 
think so. 

* Literally quoted from the speeches of Brigham Young, the great 


Mormonism has too long fooled the world, the new 
and the old. It has too long claimed immunity as a 
''religion," as an honest religious faith, with the known 
and long-established facts attending its original fabrication 
and its appalling development. Is it not indeed puerile for 
the great Government of the United States to still contin- 
ue tampering and temporizing with the outrageous fraud 
as it has hitherto done? You prattle of "polygamy" and 
refuse to see the constant rebellion and treason ; you see a 
tree and are blind to the forest. You like to joke about 
the "old monarchical countries" and about ironclad Prince 
Bismarck. But I tell you, that he would solve the "Mor- 
mon Problem" in a week, while you are puzzled by it 
since fifty years. He would not, like you, stand a help- 
less babe before the high-schools of treason and licentious- 
ness, called "Mormon Temples." He would bid them 
go, those builders of the Kingdom, and build elsewhere. 
Little Italy broke down the Pope's theocracy and great 
America stands a giant gagged and pinioned with red 
tape and circumlocution, helpless before that of King 
John Taylor! 

But enough of this. I simply transcribe in my book 
what my witnesses have told me, respectable and respected 
people, who have been connected with Mormonism for 
fifty, forty and thirty years. I have not doctored one 
fact set forth in "Mormon Portraits." Let the Mormon 
leaders try to prove that I have lied or exaggerated, but 
do it in a decent manner, gentlemen, if you please. Don't 
get angry when a man expresses his honestly acquired 
conviction. In March, 1885, I wrote a dozen of letters 
to the great Berlin paper, the Tageblatt, published by my 
excellent friend, Rudolf Mosse. It seems that those letters 
were extensively circulated and much read. At least a 
Mormon missionary, a hopeful son of High Priest A. M, 
Musser, wrote from Mannheim to his "very dear" father : 
"In my last letter I enclosed some clippings written by a 
man named Wyl. The papers continue to publish like 
articles from him, strongly impregnated with the hatred 
and gall which Satan alone can furnish." — (JDeseret News, 
the official Church organ, May 11, 188^.) 


Now, this isn't fair. I have never been, to my best 
knowledge, in any literary connection with * 'Satan," and 
I have never had any other than superficial knowledge of 
him, till I got acquainted more intimately with some of 
his choice doings, for example the Yates and Aikins 
murders and the Mountain Meadows Massacre. Why 
abuse a man instead of fighting him with facts and argu- 
ment ? Let us come to an understanding. I am no ene- 
my of the Mormon /^^//^. On the contrary, I sympathize 
with them. Leading merchants, bankers, etc., in this 
city, assure me that this people are good-hearted, indus- 
trious and honest, and I believe it readily. But the Mor- 
mon leaders are enemies of the Mormon people, enemies 
of the United States, enemies of the law, simply because 
they do not want to be disturbed in the piling up of great 
fortunes, exercising absolute power and lordship, and 
enjoying the embraces of as many ''childbearing" {id est 
young and tender) concubines as they have a mind to. I 
admire this Territory. I never saw a finer climate, never 
finer scenery. I find here the breezes of Naples and 
Palermo and all the grand sights of Switzerland. This 
should be a country full of independent men and happy 
women, teeming with freely developed talent and indi- 
vidual enterprise. The inhabitants of this paradise should 
learn to think and act for themselves, the women should 
learn to be men's equals and companions instead of their 
''handmaids." It is the duty of the Government of this 
great Republic to raise both men and women of Utah to 
the dignity of citizens truly free, and the duty of every 
honest writer to help on so noble a cause by telling the 

This is the purpose, the only purpose of ''Mormon 
Portraits. ' ' I tell the truth so far as I have succeeded in 
finding^ it bv dilis^ent and honest search. 

W. Wyl. 

Salt Lake City, May, 1886. 




I had read of the several movings and strange migra- 
tions of the Mormons; of their troubles and turmoils with 
their always-persecuting neighbors; with state and national 
authorities. It was hard for me to believe that in free 
America any religious sect could be persecuted merelv be- 
cause it was too pure and good. Still, might not Mor- 
monism be just the one exception proving the rule of perfect 
religious toleration in this most tolerant and easy-going 
Republic? I resolved to examine the matter and see for 
myself on which side was the burden of wrong-doing, and 
what of truth there might be in this strange and continual 
charge from the Mormon side of persecution." It has 
been my way to study eccentric and exceptional move- 
ments, political and religious, in the personal characters 
of the leading spirits of such movements. 

Having applied my usual method in the case of Joseph 
Smith and his associates, I find that the world at large and 
especially the thousands of Mormons in Utah know but 
little of the true life, character and actions of Joseph Smith 
and the ringleaders of the so-called Mormon Church and 
Kmgdom. In my investigations I learned to mv surDrise 
that Mormons by the thousand have left their leaders in 

t6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Josepli Smitli. 

the early times of the Church and neither came to Utah 
nor rejoined their ranks. The vast majority of the poor 
dupes in Utah and surrounding Territories, never having 
passed through such experiences as drove Mormons by the 
wholesale into rebellion and indignant apostacy, and drove 
those who continued steadfast in their infatuation from 
their places of settlement and sojourn in Ohio, Missouri 
and Illinois, are utterly incredulous, even refusing to be- 
lieve the facts when recited and fully sustained, and thus 
remain in profound and blissful ignorance of much they 
ought to know, and which, if known, would undoubtedly 
influence them to repudiate any institution making it pos- 
sible to have committed such acts in the name of God and 

Stories and reports of the criminal conduct of Joseph 
Smith, Brigham Young and their henchmen, did not rise 
from nothing, but are found to have had their origin in 
facts, which can be fully established and proven under the 
rules of historical investigation and criticism. Let me first 
introduce those of my witnesses who knew Joseph Smith's 
parents. It must be interesting to the reader to know the 
tree from which fell this prodigious apple. 


The Old Patriarch and B lesser, Joseph SmitJi, Sr. — A 
Mother of Lies — A Pair of Splendid Gypsies — The 
Father of the Prophet Lectures on Money-Digging and 

Mrs. P. states: '^ Joseph's father, the first Patriarch 
(if not President) of the Mormon ' Church,' was very 
tall ; his crooked nose was very prominent ; he was a real 
peasant, without any education. Joseph looked very 
much like him. Old Smith sold the blessings, which he 
used to pronounce on the heads of the faithful, at $3 
apiece, and sold a good many of them for years." 

A Pair of Splendid Gypsies. 1 7 

Mr. IF. states: ''I knew old father Smith when he 
was about eighty years old ; he was a great fanatic, and 
believed that Joseph was inspired from his boyhood on." 

Afrs. P. states : "Joseph's mother was a little woman ; 
she looked very vulgar. She was full of low cunning; 
no trick was too mean for her to make a little money. 
You could not believe a word of what She said. She used 
to talk a great deal about Mormonism. Everybody's 
opinion of her was, that she was a thorough liar. Her 
daughter wrote that book about Joseph for her. She and 
her husband looked like a pair of splendid gypsies. They 
looked wild and ignorant. Seeing them, nobody could 
doubt the stories about their money-digging, fortune- 
telling, etc." 

Now, this is rather hard on the old couple. I know 
that the excellent lady who gave me these details spoke 
the absolute truth, but I cannot enjoy it. I rather like 
old "Mr. Smith" and Mrs. Lucy Smith, nee Mack. Why 
admire Mr. and Mrs. Micawber and be hard on Mr. and 
Mrs. Smith ? They are splendid people in their way. 
Lying was as natural to them as drinking water, and they 
doit in a delightful way; it's prestidigitation with the 
truth, you see; artistic skill, acquired by a life's practice. 
Just read old Lucy's book on Joseph the prophet, for in- 
stance where she tells that Mrs. Harris wanted to force 
money on her, and that she refused it scornfully ; read 
her description of the "breast-plate," which she valued 
at five hundred dollars, and that other of the " Urim and 
Thummim.," which consisted of "three-cornered dia- 
monds set in glass." And Joseph wore them always on 

his person It is not vulgar lying, it is the talent 

of Sheherezade, without the bloody Sultan, and without 
— alas I — the dreamy atmosphere of the Orient. 

Old "Mr. Smith" is the Micawber of the family. 
His imagination is an Ophir of delightful absurdities, 
hatched in an atmosphere filled with the sound of the 
urgent but never-heeded claims of his countless creditors. 
I will give you one example of his, a little lecture on 
money-digging, with a smack of geological discoveries of 
his own, showing a real but neglected talent for this 


Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

branch of science. Peter Ingersoll, an old acquaintance 
of his, puts it in this shape :* 

" I was once ploughing near the house of old Joseph Smith. When 
about noon, he requested me to walk with him a short distance from 
his house, for the purpose of seeing whether a mineral rod would 
work in my hand, saying at the same time he was confident it would. 
When we arrived near the place at which he thought there was 
money, he cut a small .witch-hazel bush and gave me direction how to 
hold it. He then went off some rods, and told me to say to the rod, 
^ Work to the money ^ which I did in an audible voice. He rebuked 
me severely for speaking it loud, and said it must be said in a 
whisper. While the old man was standing off some rods, throwing 
himself into various shapes, I told him the rod did not work. He 
seemed much surprised at this, and said he thought he saw it move in 
my hand. , . . Another time he told me the best time for digging 
money was in the heat of summer, when the heat of the sun caused 
the chests of money to rise near the top af the ground. ' You notice,' 
said he, 'the large stones on the top of the ground — we call them 
rocks, and they truly appear so, but they are, in fact, most of them, 
chests of money raised by the heat of the sun." 

Now, let US compare a little tale of Mother Lucy's 
with one of Abigail Harris : 



^* Joseph Smith the Prophet,'' page 

" She ( Mrs. Harris ) com- 
menced urging upon me a con- 
siderable sura of money, I think 
some seventy-five dollars, to assist 
in getting the plates translated. I 
told her that I came on no such 
business ; that I did not want her 
money. . . . Yet she Avas deter- 
mined to assist in the business, for 
she said she knew that we should 
want money, and she could spare 
two hundred dollars as well as 

Affidavit dated Palmyra, Nov. 28, 

" Old Lucy Smith took me 
into another room, and after clos- 
ing the door, said : ' Have you 
four or five dollars that you can 
lend until our (Gold Bible) busi- 
ness is brought to a close ? The 
Spirit has said that you shall re- 
ceive fourfold.' I asked her what 
her particular want of money was, 
to which she replied : ' Joseph 
wants to take the stage and come 
home from Pennsylvania to see 
what we are all about.' To which 
I replied, he might look in his 
stone, and save his time and 
money. The old lady seemed 
confused, and left the room." 

^Affidavit dated Palmyra, Dec. 2, 183^ 

Astrology attd A the is in. ^9 

This surely shows talent, or I don't understand any- 
thing about such things. But let us leave the humble 
parents, and turn to the great son, irreverently called by 
the wicked, ''joe Smith." 


The Prophet Believes in Astrology— Laughs Heartily About 
Mormo?iism—Does not know tvhat the other World will 
be — Elder Rockwell's Curiosity. 

There are two things you would naturally expect from 
a prophet. First, a belief in some sort of a religion, and 
then a belief in his own particular shop. Now, Joseph 
Smith didn't believe in any religion, he had no hopes of a 
future life, and as to Mormonism, he laughed about it just 
as you would expect from an impostor who had, as he said 
himself, ''fixed the damned fools," and ''wanted to carry 
out the fun." The only thing the Prophet believed m 
was astrology. This is a fact generally known to old 
"Nauvoo Mormons." Wm. Clayton, his chief clerk, used 
to cast figures and make calculations for him. Brigham 
Young copied Joseph in this as in many other things. 
John C. Bennett says in his book : "I will mention a 
short conversasion that passed between Joseph and myself, 
as we were one day riding together up the banks of the 
Mississippi. After a short interval of silence. Smith sud- 
denly said to me, in a peculiarly inquiring manner : ' Gen- 
eral Harris says you have no faith, and that you do not 
believe we shall ever obtain our inheritances in Jackson 
County, Missouri.' Though somewhat perplexed by the 
Prophet's remark, and still more by his manner, I coldly 
replied : ' What does Harris know about my belief or the 
real state of my mind? I like to tease him now and then 
about it, as he'is so firm in the faith and takes it all m 
such good part.' 'Well,' said Joe, laughing heartily, 

20 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

' I guess you have got about as much faith as I have. 
Hal Ha! Ha! ' 'I should judge about as much,' was my 
reply." (This anecdote, told by Bennett, pp. 175 and 
176 of his book, was fully confirmed to me by Mrs. Sar- 
ah Pratt, to Afhom it was told by Bennett shortly after the 
dialogue occurred. ) 

Mr. Johjison told me in the presence of Lawyer Jonas- 
son, now deceased, thi following story: '' Port Rockwelly 
who used to be Joseph's coachman and factotum in Nau- 
voo, once asked the Prophet the following question : 
* Brother Joseph, how is it in in the other world? ' Joseph 
said in answer: 'Don't you bother. Brother Rockwell, 
about the other world ; try co be as comfortable as possi- 
ble in this and make the most of it ; nobody knows what 
the other world will be.'' Mr. Johnson was a guard at the 
Penitentiary, and having heard that Rockwell had made 
such a statement, he went to him and asked him, whether 
the Prophet had really expressed himself in such a man- 
ner. Rockwell confirmed fully what he had told to others, 
and repeated Joseph's answer word for word." 


The Prophef s Curious Proposition to His Bosom Friend ^ 
Bennett — The Same Fully Confirmed by Mrs. Pratt. 

The truth about the golden plates, from which Joseph 
pretended to '^ translate " the Book of Mormon, has been 
established since 1834, by E. D. Howe. I give the sub- 
stance of the very curious affidavits, obtained by him 
from Smith's neighbors, in the Appendix to Part I. of this 
book. There were never any plates of any kind. The 
book, a stupid historical novel, was written by Solomon 
Spaulding, stolen and " religiously " remodeled by Sidney 
Rigdon and published through Joseph Smith, whose wide- 
spread fame as " Peeper " and " Treasure-finder " enabled 
him admirably to assume the role of discoverer of golden 
plates. Sidney Rigdon was a man of taste in the matter 

Joseph Wants False Plates. 21 

of choosing the right kind of a rascal to do his dirty 
jobs. But he failed in one respect ; he thought he found 
a tool and he really found a master in Peeping Joe. 

Now it will surely be interesting to the reader, that 
I can not only convict Joseph Smith out of his own 
mouth, giving his full confession of the original fraud, 
but I am also able to show that he contemplated an addi- 
tional fraud with the "plates," and that, as usual, he 
thought to make a pile of money out of the second fraud, 
too. The witness in the case is Joseph's Nauvoo accorn- 
plice, Dr. John C. Bennett. Those who would refuse his 
testimony,' will not be able to contradict that of Mrs. 
Sarah Pratt. 

Ben?iett says: "Shortly after I located in Nauvoo, 
Joe proposed to me to go' to New York and get some 
plates engraved and bring them to him, so that he could 
exhibit them as the genuine plates of the Book of Mor- 
mon, which he pretended had been taken from him, and 
' hid up ' by an angel, and which he would profess to 
have recovered. He calculated to make considerable 
money by this trick, as there would of course be a great 
anxiety to see the plates, which he intended to exhibit at 
twenty-five cents a sight. I mentioned this proposition to 
Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt, on the day the Prophet made it, 
and requested her to keep it in memory, as it might be 
of much importance." When asked by me in the spring 
of 1885 about this statement of John C. Bennett, Mrs. 
Pratt confirmed it fully and stated also that Bennett had 
repiorted to her this conversation Avith Joseph on the very 
day when it happened. 


The Prophet Gets Drunk Now and Then — His Sprees and 
A dventu res — ' ' A 7vfu lly Fu n ny . ' ' 

Let Bacchus to Venus libations pour forth d^n^ yive la 
compagnie ! Let the sober historian of Joseph paint him 

2 2 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

as he was. Who could be vindictive or malicious with 
such an eccentric as Joe ? The prophet with all his vices 
and wickednesses was yet neither malicious nor vindictive. 
He had a very strong, healthy stomach, excellent diges- 
tion. He was almost the very antipode of dyspeptic, 
reticent Brother Brigham. Joseph dearly loved the social 
glass. Brigham much preferred a flowing bowl of — oat- 
meal porridge. The great prophet of this dispensation 
of the fullness of time was a real Bacchant. Perhaps he 
thought with his long-time b^som-crony, the famous O. 
Porter Rockwell, Esq., that he should " lose the spirit and 
testimony of Mormonism," if not "steamed up." The 
intelligent reader of this book will not fail to see that the 
inspiring deities of Joseph were rather Venus, Bacchus 
and Pluto, than the pretended Scriptural Trinity of 
Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 

Mrs. P.: ''A good deal of whisky was consumed in 
Nauvoo. Joe himself was often drunk. I have seen him 
in this state at different times. One evening one of the 
brethren brought Joseph to my home. He could not walk 
and had to be ledby a helpful brother. The prophet asked 
me to make some strong coffee, which I did. He drank 
five cups, and when he felt that he could walk a little 
better, he went home. He dared not come before Emma 
in this state. Joseph was no habitual drunkard, but he 
used to get on sprees. When drunk he used to be 'awfully 
funny.' He sometimes went to bed with his boots on." 

Mr. W.: "Whisky, good whisky, was then 25 cents 
a gallon. No wonder that Joseph sometimes went to bed 
with his boots on, or that he slept, as he sometimes did, in 
a ditch. He was a right jolly prophet. No sanctimonious 
humbug about him." 

Mrs. J.: "Joseph used to preach: 'Brethren and 
sisters, I got drunk last week and fell in the ditch. I sup- 
pose you have heard of it. I am awfully sorry, but I felt 
very good.' He used to get drunk on military occasions, 
after the parades of the Nauvoo Legion." 

A Jolly Prophet. 23 


Joseph and the Tax Collector — Passion for Fine Horses — 
Foot- Races — The U. S. A. Major — Two Reverends 
Who do not Want to Wrestle. 

No, there was no holy humbug about Joseph. He 
made no " long face," he gave himself as the jolly brigand 
he was, and that is what made him loved and admired by 
the motley crowd of impecunious vagabonds and adven- 
turers that surrounded him. Brigham was, though al- 
ways obeyed, feared and hated by his "friends;" they 
knew that he would sacrifice anything and anyone to his 
passion for gold ; but Joseph was a good comrade in the 
midst of brigands of a lower order ; they admired his phys- 
ical strength and agility and loved his jolly, cordial ways. 
He had physical courage, he even died game, while Brig- 
ham was the greatest coward of his time, the greatest 
among a whole set of cowards like Geo. A. Smith and the 
rest of them. There was something of Macbeth in that 
fellow Joseph and he died like Mac. But hear our wit- 
nesses : 

Mr. K. : ''A tax collector once asked a certain amount 
from Joseph ; he stopped the prophet, who was riding in 
his carriage. Joseph said that he had paid him and owed 
him nothing. The collector said: '' If you say this, you 
are a liar." Joseph jumped out of his carriage and struck 
the collector such a blow that he went flying a distance 
of three or four yards. Joseph took his seat in the carri- 
age and drove away." 

Mrs. P. : '' Joseph had a passion for fine horses. He 
had a fine carriage. He used to drive the buggy himself, 
but the carriage was generally driven by a coachman." 

Mr. A'.: ''Charlie" was the favorite family horse; 
Emma used to dri^-e him. Emma often rode on horseback 
in company with Joseph, especially on military parades. 
Joseph was always ready to show his force and cleverness 

24 Mofv/ion Portraits. — /. Joseph Smitli. 

in some sport. He liked foot races and would have his 
boots off in a moment, to the great grief of old bigots. I 
remember the visit of a U. S. A. major, who came as a 
guest to the Nauvoo House. The major Avas of higher 
build than Joseph, but not so strong as the prophet. Joseph 
wanted to wrestle with him. He threw off his coat and 
cried : 'I bet you five dollars that I will throw you, come 
on ." The major declined. Joseph laughed and said : 
'Now you see the benefit of one's being a prophet; I 
knew you wouldn't wrestle,' One of the Saints felt so 
scandalized by this joke of the prophet that he left the 

**Two reverends came one day to Xauvoo. They 
wanted to see the Prophet and to hear the principles he 
was teaching. Joseph took them to his study, and talked 
to them about repentance, baptism, remission of sins, etc. 
The two reverends interrupted Joseph frequently. After 
half-an-hour or so, getting impatient the Prophet said to 
the two holy men, while he stood up in his full Ivght : 
'Gentlemen, I am not much of a theologian, but I bet 
you five dollars, that I will throw you one after the other.' 
The reverends ran away and Joseph laughed himself nearly 
to death." 


A Poor Writer and Reader — Little Tricks Played by 
Him and the Elders — Study of Hebrew — Kimball's 
Desperate Fight With Grammar. 

When, surely to his own surprise, arrived at the hight 
of his ambition, Joseph, who was naturally ''smart," felt 
keenly the want of some ornamental learning. As usual 
he decided to make the world believe that he had what, 
in fact, he had not. He did in this respect just the same 
thing which he had done in regard to plates, apparitions 
of angels, etc. Let the witnesses talk : 

The Prophet Photographed. 25 

Mrs. P.: " Joseph was a very poor writer and reader. 
He readily confessed this ; it was a fulfinment of Scrip- 

Afr. W.: '' Joseph was the calf that sucked three 
cows. He acquired knowledge very rapidly, and learned 
with special facility all the tricks of the scoundrels who 
worked in his company. He soon outgrew his teachers. 
He studied Hebrew, he wanted to be fit for his place and 
enjoy the profits and power alone. He learned by heart 
a number of Latin, Greek and French common-place 
phrases, to use them in his speeches and sermons. For 
instance : Vox popu/i, vox diaboli ; or Laus Deus {sic) or 
a7nor vincet omnium {sic), as quoted in the Nauvoo 
' Wasp.' Joseph kept a learned Jew in his house for a long 
time for the purpose of studying Hebrew with him ; 
the Jew used to teach his language in a room of the 
'Temple" to Joseph and a number of the elders." It 
was probably his rapidly augmenting knowledge of the 
sciences, that made him. say, a few months before his 
death: '/know more than the whole 7V or Id.' ''I taught 
him the first rules of English Grammar in Kirtland in 
1834. He learned rapidly, while Heber C. Kimball 
never came to understand the difference between noun 


The Prophet at Table— Uses Tobacco— Is Weil Dressed 
— The Prophet's Jewelry — The Prophet on Horseback 
— His Laughter — His Conversation. 

Mrs. P.: ''Joseph was no gourmana at all. He ate 
heartily, but was not particular about the kind of food. 
I believe that he used tobacco in some form. He was 
always well dressed, generally in black with a white neck- 
tie. He looked like a Reverend. On the little finger 

26 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph SmitJi. 

of his left hand he wore a heavy gold ring ; he wore a 
gold watch and chain ; people used to make him presents 
of such things. When I saw him for the first time he 
rode on a splendid black horse that had been given to 
him by some admirer. He was a very good horseman. 
He was, when walking, very lank and loose in his appear- 
ance and movements." 

Mr. K.: '• People coming to Nauvoo expected to 
find a kind of John the Baptist, but they found a very 
jolly prophet. He used to laugh from the crown of his 
head to the soles of his feet, it shook every bit of flesh 
in him." 

Mrs P.: "Joseph did not talk much in society, his 
talk was not very fluent. He used to make a remark now 
and then, letting the others talk. Whenever he spoke of 
Church affairs, his talk grew intelligent. He had no 
great choice of words, and generally expressed his ideas 
in a very humble, common-place way. At all events, he 
was by no means interesting in company. It looked as if 
he wanted to keep those who surrounded him in respect 
by talking little." 


Strong Voice, no Oratorical Art, but much Afagnetism 
— Gets very Pale — Joseph and Brigham Young Com- 

There was an old Dane in a Mormon settlement. He 
had half a dozen buxom daughters ; one of them had been 
sealed to the bishop. Whenever the bishop was absent 
from his flock, the old Dane used to preach in his stead in 
the Sunday meeting. Once — the bishop was in Salt Lake 
— our old Dane goes on the '' stand " with a letter in his 
hand. ''The Bishop writes from Salt Lake," says he, 
" that Brother Brigham does not want any round dancing 
any more. The bishop writes that this command must be 

Mahomet and His Army. 27 

obeyed. The bishop is the representative of God and I 
am his father-in-law. Amen." This may be taken as no 
unfair example of " preaching ' ' as introduced by the found- 
er of this motley "creed." Joseph used to say whatever 
came on his tongue, and so do all who are Joseph's. Jokes 
and curses, meekness and bravado, temporal and spiritual, 
the Holy Ghost and stock-raising, irrigation and baptism 
for the dead — all is " preaching." 

Mr. K.: ''Joseph's voice was very strong and could 
easily fill the remotest corner of a big halL" 

Mrs. P.: " Joseph was no orator. He said what he 
wanted to say in a very blundering sort of way. John 
Taylor is the best speaker the Church ever had. Joseph 
had great magnetic influence over his audience, more than 
Brigham ever had. He had uncommon gifts in this line; 
he was what spiritualists call a strong medium. His eyes 
had nothing particular. When excited in speaking, he 
used to get very pale. The Saints thought that this change 
of colour came through the influence of the Holy Ghost. 
Whenever he had been 'tight,' he used to confess it in 
next Sunday's meeting. In the same way he confessed 
often that he had been wrong in some act. Brigham never 
did such a thing. But Joseph lied at the same time, stat- 
ing that he had done so to try the faith of the Saints. The 
Lord would have a tried people." 

JOSEPH AS A gp:neral. 

Lots of Generals — Colonel Orson Pratt — The Modern 
Mahofnet — A Terrible General Order — ''Blood must 
be Shed'' — Fine Uniforms — A Jolly General. 

Yes, he was even a general at Nauvoo, not only a "pro- 
phet, seer and revelator." There were innumerable col- 
onels in the Nauvoo Legion ; even dreamy Orson Pratt 
bore that warlike title. • But Joseph and his next friends 

28 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

were generals, of course. And he looked fine in his mili- 
tary rig-out, to be sure. 

I quote from a letter in the New York Herald, dated 
Nauvoo, May 8, 1842: 

"N'esterday was a great day among the Mormons. Their Legion, 
to the number of two thousand men, was paraded by Generals Smith, 
Bennett and others, and certainly made a noble and imposing appear- 
ance. There are no troops in the States like them in point of enthusi- 
asm and warlike aspect, yea, warlike character Joseph, the chief, 

is a noble-looking fellow, a Mahomet every inch of him." 

It >vas in perfect keeping with this style, when Hugh 
McFall, Adjutant General, gave the following *' General 
Order" at ''Head-Quarters, Nauvoo Legion," "by order 
of Lieut. -General Joseph Smith:" 

" The requisition from the Executive of Missouri, on the Execu- 
tive of Illinois, for the person of the Lieutenant-General for the 
attempted assassination of ex-Governor Boggs, makes it necessary that 
the most able and experienced officers should be in the field, for if the 
demand should be persisted in, blood must he shed." 

Hear now a living witness : 

Mrs. P.: "There was a great deal of gold on his 
uniform. Bennett was the man who introduced this grand 
style, he always wanted everything of the finest ; they both 
rigged themselves out wonderfully. The Nauvoo Legion 
looked very well. Bennett understood parading thorough- 
ly. Bennett did not look well on a horse, but Joseph 
looked splendid, and so did 'General' Hyrum. Not- 
withstanding all this style, Joseph was very cordial with 
everybody, shook hands with all the world, and was always 
addressed 'Brother Joseph.' The people fairly adored 

No Help for the Widow's Son. 29 


Joseph's Vertigo at Nauvoo — The ''Times and Seasons'' 
in May and in June, 1844 — Danite John D. Lee as 
Canvasser— The Cry of a Mason. 

Joseph got crazy about his greatness in Nauvoo. His 
general's uniform, die Urim and Thummim, the Plates, 
the Breastplate, Laban's sword — all went to his head at 
once and made a fool of him. In this state of vertigo he 
conceived the glorious idea to be a candidate for the 
Presidency of the United States. It is a very curious 
sight, that announcement* in the Times and Seasons : 





The greatest impostors and swindlers of the time, as 
bidders for the highest gifts of the Nation ! And, looking 
over the yellowish leaves of the same Church organ, to 
see only a few numbers later the sacred columns in mourn- 
ing, announcing the tragic death of the great candidate ! 

Well, he has paid for his crimes and his follies ! Let 
us honor death, even in the corpse of an impostor. At 
that moment, when he cried out of the window of Carth- 
age jail: ''Is there no help for the widow's son?" 
hoping to find mercy from the hands of some brother 
Mason, he felt the bitterness of death as keenly as it can 
be felt. In this terrible moment he must hava become 

*And this announcement was a lie. Joseph presents himself " of 
Illinois," but Sidney Rigdon, who had resided with Joseph all the 
time in Nauvoo, hails " of Pennsylvania." This was done to satisfy 
the well-known necessity of naming two different States. "They 
can't do a thing without lying!" as an old apostate said to me the 
other day, with flaming eyes and clenched fist. 

30 Morniofi Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

aware that the hour of his own '' blood atonement " had 
come, the hour of payment of his tremendous debt to 
outraged, swindled, robbed and murdered humanity. 

Joseph sent 337 elders to canvass for him all over the 
country. John D. Lee was one of them, and though an 
admirer of the Prophet, he says in his book, pp. 148-149: 
*' I left Nauvoo on the fourth of May, 1844, with greater 
reluctance than I had on any previous mission. It was 
hard en©ugh to preach the gospel without purse or scrip, 
but it was nothing compared to offering a man with the 
reputation that Josei)h Smith had, to the people as a can- 
didate for the highest gift of the Nation. I would a 
thousand times rather have been shut up in jail than to 
have taken the trip, but I dared not refuse." 

Mrs. P.: **The Mormons found it very natural that 
Joseph Smith wanted to be President of the United States, 
and Sidney Rigdon Vice-President. They thought the 
time was sure to come soon when he would be at the head 
of the Nation. This belief was part of their fanaticism. 
Joseph and Sidney spoke in public about their 'candi- 
dacies, and gave instructions to the elders whom they 
sent abroad. They said they vvould soon get the whole 
United States, and then they would make laws to suit 
themselves; and the people believed what they said." 


The Land of Your Enemies ' ' — The House of Israel 
Claiming the State of Missouri — A Noble Deed — 
''Lend Me Your Husband's Rifle''— Elder Rockwell's 

Missouri was to be the Canaan of the Saints. '' My 
servants Sidney and Joseph" had promised it to them a 
thousand times, just as Don Quixote promised to Sancho 
Panza the idol of his wishes, the island. Look at the 
''revelation" of June, 1 831, where the Lord speaks to 
the elders assembled in Kirtland : 

The Mormon Troubles Explained. 31 

'• And thus, even as I have said, if ye are faithful, ye shall as- 
semble yourselves together to rejoice upon the land of Missouri, 

which is now THE LAND OF YOUR ENEMIES." 

And the same Lord, who is evidently a first-class 
Mormon himself, savs to the same elders in February, 
1831 : 

" For it shall come to pass, that which I spake by the mouth of 
my prophet, shall be fulfilled ; for I will consecrate the riches of the 
Gentiles unto my people which are of the House of Israel." 

Now let any person possessed of common sense read 
these two communications of the Mormon Lord, and he 
will need no other explanation of the '' Mormon war " in 
Missouri and of the tribulations and turmoils of the 
Saints in general. Everywhere they go, there is '' Zion "; 
what is not theirs, is their ''enemies' " and what is their 
''enemies'" must become theirs. It did not take the 
Missourians long to find out the kind intentions of the 
" House of Israel " towards them, and a civil war with its 
attending horrors ensued. Boggs, a faithful officer of 
the metal of our Murray, found out soon that quick 
amputation was the only method of healing this case of 
blood poisoning. He gave his celebrated order to drive 
the Mormons away or, "if it should become necessary 
for the public peace," to exterminate them. Would not 
any energetic patriot have acted just the same in such a 
case ? Look at the evidence given in the trial of Joseph 
Smith and others, quoted in our Appendix to Part I., 
and then call Boggs the " Nero of Missouri," as the 
Mormon leaders did then and do to-day.* 

*Here'is an example of a modern Mormon Sunday school teach- 
ing as to Governor Boggs. This is one instance out of hundreds 
showing how the minds of the young in Utah get filled with lies and 
hatred of the American name : 

Q. " Who acted as the chief persecutor of the Saints ? 

A. "The infamous Lilburn W. Boggs, Governor of the State of 

Q. " WTiom did Governor Boggs unjustly charge with this at- 
tempt to murder him ? " 

A. " Brother O. P. Rockwell, and that Joseph Smith prompted 
him to do it, or was accessory before the fact." 

(Deseret Sunday School CatechismNo. i. Questions and answers 
on the life and mission of the Prophet Joseph Smith. 1882.) 

32 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Boggs was the embodiment of the lawful wrath of the 
Missourians, kindled by the arrogance and the crimes of 
the band of fanaticized adventurers called "Mormons." 
Boggs was, even in Nauvoo times, Macbeth-Smith's 
Banquo : while he lived there was no rest for the King of 
Nauvoo. He was hated for what he had done and teared 
for what he could do. While he lived Joseph's extradi- 
tion at the call of the Missouri authorities was only a 
question of time. He must die, like Banquo, and then, 
w^hat a fine effect on the " Mormon people," themselves, 
was to be expected from a sudden violent death of Nero ! 
Was there not an admirable opportunity to show that 
Joseph, having predicted it, was the greatest of all 
prophets? The Lord was always on hand to smite his 
enemies with a timely stroke of lightning, and would not 
the death of Boggs, the "persecutor," deter other 
would-be Boggses from interfering with the Lord's chosen 
people and frighten the enemies of Zion in general ? 

Let us first glance at Bennett's book again. He says: 
"Joseph Smith in a public congregation in the city of 
Nauvoo, in 1841, pxophesied that Lilburn W. Boggs, 
Ex-Governor of Missouri, should die by violent hands 
within a year. Smith was speaking of the Missouri 
difficulties at the time, and said that the exterminator 
should be exterminated, and that the Destroying Angel 
should do it by the right hand of his power. 'I say it,' 
said he, ' in the name of the Lord God ! ' In the spring 
of the year 1842 Smith offered a reward of five hundred 
dollars to any man Avho would secretly assassinate Gov. 
Boggs. I heard the offer made at a meeting of the Dan- 
ites in the Nauvoo lodge room . . . O. P. Rockwell left 
Nauvoo from one to two months prior to the attempted 
assassination of Governor Boggs, and returned the day 
before the report reached there. The Nauvoo Wasp, of 
May 28, A. D. 1842, a paper edited by William Smith, 
one of the twelve Mormon apostles, and brother of the 
Prophet, declared : "Who did the nohle deed remaiins to 

To Fulfill Prophecy. zi 

be found out."* Some weeks after Rockwell left Nauvoo 
I asked Smith where he had gone. ' Gone ? ' said he ; 
•'gone to fulfill prophecy,' with a significant nod, giving 
me to understand that he had gone to fulfill his prediction 
in relation to the violent death of Governor Boggs. Soon 
after Rockwell's return, Smith said to me, speaking of 
Governor Boggs : ''The destroying angel has done the 
work, as predicted, but Rockwell was not the man who 
shot ; the a?igel did it. ' ' f 

No impartial writer about Mormon history has ever 
doubted Joseph's connection with this attempted assassin- 
ation,;!; but nobody has yet given direct proof. I am 
able to lay it before the reader, introducing the testi- 
mony of 

M7-S. Sarah Pratt : '' One evening Dr. Bennett called 
at my house and asked me to lend him my husband's rifle. 
This was an excellent arm, brought from England by 
Orson Pratt ; it was known to be the best rifle in that part 
of the country. I asked him what he wanted the rifle for, 
and he said : " Don't be so loud ; Rockwell is outside — 
Joseph wants it; I shall tell you later." ... I suspected 
some foul play, and refused to give him the rifle, stating 
that I dared not dispose of it in the absence of my hus- 
band. Bennett went away, and when the news came that 
Gov. Boggs had been shot at and all but killed, Bennett 
came and told me that he had wanted the rifle of my hus- 

■^This is correct. The author saw the Wasp in the Historian's 
office at Salt Lake. And, en passant, I observe that President John 
Taylor in his celebrated discussion in France, in the year 1850, is 
strangely oblivious of this noble deed, dismissing with a virtuous 
flourish the charge as a weak invention of the enemy ; in effect 
denying (as he also at the same time and place denied polygamy, 
etc.,) that Boggs' life had ever been sought by Mormon thugs : 
" Governor Boggs is residing at the present time in the State of 

fBennett, pp. 281-2. 

JMay 6th 1842, Boggs was shot at Independence, Mo., while 
reading a newspaper. The pistol was loaded with buckshot and 
three balls took effect in his head, one penetrating his brain. His 
life was despaired of for several days, but he recovered. See Wasp 
of May 28. 

34 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

band for "that job," and that Joseph had sent him to 
get it. I have not the slightest doubt that Joseph had 
planned and ordered the assassination of Gov.Boggs." 

So far Mrs. Pratt, whose testimony, as all decent 
people in Salt Lake City well know, is absolutely reliable. 
It shows that our aspiring friend, Bennett, was an accom- 
plice in the murderous plot, as he was in the other rascally 
schemes of his friend, the prophet; he was, indeed, in 
this college of crime, more teacher than disciple ; and, 
not unlikely, the first suggestion of murdering Boggs 
came from Bennett himself. But, as to his own guilt, his 
book is like that of John D. Lee, telling any amount of 
truth concerning others, while lying about and screening 

Rockwell, it seems, got a good reward from the 
prophet for his zeal in fulfilling prophecy; Joseph was 
much more liberal in this respect than Brigham, who 
wanted his assassins to work for the Lord at their own 
expense, to murder ''without purse or scrip." 

John C. Bennett: "I would further say that Rock- 
well was abjectly poor before he left Nauvoo, but since 
his return he has an elegant carriage and horses at his 
disposal, and his pockets filled with gold. These horses 
and carriage belonged to Smith, and the gold was fur- 
nished by him." 

C G. Webb: " I saw the fine carriage, horses and 
harness which Rockwell got from Joseph after the attempt 
on the life of Gov. Boggs." 

Some of My Witnesses. 35 


My Friend Webb, the aged Father of Wife Number Nine- 
teen — Interviews with Webb, James Me Guffie and his 
Wife— Joseph as Land Speculator, Banker and Auc- 
tioneer of Town- tots — Those Window-glass Boxes and 
fine Bank Notes. 

Do you remember, my excellent friend Webb, that 
balmy Sunday afternoon, in April, 1885, when you told 
me about that famous bank whose President and Cashier 
were the two chosen servants of the Lord, Sidney Rigdon 
and Joseph Smith ? It was o*ie of our many interviews in 
that cosy house of stalwart, sterling old James McGuffie 
and his good, honest soul of a wife. W^e sat, as usually, 
in the kitchen, not far from McGuffie' s pride, that stove 
with ''Zion" in shining nickel-letters on it. I put ques- 
tion after question, with note-book and pencil in hand, 
and you and James McGuffie were busy answering. I have 
studied a great many old paintings in many cities of the 
old world, in Rome, Florence and Venice, in Vienna, Ber- 
lin and Paris, in Amsterdam, Brussels and London. But, 
I assure you, I have never seen better heads in any picture 
than yours and McGuffie and wife's ; I never saw more 
sound sense, solidity and crystallized honesty in old heads, 
and good, well-meaning eyes besides, shining with all that 
makes eyes dearest to us — love of truth and interest in 
humanity's progress and welfare. I wish those over-culti- 
vated people in the East could have some interviews with 
you three ''vile apostates." They would soon see what 
Mormonism really is, and not talk any more nonsense 
about it. But I want to dish before the reader what you 
said about that famous bank, friend Webb. So let 'me 
introduce you in your own words, dear old Liveoak : 

''I personally lost ^2,500 in that famous bank, of v/hich 
Sidney Rigdon was President and Joseph Smith Cashier. 
I got for my money the blessing of the Lord, and the 

36 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Sfnith. 

assurance that bye and bye the notes of that bank would 
be the best money in the country ! The bank was founded 
in 1836. Its origin dates from Joseph's idea to secure to 
all the Saints 'inheritances,' which they should possess in 
this life and in the other. Conseipently, many elders 
were sent east with the instruction to get as much money 
as possible. The elders returned with money, and Smith 
now bought a tract of land called the ^ Smith farm.' 
The temple was built and the city lots surveyed. But 
instead of receiving their 'inheritances,' the Saints had to 
duy them, and at good round prices, too. Joseph played 
auctioneer, and a very good auctioneer he was. The 
Saints were full of enthusiasm and lots went up from a 
hundred dollars to three and four thousand. This trans- 
action brought somemoney into Joseph's capacious pockets 
and he now began to think of starting a bank in Kirtland. 
It was to be secured by real estate ; but this was never 
done. They went to New York and had notes engraved, 
beautiful notes, the finest I had ever seen. In the bank 
they kept eight or nine window-glass boxes, which seemed 
to be full of silver; but the initiated knew very well that 
they were full of sand, oftly the top being covered ivith jo- 
cent pieces. The effect of those boxes was like magic ; 
they created general confidence in the solidity of the bank, 
and that beautiful paper money went like hot cakes. For 
about a month it was the best money in the country. But 
the crash came soon, as everybody knows." 

Yes, the crash came and the two bankers of the Lord 
had to leave Kirtland "between two days." But not be- 
cause of their bank-swindle; the above-quoted ''Sunday- 
School Catechism No. i" tells us that they left "to escape 
mob-violence." The swindled 7nob behaved shamefully 
indeed towards the man who had been appointed "Com- 
mander-in-chief of the Armies of Israel," and to whom 
Moses, "the great law-giver to ancient Israel," had given 
personally "the keys of the gathering of Israel." All 
that is in this useful little Catechism of 1882. 

They Stole too Much. . 37 


Brigham Young's Official Money a Counterfeit — A /eivel 
of a Confession, Contributed by Brigham' s Brother — 
Nine Apostles as Criminals — Brigand William Smith. 

I am glad to be able to give some positive and partly- 
very picturesque proof for this department of Mormon 
elders' iniquity. Should you come to Utah, reader, 
some old Mormon or apostate will show you the gold 
coins of Zion, coined by Brigham Young. Even this 
official money of the Kingdom, now out of course, is 
counterfeit: it bears on its face "Five Dollars,'" and is 
in reality only w^orth about $4.30. For proof of my 
assertions as to the earlier times of the ''Church," the 
times in Missouri and Illinois, I rely principally on the 
confession of that daisy, Phineas Young, brother of 
Brigham, which, in my opinion, is worth fifty volumes on 
Mormon history. I give it in the very words of my 
informant, who is one of the most cultivated and reliable 
men of Salt Lake City : 

''Phineas Young, a near relative of mine, said to me 
in 1875: 'We have been driven (from Missouri and 
Illinois) because our people stole too much. They stole 
horses, cattle and beehives, robbed smokehouses, and any- 
thing you may imagine, and then scores o^ i\<, passed coun- 
terfeit money on the Gentiles. ' ' ' 

Gov. Thomas Ford: "During the winter of 1845-6 
the Mormons made the most prodigious preparations for 
removal (from Nauvoo). The twelve apostles went first, 
with about two thousand of their followers. Indictments 
had been found agai?ist nine of them in the Circuit Court of 
the United States, for the District of Illinois, at its Decem- 
ber term, 1845. f^^' countofcitin^ the curre^tt coin of the 
United States:''' 

In the beginning of May, 1885, while stopping at the 
Metropolitan Hotel, in Salt Lake City, I met a lady of 

*History of Illinois, pp. 412-413. 

38 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Sniith. 

the name of Mrs. E , who had lived in Nauvoo as a 

child. She told me the following story: -'My parents 
lived for a time at what was called "Joseph Smith's 
Tavern,' in Plymouth, thirty-three miles from Nauvoo, 
and fifteen miles from Carthage. We children played 
hide and seek, one day, as we often did. We came, by 
chance, to an upper room, which Apostle Bill Smith, 
Joseph's brother, used as a bedroom when he was at the 
'tavern.' While running about and trying to hide, we 
suddenly came upon a long, heavy sack, which we opened 
and found full of coined money — silver and gold. At 
least, it looked so. We were very happy to become so 
rich. W\^ little girls put lots of money in our small 
aprons, called together the children of the neighbors, and 
gave them some of the money. Our parents were not at 
home, but when they came we ran up to them : ' Oh, pa ! 
oh, ma 1 we have a whole bread-pan full of money for you ! ' 
Father gave us a severe rebuke, and ordered us to get 
all the money together, and to get back from our little 
friends all that we had given to them. We obeyed, with 
our eyes swimming in tears, and laid all the money before 
our father, who put it back in the sack and buried the 
sack. He said he would wait till Bill Smith and his com- 
rades would ask him for the money. A few da\s after, 
Apostle Bill came to the 'tavern,' and with him came 
Zinc Salisbury and Luke Clayborn, both brothers-in-law of 
Bill. They searched for the money, and, not finding it, 
invited my father to go coon-hunting with them. iMy 
father divined that they wanted to punish him for the 
disappearance of the money, so he said- to them: 'Why 
don't you tell me, honestly, that you wanted your 
money?' And so saying he showed them where he had 
buried the treasure. They took it, and threatened my 
father that they would kill him if he talked to anybody 
about it. There was great excitement in the country 
about this bogus money, and it finally became so intense 
that the authorities had to interfere. The officers found 
the machinery, with which the inone\' was made, in 
Plymouth. Whenever Joseph Smith owed money he 
paid with this kind of coin." 

Thus Saith the Lord. 59 


The Lazy Prophet and His Secretary— A Hotel for the 
New Abraham and His Poster it) — The Prophet Rods 
and Defrauds Poor and Rich Alike. 

Lying and laziness — there is an alliteration for you — 
were the two great characteristics of Joseph in early 
youth. There are extenuating circumstances in the case, 
however; he inherited both qualities from the ''splendid 
gypsies," his parents, so that telling the truth and work- 
ing hard would really and literally have been against his 
nature. His innate hatred of all serious work made him 
a money-digger and a fortune-teller, and finally a prophet. 
As such he had in his employ a factotum and secretary, 
who wrote down all that Joseph needed for the execution 
of his plans, which always tended to his power, profit or 
lust. This secretary, or chum of his, he used to call the 
'•' Lord," and what he had dictated to him, '' revelations." 
Brigand Joseph and his next friends knew this funny 
circumstance perfectly well, but thousands of dupes 
swallowed the celebrated formula " Thus saith the Lord'' 

Let us hear some of those funny ''revelations," dic- 
tated by Joseph to his "Lord" and then published in 
the latter' s name :" 

"If thou lovest me thou shalt keep my commandments and thou 
shalt consecrate all of thy properties unto me, with a covenant and 
deed which, cannot be broken." 

" Deed " shows the smart Yankee in dictating Joseph, 
He is not content with a religious "covenant," he wants 
a good, solid, ironclad deed. I proceed to quote from the 
official church books : 

" Who receiveth you receiveth me and the same will feed you and 
clothe you and give you monex — and he who does not these things ii 
not my disciple." 

40 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

That secretary of the prophet is a thoroughly good 
fellow, it seems. But he can do better : 

" And let all the moneys which can be spared, it mattereth not 
unto me whether it be little or much (!), be sent up unto the land ef 
Zion, unto those t have appointed to receive it." 

Now, getting all the spare money people have is surely 
very nice, but Joseph had to show to the people still more 
clearly what he could do with his above mentioned 
*'pard." So he made him write : 

*• It is meet that my servant Joseph should have a house built in 
which to live and translate. And, again, it is meet that my servant 
Sidney Rigdon should live as seemeth him good, inasmuch as he 
keepeth my commandments. Provide for him (Joseph) food and 
raiment, and Tohatsoevcr he needeth — and in temporal labor thou 
(Joseph) shalt have no strength, for this is not thy calling." 

This is one of those great contradictions in nature to 
puzzle even a Darwin. Joseph, the wrestler, 6 feet high, 
and weighing 212 pounds, is too feeble to work. But 
the chum can do better. Joseph has a house and ivhatso- 
ever he needeth, but he wants the comfort of a hotel, you 
see, with bar and all other appurtenances. Su-ch a con- 
cern is just the thing for the necessities of a daily 
increasing polygamous or celestial household. So the 
chum sits down and writes : 

"And now, I say unto you, as pertaining to /;/]' boaniing house, 
which I commanded you to' build for the boarding of strangers, let it 
be built unto my name and let my name be named upon it, and let my 
servant Joseph and his house have places therein from generation to 
generation. For this anointing have I put upon his head that this 
blessing shall also be put upon the heads of his prosterity after him, 
and as I said unto Abraham even so I say unto my servant Joseph, in 
thee and in thy seed shall the kindreds of the earth be blessed. There- 
fore, let my servant Joseph and his seed after him have place in that 
house from generation to generation forever and ever, saith the Lord, 
and let the name of that house be called the "Nauvoo House." 
(January, 1841.) 

Now this is perfectly delightsome. It is religion, you 
know. Don't you see the smart Yankee-eyes through the 
/^^/-holes of the prophetic mask, and don't you hear him 
laugh behind that mask at the d — d fools he has got fixed? 
Let us give Joseph his due. The Prophet declared he was 
going to carry out the fun, and he did carry it out to the 
bitter end. 

The Plundering Prophet. 41 

But I have to hasten to my notes and introduce my 
witnesses after this reproduction of old, well-known "reve- 
lations," without which, however, no biography of the 
imposter would be complete. Let us hear first 

Mrs. P.: "Whenever a man of means came into the 
Church Joseph was sure to get a revelation that the money 
of the new comer must be "consecrated." He had no 
rest till he got hold of it. Examples are, Hunter, Shurt- 
liff, Bosley "and others. Joseph had not so much oppor- 
tunity to' make money, as Brigham, but both acted just 
alike' Joseph had great talents in the art of making him- 
self agreeable to those whom he wanted to plunder. He 
borrowed money wherever he could and never returned a 
cent of it. If you wanted your money back he laughed in 
your face. He grew rapidly worse under the influence of 
John C. Bennett in tlfis and every other respect. To rob 
people was called " consecrate to the Lord." 

Mrs. Sio. : "Two good, honest people, Mr. and 
Mrs. Farrar, came to Nauvoo from England. They had 
been in the service of Sir Robert Peel and had amassed 
a little competence, about eight hundred pounds of Eng- 
lish money, each. Joseph got the money from them. He 
told them that he would build up the kingdom with it, 
and, said he, emphatically: 'I shall die for you, if nec- 
essary ! ' When Joseph was shot, Mr. Farrar became 
crazy ; Mrs. Farrar died Ions; afterwards, a pauper in Salt 

Mr. W. : "Joseph was in money matters just like 
Brigham and Taylor. Whoever had money had to 
consecrate it to the Lord. When people were stripped 
of every dollar they had, they got sometimes a little 
pittance from the tithing office ; that was all. I am 
convinced that Joseph never entertained the least idea ot 
returning any money he had borrowed. He became rich 
through the sale of town lots." 

Mrs. P.: "When people asked for their money, 
Joseph sometimes made dreadful scenes. How could 
they dare to ask for money from the Lord's priesthood, 
which has the right to use everybody's money for the 
upbuilding of the kingdom : In this regard, indeed, 

42 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Joseph's mantle fell on the shoulders of Brigham Young." 
Mr. S. : " Whenever Joseph sold a lot to somebody, 
he gave a church deed. Soon afterward the buyer got 
*' counsel" to join the order of Enoch, and in this way 
Joseph got the lot back and kept the money. He sold as 
Mayor and took back as Enoch. For eitlier emergency he 
had another name." 

Mr. K. : " Money was like sand in Joseph's hands ; it 
ran through his fingers. Bishop Hunter gave Joseph 
eleven thousand dollars in gold." [In Kirtland nioney 
was sand, as we have seen.] 

Mr. R. : "'Solomon Wixom was a poor but hard- 
working farmer in Nauvoo. Out of his scant earnings he 
managed to save about one hundred and twenty dollars, 
and laid it by in the Fall to buy ^ yoke of cattle in the 
Spring, to enable him to work a piece of land. Joseph 
Smith got wind of the little treasure by a ' revelation ' 
— an unsuspecting brother, to whom Wixom told his 
plans, chanced to speak of it in the presence of a con- 
fidant of Joseph. The prophet went to see Wixom, and 
after a few commonplace remarks which rather flattered 
the latter, said : ' Brother W., I am hard up for some 
money, I need it badly ; do you know of anyone that 
could lend me a little?' ' Well, Brother Joseph, really 
I don't know. I have a little laid by, but I cannot spare 
it, for I want it to buy a yoke of cattle in the Spring.' 
'Oh,' was Joseph's reply, 'let me have it, Brother 
Wixom, and I can easily pay it back before you want it, 
and God will bless you.' * Well, well, if you can, 
Brother Joseph, Fll lend it you.' He went and put the 
amount in Joseph's hand. When the prophet counted 
the money, he turned to Wixom and said: 'It's all right, 
I need not give you a note, Brother Sol., 1 suppose.' 
' Oh no, no, Brother Joseph, your word is good enough 
to me for that.' Spring came, and advancing toward the 
middle, but Joe never advanced toward Wixom. The 
poor man becoming uneasy went to his prophet-debtor : 
'The Spring is come. Brother Joseph, and I come to ask 
you to be kind enough to give me that money I lent you.' 
* Money, what money, Brother Sol.?' ' Why, don't you 

The Prophet Robs the Poor. 43 

recollect the money I lent you last Fall which you prom- 
ised to pay me in the Spring to buy my oxen ? ' After a 
moment's pause, apparently to jog his memory, the 
prophet replied: -'No, Brother Sol., I never got any 
money from you that I know of. Have }'OU got a note?' 
* No, I haven't ; you said there would be no need to give 
a note, for you would be sure and pay it, as it obliged 
you so much.' 'I don't remember any such transaction, 
and wqll not pay it,' said the man of God. The poor 
man ne\'er received his money, and when asked what he 
thought of the dishonest trick, he said that Joseph must 
have done it to try his faith.'''' 

This incident comes from a near relative of Wixom 
who is now a faithful polygamous Saint in Utah. 

The following is a most characteristic story : Among 
the proselytes who came to Kirtland to enjoy the ble.ssings 
of the new gospel, was a good honest spinster by the name 
of Vienna J — , who herself related the occurrence. She 
came from away down East, where she had accumulated 
by hard work, dime by dime, some fourteen or fifteen 
hundred dollars. Joseph hearing of it immediately got a 
revelation concerning this money. He told Vienna, that 
the Lord wanted her to return East, gather up her sub- 
stance and bring it on to Kirtland. Vienna obeyed and 
brought the money. When she arrived, Joseph was away 
from Kirtland. Some of the Elders, who were in the 
secret, itched to get hold of the money ; one of them suc- 
ceeded in getting a loan of fifty dollars from Vienna, one 
of those loans that are like Shakespeare's immortal traveler 
that never returns. Vienna followed the prophet to the 
place where he had gone. She had made up her mind, 
good soul, to give the prophet a big present in money— a 
hundred dollars ! She thought that was much, and, con- 
sidering her circumstances and the way she had saved her 
dimes, it was much, sure enough. Well, she finds Joseph, 
and full of pious zeal, eager to surprise the prophet of the 
Lord, she hastens to lay before him the hundred dollars, 
well counted. But Joseph's countenance darkened and 
fell ; he assumed a searching, severe look and cried : 
^^ Where is the rest of it ^ What hare \'0U done with the 

44 Afonnon Po?'fraiis. — /. Joseph Smith. 

money, sister f The poor thing "shelled out" very soon ; 
her whole earnings and savings went to Joe. Being asked 
what was done with it ? " Oh," said she, "Joseph bought 
a gold watch, and Hyrum got a gold watch, and so did 
some others." Asked further: "And this 'did n<n shake 
your faith in the prophet?" " Oh no," saidthe good soul. 
"The Lord said I should have an inheritance in Zion. 
But I was to be industrious. You can see the revela- 
lation in the Doctrine and Covenants. I saw it in manu- 
script betore it was printed, only they changed it a little in 
the print. In the revelation it first read her money, they 
made it say the money. But it was all right. Well, I 
never was lazy in my life, but I suppose the Lord sa\y I 
might get lazy." Well, that poor, old creature died 
" fixed " in the faith, over ninety years old, and the story 
shows what hold such a "religion" can have on simple, 
confiding, devout souls.* 


Fine Nauvoo Tales by Brother Lee — Tiirown in the Lime 
Kiln, Bodv, Clothes and All— The Drownino- of the 
Good Old IVoman, Described by R. Rushton—Some 
Graceful Lies by John Taylor. 

They are "secret" no more since Lee's book, and 
they will be less so after this little book of mine shall have 
seen the light. Murder is the most natural thing in the 
world with despotism; look for instance at Yenice, Spain, 
etc. It is no wonder, therefore, that the Mormon form of 
theocracy, the most searching, brutal and absolute form of 
all tyrannies ever known in history, should resort to mur- 
der for the purpose of protecting itself from enemies — 
Boggs, for example — and screening its criminal and trea- 
sonable secrets, which form such an important part of 

* Told to the author by a witness, who heard it more than once 
recited bv the old aunt, now in heaven. 

Danite Lee Talks PU 


this '• religion." We are, therefore, not surprised in the 
least to find, that from the infancy of this " Church" up 
to our days, murder has always been the preferred instru- 
ment for fighting the enemies of the '' Kingdom." Only 
a few weeks ago U. S. Attorney Dickson was attacked by 
a number of Mormon hoodlums, bearing the name of Can- 
non, a name synonymous with the most impudent kind of 
lying and misrepresentation. And why was Dickson at- 
tacked ? Because he is the most able, energetic and in- 
corruptible of all public accusers Utah ever had. Deputy 
Marshal Collin escaped barely with his life, a few months 
ago, while attacked by three or four " Danites " in a dark 
alley. The reason ? He is a faithful officer. 

Let me first introduce the testimony of John D. Lee, 
who, while in Nauvoo, (like Abraham O. Smoot and 
Hosea Stout), was only a modest Danite and policeman, 
but later became the most celebrated of assassins in the 
service of Brigham Young, outshining even stars like 
Porter Rockwell and Bill Hickman. What he says can- 
not but be true; there is too much proof for it. 

" I knew of 77iany men being killed in Nauvoo by the 
Danites. It was then the rule that all the enemies of 
Joseph Smith should be killed, and I know of many a man 
who was quietly put out of the way by the orders of Joseph 
and his apostles while the church was there. It has always 
been a well-understood doctrine of the church that it was 
right and praiseworthy to kill every person who spoke 
evil of the prophet. This doctrine has been strictly lived 
up to in Utah, until the Gentiles arrived in such great 
numbers that it becam.e unsafe to follow the practice ; but 
the doctrine is still believed, and no year passes without 
one or more of those who have spoken evil of Brigham 
Young being killed in a secret manner. In Springville it 
was certain death to say a word against the authorities, 
high or low. In Utah it has been the custom with the 
priesthood to make eunuchs of such men as were obnoxious 
to the leaders. This was done for a double purpose ; first, 
It gave a perfect revenge, and next, it left the poor victim 
a hvmg example to others of the dangers of disobeying 
counsel, and not living as ordered by the priesthood. In 

4^ Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Nauvoo it was the orders from Joseph Smith a?ui his 
apostles to beat, wound and castrate all Gentiles that the 
police could take in the act of entering or leaving ii Mor- 
mon household under circumstances that led to the belief 
that they had been there for immoral purposes. / knew 
of several such outrages while there.'" 

The official murderers in the service of the Mormon 
priesthood were always called "City Police," and are so 
called to-day. 

Lee, one of the high priests who officiated at the great 
religious sacrifice, called " Mountain Meadows Massacre" 
by wicked Gentiles and apostates, says (Confession, p. 
287): "Soon after I got to Nauvoo I was appointed 
seventh policeman. I had superiors in office, and was 
sworn to secrecy and to obey the orders of my superiors, 
and not let my left hand know what my right hand did. 
It was my duty to do as I was ordered, and not to ask 
questions. I was instructed in the secrets of the priest- 
hood to a great extent, and taught to believe, as I then 
did believe, that it was my duty, and the duty of all men, 
to obey the leaders of the church, and that no man could 
commit sin so long as he acted in the way that he was 
directed by his church superiors. I was one of the life- 
guard of the prophet Joseph." 

I now introduce living witnesses. 

Mrs. Pa. : "It was not rare for people who owned 
fine pieces of property in Nauvoo to disappear all of a 
sudden. An English family sold all the property they 
had in England, and then went to "Zion." The hus- 
band and father arrived first in Nauvoo, and soon wrote 
home to England that he owned a fine house and garden. 
The wife came later, but could not find her husband or • 
his property. He had simply disappeared. She was told 
that he had died suddenly, but they could not show his 
grave. The woman had sold her property in England 
after her husband had left, but she was smart enough not 
to say a word about it in Nauvoo, that she had the money 
in her pockets. She told the prophet that she had tried 
to sell her property, but had not succeeded, and that she 
left it in trust. She managed to get out of Nauvoo." 

Dead Men Tell No Tales. 47 

Mrs. J. : ''While I was in Nauvoo, the following 
was very common talk there : ' What is it ? ' ' Oh, noth- 
ing, only a dead man has been picked up.' I had been 
very strong in the faith, but such things opened my eyes." 

A man by the name of Thompson is authority for the 
following statement. He was for years an emplovee of 
the Tithing office in Salt Lake; he had been a long time 
in Nauvoo and apostatized in i860. He told one of my 
chief witnesses, who thinks him a perfectly reliable man, 
the following: ''All those that were inimical to the 
Kingdom of God in Nauvoo, were put away. I knew a 
man who was looked upon as an enemy to the church. 
They threw him, body, clothes and all, in the lime kiln and 
burned him up. But I believed then [just like John D. 
Lee] that it was all right ; it had been commanded by 
Joseph the Prophet and was done for the safetv of the 

'' Dead men tell no tales'' was a favorite word of 
Joseph Smith, and Brigham Young adopted and used it 
very frequently. One might say that it was the motto of 
the two prophets as to the treatment of their enemies. 
But sometimes the motto was changed a little and then it 
had to read: "Dead women tell no tales." This is 
proved by a terrible tale related by old Richard Rushton, 
the faithful steward of the "Nauvoo Mansion," where 
Joseph lived as hotel-keeper. 

"Old Sister , — well-known in early times in 

Nauvoo — was a good, generous woman, a faithful Saint, 
and tried to be worthy the name by being kind and truth- 
ful. Having some means she could spare, she helped the 
' prophet ' and gave amply to the ' church. ' She attended 
to the sick — and there were many there — alleviating their 
distresses and speaking words of cheer to the disconsolate. 
She was respected by many as a ' mother in Israel.' But 
she was outspoken, and seeing so much that appeared to 
her^corrupt, she would sometimes 'blab' about the breth- 
ren's doings. Her reproofs showed that she knew too 
much, and she might become dangerous to them. Though 
she knew but little, comparatively, of what was going on, 
the priesthood became alarmed, and as it was easier to get 

48 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

rid of an old woman that to reform their lives, it was consid- 
ered necessary to ' attend to her case. ' A council was 
held in Joseph's room, at which were Joseph Smith, O. P. 
Rockwell and a few others. After Rockwell had accused 
her, the subject was broached of drowning her, the coun- 
cil concluding that for the safety of some of the brethren, 
and especially Joseph, although she was a ' purty good 
'oman,' she 7nust be silenced at all hazards. The plan 
devised then and there, was that, as she was 'kind o' kind 
to the church,' the church would make her a present of a 
piece of land and a house on it which they owned ' over 
the river.' The next night they would take her ' over the 
river ' and land her safely ' on the other side.' All pres- 
ent consented, and the evening being dark and propitious 
to carry out the plan, a few of those consenting met at the 
boat at the river-side to execute 'the will of the Lord 
concerning her." 

"■ It was a dark night. Darkness on the city and on the 
great stream, rolling peacefully but a few rods distant. 
Profound silence in the low part of the city. But hark ! 
a wild shriek is heard by a trembling listener in the little 
office of the ' Mansion,' coming as from a throat gurg- 
ling with water ; it was only a moment, and again — 
silence ; but hark ! another shriek from the same quarter, 
from the same voice, a piercing shriek as from some one 
struggling for dear life; and again silence. Then a final 
shriek, much fainter, telling .the breathless listener that 
the end had come. All is now hushed as death. The 
cry is heard no more, the old soul is silenced now, the 
baptism is complete without the usual religious formula, 
and the lifeless body floats in the broad arms of the 
Father of the Waters, no more to vex the souls of these 
pitiless conspirators, until the great day of account, when 
' the sea shall give up its dead.' " 

'Unless than five minutes after the ceasing of the 
screams from the drowning victim, the prophet, O. P. 
Rockwell and two others rushed wildly into the hotel. 
The prophet was dripping wet. He was loudly expostu- 
lating with ' Port ' and the others : ' You should not have 
drowned her; she couldn't have done us much harm.' 

Joseph Walks on the Water. 49 

* We had to do it,' was the response, 'for your safety and 
our own, as well as for the good of the church. She can't 
harm us now.' ' I am very sorry;' said the prophet, ' if I 
had thought of it a few minutes sooner, you wouldn't have 

drowned Sister .' It appears that although the 

prophet consented the night previous to her murder, under 
the impulse of the misrepresentation and fears of her ac- 
cusers, he relented on reflection and expected to appear 
with the murderers at the river's edge in time to prevent 
them from putting their purpose into effect. He was too 
late, and in his effort to save her then he was wet through 
and through, being baffled by the combined strength of 
his followers. The prophet was impulsive and fitful, and 
in his better moments, no doubt, thought the poor old 
soul should not be ' blood-atoned,' and really tried to 
save her. But what a state of society, that made it pos- 
sible to drown an innocent, defenceless, confiding old 
woman!" (Richard Rushton heard the shrieks of the victim 
while sitting in the office of the " Mansion.") 

There must have been strong rumors current about 
the secret crimes committed in Nauvoo at that time, 
since the church organ called Times and Seasons, while 
advocating Joseph Smith's election as President of the 
United States, found it necessar}» to issue the following 
characteristic denial to those floating rumors : 

*' Gentlemen, we are not going either to murder ex-Governor 
Boggs, nor a ' Mormon in this State ' for not giving us his money;' nor 
are we going to ' walk on the water,' * nor ' drown a woman,' nor de- 
fraud the poor of their property,' nor ' marry spiritual wives,' etc. 

Now I assert that the Mormon leaders did commit the 
crimes and abominations charged to them by public rumor 
in 1844 and denied impudently in the church organ. I 
have proved the attempted assassination of Governor 

*I am informed that Mr. Deming, of Painesville, Ohio, is prepared 
to prove in his book that old story of Joseph's having " walked on the 
water" in Kirtland to imitate one of the best known miracles of the 
Savior. There were, it seems, planks put some inches below the sur- 
face of the water, and Smith walked (in perfect security) over the 
deep ! But a wag having contrived to remove one of the planks, the 
modern miracle-worker took a dip that nearly cost him his interesting 

50 Aformon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Boggs and the drowning of the old woman; the truth of 
the remaining charges admits of no doubt in the light of 
proofs furnished on all, sides for similar and worse offenses. 
Was not polygamy confessed officially in 1852, after having 
been denied most solemnly by the church organ and leaders 
up to that time, and by John Taylor in a public discussion 
in 1850, in Boulogne, France? ''We are not going to 
marry spiritual wives." How does this read, I ask thee, 
O righteously indignant Mormon doubter, in the glaring 
light of historic truth emblazoning polygamy since the 
time that Lieutenant General Joseph Smith was posing as 
presidential candidate ? 


Ridicuhus '' Gentile' ' Notions — John Taylor very Sol- 
emn — Abel, the Colored Priest — Stealing Cattle and 
Healing the Sick. 

To understand this chapter fully, you have to get rid 
of your Gentile notions and prejudices first, gentle 
reader. To kill a fellow in some canyon, because he is 
an apostate, is not murder in Mormonism, but saving the 
poor fellow's soul. Taking from the Gentiles is not 
stealiiig, buc consecrating to the Lord what right- 
fully belongs to him. This is a -'higher law," too. For 
is not ^^ the earth the Lord's and the fullness thereof, 
and the cattle on a thousand hills?'' Now just stick to 
this, reader, and don't forget that it is more than an 
official test of Mormon faith ; it is a part of the life blood 
of the elders of the school of Joseph and Brigham. 
Nobody ' ever expressed this axiom better than John 
Taylor did once in New York, A Mormon lady told 
him that her servant girl used to bring home bits of 
silverware and like articles whenever she had been 
visiting Gentile friends. "What shall I do, Brother 
Taylor ? " said the lady. " Dear Sister H ," said the 

They Steal as the Lord' s Agents. 51 

man of God, with that ghostly unction of his, ''you 
CANNOT steal fro ?fi Gentiles/'' 

No, you cannot. Taylor is right, and his answer was 
a masterpiece of strict logic. Can it be stealing, if you 
take from your enemies, whom God will destroy very soon 
for not accepting the gospel of Joseph Smith ? What 
the wicked Gentiles possess is stolen from the Lord ; so 
bring it back, brethren, to the Lord, that obliging '' pard " 
of Joseph's, who hands the trash over to Joseph, of 

But hear another of the Lord's choice ''revelations" 
and you will understand fully that the "founder" of 
Mormonisrn authorized his followers directly' lo appropri- 
ate "■ whatsoever he needeth : " 

" Behold, it is said in my laws, or forbidden to get in debt to thine 
enemies (the Gentiles) ; but, behold, it is not said, at any time, that 
the Lord should not take when he please snidpay as seemeth him good; 
wherefore, as ye are agents, and ye are on the Lord's errand, and 
whatsoever ye do according to the will of the Lord is the Lord's busi- 
ness, and he has sent you to provide for his Saints ..." 

Here's richness. This is from the '' Book of Doctrine 
and Covenants," a book, remember, as sacred in the eyes 
of a fanati(i» Mormon as the New Testament is to any zeal- 
ous Christian. Hear now our brave old witnesses : 

Mr. IV: ''Abel was the name of a colored man in 
Nauvoo who had received the Priesthood from Joseph. 
This was an exception to the rule, colored people not 
being entitled to the blessings of Mormon priesthood (but 
Joseph and Co. fixed it). Abel, the black priest, at Joseph's 
command, stole a quantity of lumber, which was needed 
for cofhns, at one time there being great mortality in Nau- 
voo on account of malaria. A little later Joseph ordered 
Abel to steal a whole raft of lumber. Abel had scruples 
about this second order. The first one he had considered 
all right, since the lumber served to bury the dead. But 
he was a good Saint, the black priest, and stole the raft 
all the same. He told me the story himself. 

" One day I was ordered to go and lay hands on the 
sick, in a place up the river some miles from Nauvoo. 
Elder M. R., now a bishop in Salt Lake, went with me. 

52 Mormo7i For traits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

We laid our hands on the sick and it seemed to have good 
effect : they felt better. Not long ago I met Bishop M. 
R. in the street. Says he, ' Do you remember how we 
cured the sick near Nauvoo? I cannot understand how 
we could succeed, since I had been the very same day 
driving in forty-five head of cattle which the brethren had 
stolen on the plains.' W. answered : 'Well, / had not 
been stealing, and that, perhaps, explains our success." 

Mrs. Pa. : '' Vilate Kimball, the apostle's first wiffe, 
an honest woman, told many things to her intimate 
friends. She used to say that her house in Nauvoo was a 
regular deposit of the 'spoils of the Gentiles.' It was a 
favorite sport with the Mormons to rob the stores of their 
enemies, and to 'consecrate' all the goods to the Lord. 
Mrs. Kimball had in her house innumerable pieces of 
calico, muslin, etc., generally of the length of fifty 
yards. ' I know it to be a fact that our people used to go 
out nights for the purpose of stealing the wash from the 
lines of the Gentiles in a circuit of twenty miles around 
Nauvoo,' sister Vilate used to say." 

W. W. Phelps, a prominent saint in olden times, 
"Joseph's Speckled Bird," and for many years " Devil " 
in the Endowment House, said to an old frie#d of his in 
Salt Lake : ' 'If the Mormons had behaved like other 
people, they would never have been driven from Illinois and 
Missouri ; but they stole, robbed and plundered from all 
their neighbors, and all the time.'' (The daughter of 
Phelps' friend told this little confession to the author.) 

Mr. Sh. : "When I came to the church at Nauvoo 
my first experience was this : The priesthood wanted me 
to be captain of a band whose task it was to stampede the 
cattle of the apostates, and to kill them if they offered 
any resistance. I had given the church all I had — 
$23,000 — and I declined the honor of being captain of 
such a band." 

Mr. W. : "Bogus Brigham, alias Bishop Miller (of 
Provo), was a big, fleshy, stupid fellow. He had a flat- 
boat on the Mississippi. He went down the river and 
stole from a mill a whole boat-full of flour. He has told 
me this himself." 

Joseph, Lee, and Brigha?n. 53 


Don Juan in Seville and in Nauvoo — A Well- Counted 
Hecatomb of Victims — Celestial Assignation Houses — 
The Little Oil Bottle — The Innoce?it Girl at the Key- 
hole — Eliza R.; first Spy a?id then Mistress — Orgies 
in Nauvoo — Abortion and Ln/anticide. 

Yes, ''Don Juan"; that's a good name. I remember 
to have heard that glorious opera of Mozart at least thirty 
tmies. I remember how I used to be overcome with two 
powerful sensations whenever I left the Vienna Opera- 
house : one was a strong emotion in my breast, such as 
a decent fellow must always feel after having witnessed 
the punishment of an unscrupulous libertine ; and second, 
any amount of smell of burnt gunpowder in my nostrils, 
proceeding from the fireworks which represented pretty 
well a middle-sized, old-fashioned, fire-and-lM-imstone hell 
to burn the great sinner in. 

Now, Joseph's career and fearful end are, to my heart 
and nose, exactly the same over again; same emotion, 
same smell, coming now from the smoking rifles of those 
treacherous "Carthage Grays." So let us say "Don 
Juan," and introduce Joseph's amorous history as such. 

It IS now a .well established historical fact that the 
origin of Mormon polygamy, or "celestial marriage," 
was nothing but the unbounded and ungoverned passion 
of the prophet for the other sex. ''Joseph and John D. 
Lee 7vere the most libidinous men I ever knew,'" says my 
friend Webb, who knew the prophet for eleven years. 
'' Joseph ivas the most licentious and Brigham Young the 
most bloodthirsty of men,'' says Mrs. Sarah Pratt, who has 
known all these Mormon leaders during almost their 
whole career in the church. 

In one of my many interviews with the aged, life-long 
martyr of polygamy, I said once to her: "I have seen 

54 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

a statement in a book that Joseph had eighty wives at the 
time of his death. Is that true? " Mrs. Pratt smiled and 
said : '' He had many more, my dear sir \ at least he had 
seduced many more, and those with whom he had lived 
without their being sealed to him, were sealed to him 
after his death, to be among the number of his ''queens " 
in the other world. All those women were divided 
among his friends after his tragic death, so that they 
might be "proxy-husbands" to them on earth ; while in 
the celestial kingdom they would, with their offspring, 
"belong to Brother Joseph, the Christ of this dispen- 

Notwithstanding that I had lost, while pursuing my 
study of Mormon history, a good deal of my original 
faculty of becoming surprised, it astonished me a little 
to hear of five scores of ladies entitled to the high dis- 
tinction of beirg called "wife of the prophet." But, 
comparing notes, which I have collected from many 
witnesses, I cannot but come to the conclusion that 
Mrs. Pratt has not exaggerated : that Brother Joseph, 
as a wholesale sealer "for time and all eternity," was the 
greatest Don'*Juan of this or any other dispensation. 

Airs. P.: "Everybody knew in Nauvoo that the 
Partridge girls lived with Joseph a long time before he 
got his celebrated revelation about celestial marriage, 
dated July 12, 1843. The Partridge girls were very 
good-natured. After Joseph's death one was sealed to 
Brigham and the other to Apostle Amasa Lyman. Jos- 
eph's taste was of very large dimensions, he loved them 
old and young, pretty and homely. He sometimes se- 
duced mothers to keep them quiet about his con- 
nection with their daughters. There was an old 
woman called Durfee. She knew a good deal about the 
prophet's amorous adventures and, to keep her quiet, he 
admitted her to the secret blessings of celestial bliss. I 
don't think that she was ever sealed to him, though it 
may have been the case after Joseph's death,, when the 
temple was finished. At all events, she boasted here in 
Salt Lake of having been one of Joseph's wives. Heber 
C. Kimball and Brigham Young took the lion's share at 

The Little Oil Bottle. 55 

the division of Joseph's wives after his death. Joseph 
had a number of lady friends, sealed or not sealed, who 
permitted him to use their houses as a kind of assig- 
nation houses for rendezvous with other women." 

Mr. Jo. : '' You remember that passage in the Reve- 
lations about celestial marriage, where ' the Lord ' says 
to Joseph : ' and if she be with another man, and I have 
not appointed unto her ^v t/ie holy a?iointing, she hath 
committed adultery.' Well, an old Mormon, who had 
been very intimate with Joseph inNauvoo, assured me that 
the prophet always carried a small bottle with holy oil 
about his person, so that he might ' anoint ' at a moment's 
notice any woman to be a queen in Heaven. A curious 
little anecdote was told me by a gentleman who had it 
direct from that pure man of God, Heber C. Kimball. 
Brigham's alter ego said as follows : ' I sat once with 
Joseph in his office in the Mansion House. He looked out 
of the window and saw weeding in a garden a young mar- 
ried woman whom we both knew. He told me to go to 
her and request her to come to him, and he would have 
her sealed to himself this very moment. I went and told 
the woman to come to Brother Joseph. She ran to the 
house to comb her hair and ' fix up ' generally, and then 
followed me to the prophet. I performed the sealing cere- 
monv, and retired.' " 

Mr. J. W. C. : ''Joseph knew himself well. He 
said to one of his intimate friends, ' If the Lord had not 
taken me in hand, I would have become the greatest 

w of the world.' And to another friend he said: 

'Whenever I see a pretty woman, I have to pray for grace.' 

Afrs. P.: "Joseph did not content himself with his 
spiritual brides, who surrendered themselves to him 'for 
Christ's sake.' There lived on the Mississippi, near the 
steamboat landing, a certain young woman, a Mrs. White, 
very pretty and always very fashionably dressed. She was 
in the habit of being very hospitable to the captains of 
the steamboats . . . Joseph was one of her customers and 
used to contribute to the expenses of her establishment." 

Afr. Wa. : "I used to employ a poor Mormon woman 
for domestic sewing. She had been a fanatic Mormon in 

56 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

her time, but had cooled down considerably in consequence 
of her experience in the direction of celestial marriage. 
Her husband had taken ' another woman ' and entirely 
neglected her, and that is what made her shaky in the 
faith. She once felt very dull, and in this mood she told 
me the following little story. ' When in Nauvoo, I was a 
very young girl, and there I happened to be witness of an 
event that gave me the first doubt about Joseph the pro- 
phet. I was servant in the house of a Mr. Ford, a mer- 
chant who had a store in Nauvoo. He was wont to go by 
steamer to St. Louis, to make purchases. Whenever Mr. 
Ford was absent from his house, the prophet used to call 
on Mrs. Ford. He would come, chat with her awhile, and 
then, they would retire to the lady's chamber. For a while 
I saw nothing in this, being a very young, innocent girl, 
and very strong in the faith. But some way or other sus- 
picion arose in my mind. So when Joseph called again 
— Mr. Ford had gone to St. Louis the day before — I could 
not master my curiosity any more. I followed the pair 

stealthily, and putting my eye to the keyhole I saw 

.' Here the poor woman gave me a description of 

a scene which was surely calculated to shake even the most 
fanatic faith. But this is not all. She said : ' When- 
ever Mr. Ford came home from St. Louis, he used to com- 
plain about business: *I cannot understand it,' he used 
to say, ' when I am here money comes in all the time, and 
when I am away not a red cent gets into the house.' 
Now the explanation is very simple. Whenever Joseph 
had /r^_>'^^/ with ]Mrs. Ford, she used to give him all the 
money in the till, to the last cent. Since that time I do 
ask myself sometimes, whether Joseph was really the right 
kind of a prophet."* 

The women in Nauvoo considered it a high honor to 
receive their celestial blessings from Joseph himself. He 
was prophet, seer and revelator, lieutenant general, mayor; 
he was not only the Lord's mouthpiece, but might be 
President of the United States. At any rate, he was, 

*This story has been told the author by a perfectly reliable gentle- 
man, a business man of high and long standing in Salt Lake. 

He Seals Them All. 57 

without having the title, the autocrat, the emperor of the 
rapidly growing Mormon empire. Is it any wonder that 
those poor souls should feel greatly elated whenever the 
anointed of the Lord deigned to accept tj^eir all ? 

Mr. W. : ''Joseph's dissolute life began already in 
the first times of the church, in Kirtland. He was sealed 
there secretly to Fanny Alger. Emma was furious, and 
drove the girl, who was unable to conceal the conse- 
quences of her celestial relation with the prophet, out of 
her house." 

Mrs. D. : "A Mrs. Granger proved a very reliable 
and useful friend to the prophet. He was once at her 
house, in bed, and not alone. The bed had old-fashioned 
curtains. All at once Sister Emma, the prophet's wife, 
came in, and said excitedly to Mrs. Granger : ' Is 
Brother Joseph here?' 'No,' said Mrs. Granger, 'he 
has .just been in, but went out again,' getting Sister Emma 
out of the house as hurriedly as possible. Joseph used to 
tell his intimate friends how dreadfully he had felt in that 
bed, expecting every moment that his wife might look 
behind the curtains." 

Mrs./.: "Eliza Partridge, one of the many girls sealed 
to the prophet, used to sew in Emma's room. Once, while 
Joseph Avas absent, Emma got to fighting with Eliza and 
threw her down the stairs. 'That finished my sewing 
there,' Eliza used to say." 

" In Kirtland, Joseph was once caught in a house 

with one of the sisters. This house might be called the 

humble birthplace of the revelation on celestial marriage." 

Mr. IV.: " Joseph kept eight girls in his house, calling 
them his ' daughters.' Emma threatened that she would 
leave the house, and Joseph told her, ' All right, you can 
go.' She went, but when Joseph reflected that such a scandal 
would hurt his prophetic dignity, he followed his wife and 
brought her back. But the eight ' daughters ' had to 
leave the house." 

"Miss" Eliza R. Snow, one of the most curious 
figures in the history of Mormondom, played an impor- 
tant part in the events relating to celestial hymenology. 
She is the great poetess (and such a poetess !), and is a 

58 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

sort of high priestess generally of Mormonism. She 
used to anoint the sisters in the Endowment house and to 
play the part of Eve in the celestial drama enacted there. 
She is now over eighty years old, yet doing the same 
thing in the Logan temple in Utah. Sister Eliza became 
the church's ''elect lady" when ''the Lord" became 
thoroughly incensed with Sister Emma for her con- 
tumacy. She is the very prototype of what is called 
"female roosters" in Zion, always ready to enslave and 
drag men and women into polygamy. She was one of 
the first (willing) victims of Joseph in Nauvoo. She 
used to be much at the prophet's house and "Sister 
Emma" treated her as a confidential friend. Very much 
interested about Joseph's errands, Emma used to send 
Eliza after him as a spy. Joseph found it out and, to 
win over the gifted (!) young poetess, he made her one of 
his celestial brides. There is scarcely a Mormon unac- 
quainted with the fact that Sister Emma, on the other 
side, soon found out the little compromise arranged 
between Joseph and Eliza. Feeling outraged as a wife 
and betrayed as a friend, Emma is currently reported as 
having had recourse to a vulgar broomstick as an instru- 
ment of revenge ; and the harsh treatment received at 
Emma's hands is said to have destroyed Eliza's hopes of 
becoming the mother of a prophet's son. So far one of 
my best informed witnesses. Her story becomes corrob- 
orated by another reliable source. Elder Bullock, who 
was church historian at that time, used to tell the follow- 
ing little tale : " Joseph said on the morning of the first 
parade of the Nauvoo Legion ' This is the proudest day 
of my life.' Many people believed that this outburst 
of pride was entirely of a military character. But I and 
some other intimate friends of the prophet knew very well 
that he was proud of another thing, not of a parade, but 
of a conquest, the conquest of Eliza." 

Mr. W. : "There were many small rooms, with 
beds, in the temple in Nauvoo. They turned the house 
of the Lord into a house of prostitution. The wife of 
Aniasa Lyman, apostle and apostate, used to say that they 
had many little bedrooms in the temple, and that the 

High Jinks in Naiivoo. 59 

newly-sealed couples used to retire to those rooms with 
provisions for two or three days." 

Mr. S. : '^^masa Lyman, the apostle, who later 
became a 'vile apostate,' told me that Joseph, Brigham 
Young, and other apostles used to dance in the Endow- 
ment house with the Lord's 'hand-maids,' their spiritual 
wives. Those dances were performed in Adamic costume ; 
and a fiddler Avas ' ordained and set apart ' for the pur- 
pose. I know this to be an absolute fact ; it has been 
confirmed to me by other well-informed persons. That 
fiddler went with a party of Mormons to Galifornia, San 
Bernardino County, and remained thei;e." 

It seems that the '' souvenir " of the orgies m Nauvoo 
was kept alive by some of the men who had been initiated 
into the jolly secrets of the innermost ring of the prophet's 
friends, of both sexes. Elder Thomas Margetts, while in 
England, established, in Southampton, a "mock endow- 
ment house," whose walls were ornamented by the most 
obscene of pictures, and where orgies were performed at 
least the equals in brutality to those celebrated in Nauvoo. 
I know this to be a positive fact. It was attested to me 
by two former elders of the church who held positions of 
influence in the "conferences." One of them was 
present at the church trial of the offenders. Margetts 
was later killed on the plains by Elder Porter Rockwell, 
whose sacramental duty consisted in blowing out the 
brains of all suspected or guilty persons. 

Mrs. P.: "You hear often that Joseph had no 
polygamous offspring. The reason of this is very simple. 
Abortion was practiced on a large scale in Nauvoo. Dr. 
John C. Bennett, the evil genius ot Joseph, brought this 
abomination into a scientific system. He showed to my 
husband and me the instruments with which he used to 
' operate for Joseph.' There was aMiouse in Nauvoo, 
^ right across the flat,' about a mile and a-half from the 
town, a kind of hospital. They sent the women there, 
when they showed signs of celestial consequences. Abor- 
tion was practiced regularly in this house. 

Mrs. H. : " Many little bodies of new-born children 
floated down the Mississippi." 

6o Mormon Forfrai/s. — /. Joseph Smith. 

May 2 1, 1 886, I had a fresh interview with Mrs. Sarah 
M. Pratt, who had the kindness to give me the following 
testimony additional to the information given by her in 
our interviews in the spring of 1885. "I want you to 
have all my statements correct in your book," said the 
noble lady, "and put my name to them; I want the 
truth, the full truth, to be known, and to bear the respon- 
sibility of it. 

''I have told you that the prophet Joseph used to 
frequent houses of ill-fame. Mrs. White, a very pretty 
and attractive woman, once confessed to me that she 
made a business of it to be hospitable to the captains of 
the Mississippi steamboats. She told me that Joseph had 
made her acquaintance very soon after his arrival in 
Nauvoo, and that he had visited her dozens of times. My 
husband (Orson Pratt) could not be induced to believe 
such things of his prophet. Seeing his obstinate incred- 
ulity, Mrs. White proposed to Mr. Pratt and myself to 
put us in a position where we could observe what was 
going on between herself and Joseph the prophet. We, 
however, declined this proposition. You have made a 
mistake in the table of contents of your book in calling 
this woman -Mrs. Harris.' Mrs. Harris was a married 
lady, a very great friend of mine. When Joseph had 
made his dastardly attempt on me, I went to Mrs. Harris 
to unbosom my grief to her. To my utter astonishment, 
she said, laughing heartily : ' How foolish you are ! I 
don't see anything so horrible in it. Why, I am his 


"■ Next door to my house was a house of bad reputa- 
tion. One single woman lived there, not very attractive. 
She used to be visited by people from Carthage whenever 
they came to Nauvoo. Joseph used to come on horse- 
back, ride up to thtf' house and tie his horse to a tree, 
many of which stood before the house. Then he would 
enter the house of the woman from the back. I have 
seen him do this repeatedly. 

*' Joseph Smith, the son of the prophet, and president 
of the re-organized Mormon church, paid rne a visit, and 
I had a long talk with him. I saw that he was not inclined 

A Little Job for Joseph. 6i 

to believe the truth about his father, so I said to him : 
' You pretend to have revelations from the Lord. Why- 
don' t you ask the Lord to tell you what kind of a man 
your father realty was ? ' He answered : ' If my father 
had so many connections with women, where is the prog- 
eny?' I said to him: 'Your father had mostly inter- 
course with married women, and as to single ones, Dr, 
Bennett was always on hand, when anything happened.' 
" It was in this way that I became acquainted with Dr. 
John C. Bennett. When my husband went to England as 
a missionary, he got the promise from Joseph that I should 
receive provisions from the tithing-house. Shortly after- 
ward Joseph made his propositions to me and they enraged 
me so that I refused to accept any help from the tithing 
house or from the bishop. Having been always very 
clever and very busy with my needle, I began to take in 
sewing for the support of myself and children, and suc- 
ceeded soon in making myself independent. When 
Bennett came to Nauvoo Joseph brought him to my house, 
stating that Bennett wanted some sewing done, and that 
I should do it for the doctor. I assented and Bennett gave 
me a great deal of work to do. He knew that Joseph had 
his plans set on me ; Joseph made no secret of them before 
Bennett, and went so far in his impudence as to make 
propositions to me in the presence of Bennett, his bosom 
friend. Bennett, who was ofa sarcastic turn of mind, used 
to come and tell me about Joseph to tease and irritate me. 
One day they came both, Joseph and Bennett, on horse- 
back to my house. Bennett dismounted, Joseph remained 
outside. Bennett wanted me to return to him a book I 
had borrowed from him. It was a so-called doctor-book. 
I had a rapidly growing little family and wanted to inform 
myself about certain matters in regard to babies, etc., — 
this explains my having borrowed that book. While giving 
Bennett his book, I observed that he held something in 
the left sleeve of his coat. Bennett smiled and said : " (9/z, 
a little fob for Joseph, one of his women is in trouble.''' Say- 
ing this, he took the thing out of his left sleeve. It was a 
pretty long instrument of a kind I had never seen before. 
It seemed to be of steel and was crooked at one end. I 

62 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

heard afterwards that the operation had been performed ; 
that the wo??ian was very sick, and that Joseph was very 
much afraid that she might die, but she recovered. 

" Bennett was the most intimate friend of Joseph for a 
time. He boarded with the prophet. He told me once 
that Joseph had been talking with him about his troubles 
with Emma, his wife. 'He asked me,' said Bennett, 
smilingly, ' what he should do to get out of the trouble ? ' 
I said, ' this is very simple. Get a Revelation that 
polygamy is right, and all your troubles will be at 
an end.' 

''The only 'wives' of Joseph that lived in the Man- 
sion House were the Partridge girls. This is explained 
by the fact that they were the servants in the hotel kept 
by the prophet. But when Emma found out that Joseph 
went to their room, they had to leave the house. 

"I remember Emma's trip to St Louis. I begged 
her to buy for me a piece of black silk there. 

"You should bear in mind that Joseph did not think 
of a marriage or sealing ceremony for many years. He 
used to state to his intended victims, as he did to me : 
' God does not care if we have a good time, if only other 
people do not know it' He only introduced a marriage 
ceremony when he had found out that he could not get 
certain women without it. I think Louisa Beeman was 
the first case of this kind. If any woman, like me, 
opposed his wishes, he used to say: 'Be silent, or I shall 
ruin your character. My character must be sustained in 
the interest of the church.' When he had assailed me 
and saw that he could not seal my lips, he sent word to 
me that he would work my salvation, if I kept silent. I 
sent back that I would talk as much as I pleased and as 
much as I knew to be the truth, and as to my salvation, I 
would try and take care -of that myself. 

"In his endeavors to ruin my character Joseph went 
so far as to publish an extra-sheet containing affidavits 
against my reputation. When this sheet was brought to 
me I discovered to my astonishment the names of two 
people on it, man and wife, with whom I had boarded 
for a certain time. I never thought much of the man, 

Hyruni Saves the Church. 63 

but the woman was an honest person and I knew that she 
must have been forced to do such a thing against me. So 
I went to their house ; the man left the house hurriedly 
when he saw me coming. I found the wife and said to 
her rather excitedly : ' What does it all mean ? ' She 
began to sob. 'It is not my fault,' said she. ' Hyrum 
Smith came to our house, with the affidavits all written 
out, and forced us to sign them. 'Joseph and the church 
must be saved,' said he. We saw that resistance was 
useless, they would have ruined us; so we signed the 
papers.' " 

Let us introduce now a statement as to the reliability 
of Mrs. Pratt. She is well known in Salt Lake City and 
all over Utah as possessing all the virtues of an excellent 
wife and mother; but outsiders may wish to know of 
Mrs. Pratt's standing in this community, and I take 
pleasure in giving a testimonial : 

Salt Lake City, May 1886. 

We, the undersigned, cordially bear w^itness to the 
excellent reputation of Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt. We feel 
well assured that Mrs. Pratt is a lady whose statements 
are absolutely to be depended upon. Entire frankness 
and a high sense of honor and truth are regarded in this 
community, where she has dwelt since 1847, ^s her ruling 

Charles S. Zane, 
Chief Justice Utah Territory. 

Arthur L, Thomas, 

Secretary Utah Territory, 

Rev. J. W. Jackson, 
U. S. A. Chaplain, Tort Douglas. 

I could very readily augment this testimonial with 
many others were it deemed worth while. 

64 Mormon Portraits. — /. JosepJi Smith. 


Do7i Juan at the Hight of His Wickedness — Poor 
Em7?ia / — Rushton Describes a Family Scene with 
Blows and Sobs — Ben Winchester' s Tale — Swapping 
Wives — A Wife for Cat-fish— The Wives of the 

The way of the transgressor is, as a rule, not only 
hard, but pretty rapid, too. Look at the celebrated 
ancestors of our prophet, the emperors Caligula and 
Nero ; look at his very prototype, John of Leyden, and 
other crowned debauchees, rushing from passion to 
frenzy, from frenzy to raving madness. The gods blind 
whom they want to destroy. As to King Joseph and his 
capital, Nauvoo, it may be truly said that there never was, 
and — let us trust — never will be in any community of this 
"sweet home" loving, pure-principled republic another 
edition of such a whirlpool of secret vice,* of such a demo- 
niac bacchanal, including as dancers all the prominent men 
and even many ' 'ladies " of a city. Let it be remem- 
bered forever that the men who know all the facts 
published by me, and more, deny them daily as *' infamous 
slanders," and that these same men are the leaders of 
this abomination called a "church" by its illiterate 
dupes only and by the over-cultivated ladies and gentle- 
men of the East. 

Joseph Smith was shrewd enough to have a few honest 
men around him whom he placed in responsible positions, 
who filled them with fidelity and self-sacrifice, being at 
the same time in a great measure ignorant of the duplicity 
and wickedness of the impostor. None were more 

* " What would it have done for us if they had known that many 
of us had more than one wife when we lived in IlHnois ? They 

would have broken us up, doubtless, worse than they did but we 

shall come to a point where we shall have all the wives and they will 
have none."— Orson Hyde's sermon in i^$^, fournal of Discourses, 

Vol. II., p. S:^. 

'' Covie in, Brother Rushton^ 65 

faithful or trutJiful than Elder Richard Rushton, the 
trusty steward employed by Joseph in the Mansion 
House in Nauvoo. Rushton was a good, honest man 
of fine instmcts, and had served faithfully for some 
years holding that position when the bodies of Toseph 
and Hyrum were brought to Nauvoo, and he received 
them It was his duty to lock up, every night, most 
of the rooms, especially the pantry, storeroom, larder 
etc. and then to give the keys to -Sister Emma." She 
would, on retiring, place the bunch of keys in a lar^e 
pocket that was nailed on the wall at the head of her 

.vt\^ f . \^^'i^''} ^'^^'^ morning Brother Rushton 
would tap at the bedroom door in order to receive the 
keys and open the hotel. Emma on hearing the raps 
would say, - Come in, Brother Rushton," and would hand 

we"e needed' '' ^^^ ^'''''^^^' ^"^ ^'^^ ^''""^ ''''^^'' ^' 
It so -came to pass" once upon a time, that the 
groceries and other provisions necessary for the use of the 
hotel were nearly exhausted, and a famine seemed pendin- 
h^Jll u- ^^r^""\t^l>'' however, Joseph sold a fine" 

black horse which had been presented to him, for three 
hundred and fifty dollars or so, and also a city lot or two 
for about four hundred dollars. With the sales of the 
horse and land, and a little cash on hand, he mustered 
up about nine hundred dollars, which he cheerfully 
placed m Emma's hands, saying: "We are out of pro- 
visions; take this and go down to St. Louis, and buy 
Avhat IS needed. Capt. Dan Jones will fire up the ^ Maid 
fJV? ^^ J^ steamboat always ready for church use) 
and take you down," Emma started for St. Louis The 
going, purchasing and return occupied about a week 
At night, after the departure of the -elect lady " the 
steward gave the keys to the prophet, and in the morninff 
he as usual stepped lightly and rapped at the door of the 

^nLT'^' .1.^ ''°'''^', '5?-^^ ^° ^'' ^^^ y^^ «f feminine 
softness, rather startled him m response with the words 

hrX^?V' ^ ^^ ^"^^'^^ timidly, when lo and be- 
hold ! there lay in Emma's bed and stead the beautiful 
and attractive young wife of Elder Edward Blossom, a 

66 Monnon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

high councilor of Zion, (afterwards exalted to the apostle- 
ship by Brigham Young). With a pair of laughing, 
glistening eyes and with a smile of happy sweetness, she 
spoke in soft and pleading accents: ^'/suppose, Brother 
Rushton, I shall have to be Sister Emma to you this 
morning,'" as she gracefully handed the keys to him. 
Astonished and blushing, the faithful steward left the 
room to resume his duties, leaving the adulterous prophet 
and his charmer to themselves. The same thing was 
repeated each morning during the week Emma was away 
purchasing supplies for the prophet's hotel. 

In relating this occurrence to another of my most 
precise and valuable witnesses, Brother Rushton, though 
no seeker after effect, added the following picturesque 
details : "■ Emma used to keep the keys of the hotel in a 
richly ornamented wallet given to her by some well-to-do 
English friends. When Joseph saw how dumbfounded I 
was he sat up in his red flannel night robe and said in a 
hasty, commanding tone : ' Thafs all right. Brother 
Rushton,' making a movement with his outstretched 
right hand towards me. The prophet's gesture and tone 
gave me to understand that I was to go and keep my 
mouth shut.' " 

''One afternoon," said Mr. Rushton, the steward, 
*' after the hurry of the dinner work was over, I was 
sitting in my little office, when looking through my 
window, I saw the Prophet Joseph, followed by the two 
Partridge girls, coming from the back part of the lot and 
enter, all three, the little log cabin which had been the 
first home, in Nauvoo, of the prophet before the " Man- 
sion " was built. A minute or so afterwards Sister Emma 
came to my office door and asked me : ' Did you see 
Brother Joseph and the two Partridge girls go into the 
cabin? ' Mr. Rushton didn't like to split' on the prophet, 
and yet didn't like to tell a lie; and at last he replied 
hesitatingly: "Well — I think — perhaps — well — I may 
have seen them." "I'll just put on my sun-bonnet and 
go and see what they are about," replied she, and stepped 
over. A very short time after her entry she appeared at 
the door of the cabin, being pushed out rudely, and 

Evi7tia Weeps and Forgives, 67 

came to the office door crying bitterly. "Oh Brother 
Rushton," she said in broken sobs, *'I went into the 
cabin, I found those two girls with my husband^ and 
Joseph jumped up in a rage when he saw that I had sur- 
prised them and struck me a horrid blow ; " at the same 
time she showed me the mark of the blow on her cheek. 
She then dropped fainting on a chair, weeping and 
uttering words of despair. A few minutes afterward 
Joseph entered and going up to Emma, said in a meek, 
repentant manner, " Oh, my dear Emma, I am so sorry I 
struck you. I did it in a passion ; you must forgive me. I 
did it without a thought, or I wouldn't have done it. For- 
give me. But you shouldn't be running after me, watch- 
ing me, and prying at my actions." He apologized, and 
kissed Emma, and apologized again, and then finally she 
arose and they went into the parlor together apparently 

Another characteristic anecdote connected yet with 
the Kirtland times of the " church," was related to me by 
an ex-elder of perfect reliability. I insert it here, be- 
cause it shows what kind of a woman-eater this prophet 
had been in early days already. A large, influential 
"branch of the church" existed in Philadelphia, over 
which Ben Winchester successfully presided. Joe visited 
that church occasionally and enjoyed the associations 
much. On one occasion, it having been announced that 
the prophet was to preach, he sat on the platform by the 
side of his faithful presiding elder while awaiting the time 
to open services. Now and then as some handsome young 
woman came up the aisle and took a seat, Joe would 
turn to Elder Winchester and ask, " Who is that beautiful 
lady?" or, "Who is that fine, lovely creature?" On 
being told, " that is Miss So-and-so," or, "Mrs. So-and- 
so," or, "Sister So-and-so," he did not at all disguise his 
wishes; he made no "bones" of it; but would say in 
reply, "I'd just like talk to her alone for a while," or, 
" I would like her for a companion for a night," and 
other expressions too plain and vulgar for me to write. 
[I can give names if needed.] 

After the polygamy doctrine was secretly whispered 

68 Aformon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

about among the chosen few in Nauvoo, there were great 
surmisings on the part of those who desired to know the 
" mysteries of the kingdom." Many impertect theories 
were ventilated, and false conclusions arrived at. Joe had 
formulated no plan, and did not, as yet, have any rules 
whereby to direct his intimate friends, much less the com- 
mon saints who were not in the ring. Hence, having no 
'Maw," every man and woman was a law to himself or 
herself, and they went on their own course. In a small 
house in Nauvoo, consisting only of two rooms, dwelt two 
men and their wives. Each man and wife occupied one 
room. These couples having got some inkling of the new 
order of things, came to the conclusion that they might as 
well live up to their privileges. They accordingly ex- 
changed partners, and lived in this condition for several 
weeks, when former relations were resumed. Such inci- 
dents, with variations, were by no means uncommon. 
(My friend Webb says there was a great deal of swapping 
and exchanging done in Nauvoo as to wives. Old Cooks 
sold his wife for a load of catfish, and from that time on 
he was always called ''Catfish Cooks.") Another party 
was anxious for a similar exchange, and the little story 
proves that the sisters were sometimes as desirous for it as 
the brethren. Brother Rushton and his wife were at last 
reluctantly compelled to know what was going on among 
the saints in Nauvoo, but they repelled all attempts of 
either male or female to draw them into the new practices. 
Brother Blossom, a high priest and member of the high 
council of that stake of Zion, had his eyes upon and 
coveted Mrs. Rushton, his neighbor's wife; the high 
priest's wife had her own upon Brother Rushton, and this 
nice pair sought an exchange with Rushton and wife. 
Sister Blossom approached Brother R. with her sweetest 
smiles, telling him that B. had sent her to arrange with 
him that he (R.) should have her as a wife, and B. should 
have Sister R. for his wife, and that mutual arrangement 
could and should be made to that effect ; she and B. 
were perfectly willing to thus exchange, if R. and wife 
were, and that it was according to the "law and will of 
the Lord." Knowing the antipathy of Mrs. R. to such 

^ Lady Delegate to Congress. 6g 

proposals R. told Mrs. B. ta ask his wife about it and 

s.sencyofthepair, and ordered her to take the basket 
out of her sight "Does he think," she safd '' he can ' 
bribe me with a basket of potatoes ? " 

At another time, a rather interesting old maid sister 
of one of the d.gmtaries of the church, came a distance of 
some sixty miles to see Brother R. and begged him 
p.teously to take her as a plural wife-she had! revela 
tionthathe was to be her husband '' right no^^' On" 
his positive refusal, she left him in tearf prostrate wkh 
disappointment. ' i^™'>"'>te «ith 

,s ^"^Cr ""T '" ^?"™°' ^^''^ Joseph was in his glorv 
a he greatest prophet that ever lived," a voune rner 
chant and his wife whom he dearly loved She borrto 
him several children, but became fascinated w'h Joe and 

t:t'^:.str^,^";;:rniri;ir<^x.'^" ^L^T'V 

"gLh^ered^" T'°"V "^^^ '"^ at^ts^pi: 
"fealed'^oneofhTh ° ''■% ^"braces, and she was 


that any posterity which might "ensue fhould be V^Ut 

and to the lobbies of Congress. If she truly represent^ 

r presmeJ"'and .7'th" ""^' °""" *^ characLrTthot 
fhenTT?!^ ' ^"<^ '^^ 'hese are not .such as she represents 
then Ltah women are not represented -yet she is their 

''h"b /acoLT' '" '^^''Confession.^'^of thifl dy 
H. B. Jacobs accompanied me as a fellow companion! 

70 Monnon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Jacobs was bragging about his wife and two children — 
what a true, virtuous, lovely woman she was. He almost 
worshiped her ; but little did he think that in his absence 
she was sealed to the prophet Joseph, and was his wife." 
p. 132.) 

Joseph Smith finally demanded the wives of all the 
twelve apostles that were at home then m Nauvoo. And 
why not? Were the ''apostles" not his slaves, his 
property, including all they had ? Woman in Mormon - 
dom has been, from the beginning a chattel, and man, a 
slave. That Joseph did demand and obtain the wives of 
the twelve, is proved beyond doubt by irrefutable testi- 
mony. But there is further proof from a very high 
authority. Jedediah Grant, Brigham's counselor, and 
soul of the horrible "Reformation" which culminated in 
the Mountain Meadows Massacre, said in one of his 
harangues which were as bloody as they were filthy : 
' ' Do you think that the prophet Joseph wanted the wives 
of the Twelve that he asked for, ?nerely to gratify himself ? 
No ; he did it to try the brethren. But if President Young 
wants my wives, or any of them, he can have them,"" etc. 
(He didn't consult his "wives" — oh, no; they are only 
like cattle, to be given away if desired. Is the Mormon 
woman equal to the man, according to that ?) That was 
said publicly before thousands of hearers, men and 
women. Mormon ism has produced the most abject 
slavery ever witnessed in the history of the world. Hear 
•' Jeddy " Grant again : 

" What would a man of God say, who felt right, when Joseph 
asked him for his money?' He would say: 'Yes; and I wish I had 
more to build up the kingdom of God.' Or if he came and said : * I 
want your wife! ' ' Oh, yes,' he would say; ^ there she is. There are 
plenty more.' " * 

And Orson Pratt, another man of God, follows in the 
same strain : 

*' Consecrate everything to the Lord that you have — flocks and 
herds, gold and silver, wearing apparel, watches, jewelry, your wives 
and children — of course. The wives have given themselves to their 

* Journal of Discourses, the official collection of Mormon ser- 
mons, vol. i., p. 14. 

Leonora Taylor and Vilate Kimball. 71 

liusband, and he has to consecrate them. They are the Lord's \id est. 
His chosen prophet's.— W.'\ He has only lent them to us." * 

Mrs. Leonora Taylor, first and legal wife of the present 
head of the church, and aunt of George Q. Cannon, told 
ladies who still reside in this city, that all the wives of 
the twelve were, in fact, consecrated to the Lord, that is, 
to his servant, Joseph ; and that Joseph's demands, and 
her husband's soft compliance so exasperated her as to 
cause her ' the loss of a finger and of a baby.' The latter 
she lost by a premature delivery, being at the time in a deli- 
cate condition, and in her fury for help, having thrust her 
clenched fist through a window-pane, lost one of her fingers. 
Her honor was saved from the attack of Don Juan. Mrs. 
Taylor was mistaken, however, in her general statement, 
which IS just a little too sweeping. She, no doubt, was 
lied to by John Taylor himself, or by some one else ' in 
authority,' for the purpose of overcoming her wifely 
scruples. Besides herself, there were two others, who 
were exceptions in this atrocious case. Vilate Kimball, 
the first wife of Heber C. Kimball, later the righthand- 
man and clown of King Brigham, and one of the most 
disgusting types of Mormon history— Vilate was a good, 
pure woman, she was better than her ' religion,' though a 
slave to it in a manner. She loved her husband, and he, 
not yet developed as the brute he later became, loved her, 
hence a reluctance to comply with the Lord's demand 
that Vilate should be consecrated like the moveable prop- 
erty of the other 'Apostles.' Still, Joseph was to them a 
prophet, and therefore the act might be right in him, 
though simply damnable in any other man. They thought 
the command of the Lord must be obeyed in some way, 
and a ' proxy ' way suggested itself to their minds. They 
had a young daughter only getting out of girlhood, and 
the father apologizing to the prophet for his wife's reluct- 
ance to comply with his desires, stating, however, that the 
act must be right or it would not be counselled— the ab- 
ject slave of a father asked Joe if his daughter wouldn't do 
as well as his wife. Joe replied that she would do just as 

* Journal of Discourses, vol. i., p. 98. 

72 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

well, and the Lord would accept her instead. The half-ripe 
bud of womanhood was delivered over to the prophet. 
Helen Mar Whitney — this is her name now — still lives and 
belongs to that iindefinable class of wrinkled old women, 
only to be found in Mormonism, who pride themselves in 
their shame, in speeches and in print. She writes 
pamphlets on the divinity of polygamy ! Other ' plurals ' 
do the same. It is the saddest, the most disheartening 
kind of literature I have ever seen in any country. It 
makes me do desperate things. It makes me prefer the 
worst of mother-in-laws to such Madies,' and gives me a 
wonderfully favorable idea of the odalisques of those old 
bearded Turks — they are pretty and they don't write, 
you see. 

The other intended victim, who escaped the prophet's 
clutches was high-spirited Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt. She 
stoutly repelled his repeated approaches, though she had 
to pay the penalty for refusing to 'consecrate' her honor. 
She has been ever since hated and slandered by the Mor- 
mon leaders. Joe threatened her, if she divulged to her 
husband or anyone else what he had proposed; adding 
*' if you do, I will ruin your character. I will deny every- 
thing, and the Church will believe me and not you. My 
standing in the Church must be upheld at any cost and 
sacrifice." He kept his word. He tried to starve her 
and her children; he used all his influence against her ; 
even leading mob demonstrations for that purpose, and 
abusing her from the pulpit. He caused evil reports to be 
circulated about het and tried to make her an object of 
detestation as an apostate Brigham Young took up 
Joseph's course in this, as he did in everything else, and 
tried to rob her of her modest property in Salt Lake City, 
the support of herself and a family of small children, 
mostly sons, whom she has reared toman's estate and who 
would do honor to any community. Her husband, Orson 
Pratt, who became, under the influence of polygamy, as 
coarsely selfish as any other **polyg," went so far in his 
abject slavery, as to join Prophet Brigham in his attempt 
to defraud the victim, his own wife and the mother of his 
children. It was my earliest interview with Mrs. Pratt, 

Joseph' s Anatomical Museum. 73 

in Janiiary, 1885, which gave me the first insight into the 
pernicious working of a system invented by impostors and 
carried out by outlaws all the way through. 


Old Hickory Hale — Emfiia Loves the ^'Peeper'' — King 
and Pope — Wretched but Proud— ''All Guesswork'' — 
Emma Wants to Expose the Humbug — A Crushing Doc- 
u?nent— ''Peeper" Joseph— The White Dog Sacrifice d— 
Joseph a Crocoaile—That old White Hat— The Bleeding 
Ghost — The Prophet of the Lord Becofnes a Methodist 
— Em?na Finds out What ' ' Spiritual ' ' Means. 

Yes, don't doubt it a moment; I /^^z;<? looked out for a 
bright point in Joseph's life and would have been very 
happy in finding it. I am naturally given to admiration 
of all that is good and noble in human nature. I have 
learnt, besides^I am on the wrong side of forty — that 
man is a curious composite of good and bad, and that a 
little good goes far in making up for a great amount of 
bad. Thackeray is right. Each of us has his "skeleton 
in the closet." Why should I rattle with the bones in my 
neighbor's cellar, lest somebody might come and open the 
door of my own well-guarded closet ? 

But the case of our prophet is different. There is 
nothing but skeletons. His house is full of them, and so 
is his city. Rattling becomes a public duty. The pro- 
prietor of this vast anatomical museum claims to be the 
founder of a new religion, the best religion of all, the 
restorer of truth and moral purity all over the wide world. 
Don't you think I am justified in rattling? 

No, I could not find a bright point, an extenuating cir- 
cumstance, in the whole life of the great impostor. It is 
lie and crime all through. Just think of the multitude of 
excellent people, virtuous, devout women and good men, 

74 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

who have staked their all in this life upon the prophetship 
of '* Joseph Smith, Junior" ! Why, Joe would have been 
the captain of a pirate-ship or a slave-dealer as soon as a 
prophet. There is not even a beam of light in those days 
that are such happy ones for purer minds — the days of 
wooing and early wedlock. He likes old Hale's daughter, 
but the first thing he does is to pervert the moral sense of 
the honest farmer's darling and make her an accomplice 
of his fraud. The proud, intelligent young wife becomes 
likewise an impostor; he crushes her conscience, and it 
appears a crushed one even on her death bed, when she 
declared that Joseph had never been in polygamy. She 
had learned from him to lie to further her ends. But what 
he could not crush in her were the wife and mother. He 
tried hard to make an Eliza R. Snow of her, a harem- 
,queen. He did not succeed. He had to cow before this 
firm wife and proud mother. In this she remained old 
Hale's child, even when threatened with destruction by 
that climax of silly impudence and impious balderdash, 
the " revelation on celestial marriage." You might even 
construe that death-bed lie of hers as the outcome of her 
pride, her firmness and her love for her family, which she 
wanted to appear pure and decent before the world. 
Though tainted with her husband's fraud, the prophet's 
wife shines out from Mormon History as a great, sympa- 
thetic figure. 

Emma was the bright, handsome, black-eyed daughter 
of a sturdy, honest, humbug-hating Pennsylvania farmer, 
Isaac Hale. His character may be fairly judged by a let- 
ter which he wrote in 1834 about his son-in-law and the 
Gold Bible ; the reader finds this remarkable document, 
among others, at the end of Part I., of this volume. 

When Emma fell in love with young Joe, he was a 
shiftless vagabond, swindling money-digger and fortune- 
teller, who got his living, as he called it himself, by '' glass- 
looking." This was not the kind of son-in-law fancied 
by old Hickory Hale. Oh, no ! He would have liked 
a steady-going, hardworking farmer, with 320 or at least 
100 acres of good land, fine horses, cows, good house, 
barn and stables, a family Bible and good fences. Seven 

Emma Marries the Peeper. 75 

years after Smith's elopement with the old man's darling, 
Emma, the wound was yet smarting ; you feel it in every 
line of that letter of 1834. But Emma fell in love with 
the money-digger all the same. How do you explain it ? 
Why, Emma was a country girl after all. Joe must have 
had a certain mysterious charm for her, with his secret 
" looking " powers, his wonderful stone and that old white 
hat filled with dark secrets. She didn't believe in it alto- 
gether, but still there was something out-of the-way in it, 
it was more interesting than that absurd talk about cows 
and bulls, corn and barley, oxen and sheep. Father 
wouldn't hear of her taking '' that slouching, shiftless fel- 
ler from York State," so she ran away with him. A near 
relative of hers, a Mr. Hiel Lewis, says about that elope- 
ment and its effect in old Isaac Hale's house : ''The Hale 
family was greatly exasperated, and perhaps it would not 
have been safe for Smith to have shown himself at his 
father-in-law's house. Emma was or had been the idol or 
favorite of the family, and they all still felt a strong 
attachment for her, and the permission to return and re- 
conciliation was effected and accomplished by her and per- 
haps her sister, Mrs. Wasson, who lived near Bainbridge, 
N. Y. The permission for Smith to return all came from 
the other side, not from Mr. Isaac Hale or his family in 
Harmony, Pa." * 

Later on in married life Emma found out fully, no 
doubt, that Joseph was a wretched impostor. But what 
could she do, even if the blood of honest old Hale did 
rebel in her veins against the continual negation of all 
honor and truth in her husband's life and actions? Was 
she not his wife, the mother of his children ? And then, 
("don't you forget it") there was a good deal of 
womanly satisfaction in this part, too*. Joseph was a 
daring brigand, and woman has always admired and 
loved and will always admire and love a daring brigand. 
I have seen that in Sicily, where beautiful girls told me 

*I quote from a letter of this old gentleman, most kindly furnished 
to me by my learned friend, James T. Cobb, Esq., who has very great 
merits in investigating the earhest history of Mormonism. The letter 
is dated Amboy, Lee Co., 111., Sept. 11, 1879. 

76 Alonnon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

with flaming eyes of the heroic deeds of the '' Mafia si ?'' 
Smith became the Lord's friend and mouthpiece, a 
prophet, soon after his marriage ; in time the founder of 
cities and temples, a general and mayor, a leader of the 
people, a ruler of thousands of votes, flattered and 
cajoled by demagogues of all parties; his role was -impor- 
tant and to a certain degree picturesque, imposing and 
brilliant. All that other men have to toil for was showered 
upon him, fat living, landed property, money, jewelry, 
good houses, fine horses, titles, honors, the admiration 
and submission of thousands. Yes, he was a king, that 
blue-eyed, wandering '^ peeper" and money-digger of 
yore, the only king in America, forsooth ! A king and a 
pope in one ! 

Was it not nice to ride out with him, the prophet and 
general, in a fine carriage, or dash with him on horseback 
over the prairie, or shine on a charger at the parade of 
the Nauvoo Legion ? Was it not fine to be the focus of 
general admiration, to be the first lady of the kingdom, 
yea, the queen, to have everybody greet and bow to the 
*' elect lady" of the church? 

And Emma played her part well. Let our witnesses 
take the stand : *'She was tall, dark, dignified and very 
ladylike," says one of them who knew her intimately ; 
** she was rather above the average for talent and would 
have passed for a lady anywhere. Her education had 
not been a careful one ; she had attended very indifferent 
schools, but she had any amount of good, sound sense, 
and knew how to use everything to the best advantage. 
She loved Joseph very much, and felt most wretched over 
his oft-recurring trespasses (see revelation of July 12, 
1843 ^"<i others), but she was too proud to talk about her 

'' Emma was very proud," says Mrs. P.; ''pride was 
one of her chief characteristics. She gave me to under- 
stand that she would like ta know whether Joseph had 
any relations with other women, and I saw how unhappy 
she felt through her well-founded jealousy ; but she 
struggled hard to conceal the real state of her feelings, 
and never showed it to her children. 

John Taylor and Napoleon III. 77 

'' She was very much attached to her family ; this was 
her chief thought and care. She was capable of talkmg 
about everything, but in those times all the talk turned 
about Mormonism," says another cotemporary of the 
''elect lady." The same witness affirms that Emma was 
squint-eyed. But this last I prefer not to believe. Such 
things are never true. '' Her figure was very stately and 
after Joseph's violent death, when she had overcome the 
first shock, she looked rather fresher and stouter than 
before. She had been too much worried by Joseph s 
conduct with the sisters." So says another informant, an 
old lady yet living in Salt Lake, to whom Emma once 
said in 1846 while talking about his revelations, '' It was 
all guesswork r Pretty good for the wife of the greatest 
prophet that had ever lived, and herself aidmg and 
abetting her son Joseph in still riveting the fraud— mmus 

polygamy ! 1 • i j 

It was not long after the martyrdom of her liege lord 
that the elect ladv and Attorney Woods (the last legal 
counselor of the Lord's anointed prophet) laid their 
heads together to reveal the exact truth about the Mormon 
leaders and the Mormon humbug in general. For some 
reason this most laudable design was never executed. 
Probably because Sister Emma saw that she could not 
possibly make such a crushing disclosure without seriously 
incriminating herself. At any rate, I am positively 
informed that old lawyer Woods still holds in his pos- 
session the material then compiled for their joint exposure 
of Mormonism. The Times and Seasons, the church 
organ, denied at the time that any such design existed, 
but denials of this kind have about the same value as 
those of my lamented friend Napoleon III., that is, they 
prove the exact contrary of what they assert. 

I am now going to introduce a document of the very 
greatest importance, which will enable the reader to see 
Joseph, Emma and the Gold Bible humbug m a kind of 
family picture, not brilliantly drawn, but full of the color 
of life. It is a letter from the brothers Hiel and Joseph 
Lewis, sons of the Rev. Nathaniel Lewis, of old Harmony, 
Pennsylvania, and all of them near relations of Emma 

78 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Hale. It is dated Amboy, Lee County, 111., April 23, 
1879. The original belongs to Mr. James T. Cobb, the 
above-named pathfinder in early Mormon history. The 
document concerns what the two gentlemen "saw and 
heard of the sayings and doings of the Prophet Joseph 
Smith while he was engaged in peeping for money and 
hidden treasures and translating his Gold Bible in our 
neighborhood, township of Harmony, Susquehannah 
County, Pa., our home and residence being within one 
mile of where he lived and transacted his business." 
The most prominent citizens of the little town of Amboy, 
the mayor, aldermen, attorneys, editors, merchants, 
bankers, justices of the peace, etc., testify that the wit- 
nesses are ''truthful, honorable, Christian gentlemen," 
and that "their statements are entitled to the fullest 
credence." Here is the document : 

" Some time previous to 1825,* a man by the name of Wm. Hale, 
a distant relative of uncle Isaac Hale, came to Isaac Hale and said 
that he had been informed by a woman by the name of Odle, who 
claimed to possess the power of seeing under ground (such persons 
were then commonly called peepers), that there were great treasures 
concealed in the hill northeast from Isaac Hale's house, and by her 
directions Wm. Hale commenced digging. But, being too lazy to 
work and too poor to hire, he obtained a partner by the name of Oliver 
Harper, of York vState, who had the means to hire help. But after a 
short time operations were suspended, for a time, during which Wm. 
Hale heard of Peeper Joseph Smith, jr., and wrote to him and soon 
visited him, and found Smith's representations were so flattering that 
Smith was either hired or became a partner with Wm. Hale, Oliver 
Harper and a man by the name of Stovvell,f who had some property. 

* This would be, according to Mormon annals, after the time 
when " the Father and the Son " appeared to the prophet Joseph and 
held a conference with him. 

f Lucy Smith, the mother of the prophet, and Munchhausen of 
the family, lets a good-sized cat out of her big bag in her biography 
of Joe. She confesses in it, unwittingly, to all the money-digging 
part of the prophet, and this was one of the reasons that made Brig- 
ham put her gossipy little book on the Mormon Index librorum pro- 
hibitorum. Munchhausen-Lucy says (pp. 91-92): "A man by the 
name of Josiah Stoal came from Chenango County, N. Y., with the 
view of getting Joseph to assist in digging for a silver mine. He 
came for Joseph on account of having heard that he possessed certain 
keys by which he could discern things invisible to the natural eye. 

The Lord and the White Dog. 79 

They hired men and dug in several places. The account given in the 
history of Susquehanna County, p, 580, of a pure white dog to be 
used as a sacrifice to restrain the enchantment, and of the anger of the 
Almighty at the attempt to palm off on Him a white sheep for a white 
dog, is a fair sample of Smith's revelations, and of the God that 
inspired him. Their digging in several places vi^as in compliance 
with * Peeper' Smith's revelations, who would attend with his peep- 
stone in his hat, and his hat drarun over his face, and tell them how 
deep they would have to go ; and when they found no trace of the 
chest of money, he would peep again and 7veep like a child, and tell 
them that the enchantment had removed it on account of some sin, or 
thoughtless word, and finally the enchantment became so strong that 
he could not see, and the business was finally abandoned. Sf?iith 
could weep and shed tears at any time if he chose to."* f 

" But while he was engaged in looking through his peep-stone 
and old white hat, directing the digging for money, and boarding at 
uncle Isaac Hale's, he formed an intimacy with Mr. Hale's daughter, 
and after the abandonment of the money-digging speculation, he con- 
summated the elopement and marriage to the said Emma Hale, and 
she became his accomplice in his humbug Golden Bible and Mormon 

" The statement that the prophet Joseph Smith made in our hear- 
ing at the commencement of his translating his book in Harmony, as 
to the manner of his finding the plates, was as follows : He said that 
by a DREAM he was informed that at such a place in a certain hill, in 
an iron box, were some gold plates with curious engravings, which he 
must get and translate, and write a book ; that the plates were to be 
kept concealed from every human being for a certain time, some two 
or three years ; that he went to the place and dug till he came to the 
stone that covered the box, when he was knocked down; that he 
again attempted to remove the stone, and was again knocked down. 
This attempt was made the third time, and the third time he was 
knocked down. Then he exclaimed: ' Why can't I git it? ' or words 
to that effect, and then he saw a man standing over the spot, who, to 

Joseph endeavored to divert him from his vain pursuit, but he was 
inflexible in his purpose, and offered high wages to those who would 
dig for him in search of said mine, and still insisted upon having 
Joseph to work for him. Accordingly, Joseph and several others 
returned with him and commenced digging. After laboring for the 
old gentleman about a month, without success, Joseph prevailed upon 
him to cease his operations, and it was from this circumstance of 
having worked by the month at digging for a silver mine, that the 
very prevalent story arose of Joseph having been a money-digger." 
[The italics are mine.] 

* Let any half-witted person compare this testimony with those of 
Ingersoll, Chase and others, in our Appendix of Part I., and deny 
that Joseph was the champion humbug of our time ! 

So Mormo7i Portraits. ^-I. Joseph Smith. 

him, appeared like a Spaniard [Oh, you great son of Lucy !], having 
a long beard down over his breast to about here {Smith putting his 
hand to the pit of his stomach), WITH HIS (the ghost's) throat CUT 


him that he could not get it alone; that another person whom he 
(Smith) would know at first sight must come with him, and then he 
would get it ; and when he saw Miss Emma Hale he knew that she 
was the person, and that after they were married she went with him to 
near the place and stood with her back towards him while he dug 
after the box, which he rolled up in his frock, and she helped carry 
it home ; that in the same box with the plates were spectacles ; * the 
bows were of gold and the eyes were stone, and by looking through 
these spectacles all the characters on the plates were translated into 

"In all this narrative there was not one word about visions of God 
or of angels or heavenly revelations ; all his information mas by that 
DREAM and that BLEEDING GHOST. The heavenly visions and mes- 
sages of angels, etc., contained in Mormon books, were afterthoughts, 
revised to order. While Smith was in Harmony he made the above 
statements, in our presence, to ^ev. N. Lewis. It was here, also, that 
he joined the Methodist Episcopal Church. He presented himself in 
a very serious and humble manner, and the minister, not suspecting 
evil, put his name on the class-book in the absence of some of the 
official members, among whom was the undersigned, Joseph Lewis, 
who, when he learned what was done, took with him Joshua McKune 
and had a talk with Smith. We told him plainly that such a character 
as he was a disgrace to the church ; that he could not be a member of 
it unless he broke off his sins by repentance, made public confession, 
renounced his fraudulent and hypocritical practices, and gave some 
evidence that he intended to reform and conduct himself somewhat 
nearer like a Christian than he had done. We gave him his choice, 
to go before the class and publicly ask to have his name stricken from 
the class-book, or stand a disciplinary investigation; he chose the 
former, and immediately withdrew his name. So his name as a 
member of the class was on the book only three days. It was the 
general opinion that his only object in joining the church was to 
bolster up his reputation and gain the sympathy and help of Christians; 
that is, putting on the cloak of religion to serve the Devil in." 

When interrogated as to the tmie of Joe's joining the 
Methodist Church, Mr. Hiel Lewis wrote back that it was 
in June, 1828. 

■^The celebrated " Urim and Thummim " of Mormon history. 
One can " catch on " nicely here : Spaniards having buried treasures, 
whether of gold or golden plates, the ghost of a Spaniard would 
naturally have to stand guard over them, whatever the state of his 

A Look Into the Peeper' s Household. 8i 

This disclosure will prove vastly edifying to the world in 
general, and to Mormons in particular. Joseph, with the 
sacred plates in his possession and while he is " translat- 
ing " them, BECOMES a methodist 1 ! And this, too, after 
the Lord's (both the Father and the Son) telling him that 
all existing religions are false and corrupt and on no 
account to join any of them, he being the favored instru- 
ment elected by Them m founding the true one ! ! I think 
tke great jury, called public opinion. Mormons included, 
might give their verdict in the impostor's case without 
leaving their seats. 

Our letter goes on : 

" We will add one more sample of his prophetic power and practice. 
One of the neighbors, whom Smith was owing, had a piece of corn on 
a rather wet and backward piece of ground, and as Smith was owing 
him, he wanted Smith to help hoe corn. Smith came on, but to get 
clear of the work and debt, said : ' If I kneel down and pray in your 
corn, it will grow just as well as if hoed.' So he prayed in the corn 
and insured its maturity without cultivation, and that the frost would 
not hurt it. But the corn was a failure in growth and killed by the 
frost. This sample of prophetic power was related to us by those pres- 
ent, and no one questioned its truth." "'^ 

The "revelation on celestial marriage" is a much more 
candid document than could be supposed. It permits us 
to '' peep " into the peeper's household. We see how he 
tries to overcome the desperate resistance of the strong 
wife against — let me use the exactly significant term — 
religious whoredom. What scenes must there have been 
enacted in that prophetic household ! He begs and flat- 
ters, thunders and threatens — all in vain. Finally, he 

■^- This startling document, which I have copied from the original 
most carefully, is attested in the following manner: 

State of Illinois,) , 
Lee County. i 

I, EvereU E. Chase, a Justice of the Peace in and for the County 
of Lee, State aforesaid, do hereby certify that the above named Joseph 
Lewis and Hiel Lewis, personally known to me to be respectable, 
truthful and honorable men, came before me and in my presence signed 
the above statement, and each of them before me made affidavit to 
each and all of the allegations therein set forth according to their best 

memory. Evkrett E. Chase, 

J. P. 

82 Mormon Portraits. — /, Joseph Smith. 

changes tactics. He tells Emma, it is "all spiritual, my 
dear." ''Let us show the people " — he may have said — 
''that you do look at celestial marriage in the right light, 
by being present at such a ceremony. It means marriage for 
the other world, and it is necessary that you should dis- 
pel, through a fearless act of yours, the ugly rumors spread 
everywhere. I may have sinned now and then, dearest, 
but from now on — you will see — everything will be strictly 

Emma, perplexed and exhausted, consents. The Par- 
tridge girls are to be sealed to her husband in her presence. 
"It is only a formality, deary, and will strengthen my 
position very much," says the prophet. It was in May or 
June, 1843, before the revelation was dictated to the 
"pard." An elder was selected, whose talents and pro- 
fession promised something extraordinary in the way of 
impressive solemnity. His name was George J. Adams, 
and he was a strolling player and great libertine besides. 
He performed the sealing ceremony and all went well for — 
two or three hours. Emma found out what the word "spi- 
ritual " really meant with that chaste husband of hers. She 
demanded imperiously the immediate annulment of the 
ceremony. Joseph hesitated, but the blood of old Isaac 
Hale was up in the veins of the prophet's wife. She 
threatened to arouse the city with a terrible display of 
matrimonial fireworks. The Prophet had to give in. 
Emma went on suffering what she could not prevent, but 
her official honor as a wife was safe. She remained the 
queen of her household instead of stooping to the role of 
concubine. She did not go to Washington to use her 
shame as an argument in debate. She did not write pam- 
phlets about it, either. 

An Escape by Revelation. 83 


For What Purpose it was ''Received'' — Emina Burns It — 
They '' Had been Given'' to Joseph — The Author Visits 
the Utah Penitentiary for Enlightenment — The Caged 
Apostle— Three P Hates— He ''Made a Business of it ' '— 
The Scene on the Log — Sketch of the History of Mormon 
Polygamy— Lots of Pure, Holy Lies — Special Instructions 
— The Clerk' s Affidavit — The Celebrated Revelation in 

The celebrated revelation on celestial marriage, dated 
July 12, 1843, was ''received" like all other ''revelations" 
for the selfish purposes of the prophet. He had, as we 
have seen, revelations that the Saints had to feed and clothe 
him and build him a big hotel in Nauvoo, for him and 
his offspring for all time. Now the revelation on polyg- 
amy was, as it confesses stupidly itself, nothing but an 
" <f.f<ra/(? " out of a terrible difficulty. Emma, the proud 
mother and wife, was worried beyond measure by Joseph's 
conduct with the "sisters," and the prophet needed a re- 
ligious mantle to cover his sins and quiet Emma. The 
revelation says : 

" Behold, I have seen your sacrifices and will forgive all your 
sins .... Go, therefore, and I make a vi^ay for your escape . . . ." 

But " the Lord " was not very successful in making the 
"escape" for " Mine Anointed." Emma declared the 
revelation to be the work of the devil, and burned the 
original which had been shown to her. Happily for the 
salvation of this sinful world, two copies had been pre- 
served. The Lord said to Emma in his polite way, 
always used by him while speaking to ladies : 

" Let mine handmaid Emma Smith receive all those that have 
been given to my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure be- 
fore me . . . ." 

84 Mormon Portraits. — /. Josrph Sfnit/u 

Now that is clear enough, especially when the afore- 
said Lord says to the same handmaid : 

"And again, verily I say, let mine hanflmaid forgive my servant 
Joseph his /res/>a:ssi's . . . ." 

But it 's useless even for the Mormon Lord to talk 
reason to an insulted wife and mother. Emma persisted 
in her opposition to the blessings of Abraham and Jacob 
and finally, after having left the church, declared that 
Joseph had never lived in Polygamy. She wanted to 
purge the memory of her martyred husband, whose wrongs 
she had forgiven the dead while she had been unable to 
forgive them the living sinner ; and she wanted to pro- 
tect the good name of her sons. Can you blame her for 
it? I can't. 

But to the revelation. It is clear that Joseph con- 
fesses in it that a certain number of " virgins " had been 
given to him before July 12, 1843, the date of the revela- 
tion. I now want to introduce a witness, whose testi- 
mony will not be impeached. You may doubt an apostle 
of the church while behind a bottle of good wine or while' 
on the stand in the tabernacle, but you cannot doubt him 
while he is in the hands of his enemies, in vile prison, the 
victim of the most shameful religious persecution ever en- 
acted. Oh, Zane and Dickson, remember Pilate and his 
present state of terrible roasting ! 

It was on the most beautiful first of May I ever saw in 
my life, that I went to the Salt Lake Penitentiary. We 
had a fine horse and buggy, I and my excellent friend, 
Henry Weinheimer, of Highland, 111. Marshal Ireland — ■ 
there is another Pilate for you — had given me a special 
permit, empowering me to talk with some of the prisoners, 
and I hereby beg to thank Mr. Ireland for his kindness, 
declaring that I rarely met a more frank and genial man 
than this fanatic enemy of the kingdom. We saw that 
*' penitentiary " which, in fact, is nothing but a disgust- 
ing corral. It is well known that Brigham Young put the 
appropriation granted by the Government into his 
pockets, and got his slaves to build this monument of 
shame and adobe bricks. The Warden called out the 

Fathe>- Lorenzo, the Mormon Jesuit. 85 

apostle, Lorenzo Snow, at our request. He came- 

An interesting old man, the apostle, of about seventy' 
years; narrow, rather distinguished head, lively gray 
eyes, but face much wrinkled and of a yellowish color; 
manners very agreeable, talk fluent and intelligent, ex- 
presjiion that of a clever Jesuit. He had been a good 
saint since his youth. He had not intended to marry, 
but to devote himself entirely to missionary work; but 
the prophet explained the new law to him, and, being 
convinced that Joseph was a prophet, he went at it like a 
man, and, using his own expression, '^jTiade a business of 
It,'' though he contented himself with only nine wives ; 
two of them he took in one day, and four or five in three 
or four months. 

We had a very pleasant chat. The apostle has been 
in Switzerland, England and Italy, even in Jerusalem. I 
asked him how it was with that revelation — when was it 
that it was made known to the saints ? The apostle said : 
''I had been away on a mission ; I returned to Nauvoo in 
April, 1843. A friend of mine, called Sherwood, told me 
very soon after my arrival that Joseph had married my 
sister, Eliza R. Snow, for time and eternity, some three 
months before [at least six months before July 12, 1843]. 
Joseph sent for me: he wanted a private' interview with 
me. I went to him. I did not tell him that I knew of 
his marriage with my sister ; I waited till he would tell 
me. He went with me to the shore of the Mississippi, 
about fifty rods from his house. There we sat down on a 
log, and there he explained to me the law on celestial 
marriage, and told me that he had married my sister for 
time and eternity about three months ago. I was not at 
all surprised ; I kneiv that this thing was coming." 

'* Why did Emma Smith burn the revelation, Mr. 
Snow? " 

''Allow me to answer your question with another 
question. Why did Lucifer rebel against God? Emma 
apostatized ; she left the path of truth and lii(ht, and went 
to darkness and perdition 1 " 

I tried to look suitably disgusted with so much 
wickedness on the part of a wife ; and we chatted of many 

86 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

other things. Apostle Snow hopes that the saints will 
soon be "on top again," and expressed a mysterious 
expectation that ''a change of government would soon 
enable the saints to practice their religion^ 

Now, who is right, the imprisoned apostle who talks 
so kindly to a *' gentile dog " like me, or the Josephites, 
who go on stating that Joseph never was in polygamy? 
Snow tells you the thing was coming — he knew that such 
a revelation was on the way, and, by Jove, a blind man 
must have seen it I 

This chapter would be incomplete without a bit of 
elaborate historical analysis. If Mormon history in 
general, as represented by Mormon sermons, books and 
newspapers, has been one continual chain of misrepresenta- 
tion, from 1830 to this day, the history of polygamy has 
been a solid little group of lies apart, like a cluster of 
islands in an ocean of falsehood. 

Up to 1852 there was no official ''celestial marriage." 
It had been denied and denied till further denial became 
impossible. Remember that the *'■ revelation " was given 
on July 12, 1843, 2.nd that Joseph and Hyrum and many 
of their intimate friends had taken degrees in the new 
celestial order. The highly dramatic affidavit of Martha 
Brotherton (see Appendix to Part I.) alone proves this, 
and our very unctuous friend, Apostle Lorenzo Snow, 
confirmed it in his cage. Some of the elders felt an 
urgent necessity to unfold the glorious new gospel to the 
world; but that wouldn't do. The Lord wanted his 
special friends to enjoy the thrice-bolted blessings of 
Abraham, but not the abominably rude fare of an Illinois 
State Prison. In February, 1844, seven months after the 
revelation, the official church organ, Times and Seasons, 
contained the following : 


As we have been credibly informed that an elder of the Church of 
Jesus Christ of Latter-day vSaints, by the name of Ilyrum Brown, has 
been preaching polygamy and other false and corrupt doctrines in the 
County of Lapeer and State of Michigan, this is to notify him and 
the church in general, that he has been cut off from the church for his 

Lying as a Fitic Art. 87 

iniquity, and he is further notified to appear at the special conference, 
on the 6th of April next, to make answer to those charges. 

Joseph Smith, 
Hyrum Smith, 
Presidents of the Church. 

This was seven months after the revelation. Now hear 
what the present Mormon church organ has to say about 
this official lie : 

Until the open enunciation of the doctrine of celestial marriage by 
the publication of the revelation on the subject in 1852, no elder was 
authorized tS announce it to the world. The Almighty has revealed 
things on many occations which were for His servants and not for the 
world. Jesus enjoined His disciples on several occasions to keep to 
themselves principles that he made known to them. And his injunction, 
" Cast not -^OMX pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their 
feet and turn again and rend you," has become as lamiliar as a com- 
mon proverb. In the rise of the church the Lord had occasion to 
admonish His servants in regard to revelations that were afterwards 
permitted to be published : 

" I say unto you, hold your peace until I shall see fit to make all 
things known unto the world concerning this matter." 

"And now I say unto you, keep these things from going abroad 
into the world until it is expedient in me." 

"But a commandment I give unto them that they shall not boast 
themselves of these things, neither speak of them before the world, for 
these things are given unto you for your profit and your salvation." — 
(Doc. &Cov.) 

Under these instructions elders had no right to promulgate anything 
but that which they were authorized to teach. And when assailed by 
enemies and accused of practicing things which were really not coun- 
tenanced in the church, they were justified in denying those imputa- 
tions and at the same time avoiding the avowal of such doctrines as 
were not yet intended for the world. This course which they have 
taken when necessary, by commandment, is all the ground which their 
accusers have for charging them them with falsehood. — {Deseret News, 
May 20, 1886.) 

But there had been other official denials of polygamy 
earlier than this. Our wide-awake friend, Bennett, had 
published his book in the fall of 1842 and given away as 
much as he could without hurting his own "dignity." 
The ''great stink" — to talk with Brother Brigham— 
caused by Bennett's book was to be counteracted by the 
perfume of innocence exhaled from this declaration in the 
Nauvoo Ti7nes and Seasons (October i, 1842) : 

SS Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Sfuifh. 

We, the undersigned, members of the Chiircli of Jesus Christ of 
Latter-day Saints and residents of the City of Nauvoo, persons of 
family, do hereby certify and declare that we do know of no other rule 
or system of marriage than the one published from the Book of Doc- 
trine and Covenants, and we give this certificate to show that Dr. J. C. 
Bennett's "secret wife system" is a creature of his own make, as we 
know of no such society in this place nor ever did. 

S. Bennett, N. K. Whitney, 

Geo. Miller, Albert Petty, 

Alpheus Cutler, Eli as Higbee, 

Reynolds Cahoon, John Taylor, 

W. Woodruff, E. Robinson. 

Aaron Johnson. # 

We, the undersigned, members of the Ladies' Relief Society and 
married females, do certify and declare that we know of no other sys- 
tem of marriage being practiced in the Church of Jesus Christ of Lat- 
ter-day Saints save the one contained in the Book ol Doctrine and 
Covenants, and we give this certificate to show that J. C. Bennett's 
" secret wife system" is a disclosure of his own make. 

Emma Smith, 

Elizabeth Ann Whitney, 

Sarah ^L Cleveland, 

Eliza R. Snow, 

Mary C. Miller, Catherina Petty, 

Lois Cutler, Sarah Higbee, 

Thirza Cahoon, Phebe Woodruff, 

Ann Hunter, Leonora Taylor, 

Jane Law, Sarah Hillman, 

Sophia R. Marks, Rosannah Marks, 

Polly Z. Johnson, Angeline Roiunson. 

Abigail Works. 

Very well, now let us see what the New Testament of 
the Mormon Bible, the ''Book of Doctrine and Covenants," 
says about marriage. Let me illustrate this holy command 
by a practical example of the way in which Brigham 
Young and his long-time bosom friend, Danite John D. 
Lee, "lived their religion:" 

Lee and His Thirteen Pearls. 89 


" You mutually agree to be each "In 1847, while at Council 

other's companion, husband and Bluffs, Brigham Young sealed me 

wife, observing the legal rights be- to three -vonien in one night, viz, : 

longing to this condition ; that is, my eleventh, Nancy Armstrong; 

keeping yourselves wholly for each she was what we called a ioido7o. 

other and from all others during She left her first husband in Ten- 

your lives . . . And inasmuch as nessee in order to be with the Mor- 

this Church of Christ has been re- mon people; my twelfth, Polly W. 

proached with the crime of forni- Young; my thirteenth, Louisa 

cation and polygamy ; we declare Young; these were two sisters 

that we believe that one man should . . .^Brigham said that Isaac C. 

have one wife and one woman but Haight and I needed some young 

one husband, except in case of woxnitx). to renew our vitality, %o\).^ 

death, when either is at liberty to gave us both a ' dashing young 

marry again." bride ' '" [one year after the Moun- 
tain Meadows Massacre.] 

You see, gentle reader, the kind of pearls that were 
too precious to cast before the Gentile swine. Three 
women in one night, and two of them sisters. Fine 
pearls. They remind me forcibly of the spirited word 
said by a young Mormon lady: '^ Polygamy is all right 
when properly carried out — on a shovel.". The young 
lady was a daughter of " Jeddy " Grant. 

But let us return to our ladies. ''Ladies' relief so- 
ciety "—that sounds respectable, surely. They were all 
true ladies, in the American sense of the word, these 
female believers and relievers : you would suppose it, 
since they call themselves ladies. But how is it that 
Sister Eliza R. Snow calls herself a *' married woman " on 
October T, 1842? Apostle Lorenzo Snow, her brother, 
my crucified friend, tells me that she had been married — 
for time and eternity, of course — in the beginning of 
1843. -'^"d how can I believe this apostle capable of 
lying when speaking from his cross at the penitentiary ? 
We must suppose that there was real marriage between 
sweet Eliza and Joseph before 1843— without any more 
impressive ceremony than that little extempore blessing by 
Emma's broomstick. But how about the other '' ladies ? " 
Hear Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt : 

9© Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

"Emma Smith, whom Joseph made lead a life of 
misery through his mfidelities, had founded the relief 
society for the purpose of spying her husband. At least 
Joseph often said so. Elizabeth Ann Whitney, the 
second 'lady,' had been seduced by Joseph; he seduced 
her daughter, too. Sarah M. Cleveland, the third Mady,' 
was the same who, as I have told you, kept a kind of 
assignation house for the prophet and Eliza R. Snow— 
you know her.'' As to the rest of the ladies, fifteen in 
number, Mrs. Pratt states that the prophet had seduced 
most of them before the date of the declaration, October 
I, i842. ''He had a terrible influence over women," 
says Mrs. Pratt. '^ Many pure and good women, who 
never would have fallen, became his victims through his 
prophetic pretensions, and I myself [with a slight shudder 
at the remembrance] was perhaps only saved from his 
clutches through my devoted love for my husband who at 
that time was my all, and I his." 

But leaving aside the private character of our ladies^ 
what does the passage referred to by them in the " Doc- 
trine and Covenants " mean but the strictest injunction 
oi monogamy? '' Keep yourselves wholly for each other 
and from all others during your lives." Is this not most 
pointed and exact? And the scathing denunciation of 
all such as shall teach that it is right for any man to have 
more than one wife living at the same time, — comparing 
such a preacher to Cain, the first murderer,* — what, I 
repeat it, does it all mean ? Is not the very citing of such 
an article of marital faith and practice, — " Keeping your- 
self wholly for each other and from all other during your 
lives," — to brand with infamy any other rule or system of 
marriage ? 

* Times and Seasons, p. 715 (November, 1 844): The law of the 
land and the rules of the church do not allow one man to have more 
THAN ONE WIFE ALIVE AT ONCE, but if any man's wife die he has a 
right to marry another and to be sealed to both for eternity, to the liv- 
ing and the dead. This is all the spiritual wife system that 
p. 888 (May i, 1845) : F^^ once let us say that Cain who went to 
Nod and taught the doctrine of a plurality of wives and the 
giants who practised the same iniquity. 

The Broomstick Poetess and the Ladies. 91 

But no, the "ladies" did not lie. Hear the church 
organ of May 20, 1886 : 

" So with that spiritual wife doctrine which lustful men attempted 
to promulgate at that period. Joseph the prophet was just as much 
opposed to that false doctrine as any one could be. It was a counter- 
feit. The true and divine order is another thing. The errors which 
those ladies who signed the affidavits declared were not known to 
them as doctrines of the church, v/ere not, are not, and never will be 
part of the creed of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 
They \Vere conscientious in their statements. Joseph and Hyrum were 
consistent in their action against the false doctrines of polygamy and 
spiritual wifeism, instigated by the devil and advocated by men who 
did not comprehend sound doctrine nor the purity of the celestial 
marriage which God revealed for the holiest of purposes." 

You see how it was. The "ladies'" denial went 
against the counterfeit of the real pearls, of which 
Brother Brigham gave three big specimens to Brother 
Lee in one night " for the holiest of purposes." Lee was 
then thirty-five, and did not need yet the holiest of all 
holy purposes, the renewal of his vitality. That came 
later, when Brigham wanted to reward his fellow hyena 
for the "holy and pure" job done at the Mountain 

Let us see another link in the chain of denials fur- 
nished by the happy proprietors of whole strings of 
gospel pearls. No pearls for the swine in 1842 and 1843- 
In July, 1S45, another denial. Apostle Parley P. Pratt, 
who had several wives at that time, denounced polygamy 
in a public card as a "doctrine of devils and seducing 
spirits, but another name for whoredom, wicked and 
unlawful connection, confusion and abomination." Very 
good. Brother Parley. That's what polygamy really is. 
But marrying three women in one night and occupying 
with mother and daughter the same bed, that belongs to 

* Historian Stenhouse touchingly refers ui his " Rocky Mountain 
Saints " to the " vast energy and benevolence " of the prophet Joseph. 
Of his benevolence, especially towards his "sisters" and " daughters," 
there remains no doubt, bat his energy, vast as that must have been, 
seems less than that of John D. Lee, though we have no precise data 
from the prophet Joseph's pen, as we have from Lee's, in his little 
Harem-Almanac, page 289 of his priceless and dreadful book. 

92 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Sjuith. 

the "pearl" department of sound doctrine and the 
purity of celestial marriage, revealed by the ''pard" 
for the "holiest of purposes." Of a truth there is 
nothing Asiatic in it. Any savage Asiatic would blush 
at such "purity!" Why do I speak o{ Asiatic? Let 
the N'eivs answer : 

" Polygamy, in the ordinary and Asiatic sense of the term, never 
was and is not now a tenet of the Latter-day Saints. That which 
Joseph and Hyrum denounced, and for preaching which without 
authority an elder was cut off the church in Nauvoo, was altogether 
different to the order of celestial marriage including a plurality of 
wives, which forms the subject of the revelation." 

But we have yet another apostolic denial furnished by 
John Taylor, at a public discussion with some Eng- 
lish Reverends in Boulogne, France, July, 1850. Says 
Apostle Taylor : 

" We are accused here of polygamy and actions the most indelicate, 
obscene and disgusting, such as none but a corrupt heart could have 
contrived. These things are too outrageous to admit of belief. There- 
fore I shall content myself by reading our views of chastity and 
marriage from a work published by us, containing some articles of 
our faith." 

Taylor then read the very article of the Doctrine and 
Covenants Q\;^\o\^6. by the eighteen ladies eight years before 
1850. And how deep did he stick himself in " celestial " 
mud at this very moment ? Let me quote the statement of 
a Mormon Elder, who is privy to many of the secrets of 
this " Church." He says: 

" At the very time that Taylor denied the facts in France by read- 
ing from the Doctrine and Covenants, he had TEN women as wives — 
he took the tenth 'ivoman in 1847 or 1848, and she was actually his 
thirteenth ivonian. Three had left him. In order that your readers 
may know that I only write the truth in this respect, I will name those 
whom I recollect and have seen, as follows: Leonora (Cannon) 
Taylor, his fir^t wife ; Elizabeth Kaighn, her cousin; Mary Rams- 
bottom, called Moss; Miss Ballintyne, .\nnie Ballintyne, Miss Oakley, 
Harriet Whitaker, Sophia Whitaker, and two others whose names I 
forget — one, I think was a Mrs. Gillam, whom I have seen. Thus, 
from 1843, when the pseudo revelation was given, to 1847 — four years 
— he hatl thirteen 'women sealed to him, and ten whom he still owned 
when he told the huge lie in France. John Pack and Curtis E. Bolton, 
who were his companion elders in the discussion, heard the denial and 

History of Celestial Debauchery. 93 

.sanctioned this utterance and course — they were polygamists theu 

And let me add one well-known fact : While John 
Taylor, the husband of ten wives, was denying polygamy, 
he was even then courting a young English woman, no 
doubt for the holiest of purposes, and tried to rob a friend 
of his, an Elder, of his promised wife. Isn't it a whole 
bushel of pearls? But everything must have an end, even 
the endless lying of the Mormon leaders. It was in the 
fall of 1852 when Brigham Young decided to let the 
celestial " cat out of the bag," as he said. His clown, 
Heber C. Kimball, announced the same event to his 
friends by saying that " the cat would have kittens." I 
have this from people who heard it themselves. And, sure 
enough,, cat and kittens play now right lustily in the open 
sunlight in the columns of the church organ. The 
"Church" now concedes that Joseph knew the Abra- 
hamic scheme of his " pard " already in 1831 or 1832. 
Hear the News again : 

The revelation on celestial mai-riage, published [now] in the Doc- 
trine and Covenants, was given July 12, 1843. The principles it contains, 
with further intelligence on the same subject, wer-2 revealed to the 
Prophet many years before, but not formulated in writing for the 
church. Acting under instructions from the Lord, the prophet had 
several wives sealed to him before the date of that revelation. There 
are other matters spoken of in the revelation that pertained to the 
time when it was written, showing that the statement in the heading, 
as it appears in the book, is correct ; namely, that the revelation was 
given on that date, although the doctrines it contains were known and 
h.2iCii\)tG.xv 2i<:XQ.A\xv>ovi. under specialinstructions previous to that date. 

Apostle Orson Pratt, the great champion of polygamy 
— he married nearly all his servant girls for the holiest of 
purposes and made a martyr of one of the brightest and 
best wives and mothers — Apostle Pratt said in 1878, in a 
public sermon, that Joseph had received "revelations" 
upon that prificiple as early as 1831 and had wives sealed 
to him as early as April 1841.* That pearl business 
began early, you see. I think myself that the principle 
was made known to this anointed oil-bottle-prophet at 

*Deseret News, November 23, 1878. 

94 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

the age of puberty, if not earlier ! What do you see here, 
people of the Great Republic, but organized secret crime 
and most infamous lying? Didn't I say from the outset 
that the Mormon leaders were enemies of the Mormon 
people ? Am I right or wrong ? I said it because every- 
where I have found the masses of people honest, nor shall 
I make an exception of Mormon masses. I am not pre- 
pared to believe, I do not believe, that these Mormon 
masses sustain their leaders in deliberate lying. Simply 
they are ignorant — must be ignorant — of the true char- 
acter of their leaders, past and present. But if they only 
knew how terribly funny they are, those priestly chaps ! 
Whenever Joseph seduced a servant girl of his, or an 
adopted daughter, whenever he stole away from Emma's, 
the peacefully slumbering mother's side, to enjoy an 
adventure worthy of the pen of Boccaccio or Bandello, 
he always acted under '' special instructions'' of the Lord. 
It was under those special instructions that he made a 
pitiable wreck of Emma's wedded life. It was the same 
kind Lord, I suppose, who sent Dr, Bennett to Nau- 
voo with that instrument, which the handy doctor could 
clap into his coat sleeve, when any of Joseph's women 
'' were in trouble !" Oh, most ingenious and generous of 
all^pards!" Oh, most anointed and anointing of all 
prophets ! Oh, most credulous and docible of all peoples! 
Has there ever been such a sinister farce in all history ? 

Let me present now an affidavit of Wm. Clayton, who 
was the confidential clerk of Joseph in Nauvoo. Mrs. 
Pratt says that he was a brute and a drunkard, and that 
may readily explain his elevation to such an important 
position. The affidavit appeared for the first time in that 
very same memorable number of the Deseret News, May 
20, 1886. The reader will see that it confirms all my 
statements. Cat and kittens are all on my side. Clay- 
ton's affidavit is dated February 16, 1874. Clayton him- 
self is dead since four or five years. 

WILLIAM Clayton's tale. 

"Inasmuch as it may be interesting to future genera- 
tions of the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of 

A Walk With the Prophet. 95 

Latter-day Saints to learn something of the first teachings 
of the principle of plural marriage by President Joseph 
Smith, the prophet, seer, revelator and translator of said 
church, I will give a short relation of facts which occurred 
within my personal knowledge, and also matters related 
to me by President Joseph Smith. 

"I was employed as a clerk in President Joseph 
Smith's office, under Elder Willard Richards, and com- 
menced to labor in the office on the loth day of February, 

1842. I continued to labor with Elder Richards until he 
went East to fetch his wife to Nauvoo. 

"■ After Elder Richards started East, I was necessarily 
thrown constantly into the company of President Smith, 
having to attend to his public and private business, re- 
ceiving and recording tithings and donations, attending 
to land and other matters of business. During this period 
I necessarily became well acquainted with Emma Smith, 
the wife of the prophet Joseph, and also with the children 
— Julia M. (an adopted daughter), Joseph, Frederick and 
Alexander — very much of the business being transacted 
at the residence of the prophet. 

''Onthe 7th of October, 1842, in the presence of 
Bishop Newel K. Whitney and his wife, Elizabeth Ann, 
President Joseph Smith appointed me temple recorder, 
and also his private clerk, placing all records, books, 
papers, etc., in my care, and requiring me to take charge 
of and preserve them, his closing words being, ' When I 
have any revelations to write, you are the one to write 

"During this period the prophet Joseph frequently 
visited my house in my company, and became well 
acquainted with my wife, Ruth, to whom I had been 
married five years. One day in the month of February, 

1843, date not remembered, the prophet invited me to 
walk with him. During our walk he said he had learned 
that there was a sister back in England to whom I was 
very much attached. I replied there was, but nothing 
further than an attachment such as a brother and sister 
in the church might rightfully entertain for each other. 
He then said : ' Why don't you send for her? * I replied : 

96 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

'In the first place, I have no authority to send for her, 
and if I had, I have not the means to pay expenses.' To 
this he answered : ' I give you authority to send for her, 
and I will. furnish you the means,' which he did. This 
was the first time the prophet Joseph talked with me on 
the subject of plural marriage. He informed me that the 
doctrine and principle was right in the sight of our 
heavenly Father, and that it was a doctrine which per- 
tained to celestial order and glory. After giving me 
lengthy instructions and information concerning the 
doctrine of celestial or plural marriage, he concluded his 
remarks by the words, ' It is your privilege to have all 
the wives you want.' After this introduction our con- 
versations on the subject of plural marriage were very fre- 
quent, and he appeared to take particular pains to inform 
and instruct me in respect to the principle. He also in- 
formed me that he had other wives living besides his first 
wife Emma, and in particular gave me to understand that 
Eliza R. Snow, Louisa Beaman, Desdemona C. Fullmer 
and others, were his lawful wives in the sight of Heaven. 

"On the 27th of April, 1843, ^^^ Prophet Joseph 
Smith married to me Margaret Moon, for time -and 
eternity, at the residence of Elder Heber C. Kimball, and 
on the 22d of July, 1843, ^^ married to me, according to 
the order of the church, my first wife Ruth. 

'* On the 1st day of May, 1843, I officiated in the office 
of an elder by marrying Lucy Walker to the Prophet Joseph 
Smith, at his own residence. 

"During this period the Prophet Joseph took several 
other wives. Amongst the number I well remember Eliza 
Partridge, Emily Partridge, Sarah Ann Whitney, Helen 
Kimball and Flora Woodworth. These all, he acknowl- 
edged to me, were his lawful, wedded wives, according 
to the celestial order. His wife Emma was cognizant of 
the fact of some, if not all of these being his wives, and 
.she generally treated them very kindly. 

" On the morning of the 12th of July, 1843, Joseph 
and Hyrum Smith came into the office in the upper story 
of the ' brick store,' on the bank of the Mississippi river. 
They were talking on the subject of plural marriage. Hy- 

Effwia Acfs Like Lucifer. 97 

rum said to Joseph, ' If you will write the revelation 
on Celestial Marriage, I will take and read it to Emma, 
and I believe I can convince her of its truth, and you will 
hereafter have peace.' Joseph smiled and remarked, 
* You do not know Emma as well as I do. ' Hyrum re- 
marked, "' The doctrine is so plain, I can convince any 
reasonable man or woman of its truth, purity and heavenly 
origin,' or words to their effect. Joseph then said, 'Well, 
I will write the revelation and we will see.' He then re- 
quested me to get paper and prepare to write. Hyrum 
very urgently requested Joseph to write the revelation by 
means of the Urim and Thummim, but Joseph in reply 
said he did not need to, for he knew the revelation per- 
fectly from beginning to end. 

''Joseph and Hyrum then sat down and Joseph com- 
menced to dictate the revelation on Celestial Marriage, 
and I wrote it, sentence by sentence, as he dictated. After 
the whole was written, Joseph asked me to read it through, 
slowly and carefully, which I did, and he pronounced it 
correct. He then remarked that there was much more 
that he could write, on the same subject, but what was 
written was sufficient for the present. 

" Hyrum then took the revelation to read to Emma. 
Joseph remained with me in the office until Hyrum returned. 
When he came back Joseph asked him how he had suc- 
ceeded. Hyrum replied that he had never received a 
more severe talking to in his life, that Emma was very 
bitter and full of resentment and anger. 

''Joseph quietly remarked, 'I told you you did not 
know Emma as well as I did.' Joseph then put the reve- 
lation in his pocket, and they both left the office. 

" The revelation was read to several of the authorities 
during the day. Towards evening Bishop New^ell K. 
Whitney asked Joseph if he had any objections to his 
taking a copy of the revelation ; Joseph replied that he 
had not, and handed it to him. It was carefully copied 
the following day by Joseph C. Kingsbury. Two or three 
days after the revelation was written Joseph related to me 
and several others that Emma had so teased and urgently 
entreated him for the privilege of destroying it, that he 

98 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

became so weary of her teasing, and to get rid of her 
annoyance, he told her she might destroy it and she had 
done so, but he had consented to her wish in this matter 
to pacify her, realizing that he knew the revelation per- 
fectly, and could rewrite it at any time if necessary. 

'' The copy made by Joseph C. Kingsbury is a true and 
correct copy of the original in every respect. The copy 
was carefully preserved by Bishop Whitney, and but few 
knew of its existence until the temporary location of the 
Camp of Israel at Winter Quarters, on the Missouri River, 
in 1846, 

''After the revelation on celestial marriage was written 
Joseph continued his instructions, privately, on the doc- 
trine, to myself and others, and during the last year of his 
life we were scarcely ever together, alone, but he was talk- 
ing on the subject, and explaining that doctrine and princi- 
ples connected with it. He appeared to enjoy great liberty 
and freedom in his teachings, and also to find great relief 
in having a few to whom he could unbosom his feelings on 
that great and glorious subject. 

'' From him I learned that the doctrine of plural and 
celestial marriage is the most holy and important doctrine 
ever revealed to man on the earth, and that without obe- 
dience to that principle no person can ever attain to the 
fulness of exaltation in celestial glory. 

[Signed] William Clayton. 

'' Salt Lake City, February i6th, 1874." 

Lots oi pearls in that oily document. The prophet 
invites his clerk to a walk. Who knows whether they 
didn't sit down on the identical log on which he sat with 
Brother Lorenzo? That log was there for the holiest of 
purposes, no doubt. And now look how the prophet 
" tackles " his disciple. It reads like the talk of the ser- 
pent to mother Eve. There is a sister ''back in England," 
whom Clayton, the married man, doth covet, but only for 
the holiest of purposes, to be sure. Joseph gives him 
"authority" to send for the girl. This he does as the 
Lord's anointed prophet. He then agrees to pay the 
expenses of the girl's trip; and this, of course, he would 

Broomstick, Poker a?id Tongs. 99 

do as triistee-in-trust of the church funds. Finally, as the 
very '* buckler of Jehovah," as he used to vaunt himself, 
he explodes a whole bombshell of patriarchal blessings in 
the ear of his staggering scribe : ''It is your privilege to 
have all the wives yo2i want.'' Ah, glorious ! Under the 
sky of hospitable Illinois, in the face of modern civiliza- 
tion, in the teeth of the salutary moral laws of a noble 
commonwealth, the conspirator recruits accomplices of 
his secret infamies by appealing to the basest passions of 
his associates. 

The woman ''back in England" comes to Nauvoo 
and Joseph seals her to Clayton. Then — perhaps after a 
little broomstick-episode — Ruth, the lawful wife of the 
clerk, gets sealed to him. We are soon in a very platoon- 
fire of sealing : I seal you, you seal me, we seal each 
other. The revelation says that Joseph alone has the 
sealing power — but that's nothing ; the " pard " doesn't 
mind such petty details where the holiest of purposes are 
on stake. 

But now, how is this ? Emma knew that other women 
were married to her husband and treated them ''very 
kindly." You must be joking, Brother Clayton. Emma 
has no appreciation of your pearls and holy purposes. 
Would she have given Hyrum such a terrible raking 
down, would she have burned the revelation if she cared 
the snap of her haughty finger for them ? You are de- 
cidedly mistaken. Brother Clayton. Sister Emma stands 
to the "law of Sarah (!)," firm as a rock, on the broom- 
stick standpoint. If she ever changed in this respect, it 
was from broomstick to poker and tongs, but to nothing 
else. " If any of the elders preaches polygamy to you, 
get hold of a poker or a pair of tongs, sisters, and drive 
the fellow away — . ' ' That was a plain little speech of the 
Elect Lady in one of the meetings of the " Ladies' Relief 
Society. ' ' The fact is simply this. Brother Clayton : Your 
statement was concocted to show to the world in general, 
and to refractory Mormon wives in particular, that the 
first of all "first wives," the Eve of celestial marriage, 
liked the harem business awfully well after all. But your 
lie is clumsy, Elder Clayton, and you contradict it yourself. 

loo Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Clayton's statement proves the truth of what the 
enemies of the Church have always affirmed. This silly 
humbug of a revelation was gotten up to pacify and if 
need be, terrify Emma into submission. Hyrum is the-^ 
official busybody and go-between in this attempt at celes- 
tial reconciliation. ''You will hereafter have peace," 
says that excellent brother and brother-in-law. But he 
insists on getting for the Prophet the old white hat and , 
the peepstone for this holiest of purposes. Clayton puts 
it finer: hespeakssolemnly of the '*Urim and Thummim," 
— Lucy- Munchhausen's "two smooth three-cornered 
diamonds set in glass, and the glasses set in silver bows 
which were connected with each other in much the same 
way as old-fashioned spectacles." * Emma Smith says, 
on her death bed, that he dictated ''sitting with his face 
buried in his hat, with the stone in it."t 'Twas just 
the old peepstone and nothing else. 

But poor Hyrum ! He put his brotherly hand in a 
wasp-nest when he read that stuff to Emma. Good 
heavens, she didn't treat him " very kindly ! " i\nd those 
curtain-lectures to the anointed of the Lord ! My servant 
Joseph was in an awful fix. The " pard " must have been 
dreadfully angry at that woman, much more wrathy than 
he was over the white dog affair ; but there was no con- 
vincing " mine handmaid " of the genuine value of the 
pearls. So the new Abraham had to eat crow. The rest 
was silence as to celestial law in Emma's house; "my 
house is a house of order," she says to Joseph, and 
*'the ruler over many things" has to stop "the works 
of Abraham" in her house. But there was, for the 
holiest of purposes, that blessed log by the river, a fur- 
long away from the "brick store " and from the ears of 
mine elect handmaid, Mrs. Emma Caudle. There, seated 
on the log (and just as easy as rolling off it), could they re- 
ceive and impart revelations. There could these godly 
brigands talk unmolested about their boundless " privi- 
leges;" about "all the women they wanted," and they 
wanted all the womenj 

*" Joseph the Prophet," p. 107. 
fTullidge, " Life of Joseph," p. 793. 

Polygafny or Damnation. loi 

Let me finish this chapter with a reproduction of the 
revelation on the " most holy and important doctrine ever 
revealed to man." 

I may hope that with the aid of notes and comments 
this tedious document may prove intelligible if not 
amusing : 


A Revelation on the Patriarchal Order of Matrimony, or 
Fliirality of Wives, Given to Joseph Smith, the Seer, 
in Nauvoo, July 12, 184J. 

I. Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you, my servant 
Joseph, that inasmuch as you have inquired of my hand 
to know and understand wherein I, the Lord, justified my 
servants Abraham, Isaac* and Jacob, as also Moses (?), 
David and Solomon, my servants, as touching the prin- 
ciple and doctrine of their having many wives and concu- 
bines: Behold ! and lo, I am the Lord thy God, and will 
answer thee as touching this matter : Therefore, prepare 
thy heart to receive and obey the instructions which I am 
about to give unto you; for all those who have this law 
revealed unto them must obey the same ; for behold ! I 
reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant, and if 
ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned ; for no 
one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter 
into my glory ; for all who will have a blessing^t my 
hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that 
blessing, and the conditions thereof, as was instituted from 
before the foundation of the world ; and as pertaining to 
the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the 
fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness 
thereof, must and shall abide the law, or he shall be 
damned, saith the Lord God. 

2. And, verily, I say unto you, that the conditions of 

^Isaac was the model for all polygamists, he had only one wife. 

I02 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, 
obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, asso- 
ciations or expectations, that are not made and entered 
into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him 
who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, 
and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment, 
through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have 
appointed on the earth to hold this power (and I have 
appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this power in 
the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a 
time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood 
are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue or force * in and 
after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts 
that are not made unto this end, have an end when men 
are dead. 

3. Behold ! mine house is a house of order, saith the 
Lord God, and not a house of confusion. Will I accept 
of an offering, saith the Lord, that is not made in my 
name ! Or, will I receive at your hands that which I 
have not appointed ! And will I appoint unto you, saith 
the Lord, except it be by law, even as I and my Father 
ordained unto you before the world was ! I am the Lord 
thy God, and I give unto you this commandment, that 
no man shall come unto the Father but by me, or by my 
word, which is my law, saith the Lord ; and everything 
that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by 
thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, 
whatsoever they may be, that are not by me, or by my 
word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall 
not remain after men are dead, neither in nor after the 
resurftction, saith the Lord your God ; for whatsoever 
things remaijieth are by me, and whatsoever things are 
not by me shall be shaken and destroyed. 

4. Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, 
and he marry her not by me, nor by my word, and he 
covenant with her so long as he is in the world, and she 
with him, their covenant and marriage is not o^ force 

* What does this make of all earth's marriages ? No wonder so 
m.;ny Mormon elders have robbed Gentiles of their "time" wives — 
" for all eternity ! " 

Wretched Bachelor Angels. 103 

when they are dead, and when they are out of the world ; 
therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are 
out of the world ; therefore, when they are out of the 
world they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but 
are appointed angels in heaven ; which angels are minis- 
tering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a 
far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of 
glory ; for these angels did not abide my law, therefore 
they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and 
singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all 
eternity, and from henceforth are not Gods, but are angels 
of God for ever and ever. 

5. And again, verily I say unto you if a man marry a 
wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all 
eternity, if that covenant is not by me or by my word, 
which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of 
promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed 
unto this power, then it is not valid, neither of force 
when they are out of t]\e world, because they are not 
joined by me, saith the Lord God, neither by my word ; 
when they are out of the world, it cannot be received 
there, because the angels and the Gods are appointed 
there, by whom they cannot pass ; they cannot, therefore, 
inherit my glory, for my house is a house of order, saith 
the Lord God. 

6. And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a 
wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and 
everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the 
Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto 
whom I have appointed this power, and the keys of this 
priesthood, and it shall be said unto them, ye shall come 
forth in the first resurrection, and if it be after the first 
resurrection, in the next resurrection, and shall inherit 
thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers of domin- 
ions, all heights, and depths — then shall it be written in 
the Lamb's Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder 
whereby to shed innocent blood ; and \i ye abide in my 
covenant, and commit no murder, whereby to shed inno- 
cent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things 
whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time and 

I04 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

through all eternity, and shall be of full force when they 
are out of the world ; and they shall pass by the angels, 
and the Gods, which are set there, to their exaltation 
and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their 
heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation 
of the seeds for ever and ever. 

7. Then shall they be Gods, because they have no end; 
therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, 
because they continue ; then shall they be above all, 
because all things are subject unto them. Then shall 
they be Gods, because they have all power, and the 
angels are subject unto them. 

8. Verily, verily I say unto you, except ye abide my 
law, ye cannot attain to this glory ; for strait is the gate, 
and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and 
continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, 
because ye receive me not in the world, neither do ye 
know me. But if ye receive me in the world, then shall 
ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation, that where 
I am, ye shall be also. This is eternal lives, to know the 
only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ whom he hath 
sent. I am He. Receive ye, therefore, my law.* Broad 
is the gate and wide the way that leadeth to death ; and 
many there are that go in thereat, because they receive 
me not, neither do they abide in my law. 

9. Verily, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a 
wife according to my word, and they are sealed by the 
Holy Spirit of promise, according to mine appointment, 
and he or she shall commit any sin or transgression of the 
new and everlasting covenant whatever, and all manner of 
blasphemies, and if they commit no murder, wherein they 
shed inncent blood, yet they shall come forth in J.he first 
resurrection, and enter into their exaltation ; but they 
shall be destroyed in the flesh, and shall be delivered unto 
the buffetings of Satan unto the day of redemption, 
saith the Lord God. 

10. The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which 
shall not be forgiven in the world, nor out of the world, 

* " I AM He ! Receive ye therefore My law." This is the 
vertical point of Mormon blasphemy. 

The IVoj'ks of AbrahaiJi. 105 

is in that ye commit murder, wherein ye shed innocent 
blood, and assent unto my death, after ye have received 
my new and everlasting covenant, saith the Lord God, 
and he that abideth not this law can in in no wise enter 
into my glory, but shall be damned, saith the Lord. 

11. I am the Lord thy God, and will give unto thee 
the law of my Holy Priesthood, as was ordained by me 
and my father, before the world was. Abraham received 
all things, whatsoever he received, by revelation and com- 
mandment, by my word, saith the Lord, and hath entered 
into his exaltation, and sitteth upon his throne. 

12. Abraham received promises concerning his seed, 
and of the fruit of his loins — -from whose loins ye'^ are, 
namely, my servant Joseph — which were to continue so long 
as they were in the world ; and as touching Abraham and 
his seed, out of the world, they shall continue; both in 
the world and out of the world should they continue as 
innumerable as the stars; or if ye were to count the sand 
upon ths sea-shore, ye could not number them. ' This 
promise is yours also, because v<? are of A bra ha jn, and the 
promise was made unto Abraham ; and by this law are 
the continuation of the works of my Father, wherein He 
glorifieth himself. Goj'^, therefore, and do the works of 
Abraham ; enter ye into my law, and ye shall be saved. 
But it ye enter not into my law, ye cannot receive the 
promises of my Father, which He made unto Abraham. 

13. God commanded Abraham, and Sarah gave Ha- 
gar to Abraham to wife.t And why did she do it? Because 
this was the law, and from Hagar sprang many people. 
This, therefore, was fulfilling, among other things, the 
promises. Was Abraham, therefore, under condemnation ? 
Verily, I say unto you, Nay; for I, the Lord, commanded 

* Ye \s Joseph, 

f Joe's inspired translation and correction of the Holy Scriptures, 
Genesis, i6th chapter, runs, " God does not acktio7vledge Hagar as 
Abrani's wife.'''' Joe's inspired Bible correction "was begun in June, 1 830, 
and finished July 2, 1833." It was Rigdon's work. The Lord (we are 
told) revealed polygamy to Joe as early as 183 1. At that time He does 
not acknowledge Hagar as Abram's wife. He does, though, on the 
I2th July, 1843 — "fo^ I the Lord commanded" that Sarah give Hagar 
to Abraham to wife. Who forgets? Does Joe, or his " pard ? " 

io6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

it. Abraham was commanded to offer his son Isaac ; 
nevertheless, it was written, Thou shalt not kill. Abra- 
ham, however, did not refuse, and it was accounted unto 
him for righteousness. 

14. Abraham received concubines, and they bare him 
children, and it was accounted unto him for righteous- 
ness, because they were given unto him, and he abode in 
my law; as Isaac also, and Jacob did none other things 
than that which they were commanded ; and because they 
did none other things than that which they were com- 
manded, they have entered into their exaltation, according 
to the promises, and sit upon thrones, and are not angels, 
but are Gods. David also received many wives and 
concubines, as also Solomon, and Moses my servant, as 
also many others of my servants, from the beginning of 
creation until this time ; and in nothing did they sin, 
save in those things which they received not of me. 

15. David's wives and concubines were given unto 
him, of me, by the hand of Nathan, my servant, and 
others of the prophets who had the keys of this power ; 
and in none of these things did he sin against me, save 
in the case of Uriah and his wife ; and therefore he hath 
fallen from his exaltation and received his portion, and he 
shall not inherit them out of the world, for I gave them 
unto another, saith the Lord. 

16. I am the Lord thy God, and I gave unto thee my 
servant Joseph, an appointment, and restore all things ; 
ask what ye will, and it shall be given unto you, accord- 
ing to my word : and as ye have asked concerning adul- 
tery * — verily, verily I say unto you, if a man receiveth 
a wife in the new and everlasting covenant, and if she be 
with another man, and I have not appointed unto her by 
the holy anointing, f she hath committed adultery, and 
shall be destroyed. If she be not in the new and ever- 
lasting covenant, and she be with another man, she has 
committed adultery ; and if her husband be with another 
woman, and he was under a vow, he hath broken his vow, 

* And well you might, Joseph ! 

t Here's where my servant's little oil-bottle comes in; a few 
drops make adultery all right. 

Adultery, Cove7iants and Anointings. 107 

and hath committed adultery ; and if she hath not com- 
mitted adultery, but is innocent, and hath not broken her 
vow, and she knoweth it, and I reveal it unto you, my 
servant Joseph, then shall you have power, by the power 
of my Holy Priesthood, to take her, and give her unto 
him that hath not committed adultery, but hath been 
faithful, for he shall be made ruler over many ; for I have 
conferred upon you the keys and power of the priesthood, 
wherein I restore all things, and make known unto you all 
things in due time.* 

17. And verily, verily I say unto you, that whatsoever 
you seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven, and whatso- 
ever you bind on earth, in my name, and by my word, 
saith the Lordj it shall be eternally bound in the heavens : 
and whosesoever sins you remit on earth shall be remitted 
eternally in the heavens ; and whosesoever sins you retain 
on earth shall be retained in heaven. 

18. And again, verily I say, whomsoever you bless I 
will bless ; and whomsoever you curse I will curse, saith 
the Lord, for I, the Lord, am thy God. 

19. And again, verily I say unto you, my servant Jo- 
seph, that whatsoever you give on earth, and to whomso- 
ever you give anyone on earth, by my word, and according 
to my law, it shall be visited with blessings and not curs- 
ings, and with my power, saith the Lord, and shall be 
without condemnation on earth, and in heaven ; for I am 
the Lord thy God, and will be with thee even unto the 
end of the world, and through all eternity ; for verily I 
seal upon you your exaltation, and prepare a throne for 
you in the kingdom of my Father, with Abraham, your 
father. Behold, I have seen your sacrifices, f and will 
forgive all your sins ; I have seen your sacrifices in 
obedience to that which I have told you : Go, therefore, 
and I make a way for your escape, as I accepted the 
offering of Abraham, of his son Isaac. 

20. Verily I say unto you, a commandment I give unto 
mine handjnaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have 

* What devilish trickery and doings of the Lord's Anointed 
servants and handmaids are here hinted at I Lust in labyrintho. 
f But be sure to take a white dog, and not a white sheep ! 

io8 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

given unto you, that she stay herself, a7id partake not of 
that which I commanded you to offer unto her,^ for I did 
it, saith the Lord, to prove you all, as I did Abraham ; 
and that I might require an offering at your hand, by 
covenant and sacrifice : and let mine handmaid Emma 
Smith receive all those that have been given unto my 
servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me ; 
and those who are not pure and have said they were 
pure, shall be destroyed saith the Lord God, for I am the 
Lord thy God, and ye shall obey my voice ; and I give 
unto my servant Joseph, that he shall be made ruler 
over many things, for he hath been faithful over a few 
things, and from henceforth I will strengthen him.f 

2T. And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, 
to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none 
else. But if she will not abide this commandment, she 
shall be destroyed, saith the Lord, for I am the Lord thy 
God, and luill destroy her if she abide not in my law ; but 
if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my 
servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said,! 
and I will bless him and multiply him, and give to him a 
hundred-fold in this world, of fathers and mothers, § 
brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, 
and crowns of eternal lives in the eternal worlds. And 
again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant 
Joseph HIS TRESPASSES, and then shall she be forgiven her 
trespasses, wherein she has trespassed against me, and I, 
the Lord thy God, will bless her and multiply her and 
make her heart to rejoice. 

2 2. And again, I say, let not my servant Joseph put 

* I will explain this. Conspicuous among " all the women," Joe 
"wanted," was pretty Jane Law; and in " General" William Law's 
house Emma had once sought refuge after a pitched battle with Mine 
Anointed. A transfer of marital partners was at one time on the tapis, 
but Emma would not be induced to " partake." This I have from one 
who personally knew of the proposed swap. Oh, those " special in- 
structions I" 

t That will not be amiss under the circumstances ! 

X That means, I suppose, put her away and provide for her. 

\ -in-law ? ' , 

Concubines in Round Numbejs. 109 

his property out of his hands,* lest an enemy come and 
destroy him, for Satan seeketh to destroy : for I am the 
Lord thy God, and he is my servant, and behold ! and lo, 
I am with him, as I was with Abraham, thy father, even 
unto his exaltation and glory. 

23. Now, as touching the law of the priesthood, there 
are many things pertaining thereunto. Verily, if a man 
be called of my Father, as was Aaron, by mine own voice, 
and by the voice of him that sent me, and I have 
endowed him with the keys of the power of the priesthood, 
if he do anything in my name and according to my law, 
and by my word, he will not commit sin, and I will justify 
him. Let no one therefore set 07t my servant Joseph,'^ for 
I will justify him, for he shall do the sacrifice which I 
require at his hands for his transgressions, saith the Lord 
your God. 

24. And again, as pertaining to the law of the priest- 
hood ; If a man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse 
another, and the first give her consent; and if he espouse 
the second and they are virgins, and have vowed to no 
other man, then is he justified ; he cannot commit adultery, 
for they are given unto him ; for he cannot commit 
adultery with that that belongeth unto him, and to none 
else ; and if he have ten j virgins gi^en unto him by this 
law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, 
and they are given unto him — therefore is he justified. 
But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is 
espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed 
adultery, and shall be destroyed ; for they are given unto 
him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my 
commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given 
by my Father before the foundation of the world ; and 
for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may 

* Had mine Handmaid Emma insisted upon a division of the 
property ? 

f Joe here hurls his pard in the teeth of those of his friends who, 
like William Law, opposed strongly his "new and everlasting 
covenant " of celestial whoredom. 

X John Taylor had fulfilled the law to the letter, when he denied 

no Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

bear the souls of men ; for herein is the work of my 
Father continued, that He may be glorified. 

25. And again, verily, verily I say unto you, if any 
man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he 
teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, as pertaining 
to these things, then shall she believe,"^ and administer 
unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your 
God, for I will destroy her ; for I will magnify my name 
upon all those who receive and abide in my law. There- 
fore it shall be lawful in me, if she receive not this law, 
for him to receive all things f whatsoever I, the Lord his 
God, will give unto him because she did not believe and 
administer unto him according to my word ; and she then 
becomes the transgressor, and he is exempt from the law 
OF Sarah, who administered unto Abraham according to 
the law when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to 
wife. And now as pertaining to this law, verily, verily 
I say unto you I will reveal more unto you hereafter, 
therefore, let this suffice for the present. Behold, I am 
Alpha and Omega, Amen. 

* That is the free consent of Mormon women; they shalt believe, 
or be destroyed. 

f So Mormon women are things, are they? and the Mormon 
priest may have "all the women he wants," his first thing of a wife 
consenting or not. 

Night Work of the Nauvoo City Police. in 


Hyrum Smith — Easily Celestialized—John D. Lee, the 
Pious and Cautious Danite — Night Scenes in Nau- 
voo — Nine Fresh Wives in One Year — Brigham 
Young as ' ' Polyg ' ' in Nauvoo — Character of Hy- 
rum — William Smith, the Apostolic Brute, Criminal ^ 
and Pious Writer. 

Hyrum Smith, born February ii, 1800, was a little 
better than Prophet Joe, and William, born March 13, 
181 1, was worse than the prophet. Like Joe, they had 
never been engaged in any honest profession or work, but 
were money-diggers and vagabonds, and joined heart and 
hand in the great imposture of the prophet. 

Hyrum was one of the first to go into polygamy, after 
Joseph had received the '^ revelation " from his accom- 
modating Lord. John D. Lee tells us in his " Confes- 
sion" how he was initiated by the Patriarch Hyrum 
into the " new law : " 

*'One day the chief of police came to me and said 
that I must take two more policemen that he named and 
watch the house of a widow named Clawson. I was in- 
formed that a man went there nearly every night about 
ten o'clock and left about daylight. I was also ordered 
to station myself and my men near the house, and when 
the man came out we were to knock him down and cas- 
trate him, and not to be careful how hard we hit, for it 
would not be inquired into if vv^e killed him. I felt a 
timidity about carrying out these orders. It was my duty 
to report all unusual orders that I received from my 
superiors on the police force, to the Prophet Joseph 
Smith, or in his absence to Hyrum, next in authority. 
I went to the house of the prophet, but he was not at 
home. I then called for Hyrum and he gave me an inter- 
view. I told him the orders that I had received from the 

112 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

chief and asked him if I should obey or not. He said to 
me : ' Brother Lee, you have acted wisely in listening to 
the voice of the spirit. It was the influence of God's 
spirit that sent you here. You would have been guilty of 
a great crime if you had obeyed your chief's orders.' 
Hyrum then told me that the man that I was ordered to 
attack was Howard Egan, and that he had been sealed to 
Mrs. Clawson, and that their marriage was a most holy 
one ; that it was in accordance to a revelation that the 
prophet had recently received direct from God. He 
then explained to me fully the doctrine of polygamy, and 
wherein it was permitted, and why it was right. I was 
greatly interested in the doctrine. It accorded exactly 
with my views of the Scripture, and I at once accepted 
and believed in the doctrine as taught by the revelations 
received by the prophet. As a matter of course, I did 
not carry out the orders of the chief. I had him in- 
structed in his duty, and so Egan was never bothered 
by the police. A few months after that I was sealed to 
my second wife. I was sealed to her by Brigham Young, 
then one of the twelve. In less than one year after I 
first learned the will of God concerning the fnarriage of 
the Saints I was the htisband of nine wives.'' — [Lee, 
p. 288.] 

In course of time, Lee, the worthy disciple of Joe, 
Hyrum and Brigham, had nineteen wives and sixty-four 
children ; which constitutes, in the Mormon idea, a good, 
middle-sized ''kingdom." It must have been an inter- 
esting life in Nauvoo ; it might look very "celestial" to 
the Mormon leaders, but it looks like a beastly pandemon- 
ium to a stupid Gentile. Policeman Lee takes nine wives 
in a twelvemonth ! " Joseph never had any other wife 
except me," says Sister Emma on her death-bed ! '' The 
Prophet Joseph had eighty, a hundred, or more, wives 
sealed to him," says one of our witnesses ! " Polygamy — 
touch it, and you trample upon our religious rights guar- 
anteed to us by the Constitution," shout Mormon men 
and women, in grand chorus I 

Lee says (p. 167): "Plural marriages were not »iade 
public. They had to be kept still. A young man did not 

Danitc Lee Guards Danite Brigham. 113 

know when he was talking to a single woman. As far as 
Brigham Young was concerned, he had no wives at his 
house, except his first wife, or the one that he said was his 
first wife. Many a night have I gone with him, arm in 
arm, and guarded him while he spent an hour or two with 
his young brides, then guarded him home and guarded 
his house until one o'clock, when I was relieved." 

But to return to Hyrum Smith. Mrs. Sarah Pratt says 
of him : *' He was smarter than Joseph, always inclined 
to mercy, no drinker, and a tolerable speaker. He liked 
good horses and was a good rider." Another witness 
says : " Hyrum was rather reticent and dignified, en- 
tirely different from Joseph in his disposition. Joseph 
and Hyrum loved each other very much and had great 
confidence in each other." A third witness states: 
'' Hyrum was gentlemanlike in appearance and manners : 
he was a great fanatic in Mormonism, but had more 
general knowledge than Joseph." 

The following letter, dated February 15, 1844— a year 
after Wm. Clayton's walk with the prophet — shows clearly 
that Hyrum Smith was a full-grown Jesuit. He lies 
directly and horribly about polygamy in Nauvoo, and then 
proceeds to instruct the elders to teach nothing but the 
*' first principles" of the gospel, faith in Jesus Christ, bap- 
tism for the remission of sins, etc., all the sweet things 
called '' milk for babies " from the pulpit, while polygamy, 
Danitism, treasonable endowments, blind obedience to the. 
priesthood, etc., the ''meat for strongmen" are preached 
and practiced secretly for the benefit of the prophet and 
his next friends. All those things are holy mysteries to be 
taught when the fools are fixed and gathered to Zion. The 
same dodge has always been used on the outside and is 
used to-day by the missionaries everywhere. Here is Hy- 
rum's letter, copied from page 474 of the Times and Sea- 
sons : * 

Nauvoo, March 15, 1844. 

To the Brethren of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 
living on China Creek, Hancock Co., 6';r^/m^.-— Whereas, Brother 
Richard Hewitt has called upon me to-day, to know my views concern- 
ing some doctrines that are preached in your place, and states to me that 

114 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

some of your elders say that a man having a certain priesthood may 
have as many wives as he pleases, and that doctrine is taught here : I 
say unto you that that man teaches false doctrine, for there is no 
such doctrine taught here ; neither is there any such thing practiced 
here. And any man that is found teaching privately or publicly any 
such doctrine, is culpable, and v^'xW stand a chance to be brought before 
the High Council and lose his license and membership also : There- 
fore, he had better beware what he is about. 

And again I say unto you, an elder has no business to undertake 
to PREACH MYSTERIES in any part of the world, for God has com- 
manded us all to preach nothing but the first principles unto 
the world. Neither has any elder any authority to preach any myste- 
rious thing to any branch of the church, unless he has a direct covunand- 
ment from God to do so. Let the matter of the grand councils of 
heaven, and the making of Gods, worlds, and devils entirely alone : 
for you are not called to teach any such doctrine-^cr fieither you nor 
the people are capacitated to tmderstand any such principles — less so to 
teach them. For when God commands men to teach such principles 
the Saints will receive them. Therefore, beware what you teach ! for 
the mysteries of God are not given to all men ; and unto those to 
whom they are given they are placed under restrictions to impart only 
such as God will command them ; and the residue is to be kept in a 
faithftd breast, otherwise he will be brought under condemnation. By 
this God will prove his faithful servants who will be called and num- 
bered with the chosen. 

And as to the celestial glory, all will enter in and possess that 
Kingdom that obey the gospel, and continue in faith in the Lord unto 
the end of his days. Now, therefore, I say unto you, you must cease 
preaching your miraculous things, and let the mysteries alone until 
bye and bye. Preach faith in the Lord Jesus Christ ; repentance and 
baptism for the remission of sins ; the laying on of hands for the gift 
of the Holy Ghost ; teaching the necessity of strict obedience unto 
these principles ; reasoning out of the Scriptures ; proving them unto 
the people. Cease your schisms and divisions and your contentions. 
Humble yourselves as in dust and ashes, lest God should make you an 
ensample of his wrath unto the surrounding world. Amen. 
In the bonds of the everlasting covenant, I am. 

Your obedient servant, 

Hyrum Smith. 

I don't know, but this letter seems to me one of the 
most meaty li^le documents in the history of Mormon- 
dom. Talk of the sincerity of those sleek chaps ! They 
seal and get sealed, right and left, that it seems a sort of 
regular exercise for them, as playing at skittles is for pleth- 
oric gentlemen — but there is not '' any such thing practiced 
here ! ' ' The mysteries are for Joe, Hyrum, Kimball, 

Maki?ig Gods, Worlds and Devils. 115 

Brigham, policeman Lee and other ''chosen" ones, po- 
hcemen or not; they are the Lord's confidential employes 
ni the department for ''the making of Gods, worlds and 
devils "—for it seems they make devils too : I take this as 
a delicate allusion to the swearing in of Danites and 
Destroying A ?igels. "The making of Gods, worlds and 
devils ! " Am I not right in saying that they are a set of 
mfernal scoundrels, but at the same time immensely 
funny ? 

When Aminadab writes this at once rascally and non- 
sensical piece of a Jesuitical denial, he is over head and 
ears m polygamy himself. We have seen him on July 
12, 1843, using all his influence with Joe to make him 
write the revelation. At or about this time the saintly 
Hyrum gets sealed to his own sister-in-law, a widow, 
apparently a good, simple soul of the type of the old 
spinster who gives fifteen hundred dollars to Joseph in 
Kirtland. She is yet alive, poor soul, over eighty years 
old and has only recently* published her little sealing 
story in the church organ. This is so characteristic that 
I cannot help inserting it here. It is directed to Joseph 
Smith, son of the prophet, and president of the reorgan- 
ized Mormon church, which denies Joseph's having been 
a polygamist : 

" After having asked my Father in heaven to aid me, I sit down to 
write a few lines as dictated by the Holy Spirit. My beloved husband, 
R. B. Thompson, your father's [the Prophet's] private secretary to the 
end of his mortal life, died August 27, 1841. Nearly two years after 
his death your father [the prophet] told me that my husband had 
appeared to him several times, telling him that he did not wish me to 
hve such a lonely life and wished him to request your uncle Hyrum to 
have me sealed to him for time. Hyrum communicated this to his 
wife (my sister), who, by request, opened the subject to me, when 
everything within me rose in opposition to such a step ; but when your 
father [the prophet] called and explained the subject to me, I dared 
not refuse to obey the counsel, lest, peradventure, I should be found 
fighting against God ; and especially when he told me the last time my 
husband appeared to him, he came ivith such potver, that it made him 

A very pretty novel. Hyrum likes the widow, so 

*Deseret News, February 6. 1886. 

ii6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Joseph has to get a dream, and then not Hyrum, but Mrs. 
Hyrum has to do the wooing. Mrs. Hyrum obeys coun- 
sel, but Mrs. Thompson hesitates, so Joseph has to labor 
with her personally, and he does so, fortified by the 
remembrance of that bleeding Spaniard. I see him sitting 
with Mrs. Thompson and telling her, with whdit poiner the 
spirit of poor Mr. Thompson came to him, so that he 
made even a prophet tremble and shake ; and I see poor 
Mrs. Thompson listening with wide-open eyes. The fix- 
ing moment for the fools has arrived : 

" He [Joseph] then inquired of the Lord what he should do ; the 
answer was, ' Go and do as my servant [the late lamented Mr. Thomp- 
son] has required.' Joseph then took an opportunity of communicat- 
ing this to your uncle Hyrum, who told me that the Holy Spirit rested 
upon him [Joseph] from the crown of his head to the soles of his 

This little passage proves clearer than anything that 
the force of Mormonism lies in the superstition of simple 
souls, the devotion of loving hearts, the best instincts and 
purest virtues of womanhood. Mrs. Thompson cannot 
resist the command of a man v/ho is steeped in Holy Ghost 
as Achilles was in Lethe water. So the sealing humbug gets 
performed : 

" The time was appointed with the consent of all parties, and your 
father [the prophet] sealed me to your uncle [Hyrum] for time, in my 
sister's [Mrs. Hy rum's] room, ivitk a covenant to deliver vie up in the 
morning of the rt:surrection to Robert Blaskel Thompsott, with what- 
ever offspritig should be the result of that union, and I remained his 
wife, the same as my sister, to the day of his death. 

[Signed,] <* Mercy R. Thompson. 
Oh, you lucky dog of a Blaskel, won't you jump for 
joy when Hyrum, the martyred patriarch, steps up in the 
morning of the resurrection and hands the old woman 
over to you, Blaskel, with" a pair of kids! ''I had her 
for time, Blaskel," will he say, with a voice vibrating with 
Pecksniff emotion ^ : ''I would have kept her longer and 
the offspring V'i.X be more satisfactory as to number, if 
the hellish moi iVc<-:^.n't shot me at Carthage. But never 
mind, Blaskel, she is now yours for all eternity ; take her. 
By the way, let me introduce you to the Lord who sits 
yonder chatting with David Patten, our first martyr." 

An Oily Apostolic Rascal. 


William Smith, who became an apostle of the church 
was a horrible character. Drinking, fighting, and ruining 
virtuous females by the wholesale, were his saint-lik? 
occupations. He was the chief manager of the organized 
system of horse and cattle stealing constantly practiced 
on the ''Gentile" neighborhood of the Mormon settle- 
ments, and in the distribution of counterfeit money 
You might call him a professor of the art of ^' milkinp- 
the Gentiles:; He is yet alive, if I am not mistaken; 
and more pious than ever. I have a very oily little 
pamphlet, written by him, about the origin of the Book 
of Mormon. * He shows in it that he can lie to perfec- 
tion, just like old Mother Smith and Joe. The little 
book contains a pretty good likeness of Lucy Smith, 
the mother of so many holy men. She looks just like 
her bookt on Joseph, the prophet. 


Joseph a Mag7iet—Rigdon the real Inventor of Mormomsni—- 
Frightful Accident with the Keys of the Kingdom- 
Joseph the Wrestler and Rigdon the Cr aw -Fish— Nan- 
cy Rigdon— Criminal Masonry— A Hundred Thousand 
Dollars in Gold— Sidney Predicts Joseph in the Bible- 
Sad End of the Fi?'st Mormon Fanatic. 

It becomes now our duty to have a little chat about 
Joseph's friends. The prophet was a magnet of the great- 
est force for all kinds of adventurers, for '' Catilinarian 
existences;' as Prince Bismarck would say. Already, when 
a boy in Palmyra and Manchester, he was captain of a 

* Published in Lamoni, Iowa, 1883. 

tBy a bull from Pope Brigham this very edifying little volume 
was ordered to be destroyed. In Yankee slang, it unwittingly let too 
many cats out of the Mormon bag. ' 

ii8 Mor?non Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

band of vagabonds, petty thieves and swindlers, and lived 
with them on the credulity and cupidity of the neighbor- 
hood. To live on the spoils of dupes became the princi- 
ple of his life. Men broken in business, others with half 
education and spoiled reputations, reckless fortune-seekers 
ready to embark in any scheme that would feed and clothe 
them — all were welcome to join the new gospel, but under 
condition to obey counsel, that is, to become slaves of 
Joseph, and to be, heart and soul, professors of the great 
fundamental imposture, the lie about the golden- plates, 
the apparitions of angels, etc. 

Sidney Rigdon, a farmer's son, and tanner by trade, 
later a Campbeliite preacher, had three prominent qualities: 
I. He was half illiterate; no education is better than 
half a one. 2. He was a fanatic: theocracy, community 
of goods, spiritual wifery (marrying for eternity) were his 
chief hobbies. 3. He was entirely unprincipled : 'any 
means that would lead him to a position of ease and 
importance, were welcome. So constituted, having 
obtained possession of Spaulding's ''Manuscript Found," he 
got Smith to publish it. The Mormon leaders try to ridi- 
cule the " Spaulding romance;" but if anything is proved 
in history, the story of the conversion of Spaulding' s 
^'Manuscript Found" into the Book of Mormon is proved. 
Sidney having very littl? education and Smith none at all, 
the imposture turned out a very clumsy one. But it is 
clever enough for the kind of proselytes the Mormon mis- 
sionaries angle for, foreign peasants and the poorest ele- 
ments of manufacturing towns. It is always to be remem- 
bered that the missionaries do not hold out the "Book of 
Mormon," but bait their hooks with the ''gospel of Christ," 
with "purity, love, brotherhood," etc. The Book of 
Mormon was originally the work of a dullard, and i 
not and will never be anything but a stupid, tasteless, 
ridiculous travesty of the Bible, the most somniferous of all 
existing books. 

Sidney was the most self-conceited crank of the cen- 
tury. He was a coarse, ready, gabbling speaker, with 
some slight, very slight pretensions as a writer, on Bible 
themes; but, as one who knew him well said of him, was 

^^ Build Me a Neiv House.'' 119 

^^ wholly lackifig in the moral fnake-up.'' His picture 
reminds me of some ancient, seedy, half-dazed Israelite, 
with a strong admixture of the Jesuit. But the only pic- 
ture I have seen of him was taken in later life. Sidney 
used to say he had suffered ten times as much as Jesus 
Christ. But the great martyr liked fine clothes, gold 
watches, and good comfortable houses. He made his 
dupes provide him with all these luxuries ; if they hesitat- 
ed, he threatened that the " Keys " would be taken away 
from the church. 

A day or two after the tarring and feathering of '' my 
servants Sidney and Joseph " in Hiram, Ohio, March 25, 
1832, the ''Keys of the Kingdom" are taken in earnest 
from the church by my servant Sidney. Let me give a 
page here from old Lucy's inimitable chronicle : 

" Immediately after Sidney's arrival, we met for the purpose of 
holding a prayer meeting, and, as Sidney had not been with us for 
some time, we hoped to hear from him upon this occasion. We waited 
a long time before he made his appearance ; at last he came in, seem- 
ingly much agitated. He did not go to the stand, but began to pace 
back and forth through the house. My husband said : ' Brother Sid- 
ney, we would like to hear a discourse from you to-day.' Rigdon 
replied in a tone of excitement : ' The Keys of the Rlttgdom are rent 
from the church, and there shall not be a prayer put up in this house 
to-day.' ' Oh ! no,' said Mr. Smith, 'I hope not.' ' I tell you they are,' 
rejoined Elder Rigdon, ' and no man or woman shall put up a prayer 
in this place to-day.' This greatly disturbed the minds of many sisters 
and some brethren. The brethren stared and turned pale and the sisters 
cried ; sister Howe, in particular, was very much terrified. ' Oh, dear 
me !' said she, ' what shall we do ? What shall we do ? The Keys of 
the Kingdofu are taken from tis, and what shall we do ? ' 'I tell you 
again,' said Sidney, with much feeling, ' the Keys of the Kingdom are 
taken from you, and you never will have them again tmtil you build 
me a new house.'' " • 

This is a delightful little scene. Mr. and Mrs. Micaw- 
ber Smith are excited ; Mrs. Gummidge Howe weeps over 
the lost Keys, and Sidney, (who is still smarting from the 
tar and feathers, and mad because his dupes bave not pro- 
vided him a suitable private residence in Kirtland) crushes 
all those weak creatures with the "firmness" of a Murd- 
stone. A new house, or the Keys are gone! O those 
wonderful Keys in Mormonism ! 

I20 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

The situation is critical. Brother Hyrum jumps on 
horseback to fetch the prophet from Hiram, where Rigdon 
and Joe have been translating and revelating. Joseph 
comes at once, and puts things in order. "I myself," 
says he, ''hold the keys of this last dispensation, and will 
forever hold them, both in time and eternity ; so set your 
hearts at rest upon that point; all is right." Sister Howe 
could breathe again, the Keys were not lost. Sidney was 
duly disciplined, and even permitted his license to be 
taken from him ''for having lied in the name of the 
Lord." My servant Sidney had opened his foaming 
mouth too wide, and had incontinently put his foot in it ! 
Nor was this all. " He had to suffer for his folly," says 
old Lucy, "for, according to his own account, he was 
dragged out of bed by the devil, three times in one night, 
by his heels." 

Comedies of Errors in that kind were by no means 
rare between Joseph and his Mentor. Sidney, twelve 
years Joseph's senior, tried to play the first violin now 
and again, but Joseph always put him back among the 
common fiddlers of his gospel orchestra. John D. Lee 
tells a very lively and amusing story of " a tussle between 
the prophet and his mouthpiece," which happened in the 
"war" between Missourians and Mormons, in 1838. 

"During the time that we were camping at Adam- 
ondi-Ahman the men were shivering over a few fire- 
brands, feeling out of sorts and quite cast down. The 
prophet came up while the brethren were moping around, 
and caught first one of them and then another and shook 
them up and said : ' Get out of here and wrestle, jump, 
run, do anything but mope around, warm yourselves up; 
this inactivity will not do for soldiers.' The words of the 
prophet put life and energy into the men. A ring was 
soon formed. The prophet stepped into the ring, ready 
for a tussle with any comer. Several went into the ring 
to try their strength, but each one was thrown by the 
prophet, until he had thrown several of ihe stoutest of the 
men present. Then he stepped out of the ring and took 
a man by the arm and led him to take his place, and so it 
continued, the men who were thrown retiring in favor of 

Joseph Pitches Into His Mouthpiece. 


the successful one. While the sport was at its height, 
Sidney Rigdon, the mouthpiece of the prophet, rushed 
into the ring, s7vord in hand, and said that he would not 
suffer a lot of men to break the Sabbath day in that 
manner. For a moment all were silent, then one of the 
brethren with more presence of mind than the others, 
said to the prophet: 'Brother Joseph, we want you to 
clear us from blame, for, we formed the rin^ by your 
request.^ You told us to wrestle, and now Brother Rigdon 
is bringing us to account for it.' 

j'The prophet walked into the ring and said, as he 
made a motion with his hand : ' Brother Sidney, you had 
better go out of here and let the bovs alone; they are 
amusing themselves according to my orders. You are an 
old man. \ou go and get ready for meeting, and let the 
boys alone.' Just then, catching Rigdon off his guard, 
as quick as a flash he knocked the sword from Rigdon's 
hand, then caught him by the shoulder and said : ' Now 
old man, you must go out, or I will throw you down ' 
Kigdon was as large a man as 'the propliet, but not so tall 
ihQ prospect of a tussle between the prophet and his 
mouthpiece was fun for all but Rigdon, who pulled back 
like a craw-fish; but the resistance was useless, the 
prophet dragged him from the ring, bareheaded, and tore 
his hne pulpit coat from the collar to the waist. Then he 
turned to the men and said : ' Go in, boys, and have your 
tun. You shall never have it to say that I got you into 
any trouble that I did not get you out of.' Rigdon com- 
plained about the.loss of his hat and the tearing of his 
coat. Joseph said to him : ' You were out of your place 
Always keep your place and you will not suffer. You 
have no one to blame but yourself.' After that Rigdon 
never countermanded the orders of the prophet— ^^ knew 
who 7vas boss. ' ' 

This is surely as good a portrait of the two impostors 
as was ever drawn. As to Rigdon's personal appearance, 
my witnesses tell me that he was rather good-looking and 
gentlemanly" m his ways; of stoutish build. He had 
a pretty and charming wife. Nancy, his daughter, was an 
attractive, good girl, like her sisters ; their mother had 

122 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph S?nith. 

given them a good education. Joseph took a fancy to 
Nancy. He got her to that "often engaged" room, 
where he tried to make of Martha Brotherton, a hand- 
some, high-strung English girl, one of the concubines of 
the inner circle of the priesthood, (See the most dra- 
matic account of Martha in the Documents at the end of 
Part I.) 

Nancy, that stubborn wretch, refused to h^ sealed to 
the man who tried to make prostitutes of ail the wives 
and daughters of his friends. The story of his attempt 
upon her virtue made a great noise in Nauvoo : read the 
very graphic account of it in Bennett's book. Sidney, 
while in Nauvoo, had become a sedate man of about fifty 
years. He liked spiritual wifery, but in a discreet way, 
you see, and he felt that Joseph was doing things too 
boisterously and that it would lead them all to the dem- 
nition bow-wows, so to speak. And as to giving away his 
own daughter, he objected to that, of course, although he 
liked a little frolicking with. other people's daughters well 

As a speaker Rigdon outdid Joseph by far. He 
spoke very rapidly, and used to get tremendously ex- 
cited, so that he foamed at the mouth. Jedediah Grant 
became in Utah his successor in this beastly fury. 

As a good specimen of Rigdon's chaste pulpit style, 
which I find emulated by Joe, Brigham, Heber C. Kimball, 
^'Jeddy" Grant, John Taylor, and the lesser Mormon 
lights, take the following passage from Rigdon's Con- 
ference speech, April 6, 1844, as given in the Times and 
Seasons, p. 524: "I want devils to gratify themselves; 
and if howling, yelping, yelling will do you any good, 
do it till you are all damned. If calling us devils, etc., 
will do you any good, let us have the whole of it, and 
you can then go on your own way to hell without a 
grunt." And this set of piratical ruffians, not content 
with calling themselves a ''church," want to be church 
and State in one. Says Rigdon in the same speech, 
"When God sets up a system of salvation, he sets up a 
syste?n of government; when I speak of a government, I 
mean what I say, I mean a government that shall rule 

Mormonisj7i in a Nutshell. 123 

over TEMPORAL and spiritual affairs. . Every man is a 
government of himself, and infringes on no government. 
A man is not an honorable man if he is not above all law 
and above government. The laws of God are far akove 
THE laws of the LAND." Here you have Mormonism in 
a nutshell, statesmen and students of the Mormon prob- 
lem, fresh from the lips of its real founder. 

Rigdon was the heart and soul of Mormonism in the 
first time. It was with religion just as with the Kirtland 
bank — Rigdon was president and Joseph cashier. In 
Nauvoo there came a great change. Mormonism gave up 
the strictly Scriptural dodge and turned from the parody 
of Bible to a travesty of Masonry, which is the little un- 
derstood key of Mormonism in its present state. '' Mor- 
monism is nothing but criminal masonry," said to me 
one of my most thoroughly informed witnesses. As long 
as this feature, represented in the secret endowments, is 
not understood, Mormonism will continue to be a riddle 
to the world. 

Joseph outgrew Rigdon in. Nauvoo and put him on the 
shelf. Rigdon was great with his tongue, but he lacked 
Joseph's verve and brigand daring. After Joseph's death 
Brigham, who was a born bandit, and wore, as he often 
preached in Salt Lake, a bosom pin in Nauvoo, meaning 
a big bowie knife — Brigham put Rigdon, the foaming 
pulpit hero, easily out of the field. He was kept quiet 
with a pension and threatened with Danite vengeance if 
he ever split. But he mumbled a little, anyhow, just 
enough to give away the whole thing. After leaving 
Nauvoo he told James Jeffries in St. Louis that he had 
taken Spaulding's manuscript and given it to Joseph 
Smith to publish. From that time — 1844 — up to his 
death, Mormon gold kept him quiet, just as it did in the 
cases of publisher Howe and "Dr." Hurlbut, who got 
the MS. of Spaulding's " Manuscript Found " from 
Spaulding's widow and sold out to the Mormon leaders. 

Sidney died in Pennsylvania in 1876, aged %t^, a no- 
body, and a confirmed infidel. He was wont to declare, 
when near his end, " If I had ten years more of vigorous 
life I would overthrow all religions," 

124 Mormon Po?-traits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

One more anecdote of him. At the time when 
through the zeal of noble Judge McKean, the Utah 
kingdom seemed about to collapse, Sidney wrote to 
Brigham that he would save the church if Brigham would 
give him one hundred thousand dollars in gold. Brigham 
was sick when the letter came. When he got better it 
was read to him. Rolling over in his bed slowly he 
drawled out: '* / ivonder if Sidney wouldn't take one 
hu?idred thousand dollars in greenbacks?'' I have this 
delightful little story from an ex-Mormon, who used to be 
at home at the *' Lion House." 

Let me conclude tlxis Rigdon chapter with a little 
novel of mine. It was in June, 1830. Joe and Rigdon, 
his ''Director," were sitting in some log cabin. The 
Book of Mormon was printed, the church founded. Joe 
felt good as new-established prophet. "That is all very 
well," said Sidney, ''but all is not yet done. We must 
get the old Bible \o predict you, Joe, your father and the 
Book of Mormon. Do you catch on, Joe?" The pro- 
phet opened his eyes wide. " Splendid idea, old fellow," 
says he, "But how can you manage this new trick?" 
Says Sidney : " Didn't I create a whole new Bible out of 
that stuff of old crank Spaulding? Just let me sit down 
for a while and I shall make blush all those old prophets, 
take my word for it, Joe, old boy." 

And Sidney sat down in July, 1830, and the "inspired 
translation and correction" of the good old Bible was 
finished in July, 1833. " It was all in the hand- writing of 
Sidney Rigdon," said Mr. Blair, the careful editor of Sid- 
ney's Bible, to my friend Cobb ; and Cobb said gravely, 
" Oh, thank you, much obliged." Friend C. is always much 
obliged when interesting people give themselves away, you 
see. Are they not a set of funny knaves, Sidney, Joe and 
the rest of them ? They translate everything. It would 
have been the easiest thing in the world for them to give 
us a new Homer, and prove that Achilles shot Hector with 
a cavalry pistol and that fair Helen was Paris' s spiritual 
wife ! 

But look at Rigdon, the inspired translator and correc- 
tor of the Bible : 

The Bible Predicts the 'Whole Outfit. 125 

Bible (King James translation) : 

And Joseph said unto his brethren, I die : and God will surely visit 
you and bring you out of this land unto the land which He sware unto 
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (Genesis, L., 24.) 

The Holy Scriptures, translated and corrected 
by the Spirit of Revelation, by Joseph Smith, Jr., the Seer : 

" And Joseph saith unto his Brethren, I die and go unto my 
fathers; and I go down to my grave with joy .... and it shall come 
to pass that they (my people) shall be scattered again; and a branch 
shall be broken off, and shall be carried into a far country [America] ; 
nevertheless they shall be remembered in the covenants of the Lord, 
when the Messiah cometh ; for he shall be made manifest unto them 
in the latter days .... A seej- shall the Lord my God raise up, 
who shall be a choice seer unto the fruit of my loins . . . ., and that 
seer [Mr. Joseph Smith, Jr.,] will I bless, and they that seek to destroy 
him shall be confounded ; and his name shall be called Joseph, and 
it shall be after the name of his father [Mr. Joseph Smith, Sr.] 
.... The thing which the Lord shall bring forth by his [General 
Joseph Smith's] hand shall bring my people unto salvation." 

They are all predicted, you see, old Micawber-Smith, 
and the Lieutenant-General, his son. It 's a pity they 
didn't predict Eliza and the broomstick, the log by the 
river, and Charlie, the family horse. But this is not all. 
Joseph's or rather Sidney Rigdon's inspired " correction" 
of the Bible predicts also the Book of Mormon, and not 
only Joseph Senior and Joseph Junior. Look at the pro- 
phecies of Isaiah XXIX., and compare them with the new 
inspired additions : 

"And it shall come to pass that the Lord God shall bring forth 
unto you the words of a BOOK .... and the book shall be a revela- 
tion from God, from the beginning of the world to the ending thereof 
.... The eyes of none shall behold it, save it be that three wit- 
nesses shall behold it by the power of God [Messrs. Martin Harris, 
Oliver CoM^dery and David Whitmer] ; and they shall certify to the 
truth of the book and the things therein. And woe be unto him that 
rejecteth the word of God . . . ." 

I have given enough of this woeful stuff to show the 
monumental cheek of its concoctor, Sidney Rigdon, 
Esq. Laugh I must, but graver students who feel inter- 
ested in this matter of sect-framing and lunacy-breeding 
may compare at their leisure the Bible with Rigdon's '' in- 

126 Mormon Portraits.— I. Joseph Smith. 

spired " rubbish, published by the ''re-organized " Mor- 
mon church, 1867. It seems' to me, however, that the 
prophet's son, (whobe coming forth in the latter days is 
not, strange to say, predicted in Genesis along with the 
commg forth of his honored sire and grandsire,) who is 
the visible head of the ''Reorganized Church," doesn't 
half understand the business of book-publishing. Why 
not call It "Lucy's family Bible" or, "the true Bible 
key," or, "the three-cornered family diamond ? " 

Since this was written, I have been credibly informed 
of the following facts : Rigdon, after having retired to 
Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, organized a little Mormon Eden, 
or more properly speaking, a little Mormon hell of his 
own, where community of goods, his favorite and life- 
long hobby, played an important part. He bought, after 
having obtained from a relative a loan of one thousand 
dollars, a tract of four hundred acres in the mountainous 
region of the State, intended as the 7iud€us of the true 
" Zion." This tract he laid out in lots, and his followers 
"gathered " to the place. But it was not all dry, serious 
religion what they practiced ; there was some >;/, "and 
that too most holy," to be sure. On the tract aforesaid 
was a big barn, and this barn was "ordained and set 
apart" for religious ceremonies, which were in substance 
the sanie kind of pastime indulged in by Joseph and his 
mner circle in Nauvoo, and in Southampton, England, by 
Elder Margetts. I cannot help thinking, in my Gentile 
corruption, what decent fellows those Turks are compared 
with the founders and upholders of the new and ever- 
lasting gospel. 

The Greatest Scamp in the West. 127 


The Napoleon of Naiivoo — A Modern Sejanus — A Fine 
Blessing by Hyruni Smith — '^ My Servant Bennett'' — 
Joab, General in Israel — Visits in the Historian's 
Office — Apostle Richards and other Interesting Peo- 
ple — The Author Gets a Holy Bouncing — They 
Cannot Lie — Joab Leaves Nauvoo — Dies in Obscurity. 

Dr. John C. Bennett, physician, quartermaster general, 
master in chancery, major general, mayor, chancellor of 
the Nauvoo University — this is another star, or rather, 
meteor in the history of Nauvoo. We know him already ; 
Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt has given us a portrait of him, which 
shows conclusively that one can be a great man in the 
world while he would be a very little one in the peni- 
tentiary. But I like that fellow Bennett first-rate all the 
same, in an artistic way, of course, because he is such an 
excellent type of the " Catilinarian existences " above 

Who was Dr. Bennett ? In the opinion of Governor 
Ford * he was the greatest scamp in the West. In his 
own conceit he was, if second to anybody, so only to 
Napoleon the Great. He was a physician, had some mil- 
itary knowledge, picked up God knows where, a towering 
ambition and a very keen sense of female beauty, or, to 
speak like a Mormon elder, for the blessings of Abraham, 
Jacob, Solomon and David. He thought he could use 
Joseph as a ladder to greatness, but Joseph used him as a 
tool, and when he had learned all the tricks of Bennett, 
he threw him away, as he did his first master and mentor, 
*'my servant Sidney," as he did "that old granny, 
Martin Harris." Bennett lived eighteen months in Nau- 

* See "History of Illinois." The part of this book which treats 
of the Mormons is admirable in substance and spirit. 

128 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

voo, organized the new Mormon empire, wrote the charters 
of the city and procured their passage in the State legis- 
lature ; drilled the Nauvoo legion, practiced abortion for 
the prophet, treated professionally the maladies galantes 
of the high priesthood, helped Joseph to organize the 
criminal masonry of the endowment, in which he assumed 
the role ot " Holy Ghost," was his accomplice in the at- 
tempted murder of Governor Boggs, and who knows in 
how many other schemes of this kind, and enjoyed the bless- 
ings of Isaac and Jacob, etc. But all of a sudden he fell 
like Sejanus. Yes, he fell, after having been mayor of 
the city, chancellor of the Nauvoo ''University," major- 
general of the Nauvoo Legion, and, as my homespun 
friend Webb says, '* chief cook and bottle-washer" in 
general. And why did he fall ? Look out for the u>o?nan / 
as the Frenchman has it. He and Joseph wanted, it 
seems, to shower the blessings of Abraham and Jacob on 
the same beauties. Dismissed from his high position, he 
lectured in the States against Joseph and wrote a book 
which in its theatrical pathos reminds me often of Fal-^ 
staff s excellent friend ''Pistol;" but this book* is, be- 
sides being a clever compilation of Howe's and other 
anti-Mormon publications, true in all essential points ; 
what Bennett tells is true. I had his tale confirmed by all 
my old witnesses. The only thing to be said against the 
book is the fact, that he does not tell the whole truth. 
He avoids this partly because it would damn himself, and 
then because the whole truth about Mormonism cannot be 
printed — it is too filthy for type. 

How big a light the uoctor was in Nauvoo, in the be- 
ginning of his eighteen months career, is best seen by a 
blessing pronounced on Bennett's head by Patriarch Hyrum 
Smith. I wonder whether the two augurs did not laugh 
to each other while this '^ blessing "-comedy was going 
on ? Here are son e 'id-bits of the document : 

" John C. Bennett— . i .y my hands upon thy head in the name of 
Jesus Christ, and inasnrc'i yj= thmi art a son of Abraham, I bless >'«?« 
with the holy priesthood, v. itii all its graces and gifts and with wisdom 

*The History of the Saints, or, an expose of Joe Smith and Mor- 
monism. Boston, 1842. 

Bennett's Keys and Blessings. 129 

in all the mysteries of God. Thou shalt have knowledge given thee, 
and shalt understand the keys by which all mysteries shall be un- 
locked. Thou shalt have great power among the children of men and 
shalt have influence among the great and the noble, even to prevail on 
many and bring them to the knowledge of the truth. Thou shalt 
prevail over thy enemies. Many souls shall believe because of the 
proclaniaiiim which thou shalt make. The Holy Spirit shall rest upon 
thee, insomuch that thy voice shall make the foundation on which 
thou standest to shake — so great shall be the power of God." 

This is a very fine metaphor. Hyriim has learned a 
good deal from Micawber-Smith, his father. But let him 
go on : 

"God's favor shall rest upon thee in dreams and visions, which shall 
manifest the glory of God. Beloved Brother, if thou art faithful thou 
shalt have power to heal the sick ; cause the lame to leap like an hart, 
the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak and their voice shall salute 
thine ears. Thou shalt be like unto Paul and shalt have the visions of 
heaven open, even as they were to him. 

" Thy name shall be known in many nations, and thy voice shall 
be heard among many people. Yea, unto many of the remnants of 
Israel shalt thou be known, and thou shalt proclaim the gospel unto 
many tribes of the house of Israel. 

" God is with thee and has wrought upon thy heart to come up to 
this place that thou mayest be satisfied that the servants of God dwell 
here [in Nauvoo]. God shall reward thee for thy kindness. Thou 
must travel and labor for Zion, for this is the mind and will of God. 
Be like Paul. Let God be thy shield and buckler, and he shall shield 
thee forever. Angels shall guide thee, and shall lift thee out of many 
dangers and difficulties. 

" Thou shalt have power over many of thy friends and relations, 
and shalt prevail with them, and when thou shalt reason with them, it 
shall be like Paul reasoning with Felix, and they shall tremble when 
they hear thy words. Thou shalt be blessed with the blessings of 
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob [aha], and if thou art faithful, thou shalt 
be yet a Patriarch, and the blessings thou shalt pronounce shall be 
sealed in heaven. If thou contiinie*faithful and steadfast in the ever- 
lasting covenant, thou shalt have power over the winds and the waves, 
and they shall obey thy voice wdien thou shalt speak in the name of 
Jesus Christ. Thou shalt be crowned with immortality in the celestial 
kingdom, when Christ shall descend. Even so, Amen." 

Hyrum's blessing bears the date of September 21, 1840. 
The Lord seems to have been pretty well satisfied with the 
services of the Doctor, since He speaks of him four months 
later, in a revelation dated Jan. 19, 1841, in very flattering 
terms. If a subscriber to the Times and Seasons, the 

13° Mormofi Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

church organ, the Lord must have been highly pleased in 
seeing His words printed in No. 15, Vol. II. : 

"4^^^"' ^^^ "^y servant John C. Bennett help you [Joseph] in your 
labor in sending my word to the kings of the people of the earth, and 
stand by you, even you my servant Joseph Smith in the hour of afflic- 
tion, and his reward shall not fail if he receive counsel; and for his love 
he shall be great; for he shall be mine if he does this, saith the Lord. 
I have seen the work which he hath done, which I accept, if he con- 
tinue, and will crown him with blessings and great glory." 

I see lots of interesting things in this little bit of a 
heavenly dispatch. That old "• pard " of Joe's is a wicked 
wag. Don't you see his villainous allusions? " Hour of 
affliction" — what else does it mean but those eternal" trou- 
bles with that obstinate ''legal" wife of Joe's, the elect 
lady? And, besides, doesn't it mean those disagreable 
cases whenever ''one of Joseph' s women was in trouble .? " 
Well, Bennett did surely his best to get Joe out of his 
scrapes. He advises him to get a revelation that polyga- 
my is right, and as to the other "afflictions," he does all 
a skillful physician can do in such cases. The Lord " has 
seen the work he has done," and no doubt that crooked 
mstrument, too, described by Mrs. Pratt, and He has 
'' accepted it." I have never seen anything in all my life 
which comes near this in the way of a handy, comfortable 
religion. Have you ? 

General Bennett tries, besides, to send the prophet's 
word to the kings and people of the earth. He thunders 
in the Nauvoo Wasp, a little weekly edited by Joseph's 
brother William, the prototype of all criminal brutes in 
Mormondom. Here is one of his Pistol-letters : 

The grievances of this people must be redressed and my hands shall 
help to do it — should they have to reach to the highest courts of heav- 
en, dig to the lowest bowels of hell, or encompass the broad expanse of 
the universe of God, to consummate so desirable a result. 


General in Israel. 

I hope the Lord has seen this ''work " of his servant 
Joab Bennett and accepted it. Or did he like that other 
better? It is a little more poetical : 

" Missouri has been to the Saints like the bohan upas to the weary 

The Bonapartes and Washingtons of Nauvoo. 131 

pilgrim, and though my hands be bound, my feet fettered and my 
tongue palsied, yet will I defend this people by the great power of 
God, until they shall shine in righteousness among the nations of the 
earth like a glittering gem sparkling on a maiden's brow, and be 
envied only for their good works." 

Fine, Doctor, very fine. That shows the poet and the 
scholar. But you didn't put those exquisite gems in your 
little book, you sly dog, eh ? They would not do along- 
side with vour demand for Joseph in the name of Missouri, 

Ah, it was a grand time, when the Times and Seasons 
could S2iy, ediforialiy: ''The Nauvoo Legion appeared 
in its glory and presented a beautiful appearance. It will 
soon compare with the best military organization in the 
Union. ' ' When those high-sounding ' ' General Orders 
were given, signed by Joseph Smith, Lieutenant-General, 
and John C. Bennett,* Major-General. Doesn't it read 
splendid : 

" In forming the Legion, the adjutant will observe the rank of 
companies as follows, to-wit : 

1st cohort — the flying artillery first, the lancers next and the rifle- 
men next : visiting companies of dragoons next the lancers and caval- 
ry next the dragoons." 

And that great display on the occasion of laying the 
corner stones of the new temple ! Hear it, ye nations and 
kings : 

" At eight o'clock a. m. Major-General Bennett left his quarters to 
organize and prepare the Legion for the duties of the day, which 
consisted of about fourteen companies, besides several companies from 
Iowa and other parts of the country, which joined them on this occa- 

" At half-past nine Lieutenant-General Smith was informed that 
the legion was organized and ready for review, and immediately, 
accompanied by his staff, consisting of four aid-de-camps and twelve 
guards, nearly all in splendid uniforms, took his march to the parade 
ground. On their approach they were met by the band, beautifully 
equipped, who received them with a flourish of trumpets and a regular 
salute, and then struck up a lively air, marching in front to the stand 
of the lieutenant-general. On his approach to the parade ground the 
artillery was again fired, and the legion gave an appropriate salute 
while passing. This was indeed a glorious sight, such as we never 
saw, nor did we ever expect to see such a one in the West. The rick 

132 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

and costly dresses of the officers would have become a Bonaparte or a 

"After the arrival of Lieutenant-General Smith, the ladies, who 
had made a beautiful silk flag, drove up in a carriage to present it to 
the legion. Major- General Bennett very politely attended on them, 
and conducted them in front of Lieutenant-General Smith, who 
immediately alighted fnvn his charger and walked up to the ladies, 
who presented the flag, making an appropriate address. Lieutenant- 
General Smith acknowledged the honor conferred upon the legion, 
and stated that as long as he had the command it should never be 
disgraced ; and then, politely bowing to the ladies, gave it into the 
hands of Major-General Bennett, who placed it in possession of Cornet 
Robinson, and it was soon seen gracefully waving in front of the 
legion. During the time of presentation, the band struck up a lively 
air, and another salute was fired from the artillery. After the 
presentation of the flag, Lieutenant-General Smith, accompanied by 
his suite, reviewed the legion, the different officers saluting as he 
passed. Lieutenant-General Smith then took his former stand, and 
the whole legion, by companies, passed before him in review. 

"Immediately after the review. General Bennett organized the 
procession to march to the foundations of the temple, in the following 
order, to-wit : 

Lieutenant-General Smith, 
Brigadier-Generals Law and Smith, 
Aids-de-Camp and conspicuous strangers. 
General Staff", 
Second Cohort (foot troops), 
Ladies, eight abreast. 
Gentlemen, eight abreast. 
First Cohort (horse troops), 
" The procession then began to move forward in order, and on 
their arrival at the temple block, the generals, with their staffs and 
distinguished strangers present, took their position inside the founda- 
tion, the ladies formed on the outside immediately next the walls, the 
gentlemen and infantry behind, and the cavalry in the rear. The 
assembly sung an appropriate hymn. President Rigdon then ascended 
the platform 'and delivered a suitable oration, which was listened to 
with the most profound attention by the assembly." 

Those were the glorious May-days of 1841. The 
Mormon ''Lord" felt good. Having ^^^^//^^ Bennett's 
work (and crooked instrument,) He was now to get a fine 
temple. He was happy to see so many of my servants in 
fine uniforms, and he might have thought, with a truthful 
Mormon historian, ''it is a singular fact, that after 
Washington, Joseph Smith was the first man in America 

The Prophet' s FricJid a Devil. 133 

who held the rank of lieutenant-general."* Poor, dear 
old Jehovah ! He had not had such a holiday since the 
great tnnes of General Joshua; and this splendid morning 
of the Xauvoo kingdom was a proud one for Emma and 
the ''ladies" in general. There was such a crowd of 
Bonapartes and Washingtons, thunder of artillery, soul- 
stintng martial music, polite bows, grand speeches, sweet 
smiles — it was the glorious summer of Zion, and they 
didn't dream that winter was so near. Bennett was the 
proudest of them all. Was it not all his work, his brains, 
science and experience ? He felt himself Bonaparte and 
Washington in one. The clever little fellow ! When at 
the height of his glory in Nauvoo, he was five teet five 
inches — just like Napoleon I., you know — and 142 
pounds in weight. Joseph weighed 212 pounds, and was 
six feet — Lee^says six feet two inches. 

''AH decent people in Nauvoo," says Mr. K., '"regarded 
Bennett as a perfect scoundrel." And he was the 
prophet's Pylades: was with him day and night! Mr. 
Webb says: "He was a very small, villainous-looking 
man. I hated him from sight. Ambition and women 
filled his soul." "He was full of low cunning and 
licentiousness," says Mrs. Pratt. Several well-informed 
witnesses tell me that he used to promise abortion to 
those females that objected to the "blessings of Abraham " 
on the ground of fear for the consequences. "I heard 
him preach against the Gentiles," said a lady of eighty- 
eight years to me. "He seemed raving mad. I said, 
' The fellow is a devil, ' but my friends warned me not to 
talk like that of the best friend of the prophet." 

I saw the Nauvoo Wasp in the "historian's ofiice." 
Fine, snug place for study, that ofiice. But they wouldn't 
let me study there, you see. Let me tell you how this 
"came to pass." First, I was very well received there. 
Apostle Richards, the present manager,t is as nice a 

* "And that Brigham Young was [to be] the next."— Tullidge, 
Brigham Young, p. 30. 

t Apostle Woodruff, the real "historian," is "in obscurity," as 
Apostle Richards told me. The poor old gentlemen cannot bear the 
sight of a deputy marshal. 

134 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

polygamic gentleman as I have met in Utah. lie has a 
young clerk who tries, in a really touching manner, to 
outdo Uriah Heep in the pleasant and useful art of 
grinning. I saw other interesting people there; for 
instance, Elder Jaques, who is as grim as Minos. His 
last smile must have happened somewhere in 1850. And 
Musser I saw there, too, even A. M. Musser, a great 
diplomat, who has done many a noble deed, seen and 
accepted by Brigham. Musser had just been in the Pen 
for six months, for having "lived his religion" with 
some crisp and dashing young wives instead of with the 
tough and tedious old woman ; and this sad experience of 
religious persecution gives him a sort of noble, martyrly 
bearing, an odor half church incense, half harem perfume. 
Well, everything went lovely for two or three visits, you 
know. They showed me the Wasp, aiTd some other 
things ; but the kind of books and papers which I wanted 
to see did not fail to arouse suspicion pretty soon. They 
began to catechise me in the approved teacher-style, and 
wanted to tell me "the facts" about the Mountain 
Meadows Massacre and other interesting topics. I was 
stupid enough to let them see my set of Gentile teeth too 
soon. I told them about a forgery committed by one of 
their great writers in printing a most important disi)atch 
of Brigham Young. I gave them a bit of my mind about 
polygamy and theocracy. My die was cast, my doom 
was sealed. When I asked for the Nauvoo Neighbor, 
another very interesting weekly of 1843-4, they "had 
lent it to somebody." They are so sly. But I do not 
blame them. I never saw a cosier, cooler little place for 
a little practice in lying, for the holiest of purposes. iVnd 
then, looking out on the splendid lawn before John 
Taylor's palace, could I help thinking : You cannot lie 
to Gentiles ! 

But let us return to the Wasp, whose columns were so 
often enriched by the fertile pen of Pistol-Joab-pjcnnett. 
Joseph's great friend in all kinds of affliction calls Joseph, 
on one of those yellowish leaves, a "great philanthropist 
and devout Christian ! " The same Wasp calls Bennett, 
scarcely a month later, June 25, "an impostor and base 

Efid of the Handy Doctor. i35 

adulterer." Sic transit gloria viundi, as the learned 
prophet would say, or '' O tempora, O mores I '\ as 
quoted in the same number of Apostle William's little 
weekly. How did this come to pass ? Had the Lord 
ceased to accept the Doctor's work, or had he become 
jealous of Joseph's new '' pard ? " 

Bennett, after having exposed Prophet Joseph, 
joined Prophet. Strang, who had set up a little Mormon 
inferno of his own on an island in Michigan lake. A 
stormy petrel was Dr. John C. Bennett. He had been 
everything in this world, even a Methodist, and a Camp- 
bellite preacher, and had left, in the spirit of a Mormon 
martyr, no doubt, wife and children, before coming to 
worship in Nauvoo, '"^ Joab died in obscurity, in the 
State of Iowa. 

Farewell, thou portentous meteor, great general, 
mighty mayor and judge, most handy doctor and most 
learned chancellor ! Farewell, noble Paul ! Farewell, 
earth-shaking Joab, wave-stilling Pistol ! Thou, too, art a 
son of Abraham, and you shall pass by the angels and the 
gods to thine exaltation and glory, little " Forty-two- 
pounder ! " t 

^ I wonder why Lee doesn't say : " We used to call such fellows 
widowers r 

f This was General Joab's pet name in Nauvoo. 

136 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 


New Kind of Friends — Willi afn and Wilson Law, 
Dr. Galland, etc. — Postmaster Rigdon — The Great 
Revelation of January ig, 18 41 — The Lord's "House 
of Boarding,'" and '' Stockholders'' — My Servant 
Tsaac Galland— Blessings and Keys — The Messianic 
Wave — The '' Nauvoo Expositor" — The Nuisance 
Abated^Affidavits of William and Jane Laiv — Hell 
an Agreeable Place — The Nauvoo Trap — The Car- 
thage Tragedy. 

Sidney Rigdon had used Joseph as a tool to bring 
the big fraud before the world. Joseph learned two 
things from Sidney : first, the theatrical make-up of a 
prophet ; second, the art to use men as he himself had 
been used by the ingenious Pittsburg tanner. Joe was 
shrewd enough to find out what qualities in a man were 
best adapted for the purposes of the Latter-day kingdom. 
In Martin Harris and the Whitmers it was the phenom- 
enal superstition and credulity ; in Oliver Cowdery, low 
rascality and a certain general cleverness combined with 
the occult sciences of reading and writing, so little known 
among the founders of the new gospel. The brothers 
Pratt were two quite different natures. Parley was bru- 
tally sensua] and perfectly unscrupulous ; Orson a 
fanatic of the Rigdon type 'and of a burning ambition 
badly matched with the scholarship of a dilettante. This 
explains why Cowdery and Parley Pratt were on the in- 
side of the imposture from the 'beginning, while Orson 
Pratt was kept on the outside to be a great fisher of 
men as a missionary and perhaps never giv^en a look into 
the strong box of the great fraud. 

Oliver was the first type of willing criminal tool for 
the schemes of Joseph and Rigdon, and he was the first 

Horse Thieves and Other Friends of the '' LordV 137 

to fall, when he knew too much and when he shrank be- 
fore certain logical consequences of the new system 
adopted recklessly by the prophet in Missouri in 1838. 
Cowdery's disgrace was a forerunner of the fate of Dr. 
Avard and Dr. Bennett. In Dr. Sampson Avard, who 
went heart and soul into the bold Mahomet-scheme of 
Joseph, we get the first clear type of the adventurers, 
then swarming in the virgin West, who saw in the prophet 
a new star leading them to coveted greatness and enjoy- 
ment. He understood and fell in with Joseph's purposes, 
and seems to have formed the plan, readily endorsed by 
Rigdon and Joseph, to cement the motley, low adven- 
turers of the ''faithful" by the means of most terrible 
oaths and secret signs. More of this in a special chapter 
about the Danites. -» 

The Mahomet scheme had been a great fizzle in 
Missouri. Joseph and the elite of his tools went to prison, 
after barely escaping to be shot by court-martial. The 
prophet disclaimed, unblushingly, any connection with 
the organization of the Danite band, and made good his 
retreat to Nauvoo. It is well known that the good people 
of Illinois, not being informed about the real causes of 
the Missouri troubles, willingly accepted the Mormon lie 
about "religious persecution," and did their best to 
make the fugitives forget their sufferings. It did not take 
them more than one or two years to find out that they 
had warmed a big snake in the bosom of their great State. 

Nauvoo was a fresh field, full of fresh men. Adven- 
turers of all kinds offered their services to the man who, 
howbeit he might be as great a rascal as there ever was, 
had success on his side represented in thousands of 
''followers," who were in reality a formidable army of 
fanatic Mamelukes. • Lots of settlers and men of enter- 
prise were what the new West wanted : Joe was one of 
the latter, and possessed the former. Dr. Isaac Galland 
— they're all "doctors," those chaps — offered to Joseph 
land enough to build a big city on. He had been a 
horse-thief in earlier times, and had stolen the land ; but 
Joe's "Lord" accepted him and his offer all the same. 
Then came Bennett, the useful man par excelle?ice, who 

138 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

knew and could do anything. He was as smooth and 
ready in the drafting of political and military organiza- 
tions as he was in the most delicate cases of personal 
affliction — as we have seen. But not only rascals came 
to Zion to rise with the rising prophet; not only penniless 
adventurers, as Joe. had been himself before his dupes 
were commanded to feed, clothe and house him, and 
before he coyfld buy gold watches from the savings of 
poor old maids, but honest and well-to-do business men 
came too, looking out for the opportunities offered by a 
new settlement in a good agricultural and commercial 
situation. William and Wilson Law were men ot this 
calibre ; commercially, their position in Nauvoo bears a 
distant resemblance to that of the Walker brothers in Salt 
Lake City, about 1870. All those men crowded around 
the great prophet, hoping to gain influence and money 
through him, and therefore willing to help on his schemes 
as lieutenants and tools in general. They are received 
with open arms, and honors of all kinds are showered 
upon them. Before the people they are the lieutenant- 
general's brilliant staff, and behind the coulisses they help 
him to scheme and to conspire. 

But where is President Rigdon, my servant Sidney, 
always named first in the early revelations of the Lord ? 
Where is the Lord's Messenger and Mouthpiece, the in- 
' spired projector, architect and great Messianic feetwasher 
of the Kirtland temple, the great interpreter of the 
J^ephite, and scores of other records and tongues ? He is 
nowhere, I am sorry to say. I don't see him in the 
galaxy of Bonapartes and Washingtons. He is not even a 
colonel, like our visionary astronomer, '' Professor" 
Orson Pratt; not even a "cornet." You see him in a 
poor little office, a log shanty, probably, the Lord's post- 
master; but only a postmaster after all. How are the 
mighty fallen, and the most puissant become as a thing of 
naught! "My Servant the Branch" is on the shelf, you 
see, like the old rusty armor kept in Don Quixote's castle. 
Good enough to preach an oration now and then, but he 
was no Bonaparte or Washington, like great little Bennett. 
I doubt whether he had any uniform at all, and as to his 

Mormonism a Business Religion. 139 

pulpit coat and hat, he kept those costly treasures well 
out of the reach of the wrestling prophet since 1838. He 
was an excellent fellow for expounding the new gospel on 
Sundays, but he was no practical kingdom-builder, no 
business-man. Already with Bennett and Joe in Nauvoo, 
*'the Mormon God is a business God," as that worthy 
leader, George Q. Cannon, so well and forcibly puts it. 
Religion is all very well for the people, but look at the 
Jesuits; they are men of the world, the friends and 
advisers of emperors and kings ; that's what we want now 
— '' mark it, Elder Rigdon." 

Yes, Elder Rigdon, you prepare for meeting and^ let 
the boys have their fun. And don't they have it? The 
Bonapartes enjoy their uniforms, write on their waving 
banner, ''The blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob," 
and conquer Eliza's, Martha's and Phebe's in the absence 
of frowning castles and fortresses. The smart bushiess 
men of the Law type make hay while the sun shines. 
High above the swarm of fortune-seekers Joseph holds the 
prophetic ?'od, and his friends hope devoutly that it will 
work to the money and make them rise, those chests of 
money, discerned with such scientific acumen by Mr. Joseph 
Smith, Senior, the ''Abraham of this dispensation."* 
Those smart fellows don't believe any too much in the 
Seer and Revelator ; they know that he is a "hell of a 
fellow with the women," but he is young, you know, and 
he will cool down bye and bye, and then doesn't he laugh 
about the Gold Bible humbug himself, when among his 
nearest friends? We want to make money, and we don't 
care how we make it. And so greed and ambition make 
them gulp it all down, get their endowments and swear 
even the Danite oaths. They see that the' great mass of 
people really believe it all, that they work hard and pay 
willingly, that they ." buy at our stores," build up the 
country and city rapidly — that's all we want. Let Joseph 
get his revelations and print them in the Times and Sea- 
sons — they are cranky enough, but we don't care as long 
as we make $50 a day by them. In five or six years, ten 

*Tullidge, Joseph Smith, p. 299. 

140 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

at the longest, we will be rich enough to make our own 
way without a prophet and endowment garments. 

Joseph didn't care if they made game of his prophetic 
role now and then ; he kept them with a strong hand in 
their place as tools, all the same, and made them pay and 
obey, never losing sight for a moment of his own interests 
and his far-reaching plans. This makes him a leader in 
in my eyes. His generals may scoff at the blindly fanatic 
herd, but Joseph, with the instinct of the French kings 
who relied on the people against the aspiring nobles, feels 
himself strong on the broad basis of the believing masses, 
and proclaims to the whole people the will of the Lord 
concerning his clever and wealthy friends, exerting in this 
manner a powerful pressure on those who would hesitate 
to work for his schemes and ''doe over" the ready cash 
they possessed. 

But let the ''Lord" himself speak. January 19, 1841, He 
favours His servant with the longest revelation of all the 
lot. It must have been a busy time for the Urim and 
TJiumjnim and that old white hat : 

" Verily, thus saith the Lord, unto you my servant Joseph Smith, 
I am well pleased with your offerings and acknowledgments which 
you have made. I say unto you that you are now called immediately 
to make a solemn proclamation of my gospel. This proclamation 
shall be made to all the kings of the world, to the four corners thereof 
— to the honorable President-elect, to the high-minded governors of the 
nation in which you live and to all the nations of the earth scattered 
abroad. Awake ! O kings of the earth ! Come ye, 01 come ye 7oith 
your gold attd your silver to the help of my people — to the house of the 
daughter of Zion." 

Yes, don't come with empty hands. Consecratioii 
before all, and don't forget to bring your wives and daugh- 

After having given this great outline of a financial 
programme, the Lord proceeds to occupy himself with 
Joseph's friends. The prophet's Richelieu, Dr. Bennett, 
is the first named ; we have already heard the Lord's will 
concerning the proprietor of the crooked instrument. 
The Lord tackles next apostle Lyman Wight, Joe's Lieu- 
tenant in 1838, a crazy Danite, who had sworn to conquer 
St. Louis and all Missouri : 

The Old B lesser in Heaveti. 141 

" And again I say unto you, that it is my will, that my servant 
Lyman Wight should continue in preaching for Zion, that when he 
shall finish his work I may receive him unto myself, even as I did my 
servant David Patten, who is with me at this time, and also my 
servant Edward Partridge, and also my aged servant Joseph Smith, Sr., 
%vho siifeth with AbraJiani, at his right hand, and blessed and holy is 
he, for he is mine." 

Here is fun for fifty generations. David Patten, Pres- 
ident of the twelve, and leader of the Da/iite band, had 
been killed in a skirmish with the Missourians. '-He is 
with me at this time," says the Lord. And so is Partridge, 
the first bishop of th^ church and father of the two poor, 
good girls, sealed and unsealed inside of a few hours, as 
we have seen. And so is our excellent friend Micawber- 
Smith, who sitteth with Abraham and is, no doubt, amusing 
the venerable patriarch by telling him those awfully funny 
stories about the "chests of money," with which he used 
aforetime to fix the fools for Joseph Smith, Jr. " He is 
mine," says the Lord, but it strikes me that Old Scratch 
would be the man to say it. 

Let my servant George, and my servant Lyman, and my servant 
John Snider and others build a house unto my name, such a one as my 
servant Joseph shall show unto them, upon the place which he shall 
show unto them also. And it shall be for A HOUSE OF boarding, a 
house that strangers may come from afar to lodge therein — therefore, 
let it be a good house, worthy of all asceptation. This house shall be 
a healthy habitation ; it shall be holy, or the Lord youj- God zvill not 
dwell th erein . ' ' 

Joseph, Joseph, you are the master-wag of your epoch ! 
How happily you give the vulgar, hash-smelling ''boarding- 
house" a biblical smack by terming it the "house of 
boarding ! ' ' You want it on your own property, of course, 
and a good house and healthy, or you — beg pardon, the 
Lord your God — will not dwell therein. Frankly, I admire 
you, and would do so yet more, if you had revealed your 
hotel terms at the same time, say in a little card like this : 

142 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph S?mth, 



It is quiet and home-like. The rooms 
are large and elegantly furnished. The 
finest beds in the city. First-class Barber 
Shop, fine Billiard Saloon, first-class Din- 
ing Room, the tables loaded with the best 
the market affords. In place of $3 and 
$4 per day, charges only ^2. 

The Lord & His Servant, 
Joseph Smith, Jr., Proprietors. 

Now comes the temple business. Joe opens a public 
subscription for the building. The leading idea is that it 
should not cost him a cent, but he hides it very happily 
with biblical language : 

"And again, verily, verily I say unto you, let all my Saints come 
from afar; and send ye swift messengers, yea chosen messengers and 
say unto them, come ye all with your gold, and your silver, and with 
your precious stones and \vith all your antiquities \ and 'with all who 
have knowledge of antiquities, and bring the box tree, the fir tree and 
the pine tree, together with all the precious trees of the earth, and with 
iron and with copper and with brass and with zinc, and with all your 
precious things of the earth, and build a house to my name, for the 
Most tligh to dwell therein." 

All the antiquities except the old ladies, I suppose. 
But apropos the temple, the Mormon Lord gets all of a 
sudden a violent attack of Missouriphobia. 

" The iniquity and transgression of my holy laws and command- 
ments I will visit upon the heads of those who hindered my work, unto 
the third and fourth (generation, so long as they respect not, and hate 
me, saith the Lo7-d God. Therefore have I accepted the offerings of 
those men whom I commanded to build up a city and a house unto 
my name IN Jackson County, Missouri, and were hindered by their 
enemies, saith the Lord your God, and I will answer judgment, 
wrath, indignation, wailing, anguish and gnashing of teeth, upon their 
heads, and I will save all those of your brethren who have been slain 
in the land of Missouri, saith the Lord." 

The Lord has evidently had a chat with D. Patten, 
*'who is with me," and Patten said, ''Give it to them," 

Joe' s Lord as Stock Jobber. 143 

meaning Boggs and the Missourians. But He cools off and 
proceeds again to business. He takes up his favorite 
project, the house of boarding, and wants Joseph and.his 
posterity to be comfortable in it, without being bothered 
by bills and similar inventions of Satan. I have given 
this piece of revelation already on page 40. But another 
question arises. How get the funds for building ? The 
Lord finds an escape. He has learned a good deal since 
the simple days of Abraham and Jacob. He suggests, in 
his mild Biblical language, a stock company to his servant 
Joseph. Who knows whether he has not had a like talk 
about tlie matter with our friend Micawber, interrupting 
him while lecturing to the other Abraham about the 
chests of money? The "Abraham of this dispensation" 
would be just the fellow to suggest such a plan to work 
to the money with. I say it is an excellent religion. In 
Missouri the Lord teaches them to steal as his agents, and 
in Illinois he finds ever so many new ways to raise the 
chests of money. It is a ''business religion," by Jove, 
and no wonder that you see nothing of religion at all in 
the leaders, but only business, and sometimes crooked, too, 
like Bennett's instrument. But hear Joe's mentor again : 

" Behold ! Verily I say unto you, let my servant George Miller, 
and my servant Lyman Wight, and my servant John Snider, and my 
servant Peter Hawes, organize themselves and appoint one of them to 
to be a president over their quorum for the purpose of building that 

''Organize themselves" — hem, that sounds like the 
new Abraham. Might he not have drafted the whole 
thing ? I conclude this mainly from the following piece, 
which shows that there was a danger that the four fellows, 
after having organized themselves, would steal like hell, 
not as the Lord's agents, but on their own hook. Now it 
strikes me that the new Abraham knows those fellows 
best. Maybe they owe him yet three dollars apiege for 
blessings. So he goes on drafting for the Lord : 

" And again, verily I say unto you, If my servant George Miller, 
and my servant Lyman Wight, and my servant John Snider, and my 
servant Peter Hawes receive any stock into their hands, in moneys or 
in properties whereiri they receive the real value of moneys, they shall 

144 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

not appropriate any portion of that stock to any other purpose, and if 
they do, withoicf the consent of the stockholders, and do not repay four- 
fold, they shall be accursed, and shall be removed out of their place, 
saith the Lord God, for I the Lord am God, and cannot be mocked in 
any of these things." 

You see, there are good reasons to be afraid that my 
servants will steal. Well, never mind, if they repay four- 
fold they may doit. "Four-fold" — I have seen that 
word somewhere. Oh, yes, I remember now. Lucy 
Munchausen promises, ''in the name of the spirit," to 
repay four-fold a little loan of four or five dollars (p. i8). 
You see, that strengthens my scientific theory that her 
husband, the new Abraham, did draft the whole reve- 
lation, perhaps (who knows) with the advice of the old 
Abraham. I like that "cannot be mocked." That 
shows the Lord's own hand again ; he added this to the 
new Abraham's draft. You see that white-dog-story 
(p. 79) is not yet entirely forgotten, and it was disgrace- 
ful, to be sure, to cheat such a Lord. Why take a white 
sheep, instead of trying honestly to get a real dog, coute 
que coute I 

" Let my servant, Isaac Galland [the horse thief] put stock in 
that house, for I the Lord loveth him for what he hath done, and will 
forgive all his sins, therefore let him be remembered for an interest 
in that house from generation to generation." 

You will have to shell out. Doctor, there is no help 
for it. The little remark about " his sins " shows again 
Micawber's hand, or I am no critic at all. I feel sure the 
fellow got lots of "blessings" and never paid a red cent 
for them. The old blesser " cannot be mocked in any of 
these things." 

" Let my servant William Law pay stock in that house for him- 
self and his seed after him. Let him not take his family unto the 
eastern lands, even to Kirtland. Let my servant William go and 
proclaim mine everlasting gospel unto the inhabitants of Warsaw, of 
Carthage, of Burlington and Madison, and then wait patiently* for 
further instructions at my general conference, saith the Lord. If he 
will do my will let him from henceforth hearken to the counsel of my 
servant Joseph and publish the nezo translation of my holy word unto 
the inhabitants of the earth." 

There is a whole programme for the wealthy mer- 

Hyrum Becomes a Prophet. I45 

chant. -Pay stock" in the prophet's hotel; not leave 
Nauvoo ; go preaching and waif for orders to be received 
at my conference; obey and pay, especially for the 
printing of that beautiful inspired translation and correc- 
tion of the Bible, done by Sidney Rigdon, "ow ^^^ 
postmaster of the Lord. Yes, General Law, do as Mar- 
tin Harris did, who mortgaged his farm to pay three 
thousand dollars for the printing of five thousand copies 
of the Book of Mormon. You are sure to get the reward 
Martin got, the title of ''old granny" in the church or- 
gan. ''But it is worth trying, to fix that fool, so the Lord 
makes him a counsellor of the prophet. Hyrum has to 
step aside ; he becomes official blesser of the church. 

" And again, verily I say unto you, let my servant William be 
appointed, ordained and anointed as a counselor unto my servant 
Joseph- that my servant Hyrum may take the office of patriarch, 
that from henceforth he shall hole? the keys of the patriarchal bless- 
incTS fat three dollars apiece ; reasonable terms for families] upon the 
helds of all my people, that whoever he blesseth shall be blessed 
and whoever he curseth shall be cursed— that whatsoever he sha 1 
bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatsoever he shall 
loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven ; and from this time forth i 
appoint unto him that he may be a prophet, and a seer, and a reve- 
lator unto mv church, as well as my servant Joseph, and that he shall 
receive counsel from my servant Joseph, who shall show unto him the 
kevs, whereby he may be crowned with the same blessings I crown 
upon his head the bishopric and blessing and glory and honour and 
eifts of the priesthood, that once were put upon him that WAS my 
servant Oliver Cowdery. Let my servant William Law also receive 

the keys " 

My head begins to spin in this chaos of blessings, 
titles and keys. So brother Hyrum is to be another 
prophet. How will they manage about the old White 
Hat and the Urim and Thummim? An old hat can be 
bought cheap enough, but those three-cornered diamonds 
set in glass— will they use them alternately, or is Hyrum 
to get his own set ? This seems very important and has 
been overlooked entirely by historians of the depth ot 
Stenhouse and TuUidge. And poor Oliver Cowdery, he 
was my servant. All his blessings and gifts go to the 
dogs — no, to Hyrum. 

Last and least, in this endless revelation, comes our 
friend Sidney Rigdon, like a lame mare behind a train. 

146 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph. Smith, 

" And again, verily I saysunto you, if my servant Sidney will 
serve me, and offer unto me an acceptable offering [Nancy] and re- 
main with my people, he shall again be a spokesman before my face." 

It's plain enough. He shall be a slave, and all he 
gets for it is the liberty to preach. Wouldn't it be better, 
Elder Rigdon, to be an honest little tanner in some vil- 
lage, than to be treated like that ? What did you say in 
New York in the fall of 1844? "I guided the prophet's 
tottering steps till he could walk alone." It seems Joe 
walks alone now and your steps are tottering, old t>o-to- 

In this manner the ''Messianic wave swept onward" * 
A. D. 1841. Mormonisra, the ''grand universal scheme 
of salvation and stupendous structure of divine purposes 
and divine beneficence " t was doing its best to work to 
the money and raise those chests, abroad and at home. 
But — as it had been in Kirtland and in Missouri — Jos- 
eph's talents and instincts as a leader were overborne by 
his follies and crimes. He was too great, too hot a brute 
to be successful as a schemer. He could not wait. He 
could never defer a pleasure for a moment. If a Van- 
derbilt were to have given him a million, he would have 
cried : " Where is the rest of it? " 

That was his motto as to all manner of enjoyment — 
money, power, women — where is the rest of it? Having 
seduced a goodly number of the wives and daughters of 
his immediate slaves, the apostles, he now wants, forsooth, 
my pretty Jane, my dearest Jane, William Law's wife, 
pretty and charming Jane Law ; he wants spirited Nancy 
Rigdon, the daughter of the man to whom he and his 
father's house were indebted for all they had and were. 
But these men, weren't they, like Joseph himself, Free- 
masons, the honor of their wives and daughters sacred by 
the rules of this order? It is not to be expected, how- 
ever, that Masonry can hold the prophet in any restraint. 
Had he not prostituted the ordinances and secrets of the 
order by mimicking and burlesquing them in his endow- 

*TuIlidge, p. 326. 
t Idem, p. 133. 

The Conspiracy Against Caligula. I47 

ments and proclaiming that he had found among the 
wondrous secrets of that old white hat, the crowning 
''key" lost by the Masons, for long ages; so that, like 
his religion, his masonry was the true and only original 
Jacobs ?"*" His beastly desires and reckless impudence 
were even greater than his cunning. 

All this was more than the Laws and their friends had 
bargained for. The means at their command and their 
abilities in business — which could be carried on any- 
where — made them independent. They were not forced, 
like the half-illiterate tramps called apostles, to drag the 
prophet's triumphal chariot. They were not forced to 
make prostitutes of their wives and daughters to satisfy 
a passing caprice of Caligula. Like causes, like effects. 
First a frown, then a whisper, and then a plain talk be- 
tween friends and the conspiracy is begotten. They 
resolved to kill the tyrant, whose ravings had become in- 
tolerable and who was sure to ruin not only their families, 
but also their whole future prospects, by bringing down 
the vengeance of all decent citizens of Illinois on him- 
self and his city. But they didn't want to kill him with 
daggers — they chose a modern weapon, and decided to 
kill him an inch every week, by a weekly, the celebrated 

You know how Macbeth felt when he saw the woods 
marching against him. Well, Joe Smith must have felt 
much the same when he found out that a handful of in- 
timate friends and accomplices of his were going to start 
a newspaper against him, in his own city, in June, 1844. 
The difference betwixt the old time and the new is here : 
then you marched against a tyrant with an army, now 
you start a little paper and it makes him tremble more 
than the hordes of Xerxes. A newspaper is a horrible 
thing : it sets your roof ablaze while you sit there, arms 
bound, and can do nothing. 

Who were the men who started the Expositor and 

* Brigham used to call the Utah endowments Masonry after the 
order of Enoch, and Kimball said often : " This is true Free Masonry 
and all you that have been Masons will find how much superior this is 
to common Free Masonry." 

148- Morvion Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

published the first number, June 7, 1844? The Laws 
were decent, intelligent, well-to-do people ; so they are 
described by Mrs. Pratt. I think they were the cleverest 
fellows in the whole Expositor outfit. Foster was a 
sharper, Higbee is called a Morrnon hoodlum by Mr. 
Webb. Leave aside the Laws and you may say that the 
whole explosion of June 7 was a case of " rogues falling 
out." But the paper was decent enough. It exposed 
Smith, but by no means in an indecent manner; to make 
it short, I may truly say that the editors did not tell the 
tenth part of what they knew. But let the reader judge 
for himself by looking at my reprint of the most impor- 
tant parts of the Expositor. 

But Joe was furious. A theocracy is always a noli 
me tangere as to opposition and free press in general, 
and Joseph had especially good reasons to hate the 
electric light of the press in his skeleton-filled museum. 
What, oppose and expose him ? Him who had defied 
everything and everybody, laws and courts, sheriffs and 
militia, warrants and posses? No, that nuisance must be 
abated. Great special meeting of the Nauvoo city coun- 
cil on June 8. Joseph, then mayor — since Bennett's 
ungathering from Zion — thunders: ''I would rather 


The city council, a nice little crowd of valets de 
cha77ibre of his prophetic highness, hastens to pass the 
decree of doom on the nuisance. Says that invaluable lit- 
tle catechism already quoted repeatedly : 

Q. — What was the nature of the contents of the Expositor ? 

A. — It contdLiued at/ manner 0/ ties and aduse of Joseph and the 

Q. — What did the city council do in regard to this paper ? 

A. — It declared it a nuisance and as such ordered it to be abated. 

Q. — How was the order carried out? 

A. — The city marshal and several policemen threw the printing 
-press, etc., into the street and destroyed them. 

Q. — What was the result of this act ? 

A. — It caused great excitement among the revV/W, and they sought 
the life of Joseph and the destruction of Nauvoo. 

The Valiant Salt Lake Tribune. i49 

This is the way theocracies always wrote and always 
will write their history. 

The city council does the prophet's bidding and the 
police, with the marshal at its head, storms the fortress 
of modern progress — a printing office. I see, in my 
mind's eye, our pious, zealous churchman, John D. Lee, 
work like mad to destroy that wicked press : I see him 
break a crowbar or two, to please the Lord. Have things 
changed inourdavs?. No. The unterrified Salt Lake 
Tribune is as well hated by the Mormon leaders as the 
Expositor was hated by Joseph and his creatures, and the 
present city marshal and' his Lees would be only too hap- 
py to be ordered to abate the nuisance. That the valiant 
paper has continued so long, -'belching forth all manner 
of lies and abuse of the Saints," is due now solely to 
saintly forbearance and magnanimity ? That is the way 
Mormon organs and leaders put it. John Taylor, who 
was then editor of the Times and Seasons and had a main 
hand in squelching the freedom of the press in Nauvoo, is 
most forbearing towards this infernal " Expositor" of our 
days. He is warned by his prophet's fate. The Nauvoo 
Expositor and the Nauvoo prophet were both destroyed in 
one month. A free press is, indeed, a most outrageous 
and horrible nuisance. It is the mirror of the public 
conscience, the little stone of the prophet's dream, you 
know, that shall fill the Avhole earth — awful, awful — break- 
ing people up, playing smash with the biggest, and grind- 
ing to povv'der the most top-lofty reputations ! 

There is scarcely any history of Mormonism without 
the following statement : '' The first issue (^Jujie jth, 1844.) 
contained the statement of sixteen women, that Joseph Smith 
or other Mormon leaders had attempted to seduce them under 
the plea of heavenly permission to do so.'''^ 

Now, this statement is entirely erroneous. The cele- 
brated and short-lived Expositor contained only three affi- 
davits and only one of those three comes from a woman. 
Here are the three affidavits : 

* See for instance Beadle, Polygamy,/. -jS. 

150 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

I hereby certify that Hyruni Smith did (in his office) read to me a 
written document, which he said was a revelation from God. He 
said that he was with Joseph when it was received. He afterwards 
gave me the document to read, and I took it to my house and read it 
and showed it to my wife and returned it next day. The revelation 
(so called) authorized certain men to have more wives than one at a 
time, in this world and in the world to come. It said this was the 
law, and commanded Joseph to enter into the law. And, also, that 
he should administer to others. Several other items were in the 
revelation, supporting the above doctrines. 

(Sworn to May 4, 1844.) Wm. Law. 


I certify that I read the revelation referred to in the above affidavit 
of my husband. It sustained in strong terms the doctrine of more 
wives than one at a time, in this world and ih the next. It authorized 
some to have to the number of ten, and set forth that those women 
who would not allow their husbands more wives than one should be 
under condemnation before God. 

(Sworn to May 4, 1844.) Jane Law. 

To all whom it may concern : 

Forasmuch as the public mind hath been much agitated by a 
course of procedure in the Church of J. C. of L. D. S., by a number 
of persons declaring against certain doctrines and practices therein 
(among whom I am one), it is but meet that I should give my reasons, 
at least in part, as a cause that hath led me to declare myself. In the 
latter part of the summer, 1843, ^^^ patriarch, Hyrum Smith, did, in 
the High Council, of which I was a member, introduce what he said 
was a revelation given through the prophet; that the said Hyrum 
Smith did essay to read the said revelation in the said Council ; that 
according to his reading there was contained the following doctrines : 
I. The sealing up of persons to eternal life, against all sins, save that 
of shedding innocent blood, or consenting thereto; 2. the doctrine of 
a plurality of wives, or marrying virgins; that "David and Solomon 
had many wives, yet in this thing they sinned not, save in the matter 
of Uriah." This revelation, with other evidence that the aforesaid 
heresies were taught and practiced in the church, determined me to 
leave the office of first counselor to the president of the church at 
Nauvoo,-^- inasmuch as I dared not to teach or administer such laws. 

(Sworn to May 4, 1844.) Austin 

Those three are all the affidavits contained in the 
*This was Wm. Marks, who afterwards joined the Josephites. 

The Little Celestial Business Office. 151 

celebrated ''Expositor," in its first and last number, of 
June 7, 1844. But there are other pretty thmgs in it. 
Look at this little anecdote : 

" Many of us have sought a reformation in the church, without a 
public exposition of the enormities and crimes practiced by its leaders; 
but our petitions were treated with contempt, and in many cases tne 
petitioner spurned from their presence, and particularly by Josepn, 
who would state that if he had sinned, and was guilty of the charges 
we would charge him with, he would not make acknowledgment, but 
would rather be damned ; for it would detract from his dignity, and 
would consequently ruin and prove the overthrow of the church ; he 
often said that zve 7voidd all go to hell together, and convert it into a 
heaven by casting the Devil out; a-nd, says he, hell is by no means 
the place this world of fools supposed it to be, but on the contrary, it 
is quite an agreeable placed . . . 

Could Don Juan have bettered this ? But there is 
another choice bit in that paper, describing Nauvoo as a 
very dangerous trap for innocent females : 

" It is a notorious fact that many females in foreign climes have 
been induced bv the sound of the gospel to forsake friends and come 
over the water, as they supposed, to glorify God. . . ._ But what is 
taught them on their arrival at this place ? They are visited by some 
of the strikers and are requested to hold on and be faithful, for there are 
ereat blessings awaiting the righteous; and that God has great 
mysteries in store for those who love the Lord and cling to Brother 
Toseph. They are also notified that Brother Joseph will see them 
soon and reveal the mysteries of heaven to their full understanding, 
which seldom fails to inspire them with new confidence in the 
prophet, as well as a great anxiety to know what God has laid tip m 
store for them, in return for the great sacrifice of father and mother, 
gold and silver. . . . They are visited again. They are requested to 
meet Brother Joseph, or some of the Twelve, at some insulated_ point, 
or at some particularly described place on the bank of the Mississippi, 
or at some room which bears upon its front : Positively No Admittance. 
The unsuspecting creatures are so devoted to the prophet and the 
cause of Jesus Christ, that they do not dream of the deep-laid scheme 
They meet him expecting a blessing and learn the will of the Lord 
concerning them, when instead they are told, after having been sworn 
to secrecy in the most solemn manner, with a pena ty ol death 
attached, that God Almighty has revealed it to him that she shouM be 
his (Joseph's) spiritual wife, for it was right anciently, and God will 
tolerate it again ; but we must keep those pleasures and blessings 
-from the world, for until there is a change in the government we will 
endanger ourselves by practicing it — if we do not expose ourselves to 
the law of the land. She is thunderstruck, faints, recovers and 

152 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

refuses. The prophet damns her if she rejects. She thinks of the 
great sacrifice, and of the many thousand miles she has traveled over 
sea and land that she might save her soul from ruin, and replies : 
* Gk>d's will be done, and not mine.' The next step, to avoid public 
exposition, from the common course of things, they are sent away for 
a time until all is well, after which they return, as from a long visit ! " 

Now you wouldn't expect the prophet to subscribe for 
such an infernal sheet, would you? And you wouldn't 
expect either that he would display it in his hotel, pre- 
serve it with care all the year through, and then have the 
file nicely bound for reference ? Oh no, Joseph did with 
the Expositor what Taylor and Cannon would like to do 
with the Tribune every day of the year, if they dared. 
The Prophet promptly destroyed the young viper, putting 
the full weight of his heavy foot on it. 

A few days afterwards he had to go to Carthage, 
where the county court was. He had very grave misgiv- 
ings about that trip, this mayor-prophet and general. 
His temper was eminently sanguine and kept him gener- 
ally on top, where others would have sunk, but this time 
he saw the coming tempest. He had moments now 
when he cursed his own folly. ''Joseph repented of his 
connection with the spiritual wife doctrine and said that 
it was of the devil ... he said that he was going to Car- 
thage to die." So says Sheen, an old friend of the 
Prophet. Ah, pay-day had come round and Joseph 
felt it. 

"There are sins which can only be atoned by the 
shedding of blood." Didn't you say so often, brother 
Brigham ? Verily, there are ! 

The Martyr and His Revolver. 153 


The Scene in Carthage Jail — Death of Hyrum Smith — 
A Fighting Lamb — Execution of the Prophet — His 
Last Miracle — The ''Expositor'' Once More — The 
Dissenters' Prospectus of May 10^ 1844 — Stern Pro- 
test Against Theocracy — The Godbeites of 1844 — 
Protest Against Danitisni and Endowmetits — A 
Nauvoo Trial — Lee Babbles Again — Revieiv of Jos- 
eph' s Career and Character — A Vision of Joseph' s 
Monument — Calvary and Carthage. 

Joseph Smith died in good western style, with his 
boots on. The circumstances of the prophet's "martyr- 
dom" were of a highly dramatic character. Says an 
eye-witness : 

" Elder John Taylor had been singing a hymn. From this pleas- 
ant communion they were aroused by curses, threats and the heavy 
and fierce rush of the mob up the stairs. Hyrum stood near the 
center of the room, in front of the door. The mob fired a ball 
through the panel of the door, which entered Hyrum's head, at the 
leftside of his nose. He fell upon his back exclaiming: 'I am a 
d^ad man ! ' In all, four balls entered his body. One ball (it must 
have been fired through the window from the outside) passed through 
his body with such force — entering his back — that it completely broke 
to pieces a watch which he wore in his vest pocket. 

" A shower of balls were poured through all parts of the room. A 
few hours previous to this a friend of General Joseph Smith put in his 
possession a revolving pistol with six chambers, usually called a ' pep- 
per box.' With this in hand he took a position by the wall at the 
left of the door. Joseph reached his pistol through the door, which 
was pushed a little ajar, and fired three of the barrels, the rest missed 
fire. He wounded three of the assailants, two mortally." 

That revolver in the hand of the "lamb that goes to 
the slaughter" is highly characteristic. That Joseph 
fired three shots, is true. As to wounding anybody, still 
less mortally, I have no proof. Mr. Webb says he never 
heard of it. 

154 Moi-77io7i Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

" Elder Taylor took a position beside the door with Elder Rich- 
ards and parried off their muskets with walking sticks, as they were 
firing. Elder Taylor continued parrying their guns, until they had 
got them about half the length into the room, when he found resist- 
ance vain and attempted to jump out of the window. Just then a 
ball from within struck him on the left thigh. He fell on the window- 
sill and expected he would fall out, when a ball from without struck 
his watch and threw him back into the room. Elder Richards was 
still contending with the assailants at the door, when General Joseph 
Smith dropped his pistol upon the floor, saying : ' There, defend 
yourselves as well as you can.' He sprang into the window, but just 
as he was preparing to descend, he saw such an array of bayonets 
below that he caught by the window casing, whei-e he hung by his 
hands and feet, his body swinging downwards. He hung in that 
position three or four minutes, during which time he exclaimed, two 
or three times, ' O Lord, my God ! ' and fell to the ground. While he 
was hanging in that position. Colonel Williams halloed : ' Shoot him ! 
God damn liim I shoot the damned rascal I ' However, none fired 
at him." 

While looking out of the window, or while hanging 
suspended by it, Joseph cried, "Is there no help /^r M^ 
tvidow'' s son?'' One of the prophet's spiritual wives, 
Zina Huntingdon (see about her, pp. 67, 70) gave this 
detail in a packed public meeting in Brigham's theatre, 
some years ago. Joseph's cry 'was an appeal to the 
Masons, whom he had betrayed and who were surely 
rather infuriated than calmed by this appeal. 

" Joseph seemed to fall easily. He struck partly on his right 
shoulder and back, his neck and head reaching the ground a little 
before his feet. He rolled instantly on his face. From this position 
he was taken by a young man who sprang to him from the other side 
of the fence, who had a pewter fife in hand, was barefoot and bare- 
headed, having on no coat, with his pants rolled above his knees, and 
shirt-sleeves above his elbows. He set Smith against the south side 
of the well-curb that was situated a few feet from the jail. While 
doing this, he nuutered aloud: 'This is old Jo; I know him. I 
know you, old Jo ; damn you ! ' When Smith began to recover from 
the effects of the fall, Colonel Williams ordered four men to shoot 
him. Accordingly, four men took an eastern direction, about eight 
feet from the curb, and made ready to execute the order. The fire 
was simultaneous. A slight cringe of the body was all the indication 
of pain that he betrayed when the balls struck him. He fell upon 
his face. I was close by him, and I know that he was not hit with a 
ball until after he was seated by the well curb. The murder took 
place at fifteen minutes past five o'clock p. m., June 27, 1S44." 

A Brutal Scene and a False Miracle. 155 

Now comes a little pious lie to show up the Messianic 
character of the peeper. The ''Lord" had looked on 
quietly while His servant was hanging to the window-sill, 
and while the mob were shooting him, but now He finds 
it's time to work a little miracle : 

" The ruffian who set him against the well-curb now secured a 
bowie knife for the purpose of severing his head from the body. He 
raised the knife, and was in the attitude of striking, when a light, 
sudden and powerful, burst from the heavens, passing its vivid chain 
between Joseph and his murderers; that they were struck with awe 
and filled" with consternation. The arm of the ruffian who held the 
knife fell powerless; the muskets of the four who fired fell to the 
ground, and they all stood like marble statues, not having power to 
move a single limb of their bodies. By this time most of the men had 
fled in great disorder. I never saw so frightened a set of men before. 
Colonel Williams saw the light and was also badly frightened, but he 
did not entirely lose the use of his limbs or speech. Seeing the condi- 
tion of these m'en, he halloed to some who had just commenced to 
retreat, for God's sake to come and carry off these men. They came 
back and carried them by main strength towards the baggage wagons. 
They seemed as helpless as if they v/ere dead." 

I need scarcely say that no Gentile witnessed this mir- 
acle; they are not made for the eyes of the wicked, those 
miracles, but are just like the apparitions of angels, golden 
plates, etc.; they belong to the pearl-Q\d.tx, so you had 
better move aside, you Gentile hogs. We will now com- 
pare this Mormon tale with the statement of the young 
" border ruffian " from Iowa, who set Joseph against the 
well-curb : * 

" When I got to him [Joseph] he was trying to get up. He 
appeared stunned by the fall.' I struck him in the face and said : 'Old 
Joe, damn you, where are you now ? ' I then set him up against the 
well-carb and went away from him." 

The name of the youth is Wm. Web. He is apparently 
one of the Sansculottes, always springing up in times of 
popular excitement. I would not like to sleep in the same 
room with that fellow, neither would you, my gentle 
reader, I guess. The whole crowd that concocted and 
enacted the tragedy is not at all to my taste. Suppose we 

*See both statements in full in " The Martyrs," by Lyman O. Lit- 
tlefield, 1882. 

156 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

had been in Rome at the time that Julius Csesar was killed, 
we would most probably not have felt like embracing his 
murderers, though Brutus is surely one of the noblest fig- 
ures in history. There is always something revolting in a 
man's taking the law in his own hands : streaming blood 
is a terrible accuser. Charles I. was a sinful, treacherous 
king, but his bloody spectre will always stand near the 
great figure of Cromwell. But have we the right to be 
sentimental and, because we detest deeds of violence and 
brutality, close our eyes to the causes which, with stringent 
need, produced them ? Are we justified in saying, with a 
recent writer, that the killing of Joseph was one of the 
most disgraceful murders ever committed ? It may well 
be urged that lynching is disgraceful in itself — I have 
nothing to do with that point, and wish to leave it aside. 
The assassination of Joseph Smith was surely no common 
murder, no act of private vengeance ; it was a violent 
manitestation of the vox populi, the execution of a most 
dangerous criminal by the people. The men who did it 
were entirely right in their view of the character of their 
man. This is the only side of the question I feel justified 
in dealing with. 

Let us first look at the nearest cause of the tragedy, 
the destruction of the Expositor office. Put yourself in 
the place of the editors of that sheet, and would it surprise 
you if they had prepared a bomb filled with scores of 
scandalous anecdotes and the most scathing abuse ? 
They surely did not lack that kind of matter, and they 
had a good example in the little book of Dr. John C. 
Bennett. . He acted against Joe as my friend Henri 
Rochefort acted against the little nephew of the great 
Napoleon in his Lanter?ie. Mormon writers, to palliate 
Joseph's proceeding against the new-born weekly, describe 
\\\& Expositor 2i's> such a poisonous sheet. We have already 
heard the opinion of the little Catechism about it. Mr. 
Littlefield verdantly remarks in his pamphlet, ''The Mar- 
tyrs" : "They [the editors of the Expositor'] knew that 
establishing a libelous and venal newspaper would not be 
agreeable to Joseph ; hence a paper of that class was 
started. Its columns teemed with vituperative abuse of 

Governor Murray and Editor Goodwin. 157 

Joseph and his friends. The tone of the sheet was vul- 
gar, scurrilous and untruthful. The people felt themselves 

The reader has already convinced himself that the 
Expositor was nothing of the kind. It was rather a tuiiid 
and gentle kind of opposition sheet, quite cautious and 
guarded and modest. On the loth of May the editors 
had issued their prospectus. Among the things they pro- 
posed to advocate were : 

''The unconditional repeal of the charter of Nauvoo, 
to restrain and correct the abuses of the Unit Power, to 
ward off the rod which is held over the devoted heads of 
the citizens of Nauvoo and the surrounding country, to 
advocate unmitigated disobedience to political reve- 
lation, to advocate and exercise the freedom of speech 
in Nauvoo, independent of the ordinance abridging the 
same— to give toleration to every man's religious senti- 
ments and sustain all in worshiping their God according 
to the monitions of their consciences, as guaranteed by 
the Constitution of our country, and to oppose with un- 
compromising hostility any union of church and state 
OR any preliminary steps tending to the same." 

Is there a citizen's heart in this immense, free country, 
without an echo to such words? Could free citizens 
express better sentiments, and could it be done m more 
decent and dignified language? Is this not absolutely 
the same cry for justice, coming since so many years from 
the lips and pens of every true American citizen m the 
Territory of Utah, and resounding so nobly from the 
official acts of Governor Murray, and the writings of one 
of the most able and fearless editors of this country, 
Judge Goodwin ? 

The first and last number of the Expositor, dated June 
7, 1844, was just as temperate and truthful as the pros- 
pectus, issued four weeks before. The editors of the 
paper, as will be seen, acted as Godbe and his friends did 
twenty-five years later, with the same danger to then- 
lives and propertv. Their motto was not subversion, but 
purification of Mormonism and the desire to harmonize it 

15 S MorjHOJL Po7'traits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

with modern civilization, with individual freedom of 
thought and action. Says the Expositor : 

" The editors believe that the religion of the Latter-day Saints, as 
originally taught by Joseph Smith, which is contained in the Old and 
New Testaments, Book of Covenants, and Book of Mormon, is VERILY 
TRUE. But with Joseph Smith, and many other official characters in 
the church, faith, hope, virtue and charity are words without mean- 
ings attached. We hope many items of doctrine, as now taught, some 
of which, however, are taught secretly and denied openly, and others 
publicly, considerate men will treat with contempt. We are earnestly 
seeking to explode the vicious principles of Joseph Smith and those 
who practice the same abominations and whoredoms. The sword of 
truth shall not depart from the thigh until we can enjoy those glorious 
privileges which nature's God and our country's laws have guaranteed 
to us — freedom of speech, the liberty of the press, and the right to 
worship God as seemeth us good. We are aware that we are 
hazarding every earthly blessing, particularly property, and probably 
life itself. . .'. " 

Is this libelous and venal ? Is it vulgar, scurrilous and 
untruthful, or is it the essence of sobriety and dignity, 
compared with Joseph's piratical expressions, that he 
would rather be damned than confess his sins, and that 
they would all go to hell together, cast the Devil out, 
etc.? Is it not all most truthful in the light of facts pub- 
lished in this volume? and is it not extremely moderate, 
coming from men who knew ten times more of the 
abominations practiced in Nauvoo than I do? But hear 
the Expositor further : 

" We protest against the doctrine of unconditional sealing up to 
eternal life against all crimes except that of shedding innocent blood. 

. . . We disapprobate every attempt to unite church and State, the 
effort being made by Joseph Smith for political power and influ- 
ence. . . . We protest against the hostile spirit and conduct manifested 
by Joseph Smith and many of his associates towards Missouri. . . . 
We hold that all church-members are alike amenable to the laws of 
the land. . . . We consider the religious influence exercised in 
financial concerns by Joseph Smith unjust. . . . We consider the 
gathering (to Zion) in haste and by sacrifice, to be contrary to the 
will of God ; it has been taught by Joseph Smith and others for the 
purpose of selling property at most exorbitant prices. . . . The wealth 
which is brought to this place is swallowed up by the one great throat. 

. . . The monies collected by missionaries sent abroad, for the 
temple and other purposes, are a humbug practiced by Joseph and 
others, as we do not believe that the monies and property so collected 

A Weekly Guillotine. 159 

have been applied as the donors expected. . . . Joseph buying the 
lands near Nauvoo and selling them to the saints at tenfold advance. 
. . . We consider all secret societies under penal oaths and 
OBLIGATIONS to be anti-Christian. . . . That we will not acknowledge 
any man as king or law-giver to the church, for Christ is King. . . . 
We protest against the spoiling of the Gentiles." 

The bare fact that Joseph could not stand more than 
one number of this little paper, shows how true its allega- 
tions were; and don't they put it home, Messrs. Brutus 
and Cassius Law ? The complaint about Joseph's traf- 
ficking for political power, the incendiary attacks on 
Missouri, all the while belched forth in Mormon 
''sermons" and papers, the Danite and endowment 
oaths, the robberies practiced on non-Mormons — is it not 
all simple truth, and decently and manfully expressed ? 
Was it not cheap, after all, at $2 per annum, and with a 
fine novel in the bargain, ''Adelaine, or the Two 
Suitors ' ' ? 

There is a little line in this first Expositor number 
that made the "ruler over many things" feel a good 
deal worse than his Lord had felt over the white sheep. 
It is this : "In our subsequent numbers several affidavits 
will be published to substantiate the facts alleged." It is 
bad enough to be killed once ; but to be told that you 
will be beheaded once a week, fifty-two times in the 
year — that was a good deal worse than Emma's resistance 
against the law of Sarah. The high spirits of Mine 
Anointed were gone ; nothing pleased him any more, not 
even the works of Abraham. That sacred log near the 
river must have felt deserted and melancholy. No more 
talk about all the women. I doubt if the prophet could 
have got sealed to more than half a dozen new wives 
between June 7 and 27; times were too squally. 

One of the minor conspirators, Higbee, went to Car- 
thage and made a complaint before the justice of the 
peace. The constable came to Nauvoo, and immediately 
the usual comedy was enacted. Joseph had built a sort of 
unconquerable castle of charters and ordinances. When- 
ever he or one of his friends was accused, the case was 
brought before the municipal court of Nauvoo, of which 

i6o Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

the prophet was president by virtue of his office as mayor. 
That court had power to grant writs of habeas corpus, and 
to decide as to the merits of any case. What else could 
such a proceeding be but a most contemptible farce? 
Judge the Pope by a court of twelve common monks ! 
Says Mr. Littlefield : 

" It was decided by the Court that Joseph Smith had acted under 
proper authority in destroying the establishment of the Nauvoo Ex- 
positor : that his orders were executed in an orderly and judicious 
manner, without noise or tumult : that this was a malicious persecu- 
tion on the part of F. M. Higbee, and that said Higbee pay costs of 
suit, and that Joseph Smith be honorably discharged from the accus- 
ation of the writ and go hence without delay. The other [seventeen] 
brethren were arrested the next day, and they also petitioned and 
obtained a writ of habeas corpus and were tried before the municipal 
court on that day ; and, after witnesses had been examined as in the 
case of Joseph, they were all honorably discharged from the accusa- 
tions and arrests. The court decided that Higbee pay the costs of 
the suits." 

The ''orderly and judicious manner, without noise 
or tumult," is intensely funny. Says Lee* the great ad- 
mirer of the prophet : 

" The printing press and the grocery of Higbee & Foster were 
declared nuisances and ordered to be destroyed. The owners refused 
to comply with the decision of the city council, and the mayor [Joe] 
ordered the press and type destroyed, which was done. The owner 
of the grocery employed John Eagle, a regular bully, and others to 
defend it. i\s the police entered, or attempted to enter. Eagle stood 
in the door and knocked three of them down. As the third one fell 
the prophet struck Eagle under the ear and brought him sprawling to 
the ground. He then crossed Eagle's hands and ordered them to be 
tied, saying that he could not see his men knocked down while in 
the line of their duty, without protecting them." 

What a truly formidable "lamb!" A lamb worth 
six policemen, at the very lowest. It would have been a 
match for Sullivan, that lamb. It was too weak for 
work, but as to knocking down a fellow and enjoying any 
amount of comfortable living and pleasure, there was no 
end of endurance in that lamb. 

Let us return to the sad scene in the yard of Carthage 
jail. A twenty years' career of deception and crime has 

* Confession, p. 153. 

Career of a Great CrifuinaL i6i 

been concluded. The citizens of Illinois had found out 
the impostor, law-breaker and conspirator, just as the cit- 
izens of Ohio and Missouri had done. Twelve years 
before, he and Rigdon had been tarred and feathered by 
outraged citizens in Ohio ; six years before, the same 
founders of the new gospel had to flee for their lives from 
Kirtland, hotly pursued by the victims of their swindles ; 
a few months afterward the ''commander-in-chief of the 
armies of Israel" barely escaped military execution in 
Missouri for armed rebellion and crimes of all kinds. 

The criminal career of the impostor had been con- 
stantly widening, and his schemes, all calculated to be a 
profit to himself and an injury to all others, had constantly 
become deeper and more systematic. Originally bent on 
living without work, he concludes by trying to become a 
millionaire ; originally seducing a poor girl, now and 
then, he finally wants all the women he sees ; originally 
the ruler of a handful of fanatics, he finally dreams of an 
empire; originally intent on making a little speculation 
with the Gold Bible, he turns the small fraud into a 
gigantic one by pretending to be a prophet and insep- 
arable friend and mouthpiece of the Almighty, and 
superior to the old prophets and apostles. Every success 
in crime makes him wish for more in the same line ; the 
sight of a hundred dupes creates the desire to dupe 
thousands, and finally the whole world, with visions, 
revelations and translations. 

The impostor aggravates his crimes by heartless sneers 
at those who have been useful to him and are so no more. 
His laugh at the damned fools he has fixed becomes 
speedily a threat of murder to those who refuse to join 
him in his criminal schemes. Not content to commit 
crimes himself, he educates large masses of a dangerously 
ignorant and fanatic kind systematically to become 
despisers and breakers of political and social laws. To 
his pernicious teachings he adds the most dangerous 
element of profound secrecy, terrible oaths and punish- 
ments. He tempts men by pandering to their basest 
instincts, and, worst of all, covers all his open and secret 
wrongs with the mantle of religion. He exasperates the 

1 62 Mori?ion Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

peaceful inhabitants of Ohio, Missouri and Illinois by 
impudently "consecrating" their homes and property, 
and by depriving them of all legitimate political power, 
wherever he and his fanatics are in the majority. He 
makes them feel that he is capable of any deed of violence, 
any dark scheme, and that the only obstacles that separate 
him from his ends are not conscience, law and duty, but 
want of opportunity and fear of defeat. He makes them 
feel that, as a body, his followers are not only a dark 
cloud of ravenous locusts, but a band of desperadoes, 
knowing no law but the command of their brigand chiefs, 
and not hesitating to help each other in any emergency, 
be it with a club, knife or gun in a skirmish, be it with 
hard false swearing in court. 

But is there no law, are there no judges, are there no 
juries? Sure enough, there are lots of those splendid in- 
stitutions, but they don't always work as they should. You 
have read of old Scrooge, that bad weather did not know 
where to have him? Well, the law didn't know where to 
have the prophet. From the beginning of this '' church," 
blind obedience has drowned ordinary conscience in its 
followers ; blind obedience has always had this result and 
always will have. This unconditional serfdom always in- 
sured on Joseph's side any amount of exculpating witnesses, 
alibi's, entire ignorance of facts, and, if need be, perjury. 
Add to this, that juries and judges can be intimidated in 
certain cases: many a good man doesn't want his cattle 
to be stolen and his house to be burned just for the satis- 
faction of having found guilty a petty thief. And when 
Joseph's political power was growing, he used it not only 
to steal into unheard-of city charters, he used it on all 
weak representatives of the law, among whom, just as to- 
day, were many demagogues looking out for office. 
Besides, Joseph was never sparing of the money of his 
dupes, where he could employ legal talent to save his 
prophetic hide. I have seen statements of very large 
sums spent in this way, and money went no doubt very 
often to bribe witnesses or spirit them off. In this 
manner the fact that he was tried and aquitted about forty 
times is easily explained. 

Joseph the Original, Brigham the Copy. 163 

Now, Judge Lynch is an eminently practical gentle- 
man, with a very small amount of regard for technical 
niceties, and with a fell resolve to lose as little time as 
possible. This latter characteristic may be explained by 
the total absence of any fee-system observable in this 
branch of justice. Judge Lynch doesn't want any office; 
he measures neither a man's political influence, nor his 
pocket — he measures only his neck, so as to limit the ex- 
penses for rope, etc., with a high sense of economy, as far 
as compatible with decency and efficiency. In the case of 
''Generals" Joseph and Hyrum Smith some extra outlay 
for powder and balls was readily allowed, the military 
rank of the delinquents justifying fully such extravagance, 
not to speak of their yet higher rank as prophets, seers 
and revelators. 

Good-bye, Joseph and Hyrum ! Your bloody end 
fills me with something like awe, and with a certain sym- 
pathy for you. Your manner of death was not altogether 
unworthy of braver and better men than you were. I am 
not naturally given to hating people, and I might even 
feel a gentle stirring of something like sympathy for the 
most cunning of rascals and murderers, Brigham Young, 
had he finished on the end of a rope instead of dying 
comfortably by dysentery. You, Joe Smith, were an orig- 
inal, and will, as such, always claim the warm interest of 
artistic gentlemen like myself. Brigham was only your 
copy, Joe ; he stole your church and kingdom ideas, and 
made a vast and cold system of robbery and murder out of 
them. Your passions made a splendid harlequin of you — 
he was too cold, too cunning, too avaricious to lose his 
head ; for if there is an expensive thing it's a craze. You 
are intensely funny ; Brigham never had the merit of be- 
ing ridiculous. You were an irregular bandit, he was a 
methodical Shylock ; you were amusing, he is tedious ; you 
are interesting, he is only detestable. 

Yes, Joe, you will live in the memory of mankind as a 
grand harlequin, when Brigham, the great scoundrel, will 
be long forgotten. You are the boss juggler and con- 
jurer of the age. Your gold plates, your mysterious book, 
your peep-stone, your sword of Laban and breast-plate, 

164 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

your uniform, your titles, your white dog and your bleed- 
ing Spaniard, your banking sand-boxes, your "Lord," your 
house of boarding, your log on the river, your little room 
for the celestial business, your oil-bottle — was there ever 
a choice little outfit like this? Why, Joe, I assure you, I 
felt tired at Barnum's in half an hour, but in the galleries 
*6f your Vatican I feel good since many months. No, 
don't blush, it is no compliment. I sp^ak the truth. 
You will stand out in history a grand figure with your face 
in the hat and the stone in the hat. Sculptors will have 
no difficulty in designing your monuments. I see a statue 
of yours right before my mind's eye, your right foot on 
the neck of a tax-collector, your right fist behind the ear 
of bully John Eagle, your left holding the little oil bottle. 
I see the shining gold letters of the pedestal : "Do ye the 
works of Abraham," or, "It is your privilege to have all 
the wives you want," or, "Where is the rest of it?" 
and the little bas reliefs on the pedestal of your monu- 
ment — oh, I wish I could resurrect Benvenuto Cellini to 
work them. I see the immaculate white dog and the 
bleeding Spanish ghost ; I see you kneeling in the corn- 
field and praying with all the fervor of a new-born Meth- 
odist ; I see you taking a handful of fifty-cent pieces and 
covering carefully the sand in the boxes at Kirtland; I see 
the new Abraham, your excellent father, holding a rod 
and surrounded by innumerable chests of money ; I see 
your little mother, holding in either hand a big, three- 
cornered diamond ; I see cunning little Bennett, asking 
for Orson Pratt's rifle, and then there he is again, with 
soi?iething ''hid up" in his left sleeve. I see all those 
things worked admirably in lustrous bronze and set in 
marble, juiit as the three-cornered diamonds were set in 
glass. And far beyond all mundane effigies, I see thee a 
god, Joe, in the celestial kingdom, your white hat shin- 
ing and radiant like the morning sun ; and thou sittest 
smiling betwixfc the two Abrahams. The Lord steps up 
to ye, arm in arm with David Patten, and thou hast, all 
of you, a glorious chat about the good old Nauvoo times. 
Mormonism produces not only great prophets, it gives 
us great writers, too, and more especially poets and his- 

Four Maxims of ''Our Holy Religion^ 165 

torians. Let me recommend to you, before all, Edward 
Tullidge, Esq., for love of truth, just comparisons, and 
graphic power in general. Says this passionately vera- 
cious historian, of Joseph's death: 

"■ Thus lived, and labored and loved and died the martyr prophet 
of the nineteenth century. Thus flashed athwart the black midnight 
of this age the light of the latter days. But the darkness compre- 
hended it not ; and even as one of old was- he betrayed and sacrificed. 
Back to that scene on Calvary leaps the thought of man. Instinctively 
are associated the tragedy of that day and the tragedy of this. In 
the agony of death appears the self-same spirit," etc. 

Calvary and Carthage — the comparison is just, after all. 
But leave out the cross in the centre, will you? 


JoJvi Taylor Hides Another Pearl — '' Gath'' and Phil 
Robinson — Origin of Dan it ism — Smith and Rigdon 
Preach " Oneness"" or Death — The ''Salt Sermon'' — 
Fight at Gallatin — Death of the Danite Apostle — 
Bfigham Young, the Treacherous Danite — Murderers 
as Preachers and Missionaries — Martyr Parley Pratt 
an Assassin — Affidavits of Apostles Marsh and Hyde 
— Joe Goes Back on Dr. Avard — Clinching State- 
ment of David Whitmer — The Danites of 1868 — 
Mrs. Pratt Settles the Question. 

The Mormon leaders kept up their lying about polyg- 
amy for a period of more than tel^ years, calling, as 
accused criminals often do, God and the angels as witnes- 
ses that they were speaking the truth. Since 1852 their 
tactics have changed. They now confess polygamy, but 
not that they have been lying. Lying in this ''church" 
is ''hiding pearls from the swine ;" stealing is taking as 
the Lord's agents ; seducing other people's wives is exalt- 
ing, and killing people is saving them. 

1 66 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

A man who has ten wives living and declares solemnly 
that he never heard of polygamy, is naturally just the 
person to whom you would look when in search of a re- 
liable statement. At that very same discussion in Bou- 
logne, France, 1850, where John Taylor denied the 
existence of polygamy in the Mormon ''church," Rev. 
James Robinson, one of his opponents, asked : 

" Was there not a body of men amongst the Mormonites called 
" Danites," or " Destroying Angels," who were banded together to 
assassinate such as were supposed to be enemies of the body ? And 
had not the existence of these men caused the hostility of the Ameri- 
cans to the Mormonite body?" 

In reply John Taylor said : 

"We are again very soberly told about "Danites" and "Des- 
troying Angels." I never happened to be acquainted with any of 
those among the Latter-Day Saints." 

John Taylor was advanced to the Mormon apostle- 
ship in 1838, and David Patten, who was then president 
of this quorum of twelve, being also a leading spirit 
among the Danites, I cannot doubt for a moment that 
Taylor had taken the Danite oaths himself in Missouri in 
1838. But he was resolved to hide this other pearl, too. 
I saw once in Paris, in the Hotel de Ventes, a collection of 
pearls, belonging to Madame Blanc, exposed for sale. I 
thought then I had never seen so many, so big and so fine 
pearls. But I confess I was mistaken; those pearls were 
a handful of dried peas compared with that splendid 
church collection, now guarded by old John Taylor. I 
wonder whether they don't employ Joe's bleeding Span- 
iard as a kind of night watchman for their church pearls. 
It would be just the kind of a job such a fellow would 

Whenever a stranger who is thought of some conse- 
quence arrives in Salt Lake City, the church diplomats 
" make a business of it " to get hold of him ard give him 
"the facts" about important points of church history. 
By accident Apostle Richards, the keeper of the histor- 
ian's pearls, did so with me. No wonder that a man like 
Gath, the brilliant journalist, wrote in 1871, after having 
had chats with Brigham, George A. Smith, George Q. 
Cannon and other great men : 

Gath Discovers a Mormon Thackeray. 167 

" Human life in Utah is safer than probably anywhere in civili- 
zation The industrious political vagabonds who write letters 

from Utah to the East, have created the band of ' Danites ' and other 
hobgoblins out of air and foolscap." 

Gath had, of course, no idea that he was furthering 
the schemes of the most cunning rascals on earth while 
he wrote these lines. He could not conceive the idea 
that those smooth, smiling, clean-shaved gentlemen were 
liars. I guess that Gath, if invited by King Claudius, 
would write to the Enquirer : " I find the king to be the 
essence of chivalry and hospitality. Polonius is a great 
diplomat and scholar on the decline. Prince Hamlet is 
an intolerable crank, if not an outright madman." For 
doesn't Gath call Porter Rockwell, who is never remem- 
bered by decent people here without a shudder, "a fat, 
curly-haired, good-natured chap?" And he had a talk 
with him! Again, what does he say of the disgusting, 
dull, beastly fanatic, George A. Smith, Brigham's tool and 
courier in preparing the murder of the Arkansas emi- 
grants in 1857 : 

" Smith is one of us literary folks ; a man of the stamp of Thack - 
ERAY and Washington Irving — not equal to them in degree, per- 
haps, but in nature the same a chaste, tender and religious 

husband, father, friend and gentleman." 

How they must chuckle, those Mormon diplomats, when 
they read the books and articles of those most gloriously 
fixed fools ! George A. Smith, a Thackeray or Washing- 
ton Irving ! Gath might have told us of Sappho R. 
Snow, Caius Sempronius Rockwell, Cornelius Tacitus 
Tullidge ! If men of the talent and calibre of Gath are 
capable of such atrocities in open daylight, what would 
you expect from the "illustrious obscure" smaller fry of 
strolling scribblers — not to speak of wretched literary 
outcasts who sell themselves so much a page or line?* 

* It is a notorious fact, known here to all persons interested in 
such matters, that Phil Robinson, who came here some years ago, 
sent by the then tottering Nezu York World, wrote " Saints and Sin- 
ners " in the pay of the Mormon leaders. He confessed this fact in 
Ogden just before leaving this profitable territory. But no confession 
is needed, the "book" shows the patent fact on every page. 

1 68 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Missouri, ''the land of your enemies," was the cradle 
of the Danites, and fanatic Sidney Rigdon their inventor. 
I believe that Sidney, impostor and scoundrel as he was, 
was still a greater crank and fanatic. I feel sure that he 
came half to believe in the fraud fabricated by himself, 
and really imagined himself to be the man called by the 
Lord to restore the ''House of Israel." John D. Lee 
gives a graphic description of the stormy times in Mis- 
souri immediately preceding the " Mormon war." He 
makes it plain that the eternal cry of persecution is 
nothing but a most impudent and outrageous lie. He 
proves that Sidney and Joseph transformed, in the sum- 
mer of 1838, their followers into a band of desperadoes, 
ready to commit any horror. Hear him : 

"On Monday, the 6th day of August, 1838, the greater portion of 
our people in the settlements near me went to Gallatin to attend the 
election. In justice to truth I must state that just before the general 
election in August 1838, a general notice was given for all the breth- 
ren of Daviess county to meet at Adam-Ondi-Ahman. Every man 
obeyed the call. At the meeting all the males over eighteen years of 
age were organized into a MILITARY BODY, according to the law of 
the priesthood and called " The Host of Israel." The first rank 
was a captain with ten men under him; next was a captain of fifty. 
That is, lie had five companies of ten. The entire membership of the 
Mormon church was then organized in the same way. This, I was 
then informed, was the first organization of the military force of the 
church. It was so organized at that time by command of God as 
revealed through the Lord's prophet, Joseph Smith. God commanded 
Joseph Smith to place the Host of Israel in a situation for defense 
against the enemies of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day 

" At the same conference another organization was perfected, or 
then first formed, it was called the Danites. The members of this 
order were placed under the most secret obligations that language 
could invent. They were sworn to stand by and sustain each other. 
Sustain, protect, defend and obey the leaders of ' the chtirch, wider any 
and all circumstances zmto death : and to disobey the orders of the 
leaders of the church, or divulge the name of a Danite to an outsider, 
or to make public any of the secrets of the order of Danites, was to 
be punished with death. And I can say of truth many have paid 
THE penalty for failing to keep their covenants. They had signs 
and tokens for use and protection. The token of recognition was 
such that it could be readily understood, and it served as a token of 
distress by which they could know each other from their enemies, 
although they were entire strangers to each other. When the sign 

Persecuted Lambs Looking Like Wolves. 169 

was given it must be responded to and obeyed, even at the risk or 
certainty of death. The Danite that would refuse to respect the 
token and comply with all its requirements, was stamped with dis- 
honor, infamy, shame, disgrace, and his fate for cowardice and 
treachery was death." 

Doesn't this ''persecuted" people look just like a 
flock of innocent lambkins? This is the way they pre- 
pare themselves for an election ! A blind man can see 
that those Missourians were awfully wicked people and 
Boggs was really much worse than Nero. Dr. John C. 
Bennett gives in his book the Constitution of the Danite 
Band. The document is really grotesque in its pomp ; 'tis 
Sidney Rigdon all over. Here are some choice bits of it : 

" Whereas, In all bodies laws are necessary for the permanency, 
safety and well-being of society, we, the members of the society of the 
Daughter of Zion,* do agree to regulate ourselves under such laws 
as, in righteousness, shall be deemed necessary for the preservation of 
our holy religion, and of our most sacred rights and of the rights of 
our wives and children. But, to be explicit on the subject, it is 
especially our object to support and defend the rights conferred on us 
by our venerable sires, who purchased them with the pledges of their 
lives, their fortunes and their sacred honors. And now, to prove 
ourselves worthy of the liberty conferred on us by them, in the 
providence of God, we do agree to be governed by such laws as shall 
perpetuate these high privileges, of which we know ourselves to be 
the rightful possessors, and of which privileges wicked and designing 
men have tried to deprive us by all manner of evil, and that pia^ely 
in consequence of the tenacity we have manifested in the discharge of 
our dnfy to7vards our God, who has given us those rights"" and 
privileges, and a right in common with others to dwell on this land. 
But we, not having the privileges of others allowed to us, have deter- 
mined, like unto our fathers, to resist tyranny, whether it be in kings 
or in the people. It is all alike unto us. Our rights we must have, 
and our rights we shall have, in the name of Israel's God. 

" The executive power shall be vested in the president of the 
WHOLE CHURCH and his councilors. 

" The legislative powers shall reside in the president and his 
councilors together, and with the generals and colonels of the society. 

*Th.e Danite band was instituted for the purpose of driving out 
from Missouri— Canaan— all apostates or dissenters from the Mormon 
faith. It was, therefore, first called the "Big Fan," inasmuch as 
It fanned out the chaff from the wheat. " Brother of Gideon," 
" Daughter of Zion," and " Danites," are later names, all founded, 
as was Rigdon's manner, on biblical allusions. 

lyo Mor?non Porty-aits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

" Punishment shall be administered to the guilty in accordance to 
the offense. 

" All officers shall be subject to the commands of the captain- 
general, given through the secretary of war.'''' 

There was never a more genuine document. It is 
composed of the same notes which form the daily-evening- 
music in the Deseret News, the present church organ. 
This is a persecuted people ; they only ask for the rights 
guaranteed in the Constitution; "wicked and designing 
men," the Murrays, Zanes, Dicksons of yore, denied 
them their rights, and they do so to-day. Lorenzo Snow, 
the aged apostle, sings to-day the same tune which he, 
poor old fellow, sang in 1838. He was a Danite then, 
I have no doubt, and is one to-day. 

John C. Bennett, Esq., favors us with a copy of the 
oath taken by the Danites in Missouri : 

" In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I do solemnly 
obligate myself ever to conceal and never to reveal the secret pur- 
poses of this society, called the Daughter of Zion. Should I ever do 
the same, I hold my life as the forfeiture." 

The oath was subsequently altered in Nauvoo. I have 
no doubt that " Joab, a general in Israel," was the 
author of this revised edition : 

" In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I do solemnly 
obligate myself ever to regard the prophet and first presidency of the 
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the supreme head of the 
church on earth, and to obey them in all things the same as the 
supreme God ; that I will stand by my brethren in danger or difficulty, 
and will uphold the presidency, right or wrong, and that I will 
ever conceal and never reveal the secret purposes of this society, 
called the Daughter of Zion. Should I ever do the same, I hold my 
life as the forfeiture, in a caldron of boiling oil." 

Boiling oil — that smells of the drug-store. I see the 
little doctor behind it. By the way. Doctor, didn't you 
compose it, too — that beautiful blessing which your 
prophet used to administer to the Danites in person, 
assisted by Patriarch Hyrum Smith and George Miller, 
the president of the high priests' quorum ? It reminds 
me very much of your '' Joab " style: 

'* In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and by the 

''Herr Most'' is no Worse. , 171 

authority of the Holy Priesthood, we, the first president, patriarch and 
high priest of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, repre- 
.9^;///;/<f the first, second and third Gods in heaven — the Father, the 
Son, and the Holy Ghost— do now anoint you with holy, consecrated 
oil, and by the imposition of our hands do ordain, consecrate and set 
you apart for the holy calling whereunto you are called; that you may 
consecrate the riches of the Gentiles to the Honse of Israel, bring swift 
destri'ction tipon apostate sinners, and execute the decrees of heaven, 
without fear of what man can do with you. So mote it be. Amen." 

In Bennett's time the number of the Danites was over 
two thousand. From their "elite," to use the word of 
George Q. Cannon, twelve men were selected, called 
Destnictives, or Destroying Angel, and sometimes Flying 
Angel. Their duty was to act as spies, and to report to 
the' first presidency. Their oath was as follows: 

" In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I do covenant and 
agree to support the fiVst presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of 
LaUer-day Saints, in all things, RIGHT OR WRONG; I will faithfully 
guard them and report to them the acts of all men, as far as in my 
power lies; I will assist in executing all the decrees of the first presi- 
dent, patriarch or president of the twelve ; and that I will cause all 
who speak evil of the presidency, or heads of the churclf, to die the 
death of dissenters or apostates, unless they speedily confess and repent, 
for pestilence, persecution and death shall folUnv the enemies of Zion. 
I will be a swift herald of salvation and messenger of peace to the 
saints, and I will never make known the secret purposes of this 
society, called the Destroying Angel, my lifebeing the forfeiture in 
a fire of burning tar and brmistone. So help me God, and keep me 

Doctor, Doctor, I smell your little laboratory again. 
Burning tar and brunstone — that shows a good deal of 
practical chemistry. 

But let us return to Lee. He is anxious to give us all 
the information he has acquired in his interesting career 
as Mormon policeman, Danite and life guard of his ad- 
mired prophet. 

"The si^n or token of distress is made by placing the right hand 
on the right-side of the face, with the points of the fingers upwards, 
shoving the hand upward until the ear is snug up between the thumb 
and fore- finger." 

I wish the wise men of this nation would study the 
history of the Mafia in Sicily, which is such a thorn in the 

172 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

flesh of the young Italian kingdom. I^have lived there 
for months and feel justified in saying that Mormonism is 
nothing but the Religious Mafia of the United States. 
Absolute secrecy, conspiracy against the laws, murder and 
perjury are the characteristics of both institutions. But I 
have yet to show Sidney Rigdon's part in this Danite busi- 
ness. It was on a Fourth of July, the great national me- 
morial day of the Declaration of Independence, that the 
crazy restorer of the '' House of Israel " unfurled the flag 
of treason and rebellion. Hear Danite Lee : 

" That day (July 4, 1838, in Far West, a new Mormon settle- 
ment) Joseph Smith made known to the people the substance of a 
revelation he had before received from God. It was to the effect that 
all the saints throughout the land were required to sell their posses- 
sions, gather all their money together and send an agent to buy up all 
the land in the region round about Far West, and get a patent for the 
land from the government, then deed it over to the church ; then every 
man should come up there to the land of their promised inheritance 
and consecrate what they had to the Lord. Sidney Rigdon was then 
the mouth piece of Joseph Smith, as Aaron was of Moses in olden 
times. Rigdon told the saints that day that if they did not come up as 
true saints and consecrate their property to the Lord, by laying it 
down at the feet of the apostles, they would in a short time be com- 
pelled to consecrate and yield it up to the Gentiles. That if the saints 
would be united as one man in this consecration of their entire wealth 
to the God of Heaven, by giving it up to the control of the apostolic 
priesthood, then there would be no further danger to the saints; they 
would no more be driven from their homes on account of their faith 
and holy work, for the Lord had revealed to Joseph Smith that He 
would then fight the battles of his children and save them from all 
their enemies. That the Mormon people would never be accepted as 
the children of God unless they were united as one man, in tempo7-al 
as zoe/l as spiritual affairs, for Jesus had said, unless ye are one, ye 
are not mine ; that oneness must exist to make the saints the accepted 
children of God." 

Give a quart of infernal whisky to each member of a 
tribe of Indians, or tell such stuff as this to a horde of 
beggarly, brutal fanatics, and it will come to the same. 

No wonder that Lee felt like "consecrating." He 
says : 

" The words of the apostle and the promises of God, as then re- 
vealed to me, made a deep impression on my mind, as it did upon all 
who heard the same. We that had given up all else for the sake of 

Sidney Foams and Fixes the Fools. 173 

the gospel, felt willing TO DO anything on earth that it was possible 
to do, to obtain the protection of God and have and receive His smile 
of approbation. Those who, like me, had full faith in the teachings of 
God, as revealed by Joseph Smith, his prophet, were willing to com 
ply with every order and to obey every wish of the priesthood. A vote 
of the people was then had to determine the question whether they 
would consecrate their wealth to the church or not. The vote was 
ttuaninioKs for the consecration. The prophet and all his priesthood 
were jubilant and could hardly contain themselves; they were so 
happy to see the people such dutiful saints."* 

Who is there among my readers who does not feel that 
all this infernal humbug is nothing but a conspiracy of 
scoundrels to dupe a horde of fanatics under religious 
pretences ? To make them give up every cent they have, 
and make tools of them for all sorts of criminal pur- 
poses ? 

Sidney gave the fools, to fix them thoroughly, a big 
speech on the same Fourth of July. That speech has be- 
come celebrated in Mormon history as the ''Salt Sermon." 
Sidney had found somewhere a Bible text : "If the salt 
have lost its savour, it is thenceforth good for nothing but 
to be cast out and trodden under the foot of men." You 
see it as clearly as I do, reader, that this means the apostates 
or, in a larger sense, all the wicked fellows who wouldn't 
consecrate ; finally the Missourians and all Gentiles. Sid- 
ney was strong at the old Bible, and his interpretations 
were always just what Joseph's " kingdom " needed. He 
told the Mormons that the story of Ananias and Sapphira 
falling dead at the rebuke of Peter, was no work of the 
heavens, but that "the young men " who were with Peter 
literally trod them under their feet till their bowels gushed 
out ! And Judas the traitor — he didn't die by his own 
hand, Sidney knew better. Hi* fellow apostles killed 
him, and his bowels came out by the same religious pro- 
ceeding. But hear the " Salt Sermon" : 

" We take God and all the holy angels to witness this day that we 
warn all men in the name of Jesus Christ, to come on us no more for 

*" Laying all at the Apostles' feet" was a life-long dream and 
hobby with Rigdon. This takes the form of the so-called " Order of 
Enoch" in Mormonism, now figuring for the time as Z. C. M. I., the 
mercantile anaconda of Utah. 

174 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Sffiith. 

ever. The men or the set of men that attempts it does so at the ex- 
pense of their lives. And the mob that comes on us to disturb us, it 
shall be between us and them a war of exterminatk^n, for we will 
follow them tiil the last drop of blood is spilled, or else they will have 
to exterminate us ; for we will carry the seat of war to their own 
houses and their own families, and one part or the other shall be 
utterly destroyed. Remember it then, all men! No man shall be at 
liberty to come in our streets, to threaten us with mobs, for if he does 
he shall atone for it before he leaves the place ; neither shall he be at 
liberty to vilify or slander any of us, for suffer it we will not in this 
place. We therefore take all men to record this day, as did our 
fathers, and we pledge this day to one another our fortunes and our 
sacred honours to be delivered from the persecutions which we have 
had to endure for the last nine years, or nearly that. Neither will we 
indulge any man or set of men in instituting vexatious LAW-suiTS 
against us, to cheat us out of our just rights; if they attempt it we 
say woe be unto them. We this day, then, proclaim ourselves 
FREE, with a purpose and a determination that can never be broken. 
No, never ! No, never! ! No, never ! ! ! " 

This is a very fair specimen of Mormon political pro- 
gramme. Let me tell you, by the way, that this piece of 
frenzy, absurd as it seems, is just the stuff that fills to-day 
the brains of the invisible head of the church, President 
John Taylor. He is absolutely the same kind of foaming 
fanatic that Sidney was. He has preached "Salt Ser- 
mons " by the hundred, and he would do so to-day were 
it not for "scoundrels" like Zane, Dickson and Ireland. 
Scoundrels? It is one of the mildest terms used by him, 
when talking of the officers of the law. 

But there had been in June a fore-runner to the " Salt 
Sermon," a wonderful little document, addressed to the 
Dissenters, wicked fellows, who would not become crimi- 
nal conspirators and desperadoes. The little thing is full 
of the spirit of the " pure-in-heart ; " it smells all over of 
the goodness and peace«of Z/^/z. Curious enough, among 
the wicked are to be found the original witnesses of the 
Book of Mormon. All of the leaders of the Dissenters 
had been chosen servants and instruments of the Lord so 
long as they had been absolute tools but the very moment 
they dared to think for themselves, they became danger- 
ous for the kingdom. Here is the anathema which was 
drawn up by Rigdon and signed by over eighty leading 
Mormons : 

Tzvo Orders of Extermination. 175 

"Far West, June i, 1838. 
"To Oliver Cowdery, David Whitmer, John Whitmer, W. 
W. Phelps and Lyman E, Johnson, Greeting : 
"Whereas, The [Mormon] citizens of Caldwell county have 
borne with the abuse received from you, at different times, and on 
different occasions, until it is no longer to be endured ; neither will 
they endure it any longer, having exhausted all the patience they have, 
and conceive that to bear any longer is a vice instead of a virtue. 
We have borne long and suffered incredibly ; but we will neither 
bear nor suffer any longer ; and the decree has gone forth from our 
hearts, and shall not return to us void. Neither think, gentlemen, 
that in so saying we are trifling with either you or ourselves, for we 
are not. There are no threats from you — no fear of losing our lives 
by you, or by anything you can say or do, will restrain us ; for out of 
the country you shall go, and NO POWER SHALL SAVE YOU. And you 
shall have three days after you receive this communication to you, 
including twenty-four hours in each day, for you to depart with your 
families, peaceably; which you may do, undisturbed by any person; 
but in that time, if you do not depart, we \vill use the means in our 
power to cause you to depart : for GO YOU SHALL, We will have no 
more promises to reform, as you have already done, and in every in- 
stance violated your promise, and regarded not the covenant which 
you had made, but put both it and us at defiance. We have solemnly 
warned you, and that in the most determined manner, that if you did 
not cease that course of wanton abuse of the [Mormon] citizens of 
this county, that vengeance would overtake you sooner or later, and 
that when it did come it would be as furious as the mountain torrent, 
and as terrible as the beating tempest ; but you have affected to de- 
spise our warnings, and pass them off with a sneer or grin, or a 
threat, and pursued your former course ; and vengeance sleepeth not, 
neither does it slumber; and unless you heed us this time and attend 
to our request, it will overtake you at an hour w^hen you do not ex- 
pect, and at a day when you do not look for it ; and for you there 
SHALL BE no ESCAPE; for there is but one decree for you, which is: 
Depart, depart, or a morf, fatal calamity shall befall you." 

Nero Boggs' order for the expulsion or extermination 
of the Saints appears mild enough contrasted with this 
hyena yell. The Mormon president issues his order of 
expulsion or extermination in June, 1838, and the Mis- 
souri governor issues his in October, 1838. The Christ- 
like Rigdon anathematizes and would kill peaceable, 
law-upholding victims of his own miserable fraud. Nero 
Boggs, in order to avoid a civil war, is for expelling or 
extermintaing armed law-breakers. Rigdon is the crazy 
fanatic, Boggs the zealous officer, and in the finale as usual 

176 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

innocent dupes have to suffer with designing knaves. 
Yet the Mormons were a horribly persecuted body of 
RELIGIOUS worshippers in the "land of Missouri," you 

But how things change in this fickle world ! You had 
seen the plates and dozens of angels, David Whitmer; 
the angels had even worked for you in the fields, they 
had treated you like an old playmate of theirs. And now 
they give you three days to " get out " with your family. 
There is a little consolation in the fact that each of these 
three days ''includes" twenty-four hours, but still it is 
hard for a friend and confidant of angels to be treated 
like this. And you, Oliver Cowdery, how must you feel 
in reading that ''no power shall save you," and "there 
shall be no escape" ! It makes my heart bleed to look 
at that excellent little book, the Sunday-school Catechism, 
No. I, printed in 1882, p. 17: 

Q. When were Joseph and Oliver baptized ? 

A. On the same day that the Aaronic priesthood was conferred 
upon them. 

Q. Who was baptized first ? 

A. Oliver Cowdery. 

Q. Who baptized him ? 

A. Joseph Smith. 

Q. Who was next baptized ? 

A. Joseph Smith. 

Q. Who baptized him ? 

A. Oliver Cowdery. 

Q. What took place next ? 

A. Joseph ordained Oliver to the Aaronic priesthood. 

Q. And who ordained Joseph Smith ? 

A. Oliver Cowdery. 

Q. What happened after this? 

A. The Holy Cxhost fell upon them and they prophesied. 

Those were glorious times, Oliver. Then the day 
included twenty-four happy hours. But more glories 
were to be yours. Says our little Catechism, p. 19 : 

Q. By whom was the holy apostleship restored to the earth ? 

A. Christ's ancient apostles, Peter, James and John. 

Q, Upon whom did they confer this power ? 

A. Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery. 

W/io Appeared Next? 177 

But I am not yet- through with your glories and special 
blessings, Oliver. Let me look at the little Catechism, 
p. 32: 

Q. What glorious things were revealed on the next Sunday 
{April 3, 1836)? 

A. The heavens were opened to Joseph Smith and Oliver 
Cowdery, and the glories thereof were shown to them. 

Q. Who appeared to them on this occasion ? 

A. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Q. What did He say of Himself? 

A. " I am the first and the last, I am he who liveth, I am he 
who was slain, I am your advocate with the Father." 

Q. After this vision was closed who next appeared ? 

A. Moses, the great law-giver of ancient Israel. 

Q, What did he commit to them ? 

A. The keys of the gathering of Israel. 

Q. Who appeared next ? 

A. Elias. 

Q. Who appeared after Elias? 

A. The prophet Elijah, who gave them the keys to turn the 
hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers. 

To have a whole museum of keys, Oliver, and then 
be given three days to ''git up an' git!" What else 
could you do, after all, than turn a Methodist, like as 
your prophet had done ? * This seems the only way out of 
difficulties of this kind, especially when nobody will 
*' appear next." But what did you do with all them 
keys, pray ? 

The effect of all this fanatical nonsense must have 
been disastrous on the confused brain of a fanatic like 
John D. Lee. Says this great friend and spiritual foster- 
son of Brigham Young, most faithful and most celebrated 
of all Danites, aft^r having reported Sidney's salt sermon: 
''At the end of each sentence Rigdon was loudly cheered, 
and when he closed his oration, I believed the Mormons 


It is well known that the first serious disturbance 

*A11 three of the original witnesses of the Book of Mormon 
apostatized. Cowdery became a member of the Methodist Protestant 
Church in the winter of 1842-3, in Tiffin, Ohio, expressing at the 
time his deep shame and contrition lor his connection with Mormon- 
ism and the Book of Mormon. 

lyS Mormon Porti'aits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

between Mormons and Missourians occurred in the little 
town of Gallatin, August 6, 1838. It was at the election 
for which the Mormons had been prepared so nicely by 
their leaders. They came to Gallatin as the " Host of 
Israel," and as Danites, bound by secret oaths and 
tokens. Lee may tell us what happened on this ominous 
day : 

" Gallatin was a new town, with about ten houses, three of which 
were saloons. The town was on the bank of Grand River, and heavy 
timber came near the town, which stood in a little arm of the prairie. 
Close to the polls there was a lot of oak timber, which had been 
brought there, to be riven into shakes or shingles, leaving the heart, 
taken from each shingle-block, lying there on the ground. These 
hearts were three-square, four feet long, weighed about seven pounds, 
and made a very dangerous yet handy weapon. When .Stewart fell 
[a Mormon who had been beaten by a Missourian in a scuffle at the 
polls], the Mormons sprang to the pile of oak hearts, and each man 
taking one for use, rushed into the crowd. The Mormons were 
yelling, 'Save him!' and the settlers yelled, 'Kill him, damn him!' 
The sign of distress was given by the Daniies, and all rushed forward, 
determined to save Stewart or die with him. One of the nioh stabbed 
Stewart in the shoulder. He rose and ran, trying to escape, but was 
again surrounded and attacked by a large number of foes. The 
Danite sign of distress was again given by John L. Kutler, one of the 
captains of the //aj-/ (7/"/^r^<?/. Seeing the .r/^w, I sprang to my feet 
and armed myself with one of the oak sticks, / did this because I 
was a Danite, and my oaths that I had taken required immediate 
action on my part, in support of the one giving the sign. I ran into 
the crowd. I was an entire stranger to all who were engaged in the 
affray, except Stewart, but I had seen the sign, and, like Samson 
when leaning against the pillar, I felt the power of God nerve my arm 
for the fray. It helps a man a great deal in a fight to know that God 
is on his side.''^ 

Was n't he well fixed, that fool Lee,? That is the kind 
of oak hearts to build celestial kingdoms with. And 
Joseph's kingdom went up like magic just then — conse- 
cration was flourishing. Says Lee : 

" The prophet, Joseph Smith, said it was a civil war; that by the 
rules of war each party was justified in spoilin<r his enemy. This 
opened the door to the evil-disposed, and men of former quiet became 
PERFECT DEMONS in their efforts to spoil and waste away the enemies 
of the church. I saw soon that it was the natural inclination of men 
to steal and convert to their own use that which others ]X)ssessed. 
What perplexed me most was to see that religion had not the power 

Great Murderers and Good Writers. i79 

to subdue that passion in man, but that at the first moment when the 
restrictions of the church were withdrawn, the most devout men in our 
community acted like they had served a lifetime in evil, and were 


Is that SO, Elder Lee ? Then those bitter apostates 
are right after all, when sajang that your leaders have 
always acted and do always act like natural-born thieves ? 
Lee fortifies his general statement by a very remarkable 
special case : 

" A company went from Adam-Ondi-Ahman and burnt the house 
and buildings belonging to my friend, McBrier. Every article of 
moveable property was taken by the [Mormon] troops; he was 
utterly ruined. This man had been a friend to me and many others 
of the brethren ; he was an honorable man, but his good character 
and former acts of kindness had no effect on those who were working, 
as they pretended, to build up the kingdom of God. The Mormons 
brought in every article that could be used. . . . Men stole simply for 
the love of stealing. Such inexcusable acts of lawlessness had the 
eifect to arouse every Gentile in the three counties of Caldwell, Carroll 
and Davies, as well as to bring swarms of armed Gentiles from other 

Those are the acts of a pure, slandered and persecuted 
people, told by one of their leaders, who was tried and 
shot for having '' lived his religion." This book of the 
great Danite* should be studied by every patriotic Ame- 
rican. It has become a favorite of mine. I find in it 
many of the qualities of that wonderful autobiography of 
Benvenuto Cellini, the Florentine goldsmith. He and 
Lee had some common traits : sensuality, superstition, and 
a certain volcanic ensemble which never fails to make a 
writer powerful. What is style after all without 
natural vigor ? It is training in a Rozinante. It is curi- 
ous, but still a fact, that Lee and Hickman, the greatest 
murderers of this ''church," are the only interesting 
writers among scores of saints who have tried the path of 
authorship. Eliza R. Snow, I am sorry to say, beats 
them all in the impossible ^^;zr^. 

Lee is lull of interesting ''portraits." Let him de- 
scribe the death of a famous Danite, Captain David 

* Mormonism Unveiled, including the remarkable life and confes- 
sions of John D. Lee. St. Louis, Moffat Publ. Co., i88i. 

i8o Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Patten, the president of the twelve apostles, whose sudden 
exit opened wide the gates of success for ambitious 
Brigham Young. Patten died in a skirmish with the Mis- 
sourians called '' battle of Crooked River." 

"Captain David Patten, called Fearnot, was sent out by the pro- 
phet with fifty men, to attack a body of Missourians, who were camp- 
ing on the Crooked River. Captain Patten's men were nearly all, if 
not every one of them, Danites. The attack was made just before 
daylight in the morning. Captain Fearnot wore a white blanket over- 
coat and led the attacking party. He was a brave, impulsive man. 
He rushed into the thickest of the fight, regardless of danger, really 
seeking it to show his men that God would shield him from all harm. 
But he counted without just reason upon being invincible, for a ball 
soon entered his body, passing through his hips and cutting his bladder. 
The wound was fatal, but he kept on his feet and led his men sonie 
time before yielding to the effects of his wonnd. The Gentiles said 
afterwards that Captain Patten told his men to charge in the name of 
Lazarus, ' Charge, Danites, Charge !' and that as soon as he 
uttered the command, which distinguished him, they gave the Dariite 
captain a commission with powder and ball, and sent him on a mission 
to preach to the spirits that were in prison." 

The martyrdom of the '' great warrior apostle " was a 
fearful blow to Mormon superstition, originated and fed 
by the crazy harangues of '' my servants Sidney and Jo- 
seph." ''I had considered," says Lee, ''that I was 
bullet-proof, that no Gentile ball could ever harm me or 
any saint, and I had believed that a Danite could not be 
killed by Gentile hands. I thought that one Danite 
would chase a thousand and two could put ten thousand 
to flight. We had been promised and taught by the pro- 
phet that henceforth God would fight our battles, and that 
nothing but disobedience to the teachings of the priesthood 
could render a Mormon subject to injury from Gentile 
forces. We, as members of the church, had no right to 
question any act of our superiors; to do so wounded the 
spirit of God and led to our own loss and confusion." 

We see from Lee's expressions that the '' Host of Is- 
rael ' ' was pretty much demoralized by the death ot Capt. 
Patten. But the famous son of Lucy-Munchhausen was 
the greatest virtuoso of his age in the art of fixing the 
fools. Lee was ''thunderstruck" when the "Commander-in- 
chief of the armies of Israel " said at the funeral of Capt. 

The Mor^non Lord Only Blesses Slaves. i8i 

Patten that the Mormons were liable to be killed by Gen- 
tile balls just like other men. '' Joseph also said that the 
Lord was angry with the people, for they had been un- 
believing and faithless; they had denied the Lord the use 
of their earthly treasures, and placed their affections upon 
worldly things more than they had upon heavenly things ; 
that to expect God's favor we must blindly trust him ; that 
if the Mormons would wholly trust in God, the windows 
of heaven would be opened and a shower of blessings sent 
upon the people ; that all the people could contain of 
blessings would be given as a reward for obedience to the 
will ot God as made knov/n to mankind through the pro- 
phet of the ever-living God ; that the Mormons, if faithful, 
obedient and true followers of the advice of their leaders, 
would soon enjoy all the wealth of the earth ; that God 
would consecrate the riches of the Gentiles to the saints." 
I believed all he said, for he supported it by quotations from 
scripture, and if I believed in the Bible,* as I did most 
implicitly, I could not help believing in Joseph Smith, the 
prophet of God in these last days. Joseph Smith declared 
that he was called of God and given power and authority 
from heaven to do God's will ; that he had received the 
keys [O Lucy !] of the holy priesthood from the apostles 
Peter, James and John, and had been dedicated, set apart 
and anointed as the prophet, seer and revelator, sent to 
open the dispensation of the fullness of times, according 
to the words of the apostles ; that he was charged with 
the restoration of the House of Israel and to gather the 
Saints from the four corners of the earth to the land of 
promise, Zion, the Holy Land (Jackson county), and set- 
ting up the kingdom of God preparatory to the second 
coming of Christ in the latter days. Every Mormon, if 
true to his faith, believed as fully in Joseph Smith and 
his holy character as they did that God existed." 

Is the effect of the Prophetic idea not wonderful? 
It seems at least as powerful an agent as the revolutionary 
idea of liberty : it makes the pulse beat just like the 

■*"Our sickness is an overdose of Bible," said an old Mormon 
lady to me. 

1 82 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Marseillaise. Surrounded as he was by a thousand or 
more Lees, is it surprising that Joseph began to see 
himself a Mahomet ? 

Lee died an admirer of Joseph Smith. While sit- 
ting on his coffin at the Mountain Meadows, on that 
chilly March morning in 1877, he cursed treacherous 
Brigham Young and hoped to be soon united with his be- 
loved prophet. He gives a most enthusiastic and really 
interesting description of the modern Mahomet : ''Joseph 
Smith was a most extraordinary man ; he was rather large 
in stature, some six feet two inches in height, well built, 
though a little stoop-shouldered, prominent and well-de- 
veloped features, a Roman nose, light chestnut hair, 
upper lip full and rather protruding, chin broad and 
square, an eagle eye, and on the whole there was some- 
thing in his manner and appearance that was bewitching 
and winning ; his countenance was that of a plain, hon- 
est man, full of benevolence and philanthropy and void 
of deceit or hypocrisy. He was resolute and firm of 
purpose, stronger than most men in physical power, and 
all who saw were forced to admire him, as he then 
looked and existed." 

The portrait is no doubt a strongly flattered one. 
In the prison where his Confession was written, Joseph 
seemed to Lee, compared with the two-faced, ungrateful 
Brigham, the essence of honor and chivalry. Still, there 
is enough in Lee's sketch to show that Joseph had some- 
thing of the popular leader in him. Mrs. Pratt, who 
surely had every reason in the world to hate and despise 
Joseph, said once to me: ''As a leader I would always 
prefer Joseph to low cunning Brigham." 

There is scarcely a doubt that the apostles of Joseph 
Smith were all Danites, since their president was a Dan- 
ite captain. It is not doubtful to me that, for instance, 
Brigham Young had also taken the Danite oaths, and 
this is the reason why Lee kept on hoping to the last 
moment that his life would be spared : he could not be- 
lieve that Brigham would prove untrue to his covenants, 
which bind any Danite to help another, as we have 
seen. Those horrible covenants are a generic and dom- 

Murderers Blessing the Bread ajtd Wine. 183 

inating feature of Mormonism all through ; they are the 
secret cement of the whole structure, and Mormonism 
cannot be understood without this secret-oath business, 
bloody punishments, etc., being taken into due consider- 
ation. The witnesses of the Book of Mormon were 
bound by covenants to testify ; Rigdon and Smith bound 
themselves by a most solemn covenant to keep the great 
fraud secret : * every Dariite was fettered by covenants, 
and finally every ''good" Mormon becomes a part of 
this dreadful machinery through his endowment oaths. 

Among the Danite Apostles of the time of the Mis- 
souri troubles, Parley P. Pratt seems to be one of the 
Patten kind. He did not find his martyrdom in Missouri f 
and this is deeply to be regretted, since Providence per- 
mitted him to live up to 1857 and to do incalculable mis- 
chief in the way of proselyting, in brutalizing the 
Mormon people by his coarse, filthy and fanatic preach- 
ing, and by corrupting all the women he approached. 
He was one of the saintly brutes of the William Smith 
and Orson Hyde type, which latter, however, developed 
in his full glory later, in Utah, preaching that Christ had 
lived in polygamy, and enjoying whiskey and polygamy 
much more than even his bull constitution could stand. 
Yes, Mormonism is a very peculiar religion. It preaches 
murder as a religious duty, and treats the murderer as a 
distinguished member of the "church." I am not jok- 
ing. Said a poor Mormon widow to me, whose husband 
Avas killed in the foulest manner imaginable by the police 
of this holy city : "They bless the bread and wine in the 
tabernacle — there is half a dozen of murderers among 
them ; I could point them out any time." 

Did not President Joseph F. Smith, of the so-called 
first presidency of the Mormon church, pronounce the 
funeral eulogium over the body of the saintly O. Porter 
Rockwell, Esq. ? I have been told so. You don't want 

* " Keep all the commandments and covenants by which ye are 
boutid, and I will cause the heavens to shake for your good; " so says 
the Mormon Lord to Joseph and Sidney, December, 1830. 

f tie was killed in Arkansas, 1S57, for running away with another 
man's wife and trying to abduct the man's children. 

184 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

to believe such things, gentle reader. You say this is not 
possible. If you had lived in 1560 or so, and had met a 
man fresh from priest-ridden Spain who told you about an 
auto-da-fe, would you have answered him the same way ? 
I have myself heard a sermon in the tabernacle delivered 
by a man who is kno^n all over Utah as having killed 
his first wife in 1857 because she opposed his taking a 
number four. I shall tell the case with all details in 
Part II. of this work. It is a notorious fact that men 
who have committed horrible deeds for the "church" 
are generally, to get them out of the way of the Federal 
authorities, sent out on some " mission." It is the gen- 
eral belief in Utah that Isaac C. Haight, who took such 
an important part in the Mountain Meadows Massacre, is 
preaching the gospel in some foreign country under an 
assumed name. Think of such a bloody spectre playing 
the gospel-dove ! It is another notorious fact that the 
Danites, Lee, Haight and Hickman, were for many years, 
and after the massacre of 1857, members of the Territor- 
ial Legislature. How can I explain all this? Simply 
through the well-founded supposition that a Danite mur- 
derer is a sort of veteran, a decorated officer of the 
Mormon church. He has shown courage and zeal in the 
service of ''the Lord," he has helped to build up "the 
kingdom of God on earth," he has destroyed some of 
the enemies of "Zion." How can you explain other- 
wise the most ifitimate relation between Joseph and Rock- 
well, and the fact, told me by Mrs. Pratt, that Brigham 
used (after 1857 ! ) to walk with Lee, his arm around the 
brother's shoulder and whispering in his ear? Mrs. Pratt 
has seen this kind of scene often and often, and she has 
seen Brigham embracing Elder Hickman the same way. 
Doesn't it remind you of the relations of Richard and 
Macbeth with the "first" and "second" murderer? It 
does me. 

But I wanted you to hear from Lee a little anecdote 
about Parley P. Pratt. It shows this brutal apostle, 
who is to-day a celebrated and much lamented martyr of 
the "church," in his true light. Here it is: 

" I knew a man by the name of Tarwater, on the Gentile side 

Murder for the Holiest of Purposes. 185 

[in the 'battle of Crooked River '], that was cut up fearfully. He 
was taken prisoner. The Danites routed the Gentiles, who fled in 
every direction. The Mormons started for Far West, taking Tar- 
water alonfr £is a prisoner. After traveling several miles, they halted 
in a grove of timber and released Tarwater, telling him he was free to 
go home. He started off, and when he was some forty yards from 
the Mormons, Parley P. Pratt, then one of the twelve apostles, stepped 
up to a tree, laid his gun up by the side of the tree, took deliberate 
aim and sJwt Tarwater. He fell and lay still. The Mormons, be- 
lieving he was dead, went on and left him lying where he fell. Tar- 
water came to and reached home where he was taken care of and soon 
recovered from his wounds. He afterwards testified in court against 
the Mormons that he knew, and upon his evidence Parley P. Pratt was 
imprisoned in the Richmond jail in 1839." 

I asked my friend Webb about this statement of Lee's, 
and he said : "I have heard this story very often, and I 
do not doubt it at all. Parley was just the man to do 
such a thing." It is a church and a religiofi with such 
''apostles" and " martyrs," isn't it? 

For those who want further evidence, I introduce now 
the affidavit of Thomas B. Marsh, who apostatized in 
the hour of danger. He was president of the Twelve be- 
fore Patten ; his apostacy and Patten's death opening the 
way for Brigham. Here is Marsh's affidavit : 

Richmond, Mo., Octbr. 24, 1838. 

" They have among them a company consisting of all that are con- 
sidered tnie Mormons, called the Danites, who have taken an oath 
to support the heads of the church in all things that they say or do, 
whether right or wrong. Many, however, of this band are much dis- 
satisfied with this oath as being against moral and religious principles. 
I am informed by the Mormons that they had a meeting at Far West, 
at which they appointed a company of tivelve, by the name of the De- 
struction Company, for the purpose of burning and destroying, and that 
if the people at Buncombe came to do mischief upon the people of 
Caldwell, and committed depredations upon the Mormons, they were 
to burn Buncombe, and if the people of Clay and Ray made any 
movements againt them, this destroying company were to burn Liberty 
and Richmond. This burning was to be done secretly, by going as in- 
cendiaries. At the same meeting, I was informed, they passed a de- 
cree that no Mormon dissenter (apostate) should leave Caldwell 
county alive, and that such as aUempted to do it should be shot down 
and sent so tell their tale in eternity. In a conversation between Dr. 
Avard and other Mormons said Avard proposed to start a pestilence 
among the Gentiles by poisoning their corn, fruit, etc., and saying it 

1 86 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

was the work of the Lord, and said Avard advocated lying for the 
support of their religion and said it was no harm to lie for the Lord. 
The plan of Smith the prophet is to take this vState, and he professes to 
his people to intend taking the United States, and ultimately the whole 
world. This is the belief of the church and my own opinion of the 
prophet's plans and intentions. It is my opinion that neither the pro- 
phet nor any one of the principal men who is firm in the faith could 
be indicted for any offense in the county of Caldwell. The prophet 
inculcates the notion, and it is believed by every true Mormon, that 
Smith's prophecies are supei'ior to the lazv of the land. I have heard 
the prophet say that he should yet tread down his enemies and walk 
over their dead bodies ; that if he was not let alone he would be a 
second Mahomet to this generation, and that he would make it one 
gore of blood from the Rocky Mountains to the Atlantic Ocean ; that 
like Mahomet, whose motto in treating for peace was, ' the Alcoran or 
the sword,' so should it be eventually with us : 'Joseph Smith or the 
sword.' " 


The most of the statements in the foregoing disclosure of Thomas 
B. Marsh I knozu to be true; the remainder I believe to be true. (Same 

The remark has already been made that Sidney Rigdon 
was the originator of the Danite band. The proof for 
this assertion is furnished by the Mormon leaders them- 
selves. After Joseph's death, when there was a life and 
death struggle for the church dictatorship between im- 
practical, fanatic Rigdon, and unscrupulous, business-man 
Brigham Young, the former was expelled from the church 
by a mock trial. One of the charges preferred against 
him was his course in Missouri in 1838. Says Brigham 
Young at this trial (^Times and Seasons, p. 667) : 

''Elder Rigdon was the prime cause of our troubles 
IN Missouri, by his Fourth of July oration." 

And Orson Hyde says at the same trial ( Times and 
Seasons, p. 651) : 

" He [Rigdon] was the cause of our troubles in 
Missouri, and although Brother Joseph tried to restrain 
him, he would take his own course." 

Sister Snow, in her great psalm, dated " City of 
Nauvoo, 1842," says of Missouri: "Thou art a stink in 
the nostrils of the Goddess of Liberty." But this horrible 
stench, and it was a brutish and bloody one, sure enough, 

Eliza Curses Missouri. 187 

all came, as we now see, from my servant Sidney taking 
his own course, against the protests of your sweet spouse, 
the prophet ; but never mind, sister, you saints must be 
persecuted, are nothing if not persecuted. And so 
Missouri has "butchered the saints of the Most High, 
and hunted the prophets like Ahab of old." And, again, 
"Thou art already associated with Herod, Nero and the 
bloody Inquisition — thy name has become synonymous 
with oppression, cruelty, treachery and blood." Oh, 
Sappho-Eliza-Roxanna-Snow-Smith-Young ! But I think 
I sniff General Joab in this transcendent psalm. " Thou 
didst pollute the holy sanctuary of female virtue, and 
barbarously trample upon the most sacred gems of 
domestic felicity," is Pistol-Bennett, sure. 

I believe readily that Joseph tried, in the beginning, 
to restrain the crankiness of his Mentor, who spoke and 
acted like a fanatic Jew of the times of Moses and Joshua, 
carefully embalmed at the fall of Jericho and resurrected 
in Jackson County, Mo. Joseph was not a man of non- 
sensical hobbies ; his fanaticism lay in another direction 
— in that of "all the women." His idol was a huge 
enjoyment of life in the sense of Caligula and Nero. 
Hating honest work more than bitter death, he was 
forced to use all the ways and means of charlatans to 
steal the prize which he could not conquer by true talent 
and honest exertion. So every scheme was welcome that 
would lead to enjoyment on the grand style. But he may 
have hesitated, at the outset of the " Mormon war," at 
the idea of becoming openly a rebel and leader of armed 
bands. This hesitation was evidently overcome by his 
love for appearing in great roles, by parading as " com- 
mander-in-chief of the armies of Israel," by his intoxica- 
tion at the idea of becoming a second Mahomet. There 
were always some about him who made a business of it to 
work up his brains to the boiling point. There was 
Rigdon, proving from the old Bible that the House ot 
Israel was invincible; there was Dr. Avard, an adventurer 
of exactly the Bennett kind, intensely ambitious and 
entirely unscrupulous, who saw in Joseph the coming 
man. Avard was, like Bennett and Joe, an infidel, and 

1 88 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

the role of right-hand man of the new Mahomet tickled 

Joseph may have hesitated, as Charles IX. did when 
hearing the bloody plans of his mother against the 
Huguenots, but he gave way like Charles IX. Could not 
Sidney sho.w how the old Jews had exterminated the 
peaceful inhabitants of a whole country ? 

" He left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, 
as the Lord God of Israel commanded. . . . And they utterly de- 
stroyed all that was in the city, both men and wovien, young and old, 
and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. . . . " 

Blood, streams of blood, shed at the command of the 
Almighty ! And could not Avard, the worldly adviser, 
prove to the illiterate peeper that so many of the emperors 
and kings had risen by shedding blood like water? Joe 
listened and listened, and they convinced him finally — 
the resurrected Jew to the right, and the modern Mach- 
iavel to the left. 

Armed wita the enthusiastic approval of Sidney 
Rigdon and the (perhaps hesitating) consent of Joseph, 
Dr. Avard goes to work with the energy of a gold-digger 
whose imagination is filled with tremendous nuggets. 
Friend Webb heard Avard speak to the brethren, and he 
says it was the most blood-curdling kind of speech he 
ever heard in his life. 

"My brethren, it is written: 'The riches of the Gentiles shall be 
consecrated to my people, the House of Israel ; ' and in this way we 
will build up the Kingdom of God, and roll forth the little" stone 
that Daniel saw cut out of the mountain without hands, until it shall 
fill the whole earth. For this is the very way that GoD destines to 
build up his kingdom in the last days. If any of us should be 
recognized, who can harm us? For we will stand by each other and 
defend one another in all things. If our enemies swear again'^t us, 
we can swear also. Why do you startle at this, brethren ? As the 
Lord liveth, I would swear a lie to clear any of you; and if this 
could not do, I would put them or him under the sand, as Moses did 
the Egyptian, and in this way we will consecrate much to the I^ord, 
and BUILD UP His kingdom; and wIto can stand against us? And 
if any of this Danite society reveals any of these things, I will put him 
where the dogs cannot bite him." 

There came a day when Rigdon, Joseph and Avard 

Poor Joe Knew Nothing About It. 189 

awoke from their ambitious dream to the cold reality of 
things. The awful formalities of a court-martial, the 
reading of a sentence, "You will be shot to-morrow 
morning at eight o'clock," and the atmosphere of a 
court-room where you are tried for high treason, murder, 
arson, etc., exert a remarkably cooling influence on the 
aspirations of modern Joshuas, Mahomets and Napoleons. 
When in the clutches of the law, Joseph dropped 
Avard, as Brigham did faithful Danite Lee some forty 
years after. Even how to sacrifice a friend in the hour of 
danger did you learn from Joseph, great plagiarist Young. 
Hear the prophet : 

" While the evil spirits were raging up and down in the state 
[Missouri] to raise mobs against the Mormons, Satan himself was no 
less busy in striving to stir up mischief in the camps of the Saints, and 
among the most conspicuous of his willing devotees was one Dr. 
Sampson Avard, who had been in the church but a short time and 
who, although he had generally behaved with a tolerable degree of 
external decorum, was secretly aspiring to be the greatest of the great, 
and become the leader of the people by forming a secret combination 
by which he might rise a mighty conqueror, at the expense of the over- 
throw of the church ; and this he tried to accomplish by his smooth, 
flattering and winning speeches which he frequently made to his asso- 
ciates, while his room was well guarded by some of his pupils, ready 
to give him the wink on the approach of anyone who would not 
approve of his measures. In this situation he stated that he had the 
sanction of the heads of the church for what he was about to do, and 
persuaded them to believe it and proceeded to administer to the few 
under his control an oath, binding them to everlasting secrecy to every- 
thing which should be communicated to them by himself. Thus 
Avard initiated members into his band, firmly binding them, by all 
that was sacred, in the protecting of each other in all things THAT 


This last lie gives away all the rest of them. So Avard 
had to be one of the most willing devotees of Satan, to 
teach nothing but what was lawful/ Joseph continues : 

" Avard would often affirm to his company that the principal men 
of the church had put him forward as a spokesman and a leader of 
this band, which he named Danites." 

So there was a Danite band with secret oaths, but 
Joseph and the church had nothing to do with it. This 
looks just like the truth ! Joseph is at the head of an 

190 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

organization which from its very beginning was built on 
blind obedience and where every member was a spy on his 
comrades. But no, Joseph knew nothing, and the Lord 
didn't tell him about it, neither did " Urim and Thum- 
mim." Joseph remained in perfect ignorance even then 
when Dr. Avard ''held meetings to organize his men into 
companies of tens and fifties, appointing a captain over 
each company." There is a method in those Mormon 
lies. The Danites? Dr. Avard organized them. Spirit- 
ual wifery? That scoundrel Bennett introduced it. The 
Mountain Meadows Massacre? Oh, the Indians did that, 
you know. 

Fortunately, we have got a good witness or two to seal 
this Dan ite business /^r c?// ^/^r>^/Vv. David Whitmer is 
a good witness to fix a doubtful point in early Mormon 
history, isn't he? A third of the proof of the divinity of 
the Book of Mormon rests on his shoulders : he is is one 
of the three original witnesses of the American Bible. It 
is my conviction, besides — and I shall give my reasons for 
it — that David Whitmer was an honest and sincere witness 
while testifying that he had seen the golden plates. He 
was, no doubt, immensely superstitious; it was easy to 
dupe him and he was duped, but he was not a man to put 
his name to a lie wittingly. We have seen the anathema 
pronounced by Sidney Rigdon and eighty-three leading 
Mormons against the ''Dissenters." Mr. J. L. Traugh- 
ber, Jr., a gentleman living in Missouri and an old friend 
of David Whitmer, states in regard to the "Dissenters:" 

" Martin Harris, Oliver Cowdery, David, John and Jacob Whitmer 
and Hiram Page withdrew from J. Smith at Kirtland in 1837. The 
next year Smith and Sidney Rigdon had to flee from Kirtland by 
night to keep from being imprisoned for banking without a charter. 
They went to Far West, Missouri, where David Whitmer was presi- 
dent of the stake, and soon formed their Danite band to kill ' Dis- 
senters.' and fight the enemies of Zion. David Whitmer and others 
were 'Dissenters.' David Patten [the Danite Captain] went to them, 
and told them that it was determined that they must die. They went 
out one evening to hunt their cows and did not go back again. In a 
few days the Danites ordered the families of those men to leave Far 
West, with nothing but the clothing they wore. But when the 'mob' 
had captured the place, David Whitmer and the others went and got 
their goods and property. " 

Mrs. Pratt is Visiting. 191 

These are the doings of the '' persecuted people." 
They try to kill their own friends and drive their families 
into-the woods. They ask solemnly for their constitu- 
tional rights in the name of religion, but when a crank 
like Morris sets up a little revelation-shop of his own, they 
demolish it with cannon, killing women, children and 
unarmed men. But let me now give the direct testimony 
of David Whitmer himself in the Danite question. Says 
the old man : * 

" Smith and Rigdon issued a decree organizing what 
was termed the ' Danites ' or ' Destroying Angels,' who 
were bound by the most fearful oaths to obey the com- 
mandments of the LEADERS OF THE CHURCH. The ' Dan- 
ites ' consisted only of those selected by Smith and 

That old man, over eighty, is yet alive. He believes 
to-day in the Book of Mormon, the golden plates, the 
last dispensation and the new and everlasting covenant. 
But he believes that Joseph was a fallen prophet when 
he organized a band of armed law-breakers. David came 
from a good family and had some property, which may 
explain why he did not fall in, hand and heart, with the 
desperate schemes of penniless adventurers. 

But I have got a real bonbofi of a testimony in this 
Danite business, and I have saved it, as the French say, 
pour la bonne bouche, to make the reader keep a good 
taste in his mouth. Our fraud-hating friend Mrs. _ Pratt 
— she has become the reader's friend as well as mine by 
this time, I hope — tells the following story : 

*' One day, in 1868, shortly before Apostle Heber C. 
Kimball had his fatal attack of sickness, he returned to 
his home from a secret meeting held in the Endowment 
House. I was on intimate terms with the Kimball family 
and was visiting Vilate, the apostle's first wife, when 
Heber came in. We were all in the parlor together, Heber 
in his usual confidential mannei-, said to me : ' Sister 
Pratt, WE HAVE JUST reorganized the Danite band in 

* Interview with a reporter of the "Kansas City Journal," June 

192 MoDiion Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

the Endowment House. Fifty brethren have joined 
AND BEEN SWORN IN ! ' Said I: 'Oh, brother Heber, 
you have no use for the Danites here, at this time.' 
'Yes, we have,' replied the apostle, 'we'll have plenty 
OF WORK for them to do pretty soon.' " 

It was the time when the Union Pacific was coming 
in, promising a large influx of Gentiles and ene?tiies of 
the church. Zion, the hom.e of the pure, the only 
refuge of peace and brotherhood in this wicked world, 
wanted to prepare a warm reception for them, wor- 
thy of the grand memories of 1838 and 1857. It had 
become impossible to save them en masse, as had been 
done with the Arkansas emigrants in 1857. Then the 
Kingdom of God on earth had full sway, and one hundred 
and forty men, women and children were saved on the 
Mountain Meadows at one fell swoop. But the saving 
could still be done on a limited scale, by shooting a fellow 
or two in an alley now and then. Didn't they try to save 
U. S. Attorney Dickson in 1886? "He needed killing" 
as the popular saying was in the glorious time of the Utah 
"Reformation," when the blood of Gentiles and apostates 
was cheaper than water. 

But, all the same, it is a religion, you see. The lead- 
ers may be fanatics, but they are sincere, no doubt. The 
Mormons have httn persecuted m Ohio, Missouri and Illi- 
nois. The killing of Joseph Smith was one of the most 
disgraceful ?nurders ever committed in this country. The 
Endowment House is only a sort of cranky religious labora- 
tory for the making of Gods, worlds and devils ; nonsense 
to talk of Mormon treason. Don't re-hash Mormon horrors, 
please. Rockwell was a good-natured chap, and Geo. A. 
Smith the Thackeray of Mormonism. That fellow W. 
Wyl is one of the industrious vagabonds who have created 
the Danites out of air and foolscap. He should have 
written a harmless " philosophical " book instead of play- 
ing scavenger. I am sorry for him. 

Ufiiiitc resting Tame Criviijials. 193 


Joseph Master big Seven Languages — His Cautious Succes- 
sors — The Book of Morinon — Reformed Egyptian — 
Tlie Fixing of Fool Martin Haz-ris — Sample of Re- 
formed Egyptian Hieroglyphics — Professor Anthon 
Describes Martin^ s Visit — Joseph Does the Same — The 
Urim and Thummim and the Old Feepstone — A Secret 
of the Historian'' s Office — Poor E7?ima Again, 

Conscience makes cowards of us, and so does knowl- 
edge. The more you know the more cautious you get in 
asserting. The man who knows next to nothing at all is 
the most fearless in proclaiming what he calls his opinions. 
This was the case with our prophet. A minimum of 
reading, and still less writing, were the limits of his 
education. This state of mind enabled him to walk, with 
the courage of a somnambulist, the path on which the 
most learned proceed with fear and trembling. And 
then, even if he stumbled, who cares ? Do not the 
thousands who surround him believe in him ? Do they 
not consider any attack on the Lord's friend the work of 
the devil ? Joseph Smith is not the first leader who felt 
safe in the stronghold of ignorance and fanaticism, and 
he will not be the last. 

The boundless impudence with which Joseph parades 
as seer and translator makes a superb charlatan of him, 
and gives him a charm, an interest, lacked entirely by his 
successor, Brigham Young, and still more by the tame 
criminals now leading the ''church," id est, keeping up 
the original fraud and pocketing the proceeds thereof. 
Those fellows are not interesting at all. Some of them, 
like John Taylor and George Q. Cannon, have just 
enough of a second-hand education to see through the 
tremendous blunders committed by the first prophet. 

194 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Cunning Brigham, discerning any dangers to his king- 
dom with the eye of the trembling coward Tiberius, 
began to eliminate from the church literature certain too 
palpable humbugs, like Rigdon's "inspired and cor- 
rected" Bible, and Mother Lucy's '' Life of the Prophet." 
The present leaders continue this policy. They avoid, 
like Brigham, the dangerous tricks of seership, translating 
by inspiration, discoveries of plates and papyrus — all the 
juggleries performed by the great Nauvoo Blondin on the 
prophetic tight-rope. The '* Urim and Thummim " has 
been enjoving a good long rest since 1844, and the 
utterances of the present leaders confine their impudence 
to attacks on Federal officers, and their lying to the old 
legend of the "persecuted people," "persecution for 
conscience' sake," etc. 

Oh, give me an hour of Blondin, high above thousands 
of "faithtul" heads at Nauvoo, and I make you a 
present of all the speeches and writings of the present 
type of oily, polygamic tithing-eaters. Why, Blondin is 
an arrant bungler compared with rope-walker Joe. Says 
the prophet in a letter dated Nauvoo, Nov. 13, 1843 • 

"Were I an Egyptian, I would exclaim, Jah-oh-eh, Enish-go-on- 
dosh, Flo-ees, Flos-is-is [O, the earth ! the power of attraction and the 
moon passing between her and the sun]; a Hebrew, Haueloheem 
yerau ; a Greek, O fheos phos esi ; a Roman, Dominus 7-fgit me; a 
German, Gott gebe tins das licht; a Portugee, Senhor Jesu Christo 
libordade ; 3. ¥ve.nchm.din, Dieu defend le droit ; but as I am, I give 
God the glory, etc. ..." 

Is this not superb? How he handles them — seven lan- 
guages in one little paragraph ! Why, I feel like a whipped 
school-boy with my poor, dusty relics of Latin and Greek 
and a smattering of French and Italian. 

" Problem is derived {xom probleme (French) or probleme (Latin, 
Italian or Spanish), and in each language means a question or propo- 
sition, whether true or false." 

Joe knows that problem is originally Greek, but then 
a little modesty adorns even a prophet. But modesty 
would be out of its place where Joe speaks in the sublime 
character of head of the church and possessor of the great- 

Joe the Learned Oracle of the Age. 195 

est collection of keys ever known. Says he, in the same 
letter : 

" The fact is, that by the power of God I translated the Book of 
Mormon from hieroglyphics, the knowledge of which was lost to the 
world ... I have witnessed the visions of eternity, and beheld the 
glories of the mansions of bliss and the regions and the misery of the 
damned ... I have heArd the voice of God and communed with 
angels, and spake, as moved by the Holy Spirit, for the renewal of the 
everlasting covenant and for the gathering of Israel in the last days 
... I, who hold the Keys of the last Kingdom." 

Where are you, Cannon and Taylor, eh? You hide in 
the bushes like our first parents after the fall. And you 
are nowhere at all, when you hear this flourish : 

"I combat the errors of ages; I meet the violence of mobs; I 
cope with illegal proceedings from executive authority; I cut the 
Gordian knot of powers, and I solve mathematical problems of Uni- 
versities WITH TRUTH, diamond truth, and God is my right-hand 


This was written, or rather signed, by Joe seven months 
before the lynchers in Carthage cut the Gordian knot of 
the most cheeky imposture ever perpetrated. Let us now 
review the greatest features of this fraud. But bear it in 
mind, reader, I do not want to treat this exquisite bit of 
fun an serieux, as the gay Parisian has it. I want to enjoy 
the fun and want you to enjoy it with me. Have you ever 
seen a poor, ranting squib of a fellow, born to be a village 
tailor and nothing else, play Macbeth or Othello ? That's 
the kind of a treat I invite you to. Don't expect any 
** philosophy," any high-toned discussion from me about 
a most ridiculous and patent humbug. 

Lei's first take up the Book of Mormon. Rigdon, the 
cunning tanner, gets crazy about the theological strifes of 
his time and wants to be the founder of a religion him- 
self. He makes a bible of the scribblings of a pedantic 
crank. His instinct tells him that the contemplated 
fraud would fall flat with the educated classes, but would 
work like a charm with the superstitious ignorant. His 
experience as a preacher tells him how to succeed with 
this latter class: Lots of miracles, first and foremost, 
and the more incredible the better. A new system of 
theology, a new frame for the old moral code ? — no, that 

196 Mormon Portraits. — I. Joseph Smith, 

wouldn't do. Not convince, but surprise, daze, over- 
whelm them. How many honest physicians do succeed? 
A few. How many charlatans? Nearly all. So let us 
have golden plates, buried and dug up by angels ; open 
the heavens and let them come down and talk to us, the 
father and the son, the old prophets and apostles. 

But how avoid discovery ? There's the rub. Peeper 
Joseph translates by the power of God, but what? We 
must invent some unheard-of language. Egyptian hiero- 
glyphics — very good.* But those learned fellows begin to 
translate them ; that wouldn't be safe. They would ask 
to see a sample of our hieroglyphics, and that would give 
away our whole game. But reformed Egyptian, how is 
that? Any unintelligible scrawl can be shown zs, reformed 
hieroglyphics. Nobody can read them, and isn't this 
just what is prophesied in the Scriptures ? 

" And the vision of all is become unto you as the words of a book 
that is sealed, which men deliver to one that is learned, saying, read 
this, I pray thee ; and he saith, I cannot, for it is sealed." (Isaiah 29.) 

So we want a miraculous book in a language unknown 
to the whole world ; it must be sealed. Any of the '* pro- 
fessors" of this world will say: "I can't read it." 
That's what we want. Eureka ! This prevents discovery 
and fulfills Scripture ; it makes us a riddle with the edu- 
cated and a success with the ignorant. The ''reformed 
Egyptian " was adopted, after many a sleepless night, no 
doubt, by Rigdon. But how get the rhino for publica- 
tion? My servants Sidney and Joseph had not a dollar in 
the world and their credit was surely not far above that 

*The Book of Mormon contains the records of descendants of the 
Jews, and is written by Jews. But still they write in Egyptian hiero- 
glyphics, notwithstanding the notorious fact that Jews have the utmost 
jealous veneration for their own language, and hate all that's 
Egyptian- like, as the French do anything connected with Germany 
and Bismarck. But what is all this to the " restorers of the House of 
Israel?" They wanted a language "the knowledge of which was 
lost to the world," id est, a fraud that could not be detected by the 
vulgar at first sight. The " reformed Egyptian" and the hieroglyphics 
"thereof" are in harmony with Sidney's education, the clumsiest 
hoax ever invented, but they were mysterious and miraculous enough 
for the average Mormon neophyte. 

Martin Fixed with Rejorined Egyptian. 197 

enjoyed by tramps in general in this great and free coun- 
try. A substantial fool had to be fixed, it is clear. And 
in there steps upon the scene of Mormon history the 
greatest and best fixed of all the innumerable fools fixed 
by this ** faith" — farmer Martin Harris. 

Did you ever know a Martin Harris ? I have known 
lots of them, in pants and in petticoats. They believe 
anything, and the more miraculous it is, the easier they 
swallow it. Joe's Martin saw the devil, and **he looked 
like a jackass, and had hair like a mouse." He wrote 
prophesies like this : 

" I do hereby assert and declare that in four years from the date 
hereof, every sectarian and religious denomination in the United 
States shall be broken down, and every Christian shall be gathered 
unto the Mormonites, and the rest of the human race shall perish. If 
these things do not take place, I will hereby consent to have my hand 
separated from my body." 

Not much fixing was needed with such a fool. He 
mortgaged his farm, and paid the ^3,000 to the printer, 
and so Mr. Tullidge's ** Messianic wave" could sweep 
on. But before shelling out he had a doubt now and 
then. So Joseph had to arrange with some one who was 
in the secret for the last finishing touch of this fixing job. 
Harris expressed a wish to show some of the hieroglyphics 
to some learned men east. Joe feels a little embarrassed, 
but a way is found out of the difficulty. He is somewhat 
of a penman, that pal behind the curtain, and he sits 
down and makes hieroglyphics, not the old kind seen on 
Egyptian temples and obelisks, but ''reformed'' ones. 
*' You will see, Martin," says Joe to the man who has 
seen the devil, " those learned professors cannot read this 
book ; it can only be read by the gift and power of God. 
They'll of course tell you they cannot read it, just as 
predicted by Isaiah; and if you tell them about a sealed 
book, or that the book was given to me by angels, they 
will laugh, Martin. Those wise fools always laugh at the 
wisdom of God." 

When I first got a glimpse of the *' reformed" hiero- 
glyphics in some Gentile publication, I thought that they 
must be a hoax, invented by some wag, and published by 

198 Mormon Portraits. — 7. Joseph Sjnith. 

some too credulous writer. But, to my infinite astonish- 
ment, I found the original in two church publications, in 
the ''Prophet" and the Millennial Star. This is an 
exact copy : 


Do you know of any smart boy of say ten or twelve 
years who could not make better "reformed" hiero- 
glyphics? Better and more complete? For "214-4— " 
is not complete ; it should read, even in reformed Egypt- 
ian, " 214-4=: 25." Still they were Egyptian enough for 

The Fool Interviews the Scholar. 199 

Martin, and he went with them to Professor Anthon in 
New York. Mr. Anthon had a great fame for learning in 
ancient languages. Before going to Anthon, however, 
Martin paid a call on Dr. Mitchell. Dr. M. could not 
read the hieroglyphics ; you might as well have asked him 
for the meaning of the natural design of a piece of wood. 
Prof. Anthon gives, in a letter dated Feb. 17, 1834, a 
very lively description of Martin's visit : 

" The whole story about my having pronounced the Mormonite 
inscription to be 'reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics' is per- 
fectly FALSE. Some years ago a plain and apparently simple- 
hearted farmer called upon me with a note from Dr. Mitchell, of our 
city, now deceased, requesting me to decipher, if possible, a paper 
which the farmer would hand me, and which Dr. M. confessed he 
had been unable to understand. Upon examining the paper in 
question I soon came to the conclusion that it was all a trick, perhaps 
a hoax. When I asked the person who brought it how he obtained 
the writing, he gave me, as far as I can now recollect, the following 
account : 

" A ^ gold book,' consisting of a number of plates of gold, fastened 
together in the shape of a book by wires of the same metal, had been 
dug up in the Northern part of the State of New York, and along 
with the book an enormous pair of ' GOLD spectacles ! ' These 
spectacles were so large that if a person attempted to look through 
them, his two eyes would have to be turned towards one of the glasses 
merely, the spectacles in question being altogether too large for the 
breadth of the human face. Whoever examined the plates through 
the spectacles was enabled not only to read them, but fully to under- 
stand their meaning. All this knowledge, however, was confined at 
that time to a young man who had the trunk containing the book and 
spectacles in his sole possession. This young man was placed be- 
hind A CURTAIN, in the garret of a far?n house, and being concealed 
from view, put on the spectacles occasionally, or rather looked through 
one of the glasses, deciphered the characters in the book and, having 
committed some of them to paper, handed copies from behind the cur- 
tain to those who stood on the outside. Not a word, however, was 
said about the plates having been deciphered ' by the gift of God.' 
Everything, in this way, was effected by the large pair of spectacles. 

" The farmer added that he had been requested to contribute a 
sum of money towards the publication of the ' golden book,' the con- 
tents of which would, as he had been assured, produce an entire 
change in the world and save it from ruin. So urgent had been these 
solicitations that he intended selling his farm and handing over the 
amount received to those who wished to publish the plates. As a last 
precautionary step, however, he had resolved to come to New York, 
and obtain the opinion of the learned about the meaning of the paper 

200 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

which he had brought with him, and which had been given him as a 
part of the contents of the book, although NO translation had been 
furnished at the time by the young man with the spectacles. 

" On hearing this odd story, I changed my opinion about the 
paper and, instead of viewing it any longer as a hoax upon the 
learned, I began to regard it as part of a scheme to cheat the farmer 
of his money, and I communicated my suspicions to him, M'arning 
him to beware of rogues. He requested an opinion from me in 
writing, which of course / declined giving, and he then took his 
leave, carrying the paper with him. 

" This paper was in fact a singular scrawl. It consisted of all 
kinds of crooked characters, disposed in columns, and had evidently 
been prepared by some person who had before him at the time a book 
containing various alphabets. Greek and Hebrew letters, crosses and 
flourishes, Roman letters, inverted or placed sideways, were placed in 
perpendicular columns, and the whole ended in a rude delineation of 
a circle divided into various compartments, decked with various 
strange marks, and evidently copied after the Mexican Calendar given 
by Humboldt, but copied in such a way as not to betray the source 
whence it was derived. I am thus particular as to the contents of the 
paper, inasmuch as I have frequently conversed with my friends on the 
subject, since the Mormonite excitement began, and well remember 
that the paper contained anything else but ' Egyptian hiero- 

Some time after the farmer paid me a second visit. He brought 
with him the golden book in print, [the first edition of the Book of 
Mormon] and offered it to me for sale. I declined purchasing. He 
then asked permission to leave the book with me for examination. I 
declined receiving it, although his manner was strangely urgent. 
I adverted once more to the ROGUERY which had been, in my opinion, 
practiced upon him, and asked him what had become of the G0LI> 
plates. He informed me that they were in a trunk with the large 
pair of spectacles. I advised him to go to a magistrate and have the 
trunk examined. He said ' the curse of God ' would come upon him 
should he do this. On my pressing him, however, to pursue the 
course which I had recommended, he told me that he would open the 
trunk if I would take ' the curse of God ' i;pon myself. I replied 
that I would do so with the greatest willingness, and would incur 
every risk of that nature, provided I could only rescue him fro?n the 
grasp of rogues. He then left me." 

How good-natured and polite that professor was ! How 
fatherly his talk to the poor fool ! But Martin is fixed 
beyond redemption. Any objection only serves to show 
to him that scripture is being literally fulfilled, wherever 
the wicked world comes in contact with the new gospel. 
He returns to Joe and shows the curious form which the 

Joe Lies Uncommofily. 201 

New York events have taken in his devil-digesting brain. 
We have no direct tale from Martin, but Joe gives (in his 
truthful way) his version of the whole occurrence. Says 
he : 

" Martin got the characters which I had drawn off the plates and 
started with tliem to the city of New York. For what took place rel 
ative to him and the cliaracters I refer to his own account of the cir- 
cumstances, as he related them to me after his return, which was as 
follows : I went to the city of New York and presented the charac- 
ters which had been translated, with the translation thereof, to Profes- 
sor Anthon, a gentleman celebrated for his literary attainments. Pro- 
fessor Anthon stated that the translation was correct, more 
so than any he had before seen translated from the Egyp- 
tian. I then showed him those which were not yet translated, and he 
said that they were Egyptian, Chaldaic, Assyriac and Arabic, 
and he said that they were the true characters. He gave me a 
certificate, certifying to the people of Palmyra that they were true 
characters, and that the translation of such of them as had been trans- 
lated was also correct. I took the certificate and put it into my pocket, 
and was just leaving the house when Mr. Anthon called me back, and 
asked me how the young man found out that there was gold plates 
in the place where he found them. I answered that an angel of God 
had revealed it unto him. He then said to me. Let me see that certif- 
icate. I accordingly took it out of my pocket and gave it to him, when 
he took it and tore it to pieces, saying that there was no such thing 
now as ministering of angels, and that if I would bring the plates to 
him he would translate them. I informed him that part of the plates 
were sealed, and that I was forbidden to bring them. He replied, 
' I cannot read a scaled book: I left him and went to Dr. Mitchell, who 
SANCTIONED what Professor Anthon had said, respecting both the 
characters and translation.'' " 

I doubt whether there ever was, since the world exists, 
more lying done to the square inch than we see in this tale 
of the peeper. And how he contradicts himself. He 
says he gave the characters to Martin, and then Martin 
shows to Anthon, all of a sudden, the characters and 
translation. Anthon says there was no translation. Joseph 
says Anthon found the translation from the Egyptian cor- 
rect, more correct than any he had ever seen. From the 
Egyptian ! Does Egyptian consist of Chaldaic, Assyriac 
and Arabic ? Is your reformed Egyptian not a language 
entirely unknown to the world ? Didn't you write, Nov. 13, 

20 2 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

" By the power of God I translated the Book of Mormon from 
hieroglyphics, the knowledge of which was lost to the world?" 

Has Professor Anthoii, like you, the power of God as 
a help when translating ? Or, if any man learned in hiero- 
glyphics can translate your signs, what use is there for 
your "Seer Stone" or Urim and Thummim, power of 
God and special inspiration? But what's the use of cross- 
examining you before a set of fellows who could never 
make a fat living and ride in line buggies, if not keeping 
up the fraud ? Says our excellent little Sunday-school 
Catechism of 1S82 : 

Q. To what city did Joseph send a copy of some of the charac- 

A. To New York. 

Q. Who took this copy ? 

A. Martin Harris. 

Q. To whom did he show it ? 

A. To Professor Charles Anthon. 

Q. Who was Professor Anthon ? 

A, A very learned man. 

Q. What did the Professor say about the characters? 

A, That they were true and that the translation was cor- 

Q. When Martin Harris informed him that part of the plates 
were sealed, what did he say ? 

A, That he could not read a sealed book. 

Q. By what ancient prophet was this circumstance foretold ? 

A. By Isaiah, Chapter 29, verse ii — 14. 

Q. How long ago was it that this prophecy was uttered ? 

A. About twenty-six hundred years. 

Q. When was it fulHlle(' ? 

A. In April, 1828. 

Q. Did Martin Harris show the characters AND THE TRANSLATION 
to anyone else ? 

A. Yes, to Dr. Mitchell. 

Q. Who was Dr. Mitchell ? 

A. A gentleman learned in ancient languages, 

Q. What did he say ? 

A. The same as Professor Anthon had said, that the CHARACTERS 
were true ones and that the translation was correct. 

But enough of this kind of rot. Look at the hiero- 
glyphics, or let your little Freddy look at them, that bright 
boy who writes so nice a hand. He will soon find out the 
trick how to make '' reformed " Egyptian hieroglyphics. 

Stories About the Old Peepstone. 203 

The chief element of the whole fun lies in its palpable 
clumsiness. Is it a wonder that there never was a Mnjrmon 
with something like an education who has remained in 
the ''church?" 

Take that other most holy hoax about the " Urim and 
Thummim." Harris speaks to Anthon of huge '^ gold 
spectacles." Lucy's three-cornered diamonds are set in 
silver. Harris says later: "The prophet possessed a 
SEER STONE, by which he was enabled to translate, as well 
as from the Urim and Thummim, and for convenience he 
then used the seer stone." David Whitmer says : "The 
tablets or plates were translated by Smith, who used a 
small oval or kidney-shaped stone, ^^//<^^/"Urim and Thum- 
mim." '^ Emma says on her death-bed to her son Joseph: 

" In writing for your father I frequently wrote day after day, often 
sitting at the table close by him, he sitting with his face buried in his 
hat with THE stone in it." 

And finally comes the solemn church organ, the Dese- 
ret News, and hands us one of the anointed cats out of its 

" The next error is that the seer stone which Joseph used in 
THE TRANSLATION was called Urim and Thummim. The instrument 
thus denominated was composed of two crystal stones set in the two 
rims of a bow. The seer stone was separate and distinct from the 
Urim and Thummim. The latter was delivered to the angel as 
well as the plates after the translation was completed, f The former 
remained with the church and is NOW IN THE possession of the 

Out with it, ye Mormon Historians and Presidents, 
and let us have a look at the whole juggling apparatus ! 

* There is no mention of the Urim. and Thummim in the revela- 
tions as originally published in 1833. It was a later concoction, and I 
cannot but admire the skill of the Mormon Lord in amending his 
revelations. Like all great writers he never seems satisfied with his 
work. There's always room for improvement. 

J That is, in the summer of 1S29. But Endowment-House-Devil 
Phelps is really the originator of the Urim and Thummim in Mormon- 
ism. This was while our devil was conducting the Evening and 
Morning Star in the land of Missouri, 1832-3. But his brilliant idea 
arrived too late to be got into the first edition of the Lord's " revela- 

204 Alonnon Foriraiis. — /. Joseph Siiiith. 

You have the old peep-stone, stolen from the children of 
Mr. diase (see Apj^endix, Documents) and you have even 
the PLATES, with which Joe and Cowdery duped Martin 
Harris, the Whitmers and poor Emma. I know you have got 
them : somebody saw them in the safe of the Historian's 
office and told me. They are a bundle of brass plates, 
with some scratches on them, that fools would take for 
"hieroglyphics." Cowdery made them and Joe showed 
them to the ''witnesses" with a great ado and hocuspo- 
cus. People who swallow the hieroglyphics and your tale 
about Martin's visit to Prof. Anthon, would swallow 
anything, even if you had a mind to assert that humming 
birds in the other world look just like our elephants. You 
had a little bundle of brass plates, Joe, with some scratches 
on them, cost of the whole thing two or three dollars, and 
they explain a certificate like this : 

Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues and people unto 
whom this work shall come, that Joseph Smith, Jun., the translator of 
this work, has shewn unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, 
which have the appearance of gold ; and as many of the leaves as the 
said Smith has translated we did handle with our hands; and we 
also saw the engravings thereon, all of which has the appearance of 
ancient work, and of curious workmanship. And this we bear record 
with words of soberness, that the said Smith has shewn unto us, for 
we have seen and hefted, and know of a surety that the said Smith 
has got the plates of which we have spoken. And we give our names 
unto the world, to witness unto the world that which we have seen ; 
and we lie not, God bearing witness of it. 

Christian Whitmer, Hiram Page, 

Jacob Whitmer, Joseph Smith, Sen., 

Peter Whitmer, Jr., " Hyrum Smith, 

John Whitmer, Samuel H. Smith. 

I am aware the said Smith avers in his history that he 
handed the plates over to " the angel " after he, the said 
Smith, had translated them. But that statement, like 
most of the said Smith's, don't count. As they have been 
seen and handled, " hefted," and the engravings thereon 
seen in the Historian's office in this city, now why can't 
we all have a " go " at them, I ask ? 

And those made-up plates explain a statement like this 
from the pale lips of poor dying Emma: 

Emma Finc^ers the Plates. 205 

" The plates often lay on the table without any attempt at con- 
cealment, wrapped in a small linen table-cloth, which I had given 
him [Joseph] to fold them in. T once felt of the plates as they thus 
lay on the table, tracing their outline and shape. They seemed to be 
pliable, like thick paper, and would rustle with a metallic sound 
when the edges were moved by the thumb, as one does sometimes 
thumb the edges of a book." 

No, you poor martyr, you did not lie about the plates 
on the brink of eternity. You were no fool, but you 
were fixed, all the same, by the tenderness and confidence 
you felt for the man of your love. 

But you, gentle reader, don't you see him now clear 
before your eyes, the greatest fool-fixer of the age ? Don't 
you see him with hat and peepstone, a bundle of false 
plates, and Rigdon's crazy, absurd, tedious, disgusting 
nonsense about Lehi and Nephi, Nephites and Lamanites, 
Mormon and Moroni ? Do I need anything else than his 
ovni stupid lies and impossible languages and hiero- 
glyphics to convict him? But you might like a tremen- 
dous clincher, all the same, and you shall have it, to your 
heart's content, in the next chapter. 


A Superlative Hoax— John Taylor Prematurely Happy — 
Affidavit of Fugate as to his Hieroglyphics— The Dollar 
Sign as Hieroglyphic — Joe Finds and Gives the Key — 
The Royal Descendant of Ham — A King Nine Feet 
High — Orson Pratt Knows the Fraud — The ''Sin- 
cerity " of a Lot of Cheats. 

The day came when the seer and translator was caught 
in a trap. The true story of the celebrated plates '' found" 
at Kinderhook, Illinois, April 23, 1843, and unearthed, 
for the second time, by my indefatigable friend Cobb, 
after long digging and delving, nails the translator down 

2o6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

for all eternity. Let me introduce the documents. The 
first is an article in the Nauvoo church organ, the Times 
and Seasons. I reproduce it in toto from the original : 
(to the editor of the "times and seasons.") 
On the 1 6th of April, 1843, ^ respectable merchant, by the name 
of Robert Wiley, commenced digging in a large mound near this 
place ; he excavated to a depth of ten feet and came to rock. About 
that time the rain began to fall, and he abandoned the work. On the 
23d, he and quite a number of the citizens, with myself, repaired to 
the mound, and after making ample opening, we found plenty of 
rock, the most of which appeared as though it had been strongly 
burned ; and after removing full two feet of said rock, we found 
plenty of charcoal and ashes, also human bones that appeared as 
though they had been burned ; and near the eciphalon a bundle was 
found that consisted of vSix Plates of Brass, of a bell shape, each 
having a hole near the the small end, and a ring through them all, 
and clasped with two clasps. The ring and clasps appeared to be 
iron, very much oxidated: the plates first appeared to be copper, and 
had the appearance of being covered with characters. It was agreed 
by the company that I should cleanse the plates. Accordingly I took 
them to my house, washed them with soap and water and a woolen 
cloth; but finding them not yet cleansed, I treated them with dilute 
sulphuric acid, which made them perfectly clean, on which it appeared 
that they were completely covered with characters, that none, as yet, 
have been able to read. Wishing that the world might know the 
hidden things as fast as they come to light, I was induced to state the 
facts, hoping that you would give them an insertion in your excellent 
paper, for we all feel anxious to know the true meaning of the plates, 
and publishing the facts might lead to the true translation. They 
were found, I judge, more than twelve feet below the surface of the 
top of the mound. 

I am most respectfully, a citizen of Kinderhook, 

W. P. Harris, M. D. 

The following Certificate was forivarded for publication at 
the same time: — 

We, citizens of Kinderhook, whose names are annexed, do certify 
and declare, that on the 23d of April, 1 843, while excavating a large 
mound in this vicinity, Mr. R. Wiley took from said mound six brass 
plates, of a bell shape, covered with ancient characters. Said plates 
were very much oxidated. The bands and rings on said plates 
mouldered into dust on a slight pressure. 

Robert Wiley, G. W, F. Ward, Fayette Grubb, 

W. Longnecker, Ira S. Curtis, W. P. Harris, 

George Deckenson, J. R. Sharp, W. Fugate. 

John Taylor Sure of the Translation. 207 

John Tavlor, now become " the invisible head of the 
church," was then editor of the church organ. In an 
editorial about the Kinderhook ''find" hesays: ''Circum- 
stances are daily transpiring which give additional testi- 
mony to the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. . . The 
man who owns the plates has taken them away for a time, but 
has promised to re'turn with them." So says Taylor, and he 
feels that this "find" will " go a good way to prove the au- 
thenticity of the Book of Mormon;" expressing finally 
his firm belief that "the seer, the seer, Joseph, the 
seer," * will prove himself equal to the task of solving 
this new mystery. " We have no doubt," says he, "but 
Mr. Smith will be able to translate them." And Taylor, 
as the sequel shows, was fully justified in his confidence; a 
confidence expressed a second time in the Times and Sea- 
sons in the following lively manner : 

" Why does the circumstance of the plates recently found in a mound 
in Pike County, Illinois, by Mr. Wiley, together with etymology and 
a thousand other things, GO TO PROVE THE Book of Mormon true? 
Answer : ' Because it is true.' "— [TltV^^^ and Seasons, p. 406, Dec. I, 

But let us look at the trap with the translator's leg in 
it. Here it is, in the shape of a letter from Mr. Wilbur 
Fugate to Mr. James T. Cobb, in Salt Lake City : 

Mound Station, III, June 30, 1879. 
Mr. Cobb:— 

I received your letter in regard to those plaies, and will say in 
answer that they are a humbug, gotten up by Robert Wiley, Bndge 
Whitton and myself. WhiUon is dead. I do not know whether 
Wiley is or not. None of the nine persons who signed the certihcate 
knew the secret, except Wiley and I. We read in Pratt's prophecy 
that " Truth is yet to spring up out of the earth." We concluded to 
prove the prophecy by way of a joke. We soon made our plans and 
executed them. Bridge Whitton cut them (the plates) out of some 
pieces of copper ; Wiley and I made the hieroglyphics f by making 
impressions on beeswax and filling them with acid and putting it on 
the plates. When they were finished we put them together with rust 

* The title of a popular Mormon hymn composed by John Tay- 

f Wiley's name stands first and Fugate's last of the nine signers 
of the " certificate" touching the excavation. 

2o8 Monno?i Portraits. — /. Joseph SmitJi. 

made of nitric acid, old iron and lead, and bound them with a piece 
of hoop iron, covering them completely with the rust. Our plans 
worked admirably. A certain Sunday was appointed for digging. 
The night before, Wiley went to the Mound where he had previously 
dug to the depth of about eight feet, there being a flat rock that 
sounded hollow beneath, and put them under it. On the following 
morning quite a number of citizens were there to assist in the search, 
there being tTvo Mormon elders present (Marsh and Sharp). The 
rock was soon removed, but some time elapsed before the plates were 
discovered. I finally picked th"&m up and exclaimed, " A piece of 
pot metal ! " Fayette Grubb snatched them from me and struck them 
against the rock and they fell to pieces. Dr. Harris examined them 
and said they had hieroglyphics on them. He took acid and removed 
the rust, and they v/ere soon out on exhibition. Under this rock was 
dome-like in appearance, about three feet in diameter. There were a 
few bones in the last stage of decomposition, also a few pieces of pot- 
tery and charcoal. There was no skeleton found. Sharp, the 
Mormon elder, leaped and shouted for joy and said, Satan had ap- 
peared to him and told him not to go (to the diggings), it was a hoax 
of Fugate and Wiley's, — but at a later hour the Lord appeared and 
told hmi to go, the treasure w^as there. 

The Mormons wanted to take the plates to Joe Smith, but we 
refused to let them go. Some time afterward a man assuming the 
name of Savage, of Quincy, borrowed the plates of Wiley to show to 
his literary friends there, and took them to Joe Smith. The same 
identical plates were returned to Wiley, who gave them to Professor 
McDowell, of St. Louis, for his Museum. 

W. Fugate. 

State of Illinois, ) 
Brown County, j ^^" 
W. Fugate, being first duly sworn, deposes and says that the above 
letter, containing an account of the plates found near Kinderhook, is 
true and correct, to the best of his recollection. 

W^ Fugate. 

Subscribed and sworn to before me this 30th day of June, 1879. 

Jay Brown, J, P. 

Since 1843 the Kinderhook plates have been relied 
upon by the Mormon leaders as a strong argument in favor 
of Joe's plates, from which he translated his new '* bible,[' 
and, in fact, they are coin from the same mint almost, 
/^ ^j-/, silly fabrications. You don't find deep mysteries 
on any of them, like the dark formula, 2i-j-4=, but 
their characters seem inspired by a mind very much oc- 

Dollar Sign Hici-oglyphics. 


ciipied with worldly affairs. At least, I find the vulgar 
DOLLAR SIGN morc than two scores of times in these 
*' hieroglyphics," now very clear, and then as the origi- 
nal idea of a sign. In this way I can trace it about ten 
times alone in this single plate of the ''engravings," two or 

three of them very clearly. Notwithstanding the obvious 
clumsiness of the fraud (Mr. Fugate calls it a joke) a 
number of writers on Mormon history, among them the 
best, including John Hyde and Captain Burton, have re- 
produced a fac simile of the plates, and spoken seriously 
of them, leaving the reader to guess what they might 
mean, and apparently puzzled by them themselves. 

I am able to solve the mystery. They are hieroglyph- 
ics, and Mr. Smith could translate them. The British 
church organ, called the Millemiial Star, printed in Liver- 
pool, "gives us the key," as old Lucy would say. In 

2IO Morfnon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Vol. XXL, number of January 15, 1859, ^^ ^^ extract 
from ^'Mr. Smith's" diary, dated Monday, May i, 1843, 
a week or so after the discovery of the plates was made. 
Mr. Smith says: ''I insert fac similes of the six brass 
plates found near Kinderhook, in Pike County, 111., on 
April 23, 1843, by Mr. R. Wiley and others; while ex- 
cavating a large mound, they found a skeleton about six 
feet from the surface of the earth, which must have stood 
nine feet high. The plates were found on the breast of the 
skeleton and were covered on both sides with ancient 


Heaven and Earth." (On pages 41, 43, Millennial 
Star, Vol. XXL, is 3i fac simile of these plates.) 

There you have him in his full glory, the son of old 
Luc.y-Munchhausen. He was not present at the excavat- 
ing of the plates, but he finds a great many more things 
than the buriers and excavators found themselves. The 
discovecer and translator of the "Book of Abraham " 
finds in that Illinois mound the skeleton of an antique 
monarch. The peeper knows even the size of the fellow : 
he was nine feet, the odd inches are not given. And then, 
you see, the plates were found on the breast oi the skeleton — 
another touching and picturesque detail. And then comes 
the crowning and glorious translation ! That ruler came of 
illustrious ancestors, but rather in a roundabout and laby- 
rinthic sort of way. He descended (think of it and faint) 
from Ham, through the loins of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. 
Which Pharaoh ? No doubt the father of that royal wench 
whose bones were diskivered by old Lucy-Munchhausen.* 
And then, who cares? Don't you see that this Dime Muse- 
um giant received his kingdom from our excellent friend, 
Joe's " pard ? " And a tremendous kingdom it must have 

* See next chapter. 

Frati Tells iJie Truth, But Secretly. 211 

been, the kingdom of a chap nine feet high and perhaps 
tvvo or three odd inches ! 

Don't you see it now in the trap, t\\Q peeper' s leg? And 
still, gentle reader, you say : But surely the Mormon 
leaders do not know about feuch villainous frauds, 'twould 
make accomplices of all of them, and show that they are 
all deceivers, liars and hypocrites ! Now just hear what 
.was told me by a Mormon elder, an eye and ear witness : 
"A 'class of elders,' eleven or twelve, of whom I was 
one, was assembled in the Endowment House in 1858. 
Apostle Orson Pratt told us that he had been reading a 
work in which an account was given of the Kinderhook 
Plates. An archeological society had heard of the plates 
and they wanted to get a reliable account of them. They 
sent down to Kinderhook, 111., two men to investigate the 
matter. These men had been there for two or three weeks 
without result. At last they learnt the names of the par- 
ties concerned, and that the plates were ??iade by a black- 
smith; they were told so by the artist himself. Pratt told 
the ' class ' that he was well convinced that the plates were 
a fraud." 

But let us return to the " Seer." The plates were taken 
to him and he made a rough estimate that their translation 
into English would make a volume of some ten or twelve 
hundred pages ! * Joseph, however, smartly refused to 
translate them until they were presented to some of the 
learned societies for translation. They were sent to one 
and returned with the word, that they could not be trans- 
lated. And then Joseph went to work, aided by the 
"grace of God! " 

Brigham Young and the other heads of the church 
knew the silly fraud of the " Book of Abraham " since 
the real translation of the papyrus by the French savant. 
They all know that the '^ Spaulding myth'' is no myth, 
but the naked and damning truth. And still there is 
scarcely a book put forth on Mormonism that does not 

* This detail is contained in another letter of Mr. Fugate to James 
T. Cobb ; also the circumstance that Bridge Whitton, who cut out the 
plates, was a blacksmith. 


Mormon Po7't raits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

ventilate gravely the question, whether Joseph, Brighaui, 
Cannon, Taylor & Co., were sincere, or are so at this mo- 
ment in their ''faith ! " 


Big Doings in Kirtland. 213 


Michael H. Chandler, the Village Bar?tum — Testimonial 
Given by ''a Gentleman'' — The Writings of Abraham 
and Joseph Discovered — Egyptian Grammar by Joe — 
Astronomer Joe — W. W. Phelps — Lucy Discovering 
and Lecturing — A Learned Polygamist — The Lord 
Chatting with Old Abraha?n — Choice Extracts from 
Abraham's Book — Prophet Joe's Translation Cojn- 
pared with that of a Wicked Gentile — The Prince of 
Pharaoh — Let us Laugh. 

It was in July, 1835, in Kirtland. The kingdom was 
flourishing. The temple was going up rapidly. The 
first ''quorum" of the twelve apostles had been ordained; 
classes of instruction and school of prophets commenced. 
Joseph had just begun to "wrestle" with English 
grammar — no wonder that he felt like reforming the 
world on the scientific and educational side, after having 
given it a new start as to religion and morals. The Lord 
was with him in everything ; and for the last four years He 
had been giving him ''special instructions" as to the 
principle of celestial marriage, called "adultery" by the 
wicked Gentiles, with that indecent vulgarity characteristic 
of those who have no faith in bleeding Spaniards. 

It was on July 3, 1835, just at the time when the first 
idea of those glorious sand boxes might have struck the 
imagination of our young prophet, when an ^event 
occurred, not observed by the wicked and indift'erent, 
but notwithstanding of immense importance for the 
salvation of mankind and the enrichment of science. The 
.chosen messenger who brought these " glad tidings " to 
Kirtland was, as usual with Joe's Lord, a man whom the 
initiated would have taken for anything else than an 
instrument in the hands of the Almighty. It was no 

214 AIormo7i Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

peeper this time, however, but a sort of village Barnum, 
a "gentleman" who made a living by showing four 
Egyptian mummies to an enlightened public, probably at 
the modest rate of 25 cents for admission. Mummies — 
papyrus — Egyptian — reformed Egyptian — Joseph felt 
the seer's blood stir in his veins. Let himself relate the 
occurrence : * 

On the 3d of July, Michael H. Chandler came to Kirtland to 
exhibit some Egyptian mummies. There were four human figures, 
together with some two or more rolls of papyrus covered with hiero- 
glypliic figures and devices. As Mr. Chandler had been told I could 
translate them, he brought me some of the characters, and I gave him 
the interpretation, and, LIKE A GENTLEMAN, he gave me the following 
certificate : 

Kirtland, July 6, 1835.^ 
This is to make known to all who may be desirous concerning 
the knowledge of Mr. Joseph Smith, Jun., in deciphering the ancient 
Egyptian hieroglyphic characters in my possession, which I have, in 
many eminent cities, showed to the most learned; and, from the 
information that I could ever learn, or meet with, I find that of Mr, 
Joseph Smith, Jun., to correspond in the most minute matters. 

Michael H. Chandler, 
Traveling with, and proprietor of, Egyptian mummies. 

It maybe that ''traveling with and proprietor of" 
Mr. Chandler may have acted like a ''gentleman" in 
many respects, for instance, in attesting the 
of an interpretation of hieroglyphics of which he knew as 
much as Charlie, the family horse, or as Joe himself; but 
the syntax, etc., surely show rather the "colored 
gemman " than anything else. "Like a gentleman!" 
This is absolutely impayable. It shows as clear as sun- 
light that Joe knew that the certificate was straight lie, 
but lying for Joe, without hesitation, cavaliercment, is 
acting like a gemman. 

Joe takes a deep interest in the mummies, and the 
saints — accustomed to provide for him whatsoever he 
needeth — buy them for him from the "traveling with and 
proprietor of" gentlemaii. Joe tumbles at once to a 
tremendous discovery: 

"^ Millennial Star, Vol. XV., p. 285. 

Unrefonned Egyptian Hieroglyphics. 215 

" Some of the saints purchased the mummies and papyrus, and 1, 
Avith W W. Phelps and O. Cowdery as scribes, commenced the 
translation of some of the characters or hiert)glyphics, and much to 
our joy found that one of the rolls contained the WRITINGS OF 
Abraham, another the writings of Joseph of Egypt, etc — a 
more full account of which will appear in their place, as I proceed to 
examine or unfold them. Truly can we say : The Lord is beginning 
to reveal the abundance of peace and truth," -^ 

It seems, however, that the Urim and Thummim did 
not work so well with the unreformed hieroglyphics as 
they did with the reformed ones. Says Joe : 

"The remainder of this month [July, 1835] I was continually 
engaged in translating an alphabet to the Book of Abraham, and 
arranging a grammar of the Egyptian language as practiced by the 
ancients." , . 

''Translating alphabets," arranging grammars — it is 
all as easy for Joe as eating a chop. Nothing that was 
" practiced by the ancients " is unknown to the peeper. 
He has the keys for all secrets. He is even an expert 
astronomer. Writes he, October i, 1835, m his diary: 

" This afternoon I labored in the Egyptian alphabet, in company 
with Brothers O. Cowdery and W. W. Phelps, and during the research 
the PRINCIPLES OF astronomy, as understood by^ Father Abraham 
and the ancients, unfolded to our understandings." 

Joe had studied (but not unfolded) the ''Law of 
Sarah," the ingenuity of which proves, beyond doubt, 
that "Father Abraham" would be now-a-days a member 
of Congress at least. After having devoutly followed this 
law for four years or so, as opportunity presented, Joe takes 
up Abraham's astronomy. But he translates the great dis- 
coveries of Professor Abraham always in company with 
W. W. Phelps, you see. Mr. Editor Phelps was one of 
the cranky dilettanti under the banner of Mormonism. 
He had a literary smattering which turned to senseless 
mania of scientific discoveries under the influence of "rev- 
elation." Half an education is bad enough, but com- 
bined with fanaticism and pious lying it is one of the 
worst curses of humanity. Phelps played m those times a 
very important part in the fixing up and bringing forth ot 

"k Millennial Star, Vol. XV.,»pp. 296-7. 

2i6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

Joe's revelations. He blabbed sometimes about it in the 
Utah Tabernacle, to Brigham's rage and despair. The 
old "■ Devil" was too proud of having been Joseph's rev- 
elational sage femnie in olden times, and he would talk, 
notwithstanding Brigham's efforts to restrain him by jerk- 
ing the Devil's coat tail. On one occasion, as known to 
all old Mormons, Phelps made a bow to Brigham, but not 
with his face turned toward Joe's successor, and said : 
"And Moses saw the Lord's hind part." I guess the 
Devil was right. All Mormon founders and leaders have 
ever seen of the Lord was nothing buc the unspeakable 
part of a caricature of Old Scratch. 

But let us return to our Egyptian scholar and Abra- 
hamic astronomer. He felt great as seer and translator, 
but his joy was nothing compared with the rejoicings of 
that chaste guardian of truth, keys and three-cornered 
diamonds, Mrs. Lucy Smith-Munchausen. That dear 
creature was in raptures over the great diskiveries made by 
her darling Joe. She shows them to strangers and even 
lectures on them ; admission fee very modest, to make 
science accessible to the most humble. "^ The excellent 
old lady had even made some learned investigations on 
her own hook, and the result was — what else could it be ? 
— that one of the mummies was Pharaoh's daughter, 
the same that had saved young Moses ! The poor girl's 
mortal tenement, after having slept for four thousand 
years or so, had to perish in a Chicago dime museum, to 
the unspeakable sorrow of an admiring crowd of cow- 
boys ! 

Don't weep, tender-hearted reader. The '' Book ot 
Abraham " is safe, all the same. Joe has translated it, and 
the private memoirs of Professor Abraham are a glorious 
heritage to civilization forever, together with a whole sys- 

*" For a time," says Joseph, her grandson, " she derived a little 
income from the exhibition of some mummies and the papyrus records 
found with them, which had been left in her care by the church for 
this purpose. But after a time she parted with the mummies and 
records, how, the writer is not informed, though he afterwards saw 
two of the mummies and a part of the records in Wood's Museum in 
Chicago, where they were destroyed by the tire in 1871." 

Where Are the Writings of Joseph? 217 

tern of Astronomy that puts Herschel, Copernicus, Kep- 
ler Tycho and other ignorant Gentile savants, to use the 
picturesque expression of Danite Dr. Avard, - where the 
dogs cannot bite them." What is science compared to 
'' revelation," after all? Is it not groping in tne dark, is it 
not the mere groveling of swine amid husks, while the 
chosen oncs-]o^, Lucy, Lee and other policemen-are 
wallowing in heaps of pearls? 

I need not tell the reader, who has felt the full force 
of Mormon revelation so often in these pages, that the 
-Book of Abraham" is not only a fraud, but an un- 
speakably clumsy and silly one, too It may be worth 
your while, all the same, to taste a little of the beauty, 
grandeur and value of the truths made manifest by the 
Most High to his friend and servant Abraham. * Ihe 
translation of Abraham's manuscript occupies ten pages 
m the Pearl of Great Price, a church publication which 
contains among other./.^r/., -Visions" and -Writing^ 
of Moses," a " Key to the revelations of bt. John, ttiat 
Mormon Sevastopol ^ the Law of Sarah," etc., all re- 
vealed to Joseph the Seer. I miss among the pearls 
the - Writinss of Joseph," which were likewise said to be 
among the treasures sold to Joe by the " traveling with and 
proprietor of ,-.;;/^/;/«;^" No doubt their-deciphermg did 
- correspond in the most minute matters," too, just as that 
of Father \braham's astronomical note book. I bet they 
have them in the Historian's office, - hid up " somewhere 
those " Writings of Joseph." I am sure they would, if 
translated properly, {id est, by inspiration,) rival Historian 
Tullid^e's ''stupendous sweep of the Prophet Josephs 
theoloc^y," and "lay bare the infinite sweep of existence 
beyond the reach of the most poetic conception Why 
not try jw/r inspired hand at that job, brother Tullidge, 
and sive your '' Messianic wave " a good jerk ? 

What struck me first in Abraham's book was the 
familiar, "you're another" tone assumed in it by Je- 

^r^^;:^;^;;;;i^the BookTf Abraham Salt Lake City 1879- 
Elder Reynolds has been sent to the Pen for having ^^1^1.1^ ^e law 
of Sarah/' but not yet to the lunatic asylum, from which place this- 
eulogy on the " Book of Abraham" should have been dated. 

2i8 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

hovah. The book shows clearer than anything that 
Abraham and the Lord were on splendid terms, just like 
Joe and his pard. '' My name's Jehovah," says the Lord 
to Abraham, ''and I know the end from the beginning." 
This sounds grand, but Jehovah's running talk, you will see, 
is intensely fatherly, as your good old father-in-law would 
talk to you about the necessity of putting a new roof on 
the chicken-house. Says Abraham : 

" And the Lord said unto me, the planet which is the lesser light, 
lesser than that which is to rule the day, even the night, is above or 
greater than that upon which thou standest, in point of reckoning, for 
it moveth in order more slow. This is in orde>\ because it standeth 
above the earth upon which thou standest; therefore tlie reckoning of 
its time is not so many as to its number of days, and of months and of 
years. And the Lord said unto me: Now, Abraham, these TWO 
FACTS EXIST; behold, thine eyes see it . . . " 

I don't know how you feel while reading this stuff, 
'but I see the Lord in his dressing-gown and pipe, I can't 
help it. But let him go on, the '' powerful visitor from 
Canaan," who ''was actually the instrument used of God to 
instruct the Egyptians in the mysteries of the starry 
^yorlds," and who, by the way, "superintended the erec- 
tion of the great pyramid :" 

"Thus I, Abraham, talked with the Lord, face to face, as one man 
talketh with another; and He told me of the works which his hand 
had made; and he said unto me, My son, my son, (and his hand 
was stretched out), behold, I will show you all these. And He put his 
hand upon mine eyes and I saw those things which His hand had 
made, which were many; and He said unto me. This is Shinehah, 
which is the Sun. And he said unto me, KoKOB, which is Star. And 
he said unto me, Olea, which is the Moon. And he said unto me, 
KoKAUBEAM, which signifies stars, or all the great lights which were 
in the firmament of heaven.'' 

This is the way the Lord talked to Abrahain on great 
occasions, when he wanted to give away whole bucketfuls 
of Astronomy. For ordinary purposes Abraham, the 
lucky patriarch, had the Urim and Thimwiim, just like 
Joe. Was he a peeper, too, in early times, before be- 
coming so great a patriarch ? 

" And I, Abraham, had the Urim and Thummim, which the Lord 
jmy God had given unto me, in Ur of the Chaldees; and I saw the 

The Lord Praises His '' Inteilt^enee.'' 219 

Stars, that they were very great, and that one of them was nearest unto 
the throne of God ; and there were many great ones which were near 
unto it; and the Lord said unto me, These are the governing ones; 
and the name of the great one is KoLoi?, because it is near unto me, 
for I am the Lord thy God: I have set this one to govern all those 
which belong to the same order of that upon which thou standest, 
And the Lord said unto me, by the Urim and Thummim, that Kolob 
was after the manner of the Lord . , . " 

But hear the Lord again, when He talks to Abraham 
''face to face," without the peep-stone: 

" And the Lord said unto me, Abraham, I show these things unto 
thee, before ye go into Egypt, that ye may declare all these words. 
If two things exist, and there be one above the other, there shall 
be greater things above them. Therefore, Kolob is the greatest 
OF ALL the Kokauheam that thou hast seen, because it is nearest 
unto me.^ Now, if there be two things, one above the other, and 
the moon be above the earth, that it may be that a planet or a 
star may exist above it ; and there is nothing that t!ie Lord thy God 
shall take in his heart to do but that he will do it. Howbeit that he 
made the greater star, as, also, if there be two spirits, and ONE shall 
be more intelligent than the other, yet these two spirits, not- 
withstanding one is more intelligent than the other, have no 
beginning; they existed before, they shall have no end, they shall 
exist after, for they are gnolaltm, or eternal." 

Does not the Lord talk like a village schoolmaster, 
who gets crazy over some old books and a country 
weekly? But let us "peer deeper into this abyss of stu- 
pidity : 

" And the Lord said unto me, These two facts do exist, that 
there are two spirits, one being more intelligent than the other; there 
shall be another more intelligent than they; I am the Lord thy God, 
I AM MORE intelligent THAN THEY ALL. The Lord thy God 
sent his angel to deliver thee from the hands of the priest Elkenah. 
I dwell in the midst of them all; I now, therefore, have come down 
unto thee to deliver unto thee the works which my hands have made, 
wherein my wisdom excelleth them all, for I rule in the heavens 
above, and in the earth beneath, in all wisdom and prudence, over 
ALL THE INTELLIGENCES thine eyes have seen from the beginning ; 
I came down in the beginning in the midst of all the intelli- 
GENCIES thou hast seen." 

This is religion, this is science, this is Utah's education 
of the rising generation in the nineteenth century ! Is it 

*As well as being " afte?- the manner of the Lord." 

2 20 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

not the eternal Mountain Meadows Massacre of the hopes 
and aspirations of this great region of country? I ask 
you, men and brethren, Mormon sisters and school- 
ma'ams, shall such a state of things be gnolaum, or 
eternal ? 

Abraham, after having given his interesting theories 
about the Kokaiibeam^ lectures on the creation : 

" Now, the Lord had shewn unto me, Abraham, the intelli- 
GENCIES that were organized before the world was ; and among all 
these there were many of the noble and great ones ; and God saw 
these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, 
and he said. These I will make my rulers ; for he stood among those 
that were spirits, and he saw that they were good ; and he said unto 
me, Abraham, thou art one of them, thou wast chosen before thou 
wast born. And there stood one among them that was like unto God, 
and he said unto those M^ho were with him. We will go down, for 
there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we 
will make an earth whereon these may dwell ; and we will prove 
them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord 
their God shall command them ; and they M'ho keep their first estate 
shall be added upon ; and they who keep not their first estate shall 
not have glory in the same kin(;dom with those who keep their first 
estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added 
upon their heads for ever and ever. 

" And the Lord said. Who shall I send ? And one answered like 
unto the Son of Man, Here am I, send me. And another answered 
and said, Here am I, send me. And the Lord said, I will send the 
first. And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate, and, at 
that day, many followed after him. And then the Lord said. Let us 
go down; and they went down at the beginning, and they organized 
and formed (that is, the Gods) the heavens and the earth. And the 
earth, after it was formed, was empty and desolate, because they had 
not formed anything but the earth ; and darkness reigned upon the 
face of the deep, and the Spirit of the Gods was brooding upon the 
faces of the M'ater." 

In this twaddle we have not only the nucleus of Mor- 
mon theology as to the ''making of gods, worlds and 
devils," but also a good deal of the recitations at the 
disgusting, though dangerous and treasonable, mummery 
called Endoivments, of which more in Vol. II. of this 

Let us close the quotations with another bit of "in- 
spired and corrected " Genesis : 

" And they (the Gods) said, Let there be light, and there was 

The Gods Act and Organize Like W. W. Phelps. 221 

ght, and they (the Gods) comprehended the Hght, for it was 
nghl: and they divided the light, or caused it to be divided from 
le darkness ; and the Gods called the light day, and the darkness 
ley called night. And THE Gods also said. Let there be an expanse 
1 the midst of the waters, and it shall divide the waters from the 
■aters. And the Gods ordered the expanse, so that it divided the 
-aters which were under the expanse from the waters which were above 
le expanse ; and it was so, even as they ordered. And THE GoDS 
ailed the expanse Heaven. And THE GoDS ordered, saying. Let the 
waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let 
le earth come up dry; and it was so, as they ordered ; and THE GoDS 
ronounced the earth dry, and the gathering together of the waters, 
ronounced they, great waters; and THE Gods saw that they were 
beyed. And the Gods said. Let us prepare the earth to brmg forth 
rass ; the herb yielding seed ; the fruit tree yielding fruit, after his 
;ind, whose seed in itself yieldeth its own likeness upon the earth; 
nd it was so, even as they ordered. And THE Gods organizfd 
he earth to bring forth grass from its own seed, and the herb to bring 
orth herb from its own seed, yielding seed after his kind. And THE 
}ods organized the lights in the expanse of the heaven, and caused 
hem to divide the day from the night; and organized them to be for 
igns and for seasons, and for days and for years ; and organized 
hem to be for lights in the expanse of the heaven to give light upon 
he earth ; and it was so. And the Gods organized the two great 
ights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule 
he night ; with the lesser light they set the stars also. And THE GoDS 
v'atched those things which they had ordered until they obeyed." 

Now, let us compare, just for fun and for the sake of 
mother clincher, the interpretation of the pictures on Mr. 
Chandler's papyrus made by Joseph, the Seer, with one 
nade by a competent French savant, Mr. T. Deveria : 


Fig. I. The Angel of the Lord. Fig. i. The soul of Osiris under 

the form of a hawk. 

2. Abraham fastened upon an 2. Osiris coming to life on his 

funeral couch, which is in the 
shape of a lion. 

3. The idolatrous priest of Elke- 3. The god Anubis effecting the 
lah attempting to offer up Abra- resurrection of Osiris. 

lam as a sacrifice. r r\ • • 

4. The altar for sacrifice by the 4. The funeral-bed of Osiris, 
idolatrous priest standing before under which are placed the four 
the gods of Elkenah, Libnah, sepulchral vessels called canopy, 
Mahmackrah, Korash and Phara- each of them surmounted by the 
oh head of the four genu. 



Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

5. The idolatrous god of Elke- 

6. The idolatrous god of Lib- 

7. The idolatrous god of Mah- 

8. The idolatrous god of Kor- 

9. The idolatrous god of Phara- 

10. Abraham in Egypt. 

1 1 . Design to represent the pil- 
lars of heaven as understood by 
the Egyptians. 

5. Kebh-son-iw, with a hawk's 

6. Tiomautew, with a jackars 

7. Hapi, with a dog's head. 

8. Amset, with a human head. 

9. The sacred crocodile, sym- 
bolic of the God Sebet. 

10. Altar laden with oflFerings. 

11. An ornament peculiar to 
Egyptian art. 

Politeness of the Prince of Phaj-aoh. 


12. Customary representation of 
ground in Egyptian paintings. 
(The word Shauman is not Egyp- 

12. Raukeegang, signifying ex- 
panse, or the firmament over our 
heads ; but in this case, in relation 
to this subject, the Egyptians meant 
it to signify Shauman, to be high, 
or the heavens, answering to the 
Hebrew Shautnahyeem. 

Now to another picture described by the French savant 
as '' initial painting of a funerary Manuscript of the Low- 
er Epoch, which cannot be anterior to the beginning of 
the Roman dominion : " 



Fig. I. Abraham sitting upon 
Pharaoh's throne, BY the polite- 
ness OF THE KING, with a crown 
upon his head, representing the 
Priesthood, as emblematical of THE 
GRAND Presidency in Heaven; 
with the sceptre of justice and 
judgment in his hand. 

2. King Pharaoh, whose name 
is given in the characters above 
his head. 

3. Signifies Abraham in Egypt ; 
referring to Abraham as given in 
the first fac-simile. 

4. Prince of Pharaoh, King 
of Egypt, as written above the 

5. Shulem, one of the king's 
principal waiters, as represented 
by the characters above his hand. 

6. Olimlah, a slave belonging 
to the prince. 

Abraham is reasoning upon the 
principles of Astronomy, in the 
king's court. 


Fig. I. Osiris on his seat. 

2. The goddess Isis. The star 
she carries in her right hand is the 
sign of life. 

3. Altar with the offering of the 
deceased, surrounded with lotus 
flowers, signifying the offering of 
the defunct. 

4. The goddess Ma. 

5. The deceased led by Ma into 
the presence of Osiris. His name 
is Horus, as may be seen in the 
prayer which is at the bottom of 
the picture, and which is ad- 
dressed to the divinities of the four 
cardinal points. 

6. An unknown divinity, prob- 
ably Anubis; but his head, which 
ought to be that of a jackal, has 
been changed. 


Mormon Portraits.— L Joseph Smith. 


Lucy as Egyptian Lecturer. 225 

Abraham sitteth upon Pharaoh's throne by the polite- 
ness of the king! The king acts 'Mike a gentleman," 
you see. The politeness of the king ! Well, this is Lucy 


all over, and I hear her say it in her lectures, with such a 
winning smile and such a courtesy exactly imitating the 
politeness of Pharaoh ! And there is a grand presidency 
in heaven, of which the one on earth, consisting of Peeper 
Joe, Hyrum, and Sidney Rigdon, is a most perfect copy ! 
And there is, in Egypt, a Prince of Pharaoh, a sort of 
Prince of Wales, but being king all the same, and wear- 
ing, probably in Abraham's honor, female apparel ! And 
Abraham is reasoning upon the principles of Astronomy ! 
Are you sure, Joe, that he doesn't extol to the Prince of 
Pharaoh the beauties of the Law of Sarah ? 

Says Mr. Tullidge, ordained, set apart, and, let us hope, 
anointed as official Historian by the Salt Lake City 
Fathers : '' The Book of Abraham is as closely identified 
with Joseph, as its inspired translator, as is the Book 
of Mormon." Yes; there can be no doubt, these two 

226 Mormon Portraits. — /. Joseph Smith. 

facts exist, that Joe was as divinely inspired to translate 
the one as the other. I cannot say that " one is more in- 
telligent than the other," but it seems to me, that among- 
all the '"organized intelligences" in Mormonism, there is 
one whom the Lord meant when he said, ''one shall be 
more intelligent than the other," and it is none other 
than Historian TuUidge himself ; his "wisdom excelleth 
them all." He understands the prophet's " grand celes- 
tial view;" he feels that the "revelations of Joseph dis- 
cover to us the economy of the heavens in one everlasting 
sweep.'' Yes, by Kokob, Kolob, and the Kokaubeam, 
"what a lifting up of the race is this! " Noiv, brother 
Tv\\\Agt, these two facts exist: Joseph is a prophet and 
you are Joseph's prophet ! 

Well, folks, do you want me to talk philosophy to you ? 
want a high-toned refutation of the most impudent lies 
ever concocted by low, ignorant impostors and cheats ? Or 
shall we, to favor our digestion impaired by eating our 
biscuits too hot, unite in the most tremendous peal of 
laughter that ever shook the walls of any peaceful habita- 
tion of man — laugh, laugh, till the celebrated laughter 
of the old Greek gods becomes like the low moaning of 
a new-born mouse ? Must not our laughter be gnolaum, 
id est, eternal? Oh, ye eternal Kokaubeam, you shining 
stars, look down and laugh with us. You can't help it, I 
am sure. Lau^h or burst ! 




Documents and Facts Collected up to Fourth 
of July, 1886. 



Joseph Smith's Neighbors and Companions Testify About 
the Prophet's Character. 

Peter Ingersoll : — 

"In the month of August, 1827, I was hired by Joseph 
Smith, Junior, to go to Pennsylvania to move his wife's house- 
hold furniture up to Manchester, where his wife then was. When we 
arrived in Harmony, Pa., his father-in-law, Mr. IsAAC Hale, ad- 
dressed Joseph, in a flood of tears : " You have stolen my daughter 
and married her. I had much rather followed her to the grave. 
You spend your time in digging for money, pretend to see in A stone 
and deceive the people." Joseph wept and acknowledged he could 
not see in a stone and never could, and that his former pretensions in 
that respect were all FALSE. He then promised to give "p his old 
habits of digging for money and looking into stones. Mr. Ha.le told 
Joseph if he would move to Pennsylvania and work for a living, he 

2 28 . Mormon Fort?'aits. — /. Sidelights. 

would assist him in getting into business. Joseph acceded to this 
proposition. Joseph told me, on his return, . that he intended to keep 
the promise which he had made to his father-in-law, "but," said he 
" it will be hard for me, for they will all oppose, as they want me to 
look in the stone for them to dig money," and, in fact, it was as he 
predicted. They urged him, day after day, to resume his old prac- 
tice of looking in the stone. One day he came and greeted me with 
a joyful countenance, and said: " As I was passing, yesterday, across 
the woods, 1 found, in a hollow, some beautiful white sand. I took 
off my frock, and tied up several quarts of it and then went home. 
On my entering the house I found the family at the table, eating din- 
ner. They were all anxious to know the contents of my frock. At 
that moment I happened to think of what I had heard of a history 
found in Canada, called the Golden Bible, so I very gravely told 
them it was the Golden Bible. To my surprise they were credulous 
enough to believe what I said. Accordingly I told them that I 
had received a commandment to let no one see it, for, says I, no man 
can see it with the naked eye and live. Now, said Joe, I have got 
the damned fools fixed and will carry out the fun." 

William Stafford: — 

"The Smiths devoted much time to digging for money, 
especially in the night. They would say that in such a place, in 
such a hill, on a certain man's farm, there were deposited kegs, 
barrels and hogsheads of coined silver and gold, bars of gold, golden 
images, brass kettles filled with gold and silver, gold candlesticks, 
swords, etc. They would say also that nearly all the hills in this part 
of New York were thrown up by human hands and in them were large 
caves, which Joseph, Jr., could see by placing a stone of singular 
appearance in his hat in such a manner as to exclude all light ; that 
he could see within those caves large gold bars and silver plates, that 
he could also discover the spirits in whose charge those treasures 
were, clothed in ancient dress. New Moon and Good Friday were 
regarded as the most favorable times for obtaining these treasures. 
Joseph Smith, Sen., came to me one night and told me that Joseph, Jr., 
had been lookIng in his glass and had seen, near his house, two or 
three kegs of gold and silver some feet under the surface of the earth. 
Early in the evening we repaired to the place of deposit. Joseph, Sr., 
first made a circle 12 or 14 feet in diameter. This circle, he said, con- 
tained the treasure. He then stuck in the ground a row of witch-hazfel 
sticks, around the said circle, to keep off the evil spirits. Within 
this circle he made another, 8 or 10 feet in diameter. He walked 
around three times on the periphery of this last circle, muttering to 
himself something which I could not understand. He next stuck a 
steel rod in the centre of the circles and then enjoined profound silence 
upon us, lest we should arouse the evil spirits who had the charge of 
these treasures. After we had dug a trench about 5 feet in depth 
around the rod, the old man by signs and motions asked leave of 

Romantic Origin of the Peepstone. 229 

absence and went to the house to inquire of young Joseph the cause of 
our disappointment. He soon returned and said that Joseph had 
remained all this time in the house looking in his stone and watch- 
ing the motions of the <?z^27.<-/>7W/.- that he saw the spirit come up to 
the ring, and as soon as it beheld the cone which we had formed around 
the rod, it caused the 7noney to sink. We then went to the house and 
the old man observed that we had made a mistake in the commence- 
ment of the operation ; if it had not had been for that, said he, we 
should have got the money. At another time they devised a scheme 
to satiate their hunger with the mutton of one of my sheep. They had 
seen in my flock a large, fat, black wether. Old Joseph and one of 
the boys came to me one day and said that young Joseph had discov- 
ered some great treasures which could only be procured in this way : 
that a black sheep should be taken on the ground where the treasures 
were concealed, that after cutting its throat it should be led around a 
circle while bleeding. This being done the -.urath of the evil spirit 
would be appeased, the treasures could then be obtained and my share 
of it was to be four-fold. To gratify my curiosity I let them have a 
large fat sheep. They afterwards informed me that the sheep was 
killed pursuant to commandment, but as there was some mistake in the 
process, it did not work. This, I believe, is the only time they ever 
made money-digging a profitable business. They had around them 
constantly a worthless gang. 

WiLLARD Chase : — 

"In 1820 the Smiths were engaged in the money-digging busi- 
ness, which they followed until the fall of 1827. In 1822 I was engaged 
in digging a well. I employed Alvin and Joseph Sm.ith to assist me. 
After digging about twenty feet below the surface of the earth we 
discovered A singularly appearing stone, which excited my curi- 
osity. I brought it to the top of the well. Joseph put it into his 
hat and then his face into the top of his hat. The next morning he 
came to me and wished to obtain 'the stone, alleging that he could SEE 
IN it. I lent it to him. After obtaining it he began to publish 
abroad what wonders he could discover by looking into it. He had 
it in his possession about two years. Some time in 1825 Hyrum 
Smith came to me and wished to borrow the same stone. He pledged 
his word that he would return it, and I lent it to him. In the fall of 
1826, when I asked Hyrum for the stone, he said : ' You cannot have 
it.' I repeated to him the promise he made me, upon which he said : 
' I don't care who in the devil it belongs to, you shall not have it,' 

"In the fall of 1826 Joseph wanted to go to Pennsylvania to be 
married, and having no money, set his wits to work. He went to 
Lawrence with the following story, as related to me by Lawrence 
himself: that he had discovered in Pennsylvania, on the banks of the 
Susquehannah, A VERY RICH MINE OF SILVER, and if he would go 
there with him, he might have a share in the profits; that it was near 
high-water mark and that they could load it into boats and take it 

230 Monnon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

down to Philadelphia to market. Lawrence asked Joseph if he was 
not deceiving him ; ' no,' said he, * for I have been there and SEEN IT 
WITH MY OWN EYES, and if you do not find it so when we get there, 
I will bind myself to be your servant for three years.' Lawrence 
agreed to go with him, had to bear his expenses on the way, and 
when he wished to see the silver mine, they found nothing. After 
his marriage Joseph, still out of money, set his wits at work how he 
should get back to Manchester, his place of residence He went to 
an honest old Dutchman, called Stowel, and told him that he had 
discovered on the bank of Black River a cave, in which he had found 
A BAR OF GOLD, AS BIG AS HIS LEG and three or four feet long ; that 
he could not get it out alone, and if he would move him to Man- 
chester, N. Y., they would go together, get a chisel and mallet and 
get it and Stowel should share the prize with him. Stowel moved 
him. After their arrival in Manchester Stowel reminded Joseph of 
his promise, but he calmly replied that he would not go, because his 
wife was now among strangers and would be very lonesome if he 
went away. Mr. Stowel was then obliged to return without any gold. 
" In April, 1830, I again asked Hyrum for the stone; he told me I 
should not have it, for Joseph made use of it in translating his 
BIBLE. The Smiths were regarded by their neighbors as a PEST TO 
society. I have always regarded Joseph Smith, Jr., as a man whose 
word could not be depended upon. Hyrum's character was but very 
little better. The whole family were worthless people. After 
they became thorough Mormons their conduct was more disgraceful 
than ever. Their tongues were continually employed in spreading 
scandal and abuse. Although they left this part of the country with- 
out paying their just debts, yet their creditors ivere glad to have theJ/i 
do so, rather than have them stay.''' 

I introduce now the statement of a living brother of 
Willard Chase, Mr. Abel D. Chase, never published be- 
fore. It has a special interest in showing up Rigdon's 
secret visits at the Smiths at the time when he and Joe 
were engineering the Gold Bible fraud : 

Palmyra, Wayne Co., N. Y., May 2, 1879. 

I, Abel D. Chase, now living in Palmyra, Wayne Co., N. Y., make 
the following statement ragarding my early acquaintance with Joseph 
Smith and incidents ahout the production of tlie so-called Mormon 
Bible. I was well acquainted with the Smith family, frequently visit- 
ing the Smith boys and they me. I was a youth at the time from twelve 
to thirteen years old, having been born Jan. 19, 1814, at Palmyra, N, 
Y. During some of my visits at the Smiths, I saw a stranger there 
who they said was Mr. Rigdon, He was at Smith's several times, 
and it was in the year of 1827 when I first saw him there, as near as 
I can recollect. Some time alter that tales were circulated that young 

Sidney Rtgdon Hanging Around S?nif/i's. 231 

Joe had found or dug from the earth a BOOK ?F/':f7f /^^^f ,^^^ 
Smiths called the Golden Bible. I don't think Smith had any such 
plates. He was mysterious in his actions. The peei'STONE, in which he 
Ls accustomed to look, he got of my elder brother WiHard while at 
work for us digging a well. It was a singular looking stone and young 
Toe pretended'he could discover hidden things in it 
^ My brother Willard Chase died at Palmyra, N. Y., March 10, 1871. 
His affidavit, published in Howe's " History of Mormoiusm is genu- 
ine Peter Ingersoll, whose affidavit was published in the same book, 
is also dead. He moved West years ago and died about two years 
ago. Ingersoll had the reputation of being a man of his ^^'^rd and i 
have no doubt Ins sworn statement regarding the Smiths and the Mor- 
mon Bible is genuine. I was also well acquainted with Thomas P 
Baldwin, a lawyer and Notary Public, and Frederick Smith a lawyer 
and magistrate, before whom Chase's and Ingersoll's depositions ^^ ere 
made, and who were residents of this village at the time and for sev- 
eral years after. ^^^^ ^ ^^^^^ 

Abel D. Chase signed the above statement in our presence, and he 
is known to us and the entire community here as a man whose word is 
always the exact truth and above any possible suspicion 

^ Pliny T. Sexton, 

J. H. Gilbert. * 

The statement of Abel D. Chase is corroborated by 
a letter from Mr. J. H. Gilbert, addressed to my fnend 
Cobb, dated Palmyra, October 14, 1879- ^^^' ^^^^'^'^^ 
says : 

" Last evening I had about 15 minutes conversation with Mr. Lo- 
renzo Saunders of Reading, Hillsdale Co Mich He has been gone 
about thirty years. He was born south of our village m 181 1 , and was 
a near neighbor of the Smith family-knew them all well; was in the 
habit of visiting the Smith boys; says he knows that R^^^i^^^^^^^^f- 
ing around Smith's for eighteen months prior to the publishing 
OF the Mormon Bible." 
PURLEY Chase, another brother of Willard, states :— 

"The Smith family were lazy, intemperate and worthless men, 
very much addicted to lying.' In this they frequently boasted 
their skill." 

David Stafford:— 

" Old Joseph Smith was a drun kard and a liar and much in the 

* Mr. Sexton was at th7thn77f this affidavit the village President 
of Palmyra and President of the first National bank there Mr Gil- 
bert is the same who printed the first edition of the Book of Moimon. 

232 Mormon Portraits . — /. Sidelights. 

habit of gambling. He and his boys were truly a lazy set of fellows 
and more particularly Joseph, who very aptly followed his father's 
example and in some respects was worse. When intoxicated he was 
very quarrelsome. The general employment of the Smith family was 
money-digging and fortl'NE-telling. They kept around them, con- 
stantly, a gang of worthless fellows who dug for money nights and 
were idle in the daytime. It was a mystery to their neighbors how they 
got their living." 

Barton Stafford : — 

" Old Joseph Smith was a noted drunkard and most of the family- 
followed his example, especially young Joseph, who was very much 
addicted to intemperance. No one of the family had the least claim 
to respectability. One day, while at work in my father's field, Joseph 
got quite drunk and fell to scuffling with one of the workmen wha 
tore his shirt nearly off from him. His wife threw her shawl over 
his shoulders and escorted the prophet home." 

RoswELL Nichols : — 

" For breach of contracts, for the non-payment of debts and bor- 
rowed money, and for duplicity with their neighbors, the Smith fam- 
ily were notorious." 

Joshua Stafford : — 

" Joseph Jr., once showed me a piece of wood which he said he 
took from a box of money, and the reason he gave for not obtaining 
the box, was, that it moved. At another time Joseph called on me to 
become security for a horse, and said he would reward me handsomely, 
for he had found a box of luatches, and they were as large as his fist, 
and he put one of them to his ear and he could hear it 'tick forty 
rods.' He said if he did not return with the horse I might take his 
life. He was nearly intoxicated t:^.^ the time of this conversation," 

Joseph Capron : — 

"Joseph, and indeed the whole family of Smiths, were notorious for 
indolence, foolery and falsehood. Their great object appeared to be tO' 
live without work. While they were digging for money they were 
daily harassed by the demands of creditors, which they were never 
able to pay. At length, Joseph pretended to find the gold plates^ 
This scheme, he believed, would relieve the family from all pecuniary 
embarrassment. His father told me that when the book was pub- 
lished they would be enabled, from the profits of the work, to carry 
into successful operation the money-digging business. He gave me no 
intimation, at that time, that the book was to be of a religious charac- 
ter, or that it had anything to do with revelation. He declared it to 
be a speculation, and said he : ' When it is completed, my family will 
be placed on a level above the generality of mankind.' " 

Testimony of Sixty -two Decent Folks. 235 

G. W. Stoddard : — 

*' I have been acquainted with Martin Harris about thirty years. 
As a farmer he was industrious and enterprising; he possessed eight 
or ten thousand dollars, but his moral and religious character was such 
as not to entitle him to respect among his neighbors. He was fretful, 
peevish and t|uarrelsome, frequently abused his wife by whipping her, 
kicking her out of bed, turning her out of doors, etc. He was first 
an orthodox Quaker, then a Universalist, next a Restorationer, then a 
Baptist, next a Presbyterian, and then a Mormon. The Smith family 
never made any pretensions to respectability." 

CEMBER 4, 1833 : — 
" We the undersigned, have been acquainted with the Smith fam- 
ily for a number of years while they resided hear this place, and we 
have no hesitation in saying that we consider them DESTITUTE OF 
THAT MORAL CHARACTER which ought to entitle them to the con- 
fidence of any community. They were particularly famous for visionary 
projects; spent much time in digging for money. Joseph Smith, Sen- 
ior, and his son Joseph were, in particular, considered entirely destitute 
of utoral character and addicted to vicious habits. In reference to all 
with whom we were acquainted that have embraced Mormonism, from 
this neighborhood, we are compelled to say were most of them desti- 
titute of moral character. " 

Testimony of eleven leading citizens of Manchester, Nov. 3, 


"We, the undersigned, being personally acquainted with the family 
of Joseph Smith, Sen., state: That they were not only a lazy, indo- 
lent set of men, but also intemperate ; and their w^ord was not to be 
depended upon, and that we are TRULY glad to dispense with their 

Isaac Hale, father-in-law of Joseph Smith : — 

" I first became acquainted with young Smith in November, 1825. 
He was at that time in the employ of a set of men who were called 
'money diggers;' and his occupation was that of seeing or pre- 
tending to see by means of a stone placed in his hat and his hat 
closed over his face. His appearance at this time was that of a care- 
less young man, very saucy and insolent to his father. Smith and his 
father, with several other ' money-diggers,' boarded at my house while 
they were employed digging for a mine that they supposed had been 
opened and worked by the Spaniards, many years since. Young 
Smith gave the diggers great encouragement at first, but when they had 
arrived in digging to near the place where HE had stated an immense 
treasure would be found, he said the enchantment was so power- 
ful that he could not see. Then they became discouraged and soon 
after dispersed. 

234 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

" Young Smith at length asked my consent to his marrying my 
daughter Emma. This I refused, because he was a stranger and fol- 
lowed a business that I could not approve. Not long after this they 
were married without my consent. They came subsecjuently to the 
conclusion that they would reside upon a place near my residence. 
Smith stated to me that he had given up what he called ' glasslook- 
ING,' and that he expected to work hard for a living. I was informed 
that they (Joseph and Emma) had brought a wonderful Book OF 
Plates with them. The manner in which he pretended to read and 
interpret the plates was the same as when he looked for the money- 
while the Book of Plates was at the same time hid in the woods! I 
conscientiously believe, from the facts detailed and from many other 
circumstances] that the whole " Book of Mormon" is a SILLY FABRICA- 
TION OF FALSEHOOD and wickedness, got up for speculation, in order 
that its fabricators may live upon the spoils of those who swallow the 

Hezekiah McKune: — 

"Joseph Smith said he was nearly equal with Jesus Christ; 
that he was a prophet sent by God to bring in the Jews and that he 
was the greatest prophet that had ever arisen." 

Alva Hale, son of Isaac Hale : — 

"Smith told me that this 'peeping' (in the stone) was all 
damned nonsense, that he intended to quit the business (of peeping) 
and labor for his livelihood." 

Levi Lewis : — * 

" I heard Joseph Smith and Martin Harris both say that ADUL- 
TERY WAS NO crime. f I saw him three times intoxicated while he 
was composing the Book of Mormon and heard him use language of 
the greatest profanity. He said, also, that he was as good as 
Jesus Christ, that it was as bad to injure him as to injure Jesus 
Christ. With regard to the plates, he said God had deceived him, 
which was the reason he did not show them." 

* Clergyman, and uncle of Joseph's wife Emma . Joseph and Hiel 
Lewis were his sons. See their joint affidavit, pages 78 — Si. 

t Anyone, except a Mormon leader, sees here the first glimpse of 
'Celestial Marriage' and the rest. 

A Jury Rejects Joe' s Testimony. 235 



Statement of Henry Harris : — 

I became acquainted with the family of Joseph 
Smith, Sen., about the year 1820, in the town of Man- 
chester, New York. They were a family that labored 
very little — the chief they did was to dig for money. 
Joseph Smith, Jr., used to pretend to tell fortunes ; he 
had a stone which he used to put in his hat, by means of 
which he proposed to tell people's fortunes. 

Joseph Smith, Jr., Martin Harris and others used to 
meet together in private, a while before the gold plates 
were found, and were femiliarly known by the name of 
'■ THE GOLD BIBLE COMPANY.' They wcrc regarded by the 
community in which they lived as a lying and indolent 
set ot men, and no confidence could be placed in them. 

The character of Joseph Smith, Jr., for truth and 
veracity was such that I would not believe him under 
OATH. I was once on a jury before a justice's court, and 

MONY to be true. After he pretended to have found the 
gold plates I had a conversation with him and asked him 
where he found them and how he came to know where 
they were. He said he had a revelation from God that 
they were hid in a certain hill, and he looked in his stone 
and saw them in the place of deposit ; that an angel ap- 
peared and told him he could not get the plates until he 
was married. I asked him what letters were engraved on 
them : he said italic letters written in an unknown 
LANGUAGE and that he had copied some of the words and 
sent them to Dr. Mitchell and Professor Anthon, of New 
York. By looking on the plates he said he could not 
understand the words, but it was made known to him 
that he was the person that must translate them, and on 
looking through the stone was enabled to translate. 

2^6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

After the book was published I frequently bantered 
him for a copy. He asked fourteen shillings a piece for 
them ; I told him I would not give so much ; he told me 
he had had a revelation that they must be sold at that' 
price. Some time afterwards I talked with Martin Harris 
about buying one of the books, and he told me they had 
had a new revelation that they might be sold at ten 
shillings a piece. 

Statement of Abigail Harris : — 

Palmvra, N. Y., Nov. 28, 1833. 
In the early part of the winter in 1828 I made a 
visit to Martin Harris's, and was joined in company by 
Joseph Smith, Sen., and his wife. The Gold Bible busi- 
ness, so called, was the topic of conversation, to which I 
paid particular attention that I might learn the truth of 
the whole matter. They told me that the report that 
young Joseph had found golden plates was true, and that 
he was in Harmony, Pennsylvania, translating them ; 
that such plates were in existence, and that young Joseph 
was to obtain them, was revealed to him by the spirit 
of one of the saints who was on this continent previous 
to its discovery by Columbus. Old Mrs. Smith observed 
that she thought he must be a Quaker, as he was 
dressed very plain. They said that the plates he then 
had in his possession were but an introduction to the Gold 
Bible — that all of them upon which the Bible was written 
were so heavy that it would take four stout men to load 
them into a cart — that Joseph had also discovered by 
looking through his stone the vessel in which the gold 
was melted from which the plates were made, and also the 
machine with which they were rolled ; he also discovered 
in the bottom of the vessel three balls of gold, each as 
large as his fist. The old lady said also that after the 
book was translated the plates were to be publicly exhib- 
ited — admittance twenty-five cents. She calculated it 
would bring in annually an enormous sum of money — 
that money would then be very plenty and the book 
would also sell for a great price, as it was something en- 
tirely new — that they had been commanded to obtain all 

Martin Wants to Make Money. 237 

the money they could borrow for present necessity, and 
to repay with gold. The remainder was to be kept 
in store for their family and children. [Here follows the 
little anecdote related on p. 18]. 

In the second month following, Martin Harris and his 
wife were at my house. In conversation about Mormon- 
ites, she observed that she wished her husband would quit 
them, as she believed it was all false and a delusion. To 
which I heard Martin Harris reply: '' What if it is a lie? 
If you will let me alone, I will make money out of it ! " 
I was both an eye and an ear witness of what has been 
stated above. 

Statement of Lucy Harris : — 

Palmyra, Nov. 29, 1833. 

Being called upon to give a statement to the world of 
what I know respecting the Gold Bible speculation and 
also of the conduct of Martin Harris, my husb'and, who is 
a leading character among the Mormons, I do it free 
from prejudice, realizing that I must give an account at 
the bar of God for what I say. Martin Harris was once 
industrious, attentive to his domestic concerns, and thought 
to be worth about ^10,000. He is naturally quick in his 
temper and at times while I lived with him he has whipped, 
kicked and turned me out of the house. About a year 
previous to the report being raised that Smith had found 
gold plates, he became very intimate with the Smith fami- 
ly and said he believed Joseph could see in his stone any- 
thing he wished. After this he apparently became very 
sanguine in his belief. 

Whether the Mormon religion be true or false, I leave 
the world to judge, for its effects upon Martin Harris have 
been to make him more cross, turbulent and abusive to me. 
His whole object was to make money by it. I will give 
one circumstance^irt proof of it. One day while at Peter 
Harris' house, I told him he had better leave the company 
of the Smiths, as their religion was false ; to which he 
replied, " If you would let me alone, I could make money 
by it." It is in vain for the Mormons to deny these facts, 
for they are all well known to most of his former neigh- 

238 Mormon Port7'aits. — /. Sidelights. 

bors. The man has now rather become an object of pity; 
he has spent most of his property. He now spends his 
time in traveling through the country spreading the dehi- 
sion of Mormonism and has no regard whatever for his 



Statement of John Spau-lding : — 

Solomon Spaulding [my brother] was born in Ashford, 
Conn-., in 1761, and in early life contracted a taste for 
literary pursuits. He entered Dartmouth College, where 
he obtained the degree of A. M. and was afterwards regu- 
larly ordained. After preaching three or four years, he 
commenced the mercantile business. In a few years he 
failed in business and in 1809 removed to Conneaut, Ohio. 
The year following I found him engaged in building a 
forge. I made him a visit in about three years after and 
found that he had failed and was considerably involved in 
debt. He then told me he had been writing a book, 
which he intended to have printed, the avails of which he 
thought would enable him to pay all his debts. The book 
was entitled the ''Manuscript Found''' of which he read 
to me many pages. It was an historical romance of the 
first settlers of America, endeavoring to show that the 
American Indians are the descendants of the Jews or the 
lost tribes. It gave a detailed account of their journey 
from Jerusalem, by land and sea, till they arrived in 
America, under the command of Nephi and Lehi. They 
afterwards had quarrels and contentions and separated 
into two distinct nations, one of which he denominated 
Nephites and the other Lamanites. Cruel and bloody wars 
ensued, in which great multitudes were slain. They bur- 
ied their dead in large heaps, which caused the mou?ids so 
common in this country. Their arts, sciences and civili- 

They All Recognize the Cranky Book. 239 

zation were brought into view in order to account for all 
the antiquities found in various parts of North and South 
America. I have recently read the Book of Mormon and 
to my great surprise I find nearly the same historical mat- 
ter, names, etc., as they were in my brother's writings. I 
well remember that he wrote in the old style, and com- 
menced about every sentence with '' And it came to pass," 
or ''Now it came to pass," the same as in the Book of 
Mormon, and according to the best of my recollection and 
belief // is the same as i?iy brother wrote, with the exception 
of the religious matter. 

Statement of Henry Lake : — 

CoNNEAUT, Ohio, September, 1833. 
I left the State of New York late in the year 18 10, and 
arrived at this place about the first of January following. 
Soon after my arrival I formed a co-partnership with Sol- 
omon Spaulding for the purpose of rebuilding a forge. 
He very frequently read to me from a manuscript which 
he was writing, which he entitled the '' Manuscript Found,'' 
and which he represented as being found in this town. I 
spent many hours in hearing him read said writings and 
became well acquainted with its contents. He wished me 
to assist him in getting his production printed, alleging 
that a book of that kind would meet with a rapid sale. 
This book represented the American Indians as the des- 
cendants of the lost tribes, gave an account of their 
leaving Jerusalem, their contentions and wars. One time, 
when he was reading to me the tragic account of Laban, 
I pointed out to him what I considered an inconsistency, 
which he promised to correct; but by referring to the 
Book of Mormon, I find, to my surprise, that it stands 
there just as he read it to me then. Some months ago I 
borrowed the Golden Bible, put it into my pocket, car- 
ried it home and thought no more of it. About a week 
after, my wife found the book in my coat pocket and 
commenced reading it aloud as I lay upon the bed. She 
had not read twenty minutes till I was astonished to find 
the same passages in it that Spaulding had read to me 
more than twenty years before, from his '' Manuscript 

2 40 iMonnon Portraits, — /. Sidelights. 

Found." Since that I have more fully examined the said 
Golden Bible and have no hesitation in saying that the 
historical part of it is principally, if not whollv, taken 
from the "Manuscript Found." ' I recollect telling Mr. 
Spaulding that the so frequent use of the words, '' And it 
came to pass," " i\^^7<y // came to pass,'' rendered it ridic- 

Statement of John N. Miller: — 

Springfield, Pa., Sept., 1833. 

In the year 181 1 I was in the employ of Henry Lake 
and Sol. Spaulding, at Conneaut, engaged in rebuilding a 
forge. While there I boarded and lodged in the family 
of said Spaulding for several months. I vvas soon intro- 
duced to the manuscripts of Spaulding and perused them 
as often as I had leisure. From the " Manuscript Found " 
he would frequently read some humorous passages to the 
company present. It purported to be the history of the 
first settlement of America, before discovered by Colum- 
bus. He said that he designed it as an historical novel, 
and that in after years it would be believed by many peo- 
ple as much as the history of England. 

I have recently examined the Book of Mormon and 
find in it the writings of Solomon Spaulding, from begin- 
ning to e?id, but mixed up with Scripture and other relig- 
ious matter, which I did not meet with in the '' Manuscript 
Found." Many of the passages in the Mormon book are 
verbatim irom Spaulding, and others in part. The names 
of Nephi, Lehi, Moroni, and in fact all the principal 
natnes are brought fresh to my recollection by the Gold 

Statement of Aaron Wright: — * 

^ Spaulding showed me and read to me a history he was 
writing, of the lost tribes of Israel, purporting that they 

*A Mr. Jackson, who was in a meeting at Conneaut when a 
Mormon preacher read from the Book of Mormon, says that " Squire " 
Wright shouted out : " Old-Come-to-Pass has come to life 
again!" "And it came to pass," occurs in the book only about 
fourteen hundred times. 

Rigdon the Originator of the Fraud. 241 

were the first settlers of America and that the Indians 
were their descendants. The historical part of the Book 
of Mormon I know to be the same as I read and heard 
read from the writings of Spaulding more than twenty 
years ago. The names, more especially, are the same, 
without any alteration. I once anticipated reading his 
writings in print, but little expected to see them in a new 
Statement of Oliver Smith: — 

All his [Spaulding' s] leisure hours were occupied m 
writing a historical novel, founded upon the first settlers 
of this country ; he would give a satisfactory account ot 
all the old mounds, so common to this country. Nephi 
and Lehi were by him represented as leading characters 
But no religious matter was introduced. When I heard 
the historical part of the Book of Mormon related 1 at 
once said it was the writings of old Solomon Spaulding. 



Rev. John Winter, who was intimate with Rigdon, 
states : 

" In 1822 or 1823 Rigdon took out of his desk in his study a large 
manuscript, stating that it was a Bible romance written by a Presbyte- 
rian preacher whose health had failed and who had taken it to the 
printers to see if it would pay to publish it." 

James Jeffries testified Jan. 20, i884 : 

" Forty years ago I was in business in St. Louis. The Mormons 
then had their temple in Nauvoo. I had business transactions with 
them. I knew Sidney Rigdon. He told me several Umes that there 
was in the printing office with which he was connected m Uhio, a 
manuscript of the Rev. Spaulding, tracing the origin of the Indians 
from the lost tribes of Israel. This MS. was m the office several years 
He was familiar with it. Spaulding wanted it published, but had not 
the means to pay for the printing. He [Rigdon] and Joe Smith used 

242 Mormon Portraits.— I. Sidelights. 

to look over the MS. and read it on Sundays. Rigdon said Smith took 
the MS. and said, ' I'll print it,' and went off to Palmyra, New York." 

Adamson Bentley, Rigdon's brother-in-law, states: 

" I know that Sidney Rigdon told me as much as two years before 
the Mormon Book made its appearance, or had been heard of by me, 
that there was a book coming out, the manuscript of which was 
engraved on gold plates." 

Statement of Thomas J. Clapp, son-in-law of Adamson 
Bentley : 

" Elder Adamson Bentley told me that as he was one day riding 
w'ith Sidney Rigdon * and conversing upon the Bible, Mr. Rigdon told 
him that another book ^/^lj7z/«/rt:«/'/z£7r//>' ivifh the bible, as lae// au- 
thenticated and as ancient, which would give an account of the history 
of the Indian tribes on this continent, with many other things of great 
importance to the world, would soon be published. This was before 
Mormonism was ever heard of in Ohio, and when it appeared, the 
avidity with which Rigdon received it convinced him that if Rigdon 
was not the author of it he was at least acquainted with the whole 
matter some time before it was published to the world." [Letter from 
Mr. Clapp, dated Mentor, Ohio, April 9, 1879.] 

Alexander Campbell was present at the conversation 
between Bentley and Rigdon, and says about it : 

" Rigdon, at the same time, observed that on the plates dug up in 
New York there was an account not only of the aborigines of this con- 
tinent, but it was stated also that the Christian religion had been 
preached on this continent, during the first century, just as we were 
then preaching it on the Western Reserve." 

Darwin Atwater, of Mantua, Ohio, testifies : 

"That Rigdon knew beforehand of the coming of the Book of Mor- 
mon IS to rne certain from what he said during the first of his visits to 
my father, in 1826. He gave a wonderful description of the mounds 
and other antiquities found in some parts of America and said that they 
must have been made by the aborigines. He said there was a BOOK to 
be published containing an account of these things." 

Zebulon Rudolph, Mrs. Garfield's father, states : 

" During the winter previous to the appearance of the Book of 
Mormon, Rigdon was in the habit of spending -Lueeks a^vay from home, 
going no one knew whither. He often appeared preoccupied and 

■* Rigdon married a niece and adopted daughter of Bentley, living 
with and upon B. for quite a length of time. 

Rigdon Steals Spaulding' s Manuscript. 243 

would indulge in dreamy visionary talks, which puzzled those who list- 
ened When the Book of Mormon appeared and Rigdon jomed m he 
advocacy of the new religion, the suspicion was at once aroused that 
he was one of the framers of the new doctrme. ' 

Mrs. A. Dunlap, of Warren, Ohio, a niece of Sidney 
Rigdon, visited her uncle, at BainbridgB, in 1826. bhe 

"My uncle went into his bedroom and took from a trunk whicH 
he kept carefully locked, a manuscript and came back seated huiiselt 
by the fire and began to read. His wife came into the room anc ex- 
claimed : ' What, are you studying that thing agam I ^^^^an to burn 
that paper.' Rigdon repUed : ' No, indeed you will not. J" ^^ WILL 
BE A GREAT THING SOME DAY.' When he was reading this MS. he 
was so completely occupied that he seemed entirely unconscious ot 
anything around him." 

Rigdon was on terms of intimate association with one 
J Harrison Lambdin, printer, Patterson's partner and 
active business manager, as well as with Silas Engles, the 
long-time foreman of Patterson's printing establishment 
in Pittsburg. This comes from Mrs. R. J. Eichbaum, 
who with her husband and father had the Pittsburg 
postoffice for over thirty years. Spauldmg, while living m 
Pittsburg, had prepared a copy of his -Manuscript 
Found," for the printer, which he strongly suspected 
Rigdon of having appropriated. Mrs. Eichbaum has 
often heard foreman Engles say that Rigdon was forever 
hanging round the printing office. Lambdin died m 
1825 and Engles in 1827. '' Dead men tell no tales. 



In obedience to direct revelation, Joseph had located 
Zion in Jackson County, Missouri. August 3, 1831, he 
located the Temple of Zion, three hundred yards west ot 
the Court House, in Independence, Missouri. But the 
- House of Israel " did not behave in Missouri m a pop- 

244 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

ular and acceptable way. The Mormons had to leave the 
new Zion, and October 30, 1833, there had even been a 
fight between the Mormons and "mine enemies." The 
Mormons killed two Missourians and shed the first blood 
in the war. 

The Commander-in-chief of the armies of Israel 
could not remain a quiet, remote observer of so much 
wrong. Zion had to be redeemed. The ''Lord" says 
through his mouthpiece : 

" Therefore get ye straightway unto my la.nd ; break down the 
walls of mine enemies; throw down their tower and scatter their 
watchmen ; and inasmuch as they gather together against you, avenge 
ME OF MINE ENEMIES, that by and by I may come with the residue of 
my house and possess the land." 

The preparations for "mine" war consisted mainly 
in gathering all the cash Joe could lay his hands on : 
*'Let all the churches gather together all their monies." 
The expedition to Missouri will live in history as a paral- 
lel to the immortal enterprise of the ingenious " Hidalgo 
de La Mancha." Joe started on his fool's crusade early 
in 1834. One of his "sharp-shooters" may give us the 
history of the expedition : 

"Old muskets, rifles, pistols, rusty swords and butcher 
knives were soon put in a state of repair, and scoured up. 
Some were borrowed, and some were bought, on a credit, 
if possible, and others were manufactured by their own 
mechanics. The first of May following being finally 
fixed upon as the time of setting out on the crusade, 
*my warriors,' which were scattered in most of the 
eastern and northern states previous to that time, began 
to assemble at the quarters ot the prophet in Kirtland 
preparatory to marching. Several places further west 
were also selected for rendezvous to those living in that 
direction. All the faithful pressed forward; but the 
services of some were refused by the prophet, in conse- 
quence of their not being able, from their own resources, 
to furnish some instrument of death, and five dollars in 


"On the second day of their march they arrived at 
New Portage, about forty miles distant, where about one 

General Joe Pockets the Cash. 245 

hundred more fell into their ranks. Here the whole were 
organized in bands of fourteen men, each band having a 
captain, baggage wagon, tents, etc. Just before leaving 
this place, Smith proposed to his army, that they should 
appoint a treasurer to take possession of the funds of 
each individual, for the purpose of paying it out as he 
should think their necessities required. The measure was 
carried without a dissenting voice. The prophet was nom- 
inated and voted in as treasurer, no one, of course, doubt- 
ing his right. After pocketing the cash of his dupes, the 
line of march was resumed, and a white flag was raised, 
bearing upon it the inscription of "Peace," written in 

" Somewhere on their route a large black snake was 
discovered near the road, over five feet in length. This 
offered a fair opportunity for some of the company to try 
their skill at miracles, and Martin Harris took off his 
shoes and stockings, to * take up serpents ' without being 
harmed. He presented his toes to the head of the snake, 
which made no attempt to bite, upon Avhich Martin pro- 
claimed a victory over serpents ; but passing on a few rods 
further another of much larger dimensions was discovered, 
and on presenting his bare foot to this one also, he received 
a bite in the ankte which drew blood. This was imputed 
to his want of faith, and produced much merriment in the 

" A large mound was one day discovered, upon which 
General Smith ordered an excavation to be made into it, 
and about one foot from the top of the ground the bones 
of a human skeleton were found, which were carefully laid 
out upon a board, when Smith made a speech, prophecy- 
ing or declaring that they were the remains of a celebrated 
general among the Nephites, mentioning his name and 
the battle in which he was slain, some fifteen hundred 
years ago. This was undoubtedly done to encourage the 
troops to deeds of daring, when they should meet the Mis- 
sourians in battle array." 

Joe relates this most wonderful event in his usual sim- 
ple and truthful way. The relation is in his journal of 
June, 1834, when he and his army are at the Illinois river: 

246 Mormon Portraits. — /. SideUs:hts. 

" The contemplation of the scenery," writes Joseph, "produced 
peculiar sensations in our bosoms. The brethren procured a shovel 
and a hoe, and removing the earth of one of the mounds, to the depth 
of about a foot, discovered the skeleton of a man almost entire, and 
between his ribs was a Lamanitish arrow, which evidently procured 
his death. Elder Brigham Young retained the arrow. , . . And the 
visions of th« past being opened to my understanding, by the Spirit of 
the Almighty, I disco\'ERED that the person, whose skeletoti 7vas before 
zis, was a white Lamanite, a large thick-set man, and a man of God.. 
[John D. Lee was not very large^ though thick-set and a man of God.] 
He was a warrior and chieftain under the great prophet Omandagus, 
who was known from the hill Cumorah, or Eastern Sea, to the Rocky 
Mountains. His name was Zelph. The curse was taken from him, 
or, at least, in part. One of his thigh bones was broken by a stone 
flung from a siing while in battle years before his death. He was 
killed in battle by the arrow found in his ribs, during the last great 
struggle of the Lamanites and Nephites." ^ 

But let our sharp-shooter ^o on with his tale : 

"On arriving at Salt Creek, Illinois, they were joined by 
Lyman Wight and Hyrum Smith with a reinforcement of 
twenty men, which they had picked up on the way. Here 
the grand army, being fully completed, encamped for the 
space of three days. The whole number was now estimat- 
ed at two hundred and twenty, rank and file. During 
their stay here the troops were kept under a constant drill 
of manual exercise with guns and swords, and their arms 
put in a state of repair. The prophet became very expert 
with a sword and felt himself equal to his prototype, Cori- 

If there is any better historic parallel to Don Quixote, 
I wish I could see it, but I think there is none half so 

"Joseph had the best sword in the army, an elegant 
brace of i)istols, which were purchased on a credit of six 
months, a rifle, and four horses. Wight was appointed 
second in command, or fighting gcjicral, who, together 
with the prophet, had an armor-bearer appointed, 
selected from among the most expert tacticians, whose 
duty it was to be in constant attendance upon their 
masters with their arms." 

* Which came off (I must remind thee, Joseph) not in Illinois, but 
around the sacred hill " Cumorah," way back in New York. 

The General in the Baggage Wagons. 247 

Joe's armor-bearer was Geo. A. Smith, then a bud of 
a beastly fanatic, destined to become the Thackeray ot 
Mormonism and Brigham's destroymg angel in 1857. 

'' The generals then appointed a new captain to eacn 
band, organized two companies ot rangers, or s/iarp- 
shoofers,to act as scouts or flankers when they should 
arrive upon the field of carnage. After this they dubbed 
themselves the - Army of Zion," and Hyrum Smith was 
chosen to carry the flag, which he kept unfurled during 
the remainder of the march. 

- The march of the grand army was then resumed tor 
two or three days, when it was agreed to spend halt a day 
in a sham fight. For this purpose four divisions were 
formed and took position and went to work agreeably o 
the most approved forms of Bonaparte, Black Hawk, 
Coriantumr or Shiz. After coming to close quarters 
however, all discipline was lost sight of and each one 
adopted a mode agreeable to his taste. Some Preferred 
the real British push with the bayonet, some the old 
Kentucky dodging from tree to tree, while others preferred 
the Lamanite mode of tomahawking, scalping, and rip- 
ping open the bowels. The final result was that several 
guns and swords were broken, some of the combatants 
wounded, and each one well pleased with his own ex- 

^°^''\fter crossing the Mississippi, spies on horseback 
were kept constantly on the lookout, several miles m front 
and rear. The prophet went in disguise, changmg his 
dress frequently, riding on the diff-erent baggage wagons, 
and, to all appearance, expecting every moment to be tiis 
last Near the close of one day they approached a 
prairie, which was thirty miles in extent, without inhabi- 
tants. Here an altercation took place between the^vo 
generals, which almost amounted to a mutiny, ilie 
prophet declared it was not safe to stay there over night 
as the enemy would probably be upon them. General 
Wight totally refused to enter the prairie, as they would 
not be able to find water, or to build a fire to cook their 
provisions, besides the great fatigue it would cause the 
troops. Smith said he would show them how to eat raw 

248 Mormon Portraits.— I. Sidelights. 

pork. Hyriim said he knew, by the Spirit, that it was 
dangerous to stay there. The prophet finally exclaimed : 
' Thus saith the Lord God, inarch on I ' This settled the 
matter, and they all moved on about fifteen miles, and 
thinking themselves out of danger, they encamped beside 
a muddy pool. Here the controversy was again renewed 
between the two generals. Smith said ' he knew exactly 
when to pray, when to sing, when to talk, and when to 
laugh, /?y the spirit of God; that God never commanded 
anyone to pray for his enemies.' The whole camp seemed 
much dissatisfied and came nigh breaking out into open 

What a pity that Offenbach is dead ! Was there ever 
a better libretto just made for his ever-ready, bubbling 
melodies! Would he not have been happy to swap his 
''General Bum" for the three generals, toe, Hyrum and 
Wight? 'J ' ^ 

"The prophet had, besides his other weapons, a large 
bull-dog, which was exceedingly cross during the nights 
and frequently attempted to bite persons stirring about. 
One of the captains, a high priest, one evening declared to 
the prophet that he would shoot the dog, if he ever at- 
tempted to bite him. Smith replied, ' that if he contin- 
ued in the same spirit, and did not repent, the dog would 
yet eat the flesh off his bones, and he would not have the 
power to resist.' This was the commencement of a con- 
troversy between the prophet and his high priest, which 
was not settled till some time after their return to Kirt- 
land, when the former [Joseph] underwent a trial on 
divers serious charges before his high priests, honorably 
acquitted, and the latter made to acknowledge that he 
had been possessed of several devils for many weeks. 
The dog, however, a few nights after the controversy 
commenced, was shot through the leg by a sentinel, near 
the prophet's tent, and died instantly. 

^ '' When within twelve miles of Liberty, Clay County, 
Missouri, the army of Zion was met by two gentlemen 
who had been deputed by the citizens of another county 
for the purpose of inquiring into the motive and object of 
such a hostile and warlike appearance upon their borders. 

A Revelation in tlie Niciz of Time. 249 

These gentlemen openly warned the military band and 
their prophet to desist from their intended operations and 
leave the settlement of their difficulties with the people 
of Jackson County, in other hands ; advised them to be 
very careful what they did and said, as the citizens not 
only of Jackson but some of the adjacent counties were 
very much enraged and excited and were fully determined 
to resist the first attempt upon tliem by an armed force 
from other States. A few hours after this the prophet 
brought out a revelation for the use of his troops, which 
said, in substance, that they had been tried, even as 
Abraham had been tried, and the offering was accepted 
by the Lord; and when Abraham received his reward 
they would receive theirs. Upon this the war was de- 
clared to be at an end. A call for volunteers, however, 
was made, to take up their abode in Clay County, when 
about one hundred and fifty turned out. The next day 
they marched to Liberty and each man received an hon- 
orable discharge under the signature of General Wight. 
The army then scattered in different directions, some 
making their way back from whence they came the best 
way they could, begging their expenses from the inhabi- 
tants. The prophet and his chief men, however, had 
PLENTY OF MONEY and traveled as gentlemen." 



The following documents help to illustrate the charac- 
ters of Joe, Hyrum and William Smith, Brigham Young, 
and other leading Saints : 

Fanny Brewer states (Boston, Sept. 13, 1842): — 

" In the spring of 1837 I left Boston for Kirtland to assemble with 
the Saints and worship God more perfectly. On my arrival I found 
brother going to law with brother, DRUNKENNESS prevailing to a great 
extent and every species of wickedness. The prophet of God was 

250 Mormon For f raits, — /. Sidelights. 

under arrest for employing two of the elders to KILL a man of the 
name of Grandison JVeioell, but was acquitted, as the most material 
witness did not appear ! I am personally acquainted with one of the 
employees, Davis by name, and he frankly acknowleged to me that he 
was prepared to do the deed under the direction of the prophet^ and was 
only prevented from so doing by the entreaties of his wife. There 
was much excitement against the prophet on another account, an 
unlawful intercourse between himself and a. yoimg o?phan girl rQ.%\dmg 
in his family, and under his protection ! Martin Harris told me that 
the prophet was most notorious for lying and licentiousness. In the 
fall of 1837 the Smith family all left Kirtland ; the prophet left between 
two days. I carried from this place (Boston) to Kirtland goods to the 
amount of 1,400 dollars, as I was told I could make ready sales to the 
Saints, but I was disappointed. I accordingly sent them to Missouri 
to be sold by H. Redfield. There they were stored in a private room. 
Smith, the prophet, hearing that they were there, took out a warrant, 
under pretence of searching for stolen goods, and got them into his pos- 
session. They were then, by a sham court, which he held, adjudged 
to him and the boxes were opened. As the goods were taken out, 
piece by piece, Hyrum Smith, who stood by, said, in the most posi- 
tive manner, that he could swear to every piece and tell where they 
had been bought, although a Mr. Robbins. who was present, told them 
that he knew the boxes and that the goods were mine, for I had 
charged him to take care of them. Dr. Wdliams, likewise, told them 
that they were my goods, and that Hyrum never saw a piece of them. 
They, however, refused to give them up, but kept them for their own 

G. B. Frost (Boston, Sept. 19, 1842) : — 

•' In July, 1837, William Smith, brother of the prophet and one 
of the Twelve Apostles, arrived at Kirtland from Chicago, drunk, with 
his face pretty well bunged up ; he had black eyes and a bunged nose, 
and told John Johnson that he had been milking the Gentiles to 
his satisfaction for that time.* In October William told Joseph that if 
he did not give him some money, he would tell where the Book of 
Alonnon came from, and Joseph gave him what he wanted. 

"About the last of August, 1837, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young 
and others were drunk at Joseph Smith the prophet's house, all 
together; Bishop Vinson Knight supplied them with rum, brandy, gin 
and port wine from the (Mormon) cash store. Joseph told Knight in 
my hearing not to sell any of those liquors, for he wanted them for his 
own use. They -were drunk and drinking for MORE THAN A WEEK. 

" Joseph Smith said that the bank was got up on his having a rev- 
elation from God, and said it was to go into circulation to milk the 
Gentiles. I asked Joseph about the money. He he said could not 

* Most probably by circulating counterfeit money. 

'^Sealing'' a By -word on the Street. 251 

redeem it ; he was paid for signing the bills, as any other man would 
be paid for it— and they must do the best they could about it. The 
prophet and others went to Canada in September. Said he, Joseph, 
he had as good a right to go out and get money as any of the brethren. 
He took nine hundred dollars in Canada from a certain Lawrence and 
promised him a farm in Kirtland ; but when he arrived there, Joseph 
was among the missing, and no farm for him." 

D. \V. AND Edward Kilbourn: — 

" Joseph ^aid once the world owed him a good living, and if he 
could not get it without, he would steal it — "and catch me at it," 
said he, " if you can." 



In the article on marriage in the Book of Doctrine 
and Covenants adopted by the conference in Kirtland 
April, 1834, we read: '' Inasmuch as this Church of 
Christ has been chai'ged with forfiication and polygamy. ' ' 
We have already seen it stated that young Joseph declar- 
ed that adultery was no sin. Martin Harris told J. M. 
Atwater and Mr. Clapp and many others, that polygamy 
was TAUGHT AND PRACTICED by Smith in Kirtland under 
the name of "spiritual wifery." W. W. Phelps stated 
that Smith while "translating" the Book of Abraham 
declared that polygamy would yet be a practice of the 
faith. Martin Harris told J. M. Atwater that the doc- 
trine of spiritual wifery was first positively announced as a 
revelation by Rigdon, before a meeting of the officials of 
the church, in an old building that used to stand south- 
west of the Kirtland Temple. W. S. Smith and others 
testify that the practice of sealing women to men was so 
much talked of in Kirtland, that it became a by-word on 
the street ; and that common report said that a bitter 
quarrel between Rigdon and Smith shortly before they 
left Kirtland was because Smith wanted to have Nancy 
Rigdon, then a girl of sixteen, sealed to him. Smith con- 

252 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

fesses himself that all classes of persons asked him daily 
and hourly, while he was journeying between Kirtland 
and Far West, '' Do Mormons believe in having more 
wives than one?" All this accords perfectly with the 
statement of Apostle Orson Pratt that the prijiciple 
was made known to the Prophet as early as 1831. 



'' I the Lord loveth him for the works he has done," 
says the revelation of January 19, 1841, of the horse-steal- 
ing doctor. Messrs. D. W. and Edward Kilbourn give 
an interesting sketch of the doctor's doings in \\\q Hawk- 
Eye and Patriot oi October 7, 1841. After having de- 
scribed the confused state of things on the tract of land 
reserved * in 1824 by treaty for the use of the "Half 
Breeds of the Sac and Fox Nation of Indians," they con- 
tinue : 

" The ingenuity of Dr. Galland, however, found in this state of 
things a fine field for the exercise of his peculiar talents, and in the 
year 1839 he matured the plan of a stupendous fraud. He wrote to 
Joe Smith, then in prison on charges of high treason, arson, etc., — 
inviting him to purchase his land at Commerce [Nauvoo], forty-seven 
acres. Smith after making his escape complied, and brought on his 
half-starved followers. Doctor G. then commenced selling Half- 
Breed lands, giving therefor warranty deeds, which, of course, could 
convey no title while the lands remained undivided. He at first as- 
serted that he was the owner of seven-tenths of the tract [119,000 
acres] and finally claimed to be the sole propnetor. That he might 
the more successfully carry out the scheme of swindling thus com- 
menced, he attached himself to the Mormon church, became a con- 
fidant of Joe Smith, and in order to dupe persons dailv arriving 
among them, he deeded .to Mormon bishops and prophets thousands 
and tens of thousands of acres of the reservation alluded to, and 
they are daily deeding by warranty deeds the lands thus acquired and 
receiving therefor a valuable consideration. By a recent judicial de- 
cision it is ascertained that the interest to which this man Galland is 
entitled is but a small, undefined, undivided portion of the reservation. 

Niceties of Law be Dtirned. 253 

With a full knowledge of all the facts stated, he is sent out with a 
' Proclamation to the Saints abroad,' signed by Joseph Smith, Sidney 
Rigdon and Hyrum Smith, in which it is said that 'he (Galland) is 
the honored instrument the Lord used to prepare a home for us when 
we were driven from our inheritance, having given him control of 
vast bodies of land and prepared his heart to make the use of it the 
Lord intended he should.' 

" Many instances might be mentioned of individuals in the east, 
who have exchanged with the ' agents of the church ' their valuable 
possessions for these worthless land titles, and there are cases of suf- 
fering, of families reduced to beggary, by these villains. When it is 
known that one of the prophets acts in the absence of Galland as his 
agent for the sale of these lands, what further evidence, we ask. is 
wanted of the baseness and rascality of himself and his confed- 
erates? " 

Galland died, a pauper, in Iowa. 



On the little town-site of Montrose, Iowa, Joe Smith, 
*' agent of Doctor Galland," resolved to erect his City of 
Zarahemla. Messrs. Kiibourn give a lively account of 
this bit of prophetic sharp practice : 

" Early one morning in March, 1841, the quiet citizens of Mont- 
rose were surprised by a visit from some of Joe. Smith's scullions 
from Nauvoo, headed by Alanson Ripley, a Mormon bishop, who says 
that as to the technical niceties of the law of the land he does not intend 
to regard them; that the kingdom spoken of by the prophet Daniel has 
been set up and that it is necessary every kingdom should be governed 
by its ozun laws. With compass and chain they strided through gates 
and over fences to the very doors of the Gentiles and drove the stakes 
for the lots of a city which, in extent at least — four miles square, — 
should vie with some of the largest cities of the world. They heeded 
not enclosures ; why should they ? Is not the earth the Lord's and 
the fulness thereof ? And shall not his ' Saints ' inherit and possess 
it forever ? The kingdom spoken of by the prophet Daniel having 
een set up, its ' laws ' authorized this Mormon bishop to threaten 
personal violence to one of the undei-signed for removing a stake 
which had been driven within the bounds of his enclosure. A few 
days subsequently it was ascertained that the exterior line of this 

254 Mormofi Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

* four mile ' town had been run by order of Joe Smith and a plot of 
It made and recorded, to which he gave the name of Zarahemla. 
Having sold to his dupes a large portion of the Half Breed tract, a 
happy thought strikes him that they can yet be bled; he ordered 
them by revelation to leave their fine farms and move into the ' city,' 
sells them lots and conveys them by deeds, 

" On the 6th of April, at a conference held in Nauvoo, a Mormon 
leader publicly read a revelation * that the City of Zarahemla should 
be laid out and built by the Latter Day Saints. Joe Smith then 
stated that ' in accordance with this revelation ' a city had been sur- 
veyed and the Saints desirous of purchasing lots could now do so. 
' The people over there,' said he, ' are very much opposed to it, but 
they must know — if they know anything — that it would be for their 
interest to have 5,000 inhabitants come in with back-loads of money. 
Why, I sornetimes think they don't know beans ivhen the bag is open; 
they needn't be scared ; we don't want their improvements without 
paymg for them ; we expect to pay them a good price for their possess- 
ions, and if that don't satisfy them, we'' II have them anyhow:' 



The reader remembers the statement of Mrs. Pratt, 
which proves conclusively that Joseph, with the complic- 
ity of Dr. John C. Bennett, gave orders for the assassin- 
ation of Governor Boggs. He sent Danite O. Porter 
Rockwell ''to fulfill prophecy," and the prophecy came 
very near being fulfilled on May 6, 1842. Boggs received 
a terrible wound in the head, and I am informed that, 
though cured for the time, he died a number of years 
after from the effects of the very same wound. 

On June 23 I had an interview with the only man 
Brigham Young seems to have ever really feared. General 

*" Verily, thus saith the Lord, let [all My Saints] gather them- 
selves together unto the places which I shall appoint unto them by 
my prophet Joseph and build up cities unto my name. Let them 
build up a city unto my name upon the land opposite to the city of 
Nauvoo and let the name of Zarahemla be named upon it. — \_Doc- 
trineand Covenants, 1886, p. 447.] 

Elder Rockwell is D d Sorry. 255 

Connor. To name the old soldier is to name honesty and 
kindness, as everybody knows. By a remarkable turn of 
affairs he became the patron of Brigham's professional 
murderers, Bill Hickman and O. P. Rockwell. All 
things considered, the church hyenas found it safer to 
serve an honest man in doing his useful and harmless bus- 
iness, and getting well paid for it, instead of robbing and 
murdering for the prophet of the Lord at their own dan- 
ger and expense. "Bill Hickman," says General Con- 
nor," "told me half an hour after it occurred, that 
Brigham had promised him a thousand dollars if he 
would send a ball through my brain and lay the murder 
to the Indians. I don't believe that those men were 
butchers by nature : they were fanatics in their belief 
that they could not be saved if th-^y would not obey any 
order of the prophet, right or wrong. As to Rockwell, 
he considered me his only friend in the last years of his 
life, and wrote to me, while I was in California, that I 
should come and help him in a law-suit. I employed 
him during one winter to guard my stock. He discharged 
this task with scrupulous honesty. He used, like Hick- 
man, to tell me many of the horrible deeds he had com- 
mitted for the church. Among other things he told me 
once that he had shot Boggs. ' I shot through the win- 
dow,'' said he, ^ and thought I had killed him, but I had 
only wounded him ; / was damned so?'ry that I had not 
killed the son of a b — .^ ' " 



This is 7ny pearl. It shows the works of Abraham in 
all their glory. It proves absolutely the statements made 
by Bennett, the Expositor, and my witnesses. It shows 
the reprobateness of the lackeys, Brigham and Kimball, 
who never did anything afterward in Utah but put in 

256 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

practice what they had learnt in the school of ]\Iine An- 
ointed. That little room, with "positively no admit- 
tance" is a pearl of peculiar lustre in Mormon history. 
An old lady told me, only a few days ago, that a plural 
wife of William Clayton, whom she used to visit often, said 
to her that Joseph was wont to spend a great deal of his val- 
uable time in this skeleton-closet of his amours. The Clay- 
tons kept a sharp lookout for Emma, the dreaded legal 
wife, who used to hunt " Brother Joseph " all over town. 
Whenever she approached the ''brick store" the Claytons 
warned the prophet by a certain signal. He would then 
hurry down stairs, fix up before the mirror, and be dis- 
covered in animated conversation with some member of 
the Clayton family when Emma entered. 

John Taylor was one of the many who entered the little 
sealing office for the holiest of purposes. Said a perfectly 
reliable witness, a lady, to me : "A Mrs. Ann Dawson 
went to Nauvoo from Preston, Lancashire, England; she 
came with her whole family; one of her daughters, Mary, 
got an invitation for " a special meeting. " They brought 
her to that little sealing office; Joseph was there and told 
her that it was the Lord's will concerning her that she 
should be sealed to Brother John Taylor without delay as 
his celestial wife; she refused. They (Joseph and Tay- 
lor ) bolted the door, and wanted to force things, but she 
managed to get away from them. This event caused the 
whole Dawson family to apostatize and to leave Nauvoo. " 
Mrs. Dawson had seven children when she came to Nauvoo. 
The story was told my witness by Mrs. Elizabeth Cottom, 
the sister of the intended celestial victim. But no, there 
is not any such thing practiced here, Mr. Taylor, eh? 
Now let us hear the brave English girl, Martha Broth- 
erton : 

St. Louis, Mo., July 13, 1842. 

'Thad been in Nauvoo near three weeks, during which 
time my father's family received frequent visits from 
Apostles Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball, when, 
early one morning, they both came to my brother-in-law's, 
where I was on a visit, and particularly requested me to go 
and spend a few days with them. I told them I could 

The Mysteries of the Kingdom. 257 

not at that time; however they urged me to go the next 
day and spend one day with them. The day bemg fine I* 
accordingly went. When I arrived at the foot of the hill, 
Young and Kimball were standing conversing together. 
They both came to me and after several flattering compli- 
ments, Kimball wished me to go to his house first. I 
Avent Brigham went away on some errand and Kimball 
now turned to me and said : '' Martha, I want you to say 
to my wife, when you go to my house, that you want to 
buy some things at Joseph's store, and I will say I am 
going with you, to show you the way. You know you 
want to see the prophet and you will then have an oppor- 
tunity." I made no reply. I remained at Kimball's 
near an hour, when Kimbal), seeing that I would not tell 
the lies he wished me to, told them to his wife himself. 
So Kimball and I went to the store together. As we were 
going along he said : "Sister Martha, are you willing to 
do ALL that the prophet requires you to do? " I said I 
believed I was, thinking of course he would require noth- 
ing wrong. ''Then," said he, " are you ready to take 
counsel?" I answered yes, thinking of the great and 
glorious blessings that had been pronounced upon my 
head if I adhered to the counsel of those placed over me 
in the Lord. '' Well," said he, '' there are many things 
revealed in these last days that the world would laugh and 
scoff" at, but unto us is given to know the mysteries of 
THE KINGDOM." He further observed: ''Martha, you 
must learn to hold your tongue and it will be well with 
you." When we reached the building he led me up some 
stairs to a small room, the door of which was locked and 
on it the inscription, " Positively no admittance." He 
observed : " Ah, brother Joseph must be sick, for, strange 
to say, he is not here. Come down into the tithmg office, 
Martka." He then left me in the tithing office. Brig- 
ham Young came in and seated himself before me and 
asked where Kimball was. Soon after Joseph came m and 
then went up stairs, followed by Young. Now Kimball 
came in. "Martha," said he, "the prophet has come, 
come up stairs." I went and we found Bngham and the 
prophet alone. I was introduced to the prophet by Brig- 


Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

ham. Joseph offered me his seat and, to my astonish- 
ment, the moment I was seated Joseph and Kimball 
walked out of the room and left me with Brigham, who 
arose, locked the door, closed the window, and drew the 
curtains. He then sat before me and said: "This is 
OUR PRIVATE ROOM, Martha." ''Indeed, sir," said 


I, ''I must be highly honored to be permitted to 
enter it." He smiled and then proceeded: ''Sister 
Martha, I want to ask you a few questions — will you an- 
swer them?" "Yes, sir," said I. "And will you 
promise not to fnention them to anyone?'" "If it is your 
desire, sir," said I, "I will not." "And you will not 
think any the worse of me for it, will you, Martha?" 
said he. "No," I replied. "Well," said he, '' what are 
your feelings towards me .? " I replied : " My feelings are 
just the same towards you that they ever were, sir." 
" But to come to the point more closely," said he, "have 
you not an affection for me, that, were it lawful and right, 
you could accept of me for your husband and compan- 

Brigham Takes a Kiss Aiiyhoiv. 259 

ion?" My feelings at that moment were indescribable. 
What, thought I, are these men that I thought almost 
perfection itself, deceivers? I considered it best to ask 
for time to think and pray about it. I therefore said : 
"If it was lawful and right perhaps I might, but you 
know, sir, it is not." "Well, but," said he, "Brother 
Joseph has had a revelation from God that it is lawful 
and right for a man to have two wives; for as it was in 
the days of Abraham, so it shall be in these last days, 
and whoever is the first that is willing to take up the 
CROSS will receive the greatest blessings ; and if you will 
accept of me, I will take you straight to the celestial king- 
dom, and if you will have me in this world, I will have 
you in that which is to come, and brother Joseph will 
many us here to-day, or you can go home this evening and 
your pare7its will not kfiow anything about it. " " Sir, ' ' 
said I, "I should not like to do anything of the kind 
without the permission of my parents." "Well, but," 
said he, "you are of age, are you not?" "No, sir," 
said I, " I shall not be until the 24th of May." "Well," 
said he, "that does not make any difference. You will 
be of age before they know and you need not fear. If 
you will take my counsel it will be well with you, and if 
there is any sin in it, / will answer for it. But Brother 
Joseph will explain things — will you hear him?" "I do 
not mind," said I. "Well, but I want you to say some- 
thing," said he." "I want time to think about it," said 
I. "Well," said he, ^^ I will have a kiss anyhow.'' He 
rose and said he would bring Joseph. He then unlocked 
the door and took the key and locked me up alone. He 
was absent about ten minutes and then returned with 
Joseph. "Well," said Brigham, "Sister Martha would 
be willing if she knew that it was lawful and right 
before God." "Well, Martha," said Joseph, it is lawful 
and right before God — I know it is. Look here, Sis; 
don't you belHive in ME? " I did not answer. "Well, 
Martha," said Joseph, "just go ahead and do as Brigham 
wants you to — he is the best man in the world, except 
me." " Well," said Brigham, "we believe Joseph to be a 
drophet. I have known him for eight years, and always 

26o Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

found him the same." ''Yes," said Joseph, "I know 
that this is lawful and right before God, and if there is 
any sin in it, I will answer for it before God ; and I 
have the keys of the kingdom and whatever I bind on 
earth is bound in Heaven and whatever I loose on earth 
is loosed in Heaven ; and if you will accept of Brigham, 
you shall be blessed ; God shall bless you and my bless- 
ing shall rest upon you; and if you will be led by him, 
you will do well : for I know Brigham will take care of 
you, and if he don't do his duty to you, come to me and 
I will make him; and if you do not like it in a month or 
two, come to me and / 7vill make you free again, and if 
he turns you off, I will take you on." ''Sir," said I, 
rather warmly, " it will be too late to think in a month 
or two after. I want time to think first." "Well, but," 
said he, " the old proverb is : ' nothing ventured, nothing 
gained ' — and it would be the greatest blessing ever be- 
stowed on you. What are you afraid of. Sis.? Come, 

LET ME do the BUSINESS FOR YOU." "Well," Said I, 

"the best way I know of, is to go home and think and 
pray about it." Brigham said: "I shall leave it with 
Brother Joseph, whether it would be best for you to have 
time or not." Joseph: " I see no harm in her having 
time to think, if she will not fall into temptation.'" " Oh, 
sir," said I, "there is no fear of my falling into tempta- 
tion." "Well, but," said Brigham, " you must promise 
me you will fiever mentio?i it to anyonex I promised. 
Joseph said: "You must promise me the same." I did. 
"Upon your honor," said he, "you will not tell?" 
"No, sir," said I, "I will lose my life first." "Well, 
that will do," said he, '^ that is the principle we go upon. 
I think I can trust you, Martha." I then rose to go, when 
Joseph commenced to beg of me again. He said it was 
the best opportunity they might have for months, for the 
ROOM WAS OFTEN ENGAGED. I, however, had determined 
what to do. The next day I sat down and wrote the 
conversation. We went to meeting. Brigham adminis- 
tered the sacrament. After it was' over. Young followed 
me out and whispered : " Have you made up your mind, 
Martha?" "Not exactly, sir," said I, and we parted." 

D unites Avard and F helps Confess. 261 



In the Trial of Joseph Smith and Others for High Trea- 
son As^ainst the State ; Murder, Burglary, Arson, Rob- 
bery and Larceny. (November, 1838.) 

Sampson Avard : — 

" The officers of the Danite band were brought before Joseph 
Smith, together with Hyrum Smith and Sidney Rigdon. Joseph blessed 
thm and prophesied over them, declaring that they should be the means 
in the hands of God, of bringing forth the millennial kingdom. Joseph 
said \\\Ki those who revealed the secrets of the Society should be put 
TO DEATH. They declared, holding up their right hands: "In the 
name of Jesus Christ, I do solemnly obligate myself ever to conceal and 
never to reveal the secret purposes of this society. Should I ever do 
the same, I hold my life as the forfeiture." The prophet and his 
councilors, Hyrum and Sidney, were considered as the supreme head 
of the church, and the Danite band felt themselves as much bound to 
obey them as to obey the Supreme God. Instruction was given by 
Joseph, that if any of them should get into a difficulty, the rest should 
help him out and that they should stand by each other, right or 
WRONG. This instruction was given in a public address." 

W. W. Phelps:— 

" Rigdon said in a public meeting that they meant to resist the law 
and if a sheriff came after them with writs, they would kill him, and if 
anybody opposed them they would take off their heads. Smith ap- 
proved of those remarks. On another occasion Rigdon administered 
for forty or fifty Mormons, the covenanters taking their obligations with 
uplifted hands. The first was, that if any man attempted to move out 
of the country, or pack his things for that purpose, any of the cove- 
nanters seeing it should kill him and haid him aside into the brush;' 
and all the burial he should have should be in a turkey buzzard's guts, 
so that nothing should be left of him but his bones. The next cove- 
nant was, that if any person from the surrounding country came into 
their town, walking about — no odds who he might be — any one of 
those covenanters should kill him and throw him aside into the brush. 
The third covenant was, " Conceal all these things."* 

* Bravo, old Phelps ! . And after this statement you went back to 
the church and played for many years the picturesque part of Old 
Scratch in the Endowment House ! 

262 Mormoji Fortrai/s. — /. Sidelights. 

G. M. Hinki.e:— 

" I have heard Joseph say that he believed Mahomet was a good 
man ; that the Koran was not a true thing, but the world believed 
Mahomet, as they had believed him and that Mahomet was a true 
prophet. Joseph made a speech to the troops in which he said that 
the troops which were gathering through the country were a damned 
mob. That he had tried to keep the law long enough. That the 
whole State was a mob set and that if they came to fight him, he 
would play hell with their apple carts! '' 

John Corrill: — 

"Joseph said if the people would let us alone, we would preach 
the gospel in peace ; but if they come on us to molest us, we would 
establish our religion by the sword and that he would become to this 
generation a second Mahomet. He spoke in his discourse of persons 
taking, at some times, what, at other times, it would be wrong to take ; 
and gave, as an example, the case of David eating the shewbread and 
also of the Savior and His Apostles plucking the ears of corn and 
eating, as they passed through the corn field." 

James C. Owens: — 

" I heard Joseph, in a speech to the Mormon troops say that he 
did not care any thing about the coming of the troops nor about THE 
LAWS and that he did not intend to try to keep the laws, or please 
them any longer; that they were a damned set, and God should damn 
them, so help him Jesus Christ, and he meant to go his own course 
and KILL AND DESTROY and told the men to fight like angels, that 
heretofore he told them to fight like devils, but now he told them to 
fight like angels, that angels could whip devils. He said that they 
might think he was swearing, but that God Almighty would not take 
notice of him in cursing such a damned set as they were." 

Reed Peck : — 

" I heard Joseph say in a speech in reference to STEALING that in 
a general way he did not approve of it, but that on one occasion our 
Savior and His deciples stole corn in going through the corn field, 
for the reason that they could not otherwise procure anything to eat. 
He told an anecdote of a Dutchman's potatoes and said that a colonel 
was quartered near a Dutchman from whom he wished to purchase 
some potatoes, who refused to sell them. The officer then charged 
his men not to be caught stealing the Dutchman's potatoes, but next 
morning he found his potatoes all dug. I hsard Joseph in a public 
address say that he had a reverence for the Constitution of the U. S. 
and of this state (Missouri); but, as for the la^i's of this State he did 
not intend to regard them, as they were made by lawyers and black- 
Allen Rathbun : — 

'• Mr. Cam remarl*ed, that there would be in, that night, a con- 

George WashingtoJi is Nobody. 263 

siderable number of sheep and cattle; and further remarked, that it 
looked to him sometimes that it was not right to take plunder, but 
that it was AccoRDiNi; to the directions of Joseph Smith and 
that was the reason why he did it." 
Burr Riggs: — 

" While in Diahmon, I saw a great deal of plunder brought in, 
consisting of bed and bed-clothes ; I also saw one clock, and I saw 
thirty-six head of cattle drove in. All the above property,was called 
CONSECRATED property. I heard Joseph Smith say that the sword 
was now unsheathed and should not again be sheathed until he could 
go through those United States and live in any county he pleased, 
peaceably. I heard this from him on several occasions." 



After having told so many ''infernal lies" about Joe 
Smith, his family and his fi'iends, I feel the necessity of 
telling the ''truth" for once. So let me publish "the 
facts " about Joe in the words of the present church organ, 
printed Dec. 22, 1880: — 


"Seventy-five years ago to-day one of the most remarkable charac- 
ters of the age was born at Sharon, Windsor County, Vermont. He 
was a child of destiny. Raised up by Divine Providence for a needful 
work, he came into the world shortly after the opening of this wonder- 
ful nineteenth century. Descended from the ancient Seers, he bore in 
his body and possessed in his spirit the qualities needful for the great 
work required of him. Pre-ordained to be a prophet to the latter-day 
dispensation, he was the man for the times, the central figure around 
which were grouped other strong souls born to be laborers in the vine- 
yard at the eleventh hour, the star whose rays were shed forth in the 
midst of the spiritual darkness that prevailed for centuries, and whose 
light was to herald the speedy coming of the glorious Sun of Right- 

"Joseph Smith, son of Joseph, and of the lineage of that ancient 
Joseph who was sold into Egypt but became the ruler of the land, was 

264 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

one of the greatest revelators who ever dwelt on this fallen planet. He 
communed with angels; he translated sacred records written in forgot- 
ten languages; he was susceptible to the seer-stone and could read by 
Urim and Thummim ; he restored lost divine things of the past; he 
perceived and declared important events of the future ; he gazed into 
the glories of the eternal worlds ; he held converse 'with the Father and 
the Son ; he received the keys of the last dispensation and to him came 
those who stood at the head of all former dispensations, back to Mic- 
hael, or Adtim, the first of all and chief of all, who conferred upon 
him the spirit and power of their several callings ; he laid the founda- 
tion of the mightiest kingdotn that this world has ever seen ; he estab- 
lished the sacred order of the everlasting priesthood and defined its 
powers and limits, its prerogatives and duties, its offices and callings, 
in all their detail and beauty and harmony ; he grappled with the pow- 
ers of darkness; he opened the gospel to the living and the way of 
redemption for the dead ; he was spoken of for good or evil in all the 
nations on the globe ; he sealed his testimony with his blood, and his 
name is recorded in the list of the martyrs, for whom shines the kingly 
crown in the midst of the majesty on high. 

"We honor and revere his memory ; but we do not worship him, as 
some people declare. He was but a man with human failings and 
human affections. But he was one of the mighty, and he has left an 
impress on the century that will not perish while time shall last. The 
spirit of his personality remains on this side of the vail, although he 
ministers beyond, and wherever the restored gospel is found among 
the tribes and tongues of men, he will be proclaimed as the instrument 
in God''s hand of linking together the heavens and the earth, and of 
bringing to the sons and daughters of men the blessings of the plan of 

"Thousands upon thousands have received in their souls a divine 
witness of his prophetic mission. And the people gathered from the 
ends of the earth who now inherit these fruitful valleys, and whose 
union, and force, and peculiarities and faith have attracted the atten- 
tion of all nations, have been brought here by the power and influence of 
the religion which he taught and the spirit that he administered. And 
when the great work which he founded is finished, and the fulness of 
the Gentiles is come in. and Israel and Judah, restored to their former 
dominion, possess the lands bestowed upon them by patriarchal bless- 
ings, and the power of the wicked is broken, and Satan and his hosts are 
banished and bound, and the kingdoms of this world are the kingdom 
of God and His Christ, among the mighty ones who stand next the 
throne and join in the government of the regenerated earth will be 
Joseph .Smith, once the Green Mountain boy and the derided of the 
proud, the scoffer and the worldly-wise, but now the heaven-crownect 
ruler over many things, and the honored associate of the immortal and 
Eternal Rulers of a universe redeemed." 

While writing this cleverly arranged medley of im- 

How Kimball Goes for His God. 265 

pudent lies, editor C. W. Penrose had no idea that only a 
few years later he would have to skip Zion in woman's 
clothes, the anointed head buried in a big sun bonnet, 
for having fulfilled the Laiv of Sarah. He is now in old 
England, playing a duo on the flute of melancholy with 
bloody old sinner Daniel H. Wells. Penrose, being a 
man of talent, should use his leisure time in writing the 
memoirs of Wells, who can give him lots of curious de- 
tails about church murders, engineered by him and 
Brother Brigham, especially the blood-atoning of Dr. J. 
King Robinson. 

Brother Brigham, it would seem, knew his prophet 
better, and I think, if he was alive, he could not take ex- 
ceptions to my views of Joseph's life and character, if I 
may judge from the following expressions in one of his 
speeches before thousands of his hearers : 

"The doctrine the prophet Joseph teaches is all I care about. 
Bring anything against that if you can. As for. anything else, I don't 
care if the prophet Joseph acted like the devil. He brought forth 
a doctrine that will save us if we will abide by it. He may have got 
DRUNK every day of his life, slept with his neighbor's wife 
every night, run horses and gambled every day : I care nothing 
about that, for I never embrace any man in my faith. The doctrine 
the prophet Joseph produced will save you and me and the whole 
world. If you can find any fault with his doctrine, find it." 

As a rule the leaders in Mormonism knew and know 
each other well. Apostle HeberC. Kimball, for example, 
read Brother Brigham' s low cunning soul as clearly as if 
he had Joe' s peepstone, though, in public, declaring him 
to be God's representative, ay, even God Himself. Kim- 
ball could not help seeing that Brother Brigham had a 
special weakness for dashing Gentile actresses. On one 
occasion Kimball had assembled his ''family" for the 
usual evening prayer, but when beginning to pray for 
Brigham, he sprang to his feet excitedly, and exclaimed : 
''I can't pray for him, but he needs it badly enough, for 
the greater the strumpet, the more Brother Brigham is after 
her." I have this anecdote from a perfectly responsible 

266 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights, 



Just as Joseph's old peejjstone became the Uriin and 
Thummim of " our holy religion, " so was the gibberish of 
the fortune-telling Smith family transformed into ''patri- 
archal blessings. " We have already seen, in Dr. Bennett's 
history, a brilliant specimen of this kind of productions, 
which were a pious pastime for certain members of the 
'* Church, "at once pleasant and profitable. I am notable 
to give one of the blessings pronounced by the new Abra- 
ha?n, Mr. Joseph Smith, Sr., but I was able to copy two 
pronounced by ''Uncle John," a brother of the new 
Abraham, who lived to a very advanced age in Utah. 
Both blessings bear the date of November lo, 1852. The 
good people who received them told me that "Uncle 
John " looked carefully into their eyes before pronouncing 
them, to ascertain to what tribe of Israel t\\Q blessing-can- 
didates belonged. Considering the abundance of fine 
things promised in these valuable documents, they were 
really cheap, if not given away altogether. Ready money 
was scarce at that time, so the price, $2 50 apiece, had to 
be paid in wheat, "a bushel and a peck per head. " 
Seven persons were blessed on that same day, and the re- 
sult was $17 50, or eight bushels and three pecks of wheat 
for the venerable Patriarch, who was, by the way, the 
father of the Thackeray of Mormonism, Apostle George 
A. Smith. Here is the first of the two blessings: 

" Brother , I place my hands upon your head as a patri- 
arch, and seal upon you a father's blessing, even all the blessings of 
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and all the priesthood that was placed 
upon the -children of Jacob from everlasting. You are of the blood 
of Joseph that was sold into Egypt, and a lawful heir to all the bless- 
ings that was sealed upon the children of Joseph; you shall have 
faith in the priesthood to rebuke the waves of the sea, to turn rivers 
out of their courses, cause streams to break forth in the parched 
ground, and to gather the remnant of Jacob from among the Gentiles 
and lead them to Zion in spite of all opposition ; no power shall stay 
your hand ; you shall cause many of the great and noble of the earth 

Religious Fortune- Telling. 267 

to consecrate their gain for the building up of Zion ; you shall return 
to Zion with a great multitude of people when thou hast finished thy 
mission ; you shall see thy Redeemer stand upon the earth in all his 
beauty and glory with all his twelve apostles at his right hand clothed 
with pillars of fire ; shall share in all the blessings of His kingdom, 
with all your father's house. Amen." 

After this -'son of Joseph " comes his wife, a daugh- 
ter of Abraham, through the loins of Joseph, of course. 

'< Sister , beloved of the Lord, in the name of Jesus of 

Nazareth, I place my hands upon thy head. As thou art a daughter 
of Abraham, through the loins of Joseph, I seal upon you the bless- 
ings of the new and everlasting covenant. You shall be blessed in 
your basket and store, in your house and about your habitation, be 
blessed with power in the priesthood to heal the sick and do miracles 
in the name of the Lord, have flocks and herds, horses and chariots, 
man and maid servants that will delight to obey thy voice. All these 
things shall be at thy disposal in the absence of thy companion. You 
shall be a 'mother in Israel.' Your sons and daughters shall be mighty 
men and women in the house of Jacob. Your name shall be had in 
honorable remembrance through your posterity from generation to 
generation. Your days shall be according to the desire of your heart, 
and you shall see all things fulfilled which the prophets have spoken 
concerning Zion, and inherit all the blessings and glories of the 
kingdom of Christ with all your father's household. Even so. 

Permit me the closing remark, that this daughter of 
Abraham, who was to be a mother in Israel, had never a 



Only a few days ago, passing near the gates of the 
Temple block, I asked a working man standing there: 

" What kind of a temple is this? " 

'' K Masonic \.^my^\t, sir," said the man, apparently 
belonging to the gang working on the building, which 
looks like a huge prison. 

"For what is it intended? For what you call the en- 
dowments ? ' ' 


Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

''Yes, sir, for the end^^ments and other ordinances,, 
baptisms, etc. " 

Mr. Webb has given me some very interesting details 
about the history of Mormon endowments. Joseph Smith, 
Brigham Young and John Taylor, were " Master Masons " 
when they came to Nauvoo. Joseph drove the Elders into 
the order. He received a charter from the Chief Lodge 
and had a fine Masonic Hall erected. Through Joseph's 


influence nearly all male Mormons became Masons in a 
very short time. Having succeeded in this, the prophet 
undertook to "restore the ancient order of things. " A 
*' revelation" put him in possession of a great secret, lost 
at the death of the architect of the temple of King Solo- 

The Lord Reveals Even Aprons. 


mon. The organization of the Endowments was the result 
of this restoration of the ancient order. 

The Nauvoo Endowments consisted of a long series of 
ceremonies, with oaths and grips, and covenants and signs 
in the manner of the Utah Endowments. Hence, Mor- 
monism in Utah is to-day nothing but Joseph's revised or 
restored Masonry. Joseph made great changes in the Ma- 
sonic rites, so that there remained but little of the original. 
But there was a change as from day to night between the 
Endowments in Kirtland and those in Nauvoo. In Kirt- 
land they consisted in feet washing and anointings, taking 
of bread and wine, blessing, prophesying, *and appari- 


tions of angels. The ceremonies lost most of the religious 
character and changed to Masonry. The anointings were 
about the only resemblance remaining. * 

A third change in the Endowments was introduced by 
Brigham Young, after the death of Joseph and Hyrum 
Smith. He prescribed the terrible oaths binding the 

* Joseph introduced in Nauvoo the Endowment Garments, 
"worn by Adam in Paradise " and used by every "good" Utah Mor- 
mon day and night. Desdemona Fullmer, one of Joseph's spiritual 
wives — she died here last winter, poor and neglected — made for many 
years a scant living by making Endowment Garments after the pattern 
revealed to Broth&r Joseph by the Lord. Her " fig leaf aprons " were 
highly valued by Mormon connoiseurs. Poor Desdemona died, 
fixed in the faith, in the VI. ward. Wm. Clayton names her in his 
Leporello-Register, see p. 96. 

270 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

brethren to avenge the blood of the prophets o?t this na- 
tion and to teach this to their children as a sacred duty. 
I shall deal with this treasonable feature of the Mormon 
Endowment in Vol. II. of this work. Suffice here the re- 
mark, that it is not only denied by all " good " Mormons, 
but even by '' apostates" who consider themselves bound 
by those quasi-Masonic oaths and do not wish to hurt the 
feelings or injure the social or legal position of the 
'' brethren " or themselves. Statements of this kind, some 
of them made in public speeches, have done yeoman ser- 
vice in deceiving the world as to the true character of this 
"church," which in its real essence is nothing but a secret 
criminal conspiracy for the purpose of defying the laws 
and keeping up a system radically inimical to republican 


Thousands and thousands have *'got their Endow- 
ments" in the Salt Lake " House, " the well-known two- 
story adobe building in the Temple block. This sinister 
little breeding-place for treason and polygamy is now de- 
serted, but the three temples in the Territory, especially 
the one is Logan, are at full blast with the "work of 
God." The Endowments and sealings given there bind 
many and many dupes every week to blind obedience to- 
wards the priesthood, to hatred against the United States, 
and to shame and misery in the form of "celestial mar- 
riage ;" for it is a notorious fact that polygamous marriages, 
though more secret than ever, are still performed, and 
even more numerously than ever. I am informed from a 
most reliable source that John Taylor, George Q. Cannon 
and Joseph F. Smith, the latest representants of " Father, 
Son and Holy Ghost," have fine accommodations in the 
Logan temple with the best of furniture and carpets to be 
got for tithing-money, and rare plants in abundance. About 
thirty women "work" in the temple, most of them young, of 

The Logan Temple Making Money. 


course. They get baptized for any amount of " the dead," 
at 15 cents a soul. They go for you through the Endow- 
ments as '' proxies, " for ''four bits." And Eliza R. 
Snow is there, washing, anointing and blessing the sisters, 
whispering eelesiial names in their ears and promising them 
eternal glory as the price of polygamy. People go there to 
have their children sealed to them ; otherwise, they would 
not have them in '' all eternity;" and then the whole fam- 


ilies get sealed to " Brother Taylor, " to make sure of en- 
joying all the advantages of his "exceeding weight of 
glory. " The temple makes lots of money. Even the 
brethren have to pay from two to five dollars for the simple 
going through as visitors. You cannot go through in your 
ordinary shoes, and a pair of immaculate linen slippers, as 
prescribed by revelation, costs $2 50. 

Yes, they are turned into veritable ''Templars" now : 
brother Taylor is there, blessing and sealing, and so is 

272 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

brother Cannon and brother Joseph F. Smith, son of 
prophet Hyrum, and a brute of the William Smith, Orson 
Hyde and Parley Pratt type. The whole nest of conspir- 
ators could be taken hold of at one grasp, but President 
Cleveland and Congress have other fish to fry, you see. 
Hence the wonderful amount of '^no confidence at all in 
the serious intentions of this government" with all true 
friends of this territory, especially since the informal 
ousting of the ''best governor Utah ever had," Eli H. 
Murray. That's what straight loyal and sensible people 
call Murray and will always call him. 



I have given, now and then, a sample of the scientific 
discoveries of Mr. Tullidge, the special Mormon ''histor- 
ian." Not satisfied with having made a new Abraham of 
old Micawber Smith and a new Savior of Toe, he discov- 
ers Milton in petticoats in "our beloved sister, Eliza R. 
Snow, Zion's poetess." Says the Mormon Columbus of 
a new world of discoveries : 

"Her influence in the Church of the Saints, through the medium 
of her holy sentiments and elevated thoughts, has been like a pure 
stream from a heavenly fountain. Her life has been of the divine 
cast in all its phases, and her sublime devotion to her God, coupled 
with that saintly meekness which has ever characterized her, is like 
her poetic genius, Hebraic in tone and quality. But she is something 
more than a mere poetess. She is also of the prophetess and priestess 
type. There are only two of the Latter-day Church who pre-eminent- 
ly possess this triple quality, and they are Parley P. Pratt, who may 
be termed the Mormon Isaiah, and Eliza R. Snow." 

And may not brother Tullidge be "termed" the 

The Scai-e-Crow of Mormofiism. 273 

Mormon Homer? He feels keenly that Eliza is superior 
to all Gentile poetasters : 

" We have Shakespeare, Byron, Shelley, Burns ; but they are both 
Gentile and modern in their variety and tone," 

Yes, ''we have them," but they are all wretched 
*' damned Gentiles," after all, not a drop of Abraham's 
blood in the whole lot. How sad it makes one, though, 
to see bitter apostates and ungodly Gentiles unite in 
slandering such a personification of talent and virtue ! 
All decent and clear-headed people I have met in this 
territory consider " the divine cast in all its phases " as 
nothing but the fanaticism of the worst oi female roosters 
that has roped into polygamy innumerable victims, men 
and women, and been, since the early times of the 
^'church," altogether one of the most pernicious and re- 
pulsive figures of the imposture and its history, dreaded 
and despised by Emma Smith and all true wives and 
mothers in Mormondom-up to this day. 

Let me quote now some of the emanations of our "He- 
braic " genius, ox genus, to use one of the happiest ex- 
pressions of Joseph Smith, Senior : 

" Vermont, a land much fam'd for hills and snows 
And blooming cheeks, may boast the honor of 
The prophet's birth-place. 

" Ere ten summers' suns 
Had bound their wreath upon his youthful brow, 
His father with his family remov'd ; 
And in New York, Ontario County, since 
Called Wayne, selected them a residence ; 
First in Palmyra, then in Manchester," 

I see lots of ''genus" in this, Hebraic and other- 
wise. Prophetess Eliza is the affinity of Prophet Joseph, 
no doubt. Genus will always thrill responsive to genus. 
But here is more of it, in a poem on the New Year, 1852 : 

" Its introduction bears the impress of 

The Past, and casts its bold reflection on 

The Future, Time's broad bosom heaves — on, on 

Fast moves the billowy tide of change, that in 

Its destination will o'erwhelm the mass 

Of the degen'rate governments on earth, 

And introduce Messiah's peaceful reign," 

2 74 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

The year 1853 gets likewise a grand Hebraic wel- 
come, from which I quote : 

" And verily 
The present, past and future are entwin'd 
So closely in their bonds of fellowship — 
So firmly wedded each to other, that 
The mind must penetrate and circumscribe 
The deep, connecting intimacy of 
Those strange, mysterious occurrences 
Which sometimes most abruptly introduce 
Themselves into life's moving sceneries, 
And like a mighty engine, acting in 
The centre of the grand machinery 
Of earth's events, produce those features which 
Will form the data for all future time." 

But one thing surprises me painfully. Can it be that 
Eliza, the venerable Eve of the temple, indulges in the 
vicious habit of smoking ? She sings : 

" We'd better live in tents and smoke 
Than wear the cursed Gentile yoke, 
We'd better from our country fly 
Than by mobocracy to die." 

I am myself an awful smoker, so I can appreciate re- 
sults of the habit like this : 

" Though we fly from vile aggression, 
We'll maintain our pure profession. 
Seek a peaceable possession, 
Far from Gentiles and oppression." 

Now isn't this just like Milton? It is even finer and 
older than Hebrew ; it looks exactly like reformed Egypt- 
ian poetry, translated by peepstone or Urim and Thum- 
mim, ''of which the knowledge has been lost." Read 
it over again, brother TuUidge, and tell me whether I 
am wrong, after all. 

They Lie and Stick to It. 275 



Mrs. Dr. Horace Eaton, who has resided for thirty-two 
years in Pahnyra, New York, makes the following highly 
interesting remarks about Lucy Smith : 

" As far as Mormonism was connected with its reputed founder, 
Joseph Smith, always called 'Joe Smith,' it had its origin in the 
brain and heart of an ignorant, deceitful mother. Joe Smith's mother 
moved in the lowest walks of life, but she had a kind of mental power, 
which her son shared. With them ])oth the imagination was the com- 
manding faculty. It was vain, but vivid. To it were subsidized reason, 
conscience, truth. Both mother and son were noted for a habit of ex- 
travagant assertion. They would look a listener full in the eye, and, 
without confusion or blanching, would fluently improvise startling 
statements and exciting stories, the warp and woof of which were alike 
sheer falsehood. Was an inconsistency alluded to, nothing daunted, a 
subterfuge was always at hand. As one old man, who said to me, 
' You can't face them down. They VI lie and stick to it.' Many of 
the noblest specimens of humanity have arisen from a condition of 
honest poverty ; but few of these from one of dishonest poverty. Mrs. 
Smith used to go to the houses of the village and do family washings. 
But if the articles were left to dry upon the lines, and not secured by 
their owners before midnight, the washer was often the winner — and 
in these nocturnal depredations she was assisted by her boys, who 
favored in like manner poultry yards and grain bins. Her son Joe 
never worked save at ' chopping bees ' and ' raisings,' and then 
whiskey was the impetus and the reward. The mother of the high- 
priest of Mormonism was sziperstitious to the last degree. The very 
air she breathed was inhabited by ' familiar spirits that peeped and 
wizards that muttered.' She turned many a penny by tracing in the 
lines of the open palm the fortunes of the inquirer. All ominous signs 
were heeded. No work was commenced on Friday. The moon over 
the left shoulder portended calamity ; the breaking of a mirror, death. 
Even in the old Green Mountain State, before the family emigrated to 
the Genesee country (the then W^est), Mrs. Smith's mind was made up 
that one of her sons should be a prophet. The weak father agreed 
with her that Joseph was the "genus" of their nine children. So it 
was established that Joseph should be the prophet. To such an^ ex- 
tent did the mother impress this idea upon the boy, that all the instincts 
of childhood were restrained. He rarely smiled or laughed, ' His 
looks and thoughts were always downward bent.' He never indulged 
in the demonstrations of fun, since they would not be in keeping with 
the profound dignity of his allotted vocation. His mother inspired 

276 Moj-mon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

and aided him in every scheme of duplicity and cunning. All 
acquainted with the facts agree in saying that the evil spirit of Mor- 
monism dwelt first in Joe Smith's mother, 

" Bad books had much to do with the origin of Mormonism. Joe 
Smith could read. He could not write. His two standard volumes 
were ' The Life of Stephen Burroughs,' the clerical scoundrel, and 
the autobiography of Capt. Kidd, the pirate. This latter work was 
eagerly and often perused. There was a fascination to him in the 
charmed lines ; 

" My name was Robert Kidd, 

As I sailed, as I sailed, 
And most wickedly I did, 
And God's laws I did forbid, 
As I sailed, as I sailed." 

Dr. Mclntyre, who was, according to old Lucy, " the 
family physician" of the Smiths, testifies that Joseph 
Smith, Senior, was a drunkard, a liar * and a thief, and 
his house a perfect brothel. The new Abraham ran a lit- 
tle beer shop (with peanuts) in Palmyra, for a year or two, 
and then "squatted" on a piece of land belonging to 
some minor heirs. The Smiths did but little in the way of 
clearing, fencing and tilling. Their farming was done in 
a slovenly, half-way, profitless manner. They made a 
living by selling cord-wood, black ash baskets, birch 
brooms, maple sugar and cakes and root beer on public 
days. Most of the time of the boys was spent in trapping 
musk rats, fishing, hunting, digging out wood-chucks and 
loafing around stores and shops in the village. It was 
observed by all that Joseph was always the leader in enter- 
prises of this kind, but never did any of the real work 
himself. As money-digger he observed the same comfort- 
able rule. 

* Purley Chase, brother of Willard, of Palmyra, New York, in a 
letter dated Rollin, Mich., April 3d, 1879, says: "When Smith first 
told of getting the book of plates he said it would tell him how to get 
hidden treasures in the earth ; and his father, soon after they got the 
plates, came in to my mother's one morning, just after breakfast, and 
told that Joe had a book and that it would tell him how to get money 
that was buried in the ground, and that he also found a pair of EYE- 
GLASSES on the book by which he could interpret it, and that the glass- 
es were as big as a breakfast plate ; and he said that if the angel Ga- 
briel should come down and tell him he could not get this hidden 
treasure, he would tell him he was a liar." 

speak No Evil of the Prophet. 277 



The following very liberal-sounding ordinance is the 
one alluded to in the Expositor (See p. 157). It may 
not look at first sight as a means of abridging the freedom 
of speech, but its vague expressions make it only too easy 
to use it as such, and a city council like the one we have 
seen in operation would surely not hesitate to punish, ac- 
cording to it, all offenders who dared to speak evil of the 
prophet or any member of the priesthood. Here is the 
ordinance : 

" Be it ordained by the city council of the City of Nauvoo, that 
the Catholics, Presbyterians, Methodists, Baptists, Latter-Day Saints, 
Quakers, Episcopalians, Universalists, Unitarians, Mohammedans, 
and all other religious sects and denominations whatever, shall have 
toleration and equal privileges in this city ; and should any person be 
guilty of RiDicuLiNc;, abusing or otherwise depreciating another, 
in consequence of his religion, or of disturbing or interrupting any 
religious meeting vi'ithin the limits of this city, he shall, on conviction 
thereof before the Mayor, or Municipal Court, be considered a dis- 
turber of the public peace and fined in any sum not exceeding five 
hundred dollai-s, or imprisonment not exceeding six months, or both, 
at the discretion of said Mayor or Court. Passed March i, 1 84 1. 

John C. Bennett, Mayor. 
James Sloan, Recorder. 

I quote now from ''an act to incorporate the city of 
Nauvoo," drafted by Dr. Bennett. He was sent as dele- 
gate to Springfield, to urge the passage of the act through 
the legislature, and he succeeded easily by promising 
Mormon support to the leaders of both political parties : 

Sec. II. The City Council shall have power and authority to 
make, ordain, establish and execute all such ordinances, not REPUG- 
NANT TO THE Constitution of the United States, or of this 
State, as they may deem necessary for the peace, benefit, good order, 
regulation, convenience and cleanliness of said city ..." 

It is well known how the Mormon casuists interpreted 
this section. The city could, according to them, pass no 
ordinances repugnant to the Constitution of the United 

278 MormoJi Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

States or the State of Illinois, but it could ordain things 
repugnant to the laws of both ! 

Sec, 16. The Mayor and Aldermen shall be conservators of the 
peace within the limits of said city, and shall have all the powers of 
Justices of the Peace therein, both in civil and criminal cases arising 
under the laws of the State. 

Sec. 17. The Mayor shall have exclusive jurisdiction in all 
cases arising under the ordinances of the corporation ; appeals may 
be had from any decision or judgment of said Mayor or Aldermen, 
arising under the ordinances of the corporation; appeals may be had 
from any decision or judgment of said Mayor or Aldermen, arising 
under the city ordinances, to the Municipal Court, which shall be 
composed of the Mayor as Chief Justice and the Aldermen as Asso- 
ciate Justices, , , The Municipal Court shall have power to grant 
WRITS OF HABEAS CORPUS under the ordinances of the City Council. 

If the prophet has wronged you as mayor, he will set 
you all right as " chief justice " of the Municipal Court, no 
doubt. Now comes the Nauvoo '' University :" 

Sec. 24. The City Council may establish and organize an insti- 
tution of learning within the limits of the city, for the teaching of the 
arts, sciences and learned professions, to be called the " University 
of the City of Nauvoo," which institution shall be under the control 
and management of a board of trustees, consisting of a Chancellor, 
Registrar and twenty-three Regents, etc. 

After the sciences and arts of peace, the frowning of 
Mars : 

Sec, 25. The City Council may organize the inhabitants of said 
city, subject to military duty, into a body of independent miliiary 
men to be called the Nauvoo Legion, the Court Martial of which 
shall be composed of the commissioned officers of said Legion and 
constitute the law-niakinir department, with full powers and authority 
to mal<e, ordain, establish and execute all such laws and ordinances as 
may be considered necessary for the benefit, government and regu- 
lation of said Legion ; Provided, said Court Martial shall pass no law 
or act repugnant to or inconsistent with the Constitution of the United 
States or of this State. . , Said Legion shall perform the same 
amount of military duty as is now or may be hereafter required of the 
regular militia of the State, and shall be at the disposal of the Mayor 
in executing the laws and ordinances of the city corporation and the 
laws of the State, and at the disposal of the Governor for the public 
defense, and the execution of the laws of the State or of the United 
States, and shall be entitled to their proportion of the PUBLIC ARMS : 
and Provided, also, that said Legion shall be exempt from all 

OTHER military DUTY. 

The Nauvoo Legion Absolutely Independe?it. 279 

It is very interesting to see how Joseph interpreted 
this section of the city charter. Says he, in a ''general 
order," dated May 4, 1841 : 

*' The officers and privates belonging to the Legion 
are exempt from all military duty not required by the 
legally constituted authorities thereof. They are, there- 
fore, expressly inhibited from performing any military 
services not ordered by the general officers or directed by 
the court martial." 

Joseph based this impudent interpretation on the 
opinion of Senator S. A. Douglas, the '' able and pro- 
found jurist, politician and statesman," from which I 
quote the following, to show how the demagogues of the 
time tried to help the new Mahomet in his schemes : 

" I have examined so much of the Nauvoo city charter and legis- 
lative acts as relate to the Nauvoo Legion, and am clearly of opinion 
that any citizen of Hancock County who may attach himself to the 
Nauvoo Legion has all the privileges which appertain to that inde- 
pendent military body, and is exempt from all other military duty, 
and cannot, therefore, be fined by any military or civil court for neg- 
lecting or refusing to parade with any other military body, or under 
the command of any officers who are not attached to the Legion." 

You see that a city charter like this is a grand shield in 
the hands of unscrupulous men. But it was found to be 
too weak a protection for Joseph and his friends. It had 
been approved by Governor Carlin, December, 16, 1840. 
About eighteen months later the prophet's city council 
passed the following 


Regulating the mode of proceeding in cases of habeas corpus, before 
the Municipal Court : 
Sec. I. Be it ordained by the City Council of the city of Nau- 
voo, that in all cases where any person or persons shall at any time 
liereafter be arrested or under arrest, in this city, under ANY WRIT OR 
PROCESS ; and shall be brought before the Municipal Court of this city, 
by virtue of a writ of habeas corpus, the Court shall in every such 
case have power and authority and are hereby required to examine 
into the ORIGIN, validity and legality of the writ or process 
under which such arrest was made, and if it shall appear to the Court, 
upon sufficient testimony, that said writ or process was illegally OR 
NOT legally issued, or did not proceed from proper authority, then 
the Court shall discharge the prisoner from under said arrest ; but if 

28o Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelio-hts. 

it shall appear to the Court that said writ or process had issued from 
proper authority, and was a legal process, the Court shall then PRO- 

arrest was made, upon such evidence as may be produced and sworn 
before said Court, and shall have power to adjourn the hearing from 
time to time in their discretion . . " 

Sec. 2. And be it further ordained, that if upon investigation it 
shall be proven before the Municipal Court, that the writ or process 
has been issued either through private pique, malicious intent, religious 
or other persecution, falsehood or misrepresentation, contrary to the 
Constitution of the State, or of the U. S., the said writ or process shall 
be quashed and considered of no force or effect, and the prisoner or 
prisoners shall be released and discharged therefrom. 

Sec. 3. And be it also further ordained, that in the absence^ 
sickness, debility or other circumstances disqualifying or preventing 
the Mayor from officiating in his office as Chief Justice of the Muni- 
cipal Court, the aldermen present shall appoint one from amongst 
them to act as Chief Justice pro tempore. 

Sec. 4. This ordinance to take effect, and be in force, from and 
after its passage. 

Hyrum Smith, 
Vice Mayor and President pro tempore. 
James Sloan, 


Passed, August 8, 1842. 

This is as comfortable in the line of justice as Mor- 
monism is in the line of religion. If Brigham or Kimball 
get arrested they are brought before His Honor Joe, and 
if Joe is arrested, they bring him before Hyrum, Brigham 
or Kimball, and those learned justices look into the ?nertts 
of the case and discharge the prisoner. They seal, or- 
dain, anoint, bless, consecrate, marry, divorce and dis- 
charge each other. The wicked Gentiles of Illinois had 
smelt a rat for a good while, but now the smell became 
rather too distinct. Said the Sangamo Journal of Sept. 
2, 1842 : 

" We copy the above ordinance in order to show our readers the 
barefaced effrontery with which the holy brotherhood at Nauvoo set at 
defiance the civil authorities of the State. No man having claims to 
even an ordinary share of common sense can ever believe that there 
is the least shadow of authority in the City Council of Nauvoo to pass 
such an ordinance as the above ; indeed the Legislature of this State 
has not the power to do it. The City Charter gives to the Municipal 
Court power to issue writs of Habeas Corpus. Evidently this power 
is only granted in reference to cases of arrest under the municipal 

The Goodwins afid Nelsons of 1842. 281 

la-vs and by the most latitudinarian construction, cannot be made to 
Ix tnd t^ cLes of an arrest under the laws of the .pate, bu th 
Mormon ordinance not only extends to all ^^f ^ ^^^'"^^^ X^^^^ 
fie LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES ^^ defiance by givmga^^^^^ 
the Municipal Court to enquire into the causes of the arrest a power 
which even the Legislature of the State cannot confer. 

" Rv the Constitution and the laws of the U. S., the governor 01 

this Smetbo^Uo deliver up fuguives from justice on the «qms. 

m, of the Mvernor of any other State ; and the judiciary of this State 

:ve°n:';igfir.orn:;,re,l,nder any circumstances imoanyAing fur- 

tl^pr thin The sufficiency of the writ on which the arrest is maae. 

h "iVciue;™ Z properly served, there - no power for any 

tribunal in this State to make any further inqu, y The gu It or mno 

cence of the accused must be determined by the courts ot le state 

from xvhence the requisition issued, and any court of law which inst.- 

Ses Iny inquiry of'th.s nature oversteps the bom^danes of its juns- 


City of the Saints, set at defiance the laws of '^e 'and, \\c believe 

held b; a band who regard _//« /«» of tke land as secondary to the 
commands of their prophet r' 

All this abuse comes from not understanding the value 
of Mormon pearls. Wa^his ordinance "°t SVY^"' ^'^l^ 
all other revelations, for the holiest of purposes? Who cares 
Zl^ technical mcetles of the 1- of Illinois or the United 
States when the Kingdom of God has to be established ? 
Th above article wasnvritten by an " infernal scoundrel 
of the Goodwin or Nelson type, just to please the wicked 
who, at that very moment, were charging the Prophet and 
brother Rockwell with an attempt on the life of Governor 
BO..S Only the wicked can believe that the above or- 
dhiTnce, passed three months after the attempt of ^sassi- 
na ion was iust the thing to shield -Y servant Joseph 
and E der Rockwell from the " corrupt officers of Mis- 
souri Yes, only the ungodly could believe such hell- 
devised Ilaiiders.' Was not Joseph the man'^ who inspir- 
ed the whole with an archan gel's genius, * his ho tel^Jus 
*Tullidge, Joseph, p. lo8. 

282 Monnon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

store, his bank, his harem, the Municipal Court, the Dan- 
ites, and all the rest of it? 



Mayor: John C. Bennett ; Recorder: James Sloan; 
Attorney : Sidney Rigdon ; Notary Public : E. Robinson ; 
Marshal: H. G. Sherwood; Marshal ad interim : D. B. 
Huntington; Treasurer: John S. Fulmer; Su7'veyor : A. 
Ripley ; Assessor and Collector : Lewis Robison ; Super- 
visor of Streets : James Allred ; Weigher and Sealer : The- 
odore Turley ; Market Master : Stephen Markham ; Sex- 
ton : W. D. Huntington. 

First Ward. 

Aldermen: Samuel H. Smith, Hiram Kimball ; Coim- 
ciloi's : John P. Green, Vinson Knight, Orson Pratt, Wil- 
lard Richards; High Constable: D. B. Huntington. 

Second Ward. 

Aldermen: N. K. Whitney, Orson Spencer; Council- 
ors: Hyrum Smith, Lyman Wight, Wilford Woodruff, 
John Taylor; High Constable : George Morey. 

Third Ward. 

Aldermen: Daniel H. Wells, Gustavus Hills; Council- 
ors : John T. Barnett, C. C. Rich, Hugh McFall, H. C. 
Kimball ; High Constable : Lewis Robison. 

Fourth Ward. 

Alder?7ien : William Marks, George W. Harris ; Coun- 
cilors : Joseph Smith, Wilson Law, Brigham Young, Wil- 
liam Law; High Constable : W, D. Huntington. 

The City Council consists of the Mayor, Aldermen 

Chief Justices, Chancellors, Professors, J^l eve rends. 283 

and Councilors, and sits on the first and third Saturday of 
every month, commencing at 6 o'clock, p. m. 

Municipal Court. 

Chief Justice : John C. Bennett; Associate Justices : 
Samuel H. Smith, Hiram Kimball, N. K. Whitney, Orson 
Spencer. Daniel H. Wells, Gustavus Hills, William Marks, 
George W. Harris; Cle?'k : James Sloan. 

The Municipal Court sits on the first Monday in every 
month, commencing at 10 o'clock, a. m. 

Mayor's Court. 

This is the Criminal Court of the city, and sits at such 
times as the business of the city requires, the Mayor presi- 

{Times and Seasons, Vol. HI., p. 638.) 



Board of Regents. 

Chancellor : Gen. John C. Bennett, M. D. ; Registrar : 
Gen. William Law; Regents : Gen. Joseph Smith, Sidney 
Rigdon, Esq., Attorney-at-law, Gen. Hyrum Smith, Rev. 
W^illiam Marks, Rev. Samuel H. Smith, Daniel H. Wells, 
Esq., Bishop N. K. Whitney, Gen. Charles C. Rich, Capt. 
John T. Barnett, Gen. Wilson Law, Rev. John P. Greene, 
Bishop Vinson Knight, Isaac Galland, M. D., Judge Elias 
Higbee, Rev. Robert D. Foster, M. D., Judge James 
Adams, Rev. Samuel Bennett, M, D., Ebenezer Robinson, 
Esq., Rev. John Snider, Rt. Rev. George Miller, Zenos 
M. Knight, M. D., Rev. John Taylor and Rev. Heber C. 

284 Mormon Portraits. — I. Sidelights. 


James Kelly, A. M., President ; Orson Pratt, A. M., 
Professor of Mathematics and English Literature, 
Orson Spencer, A. M., Professor of Languages ; Sidney 
Rigdon, D. D., Professor of Church History. 

professor orson pratt. 
School Wardens for Coimmon Scho(^ls. 

Wardens of First Ward: John P. Greene, N. K. Whit- 
ney, A. Morrison. 

Wardens of Second Ward: C. C. Rich, Wilson Law, 
Elias Higbee. 

Wardens of Third Ward: Daniel H. Wells, R. D. 
Foster, S. Winchester. 

Wardens of Fourth Ward : Vinson Knight, William 
Law, E. Robinson. 

So they are A. M., D. D., Professors, Chancellors, 

Generals, Colonels, Majors, Captains. 285 

Presidents, Reverends and Right Reverends, a whole col- 
lection of "self-made" titles. Let me give a decree of 
mighty Chancellor Bennett, dated August 10, 1841 : 

" The Regents of the University of the City of Nauvoo will con- 
vene at the office of General Joseph Smith on Saturday, Sept. 4. at 
half past ten o'clock, A. M., for the transaction of important business. 
Punctual attendance is requested. 

" The Department of English Literature is now in successful op- 
eration under the supervision of Professor Orson Pratt — a gentleman 
of varied knowledge and extensive acquirements, who is admirably qual- 
ified for the full execution of the high trust reposed in him, as an 
able and accomplished teacher. In this department a general course 
of mathematics, including Arithmetic, Algebra, Geometry, Conic Sec- 
tions, Plane Trigonometry, Mensuration, Surveying, Navigation, 
Analytical, Plane and Spherical Trigonometry, Analytical Geometry 
and the Differential and Integral Calculus :— Philosophy ;— Astron- 
omy ; — Chemistry ; — etc. etc., will be extensively taught. 

'« Tuition:— Five Dollars per quarter, payable semi-quarterly, in 

John C. Bennett, 

William Law, 



In Napoleon Bennett's time the Nauvoo Legion com- 
prised " between two and three thousand well-disciplined 
troops." It was divided in two cohorts or brigades, and 
these cohorts subdivided into regiments, battalions and 
companies. The organization was intended to represent 
a Ro7nan Legion. Bennett gives the following names "• of 
a few of the most accomplished, brave and efficient of the 
corps : " 

Generals : George W. Robinson, Charles C. Rich, 
Davison Hibard, Hiram Kimball, W. P. Lyon, A. P. 
Rockwood. To this list add Generals Joseph and Hy- 
rum, William and Wilson Law and Gen. Bennett, and you 
have the truly imposing array of eleven generals. Rever- 


Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

end, Doctor Sidney Rigdon, attorney-at-law and post- 
master, I think might have been permitted to make the 
full dozen. He had always blood in his eye. John D. 
Lee was Major in the Legion. 


Colonels : John F. Weld, Orson Pratt, Francis M. 
Higbee, Carlos Gove, Chauncey L. Higbee, James Sloan, 
George Schindle, Amasa Lyman, D. B. Smith, George 
Coulson, Alexander McRae, Jacob B. Backenstos, L. 
Woodworth — thirteen colonels. 

Captains: C. M. Kreymyer, Darwin Chase, John 
F. Olney, Justus Morse, William M. AUred, L. N. Scovil, 
Charles Allen, Marcellus Bates, Samuel Hicks — nine 

But those are only a few of the bravest, you see. 
Bennett doesn't name General Robert D. Foster, who is a 
pet aversion of his, so the real number of generals is an 
exact dozen. I extract now from ''Ordinance No. i" 
of the Court Martial of said Legion the following interest- 
ing sections : 

Sec. 2. That from and after the 15th day of April next, it shall 
be the duty of every white male inhabitant of the city of Nauvoo, 
between eighteen and forty-five years of age, to enroll himself in some 
company of the Legion, by reporting himself to the captain thereof, 
within fifteen days; and every person neglecting or refusing to do so 
shall, on conviction thereof before a regular court martial, forfeit and 
pay the sum of one dollar for every subsequent fifteen days' neglect. 

No Exemption from Military Duty. 287 

Sec. 4, That 7io person whatever, residing within the limits of 
the city of Nauvoo, of fifteen days' residence, between the ages of 
eighteen and forty-five years, excepting such as are exempted by the 
United States, shall be exempt from military duty, unless exempted 
by a special act of the Court Martial of the Legion, or a certificate of 
inability, under oath, signed by the Lieutenant-General, countersigned 
by the Surgeon-General, and recorded by the Major General's War 

Sec 7. The staff of the Lieutenant-General shall consist of an 
Inspector-General with the rank of Major-General, a r3rill officer, a 
Judge Advocate, and four Aids-de-camp, and a Herald and Armor- 
Bearer, with the rank of Captain. 

Sec. 8. The staff of the Major-General shall consist of an Ad- 
jutant-General, a Surgeon-General, a Cornet, a Quarter-Master-Gen- 
eral, a Commissary-General, a Pay- Master-General, a Chaplain, two 
Assistant Inspectors General, four Aids-de-camp, and a War Secretary, 
with the rank of Colonel; a Quarter- Master, Sergeant, Sergeant- 
Major, a Chief Musician, with the rank of Major; and four Musicians, 
and a Herald and Armor-Bearer, with the rank of Captain. 

Sec. 9. The staff of each Brigadier-General shall consist of two 
Aids-de camp, an Assistant Quarter- Master-General, an Assistant 
Commissary-General, and a Surgeon, with the rank of Lieutenant- 
Colonel; six Assistant Captains, with the rank of Major; and a 
Herald and Armor- Bearer, with the rank of Captain. 

Sec. 10. The staff of each Colonel shall consist of an Adjutant, 
and a Quarter- Master-Sergeant and a Sergeant- Major, with the rank 
of Captain. 

Sec. II. Each Regiment shall be officered with a Colonel, a 
Lieutenant-Colonel, a Major and a company officer. 

Sec. 12. Each company shall be officered with a Captain, three 
Lieutenants, five Sergeants, one Pioneer and four Corporals. 

Sec. 13. The Lieutenant-General and the Major-General may, 
by their joint act, grant brevet commissions to such persons as may 
merit appointment and promotion at their hands. 

Passed March 12, 1842. 

Joseph Smith, 
Lieutenant- Getieral a?id President of the Court Martial. 

John C. Bennett, 
Major- General and Secretary of the Court Martial. 

Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 



Dr. Bennett tells of Joe's attempt upon Nancy in his 
usual "Pistol" style. The facts themselves will not be 
doubted by the reader, after all he has heard of the Nau- 
voo Don Juan ; they are, besides, warranted to be true by 
the testimony of Mrs. Pratt, who knew Nancy intimately 
and says that she was a very good, virtuous girl, and that 
Bennett's tale is true in all essential points. The main 
facts are as follows : 

It was in the summer of 1841. Joe and Bennett were 
out riding over the lawn. Says the prophet to his bosom 
friend: "■ If you will assist me in procuring Nancy as one 
of my spiritual wives, I will give you five hundred dollars, 
or the best lot on Main street." Bennett, who was on 
very intimate terms with Rigdon and his family, refused. 
" But," said Joe, '' the Lord has given her to me to wife. 
I have the blessings of Jacob, and there is no wickedness 
in it. It would be wickedness to approach her unless I 
had permission of the Lord ; but as it is, it is as correct 
as to have a legal wife in a ?noral point of view." Joseph 
persisted in his plans, aided in their execution by two re- 
liable friends, a Mrs. Hyde and Apostle Willard Richards. 
Dr. Bennett tried in vain to make Joe consider his obli- 
gations as a Master Mason: " Joseph, you are a Master 
Mason and Nancy is a Master Mason's daughter (like 
Mrs. Pratt); so stay your hand, or you will get into 

Still Joe persisted, but Bennett warned the daughter 
of his friend. So Nancy was prepared when Joseph took 
her to the little celestial business office. The prophet 
locked the door, swore her to secrecy, and told her that 
she had long been the idol of his affections and that he 
had asked the Lord for her, but that if she had any scru- 
ples on the subject, he would marry her immediately ; 
that this would not prevent her from marrying any other per- 

Serpent Joe Beslimes Nancy. 289 

son, and that all was lawful and right before God. * He 
then attempted to kiss her and desired her to kiss him. 
Nancy flew in a rage. She told the prophet she would 
alarm the neighborhood if he did not open the door and 
let her out immediately. In a day or two afterwards 
apostle Richards handed Nancy a letter from the prophet, 
written by Richards from Joe's dictation, and requested 
her to burn it after reading. This letter is a perfect gem 
in the line of oily rascal sophistry : 

" Happiness is the object and design of our existence and will be 
the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it ; and this path is 
virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, noliness, and keeping all the com- 
mandments of God ; but we cannot keep all the commandments with- 
out first knowing them, and we cannot expect to know all unless we 
comply with or keep those we have already received. That which is 
wrong under one circumstance may be and often is right under an- 
other. God said, Thou shalt not kill ; at another time He said. Thou 
shalt utterly destroy. This is the principle on which the Government 
of Heaven is conducted, by revelation adapted to the circumstances 
in which the children of the Kingdom are placed. Whatever God 
requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the 
reason thereof till long after the events transpire. If we seek first the 
Kingdom of God, all good things will be added. So with Solomon : 
first he asked wisdom, and God gave it him, and with it every desire 
of his heart, even things which might be considered abominable to all 
who understand the order of Heaven 07ily in part, but which in real- 
ity were right, because God gave and sanctioned them by special reve- 
lation, A parent may whip a child, and justly too, because he stole 
an apple, whereas, if the child had asked for the apple and the parent 
had given it, the child would have eaten it with a better appetite ; 
there would have been no stripes ; all the pleasures of the apple would 
have been secured, all the misery of stealing lost. This principle will 
justly apply to all of God's dealings with His children. Everything 
THAT God gives us is lawful and right, and it is proper that we 
shall enjoy Hjs gifts and blessings, whenever and wherever He is 
disposed to bestow, but if we should seize upon those same blessings 
and enjoyments without law, without revelation, without command- 
ment, those blessings and enjoyments would prove cursings and vexa- 
tions in the end and we should have to lie down in sorrow and wail- 
ings of everlasting regret. But in obedience there is joy and peace 
unspotted, unalloyed ; and as God has designed our happiness He 
never has, He never will institute an ordinance or give a command- 

* " After the death of Joseph, Brigham Young told me that Joseph's 
time on earth was short, and that the Lord allowed him privileges 
that we could not have," — [Lee, Confession, p. 147.] 

29° Monnon Portraits. — /. Sidelights 

ment to Mis people that is not calculated in its nature to promote the 
happiness which He has designed and which will not end in the great- 
est amount of good and glory to those who become the recipients of 
His laws and ordinances. Blessings offered, but rejected, are no 
longer blessings, but become like the talent hid in the earth by the 
wicked and slothful servant. Our Heavenly Father is more liberal 
tn His viezos and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are 
ready to believe or receive; He will be inquired of by His children ; 
He says, ask ye and ye shall receive, seek ye and ye shall find; but if 
you will take that which is not your own, or which I have not given 
you, you shall be rewarded according to your deeds ; but no good thitig 
will I withhold from them who walk uprightly betore Me and do My 
will in all things, who will listen tOg^My voice and to the voice of My 
servant, whom I have sent; for I delight in those who seek diligently 
to know My precepts and abide in the LAW OF MY KINGDOM; for all 
things shall be made known unto them in Mine own due time and in 
the end they shall have joy." 

I don't want anybody's testimony that this letter* is 
genuine ; I feel it in every line, comparing it with Hyrum's 
Jesuitical letter about the mysteries of the kingdom, the 
revelation on celestial marriage, the affidavits of Wm. 
Clayton, and other products of this holy-oil-refinery. 
Joe, Brigham and Kimball crawl up just in the same slimy 
path to the proud virtue of Martha Brotherton. It is the 
most disgusting Tartuffe business ever witnessed and Mo- 
liere would have made the greatest of his comedies out of 
it, had he lived in the Illinois Sodom. 

The sequel of the story is well told in a letter from 
George W. Robinson, who was a very decent man accord- 
ing to Mrs. Pratt. Says he : 

" Nancy repulsed him and left him with disgust. She came home 
and told her father [Sidney Rigdon] of the transaction, upon which 
Smith was sent for. He came. She told her tale in the presence of 
all her family and to Smith's face. I was present. Smith attempted to 
deny it at first and face her down with the lie ; but she told the facts 

■^ I am informed that on receiving Joe's letter from post boy, 
Apostle Richards, Nancy requested him to wait, while she retired to 
peruse it in secret. The patient doctor having waited an hour Nancy 
came back to him, letter in hand. She pretended to give it back, but 
with a sudden movement tore it to pieces and flung it into the stove. 
But she had in her retirement carefully copied it, and the next that was 
heard of it was in the columns of the Warsaw ''Signal,'' to the utter 
dismay of the prophet. 

Nancy Calls Joe a ^^ Cursed Liar ^ 291 

with so much earnestness, and the fact of a letter being present, 
which he had caused to be written to her and which he had fondly 
hoped was destroyed — all came with such force that he could not with- 
stand the testimony; and he then and there acknowledged that 
every -zoord of Miss Rigdon's testimony was true. Now for his ex- 
cuse which he made for such a base attempt, and for using the name 
of the Lord in vain on that occasion : He wished to ascertain 
-whether she 7uas virtuous or not, and took that course to learn the 
facts ! " 

This memorable visit of Joe's in Rigdon's house took 
place in June, 1841. High Priest George Miller, who 
was present when Nancy called the Lord's prophet a 
"cursed liar," screamed at the top of his voice: " You 
must not harm the Lord' s anointed ; the Lord will not suf- 
fer his anointed to fall I ' ' Could Moliere better this ? 

Captain Olney, another decent man who left the 
church because of Joe's abominations, declared in the 
Sangamo Journal, Sept. 14, 1842 : 

" I wish to make a public withdrawal from the church of Latter - 
Day Saints, as I cannot longer consent to remain a member of said 
church while polygamy, lasciviousness and adultery are practiced by 
some of its leaders. That critnes of the deepest dye are tolerated and 
practiced by them cannot be doubted. I have heard the circum- 
stances of Smith's attack upon Miss Rigdon, from the family as well 
as from herself; and knowing her to be a young lady who sustains a 
good moral character, and also of undoubted veracity, I must place 
imphcit confidence in her statement. The facts of Smith's wishing to 
marry her as a spiritual wife, of his attack upon her virtue, his teach- 
ings of his having the blessings of Jacob, etc., are true. The letter 
published, purporting to be from Smith to Miss Rigdon, was not in 
Smith's handwriting, but in that of Dr. Willard Richards,* who 
officiated not only as scribe but post boy for the prophet, and who did 
say that he wrote the letter as dictated by Joseph Smith. George W. 
Robinson was formerly Joseph's secretary and general Church clerk 
and recorder, and I have heard Smith say that Robinson was the 

* " Apostle Richards died in Salt Lake, many years afterwards. 
The quantities of whiskey he could stand were a caution to many 
a staunch expert in that line. He kept up here relations with mar- 
ried women to whom he had been sealed in Nauvoo. A choice lot of 
wives, left by him among his other moveable property, were " married " 
by a relative of his en bloc. Such a transfer of human cattle is 
called "proxy-marriage" by Mormon theologians. "Human cattle " 
is an ugly phrase, but it is Mormon enough, being an echo of Kim- 
ball's " cows." 

292 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

bravest Jtian /;; the Mor7non Band 2Si^ that he (Robinson) had not a 
drop of cowardly blood in his veins." 

This Nancy story is typical from beginning to end ; 
but what interests me most in it is that apostolic post boy, 
Dr. Richards. How eagerly he goes through all the 
phases of the wretched, holy-lackey-business ! Can you 
doubt now, reader, that those apostolic slaves felt proud 
in the shame of their wives and daughters — can you fail to 
see that sin, vice and abomination were never, in all his- 
tory, so closely united with abject slavery and negation of 
all that is manly and dignified as in Joe's holy city of 
Nauvoo ? 



The Bible says God created man after his own image, 
but it seems rather man creates God after his image. Jo- 
seph Smith's and Brigham Young's ''Lord " is a striking 
example of it. He has all the low passions of his prophets 
and even their abominable grammar. But he is " smart ' ' at 
the same time, just like his prophets. He observes times 
bad and circumstances and adapts his revelations to them. 
You have seen the Lord's opinion about marriage in the 
earlier editions of the Book of Doctrine ana Covenants, 
enjoining monogamy in the strongest terms. You can't 
find this article in the latest editions of this part of the 
everlusting go^'^tX. The revelation on celestial marriage, 
given to Joseph July 12th, 1843, has taken its place. 

Joseph was Brigham's original in this as in any other 
holy trick. Let me give a few examples of the manipula- 
tions of my servant Joseph : 

The Lord Afraid of GcfitUe Critics. 


Book of Commandments for the Book of Doctrine and Covenants 

Government of the Church of of the Church of Jesus Christ 

Christ, Zion, Jackson County, of Latter-day Saints, First 

Missouri, 1833.* Edition, 1835- 

" If thou lovest me, thou shalt 
serve me and keep all my com- 
mandments; and behold, thou shalt 
consecrate ALL thy properties, that 
which thou hast unto me, with a 
covenant and a deed which cannot 
be broken ; and they shall be laid 
before the bishop of my church 
and two of the elders, such as he 
shall appoint and set apart for that 

" And it shall come to pass, that 
he that sinneth and repenteth not 
shall be cast out, and shall not 
RECEIVE AGAIN that which he has 
CONSECRATED unto me : For it 
shall come .to pass, that which I 
spake by the mouths of my prophets 
shall be fulfilled ; for I will CON- 
of the house of Israel." 

"And thou [Emma] needest 
not fear, for thy husband shall sup- 
port thee FROM the church." 

" O ! remember [Oliver* Cowde- 
ry] these words and keep my com- 
mandments. Remember this is 
your gift. Now this is not all, for 
you have another gift, which is the 
behold it has told you things ; be- 
hold there is »o other power save 
God that can cause this rod of 


for it is the work of God ; and 

" If thou lovest me, thou shalt 
serve me and keep all my com- 
mandments. And' behold, thou 


consecrate of thy properties for 
their support that which thou hast 
to impart unto them with a cove- 
nant and a deed which cannot be 
broken ; and inasmuch as ye im- 
part of your substance unto the 
poor, ye will do it unto me, etc." 

" He that sinneth and repenteth 
not shall be cast out of the church 
and shall not receive again that 
which he has consecrated unto 


church, or in other words [!] unto 
me ; for as much as ye do it unto 
the least of these ye do it unto 
me ; for I will consecrate of the 
riches of THOSE who embrace my 


to the poor of my people who are 
of the house of Israel." 

'< And thou needest not fear, for 
thy husband shall support thee IN 
the church." 

" O ! remember these words, and 
keep my commandments. Re- 
member this is your gift. Now 
this is not all thy gift; for you 
have another gift, which is the 
GIFT of Aaron : behold, it has 
told you MANY things; behold, 
there is no other power, save the 
power of God, that can cause THIS 
GIFT OF Aaron to be with you ; 
therefore doubt not, for it is the 

* Reprinted by the Salt Lake Tribune in 1884. 
little volume. 

A most valuable 

294 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

therefore, whatsoever you shall ask gift of God, and you shall hold it 
me to tell you by that means, that in your hands and do marvelous 
will I grant unto you, that you works ; and no power shall be able 
shall know." to take it away out of your hands, 

for it is the work of God." 

You see how the Lord avoids speaking of the rod in 
his revised edition, the rod of ?iature l\\dX'tvorks in Oli- 
ver's hand. That "rod" gives away too much of the 
hazel-witch, fortune-telling, and peeping business of the 
new Abraham and his familv. 



''President Young" said in the Tabernacle, in 
the summer of 1874 : 

''Brother George A. Smith has been reading a little 
out of the revelation concerning celestial marriage, and I 
want to say to my sisters that if they lift their heels 
against this revelation * * you willgo to hell just as 
sure as you are living women. Emma took that revela- 
tion, supposing she had all there was : but Joseph had 
wisdom enough to take care of it, and he had handed the 
revelation to Bishop Whitney, and* he wrote it all off. 
After Joseph had been to Bishop Whitney's he went home, 
and Emma began teasing for the revelation. Said she : 
'Joseph, you promised me that revelation, and if you are 
a man of your word, you will give it to me.' Joseph took 
it from his pocket and said, 'take it.' She went to the 
fireplace and put it in, and put the candle wider it and 
burnt it, and she thought that was the end of it, and she 
WILL BE DAMNED as surc as she is a living woman. 
Joseph used to say he would have her hereafter, if he had 
to go to hell for her, and he will have to go to hell for her 
s sure as he ever gets her." 

David Whitmers Short-Lived Glory. 295 



In view of the independent stand taken by David 
Whitmer against the Danite craze in 1838 (see p. 191), the 
following hitherto unpublished fact is very interestnig : 

-On the 6th of July, 1834, in Clay County Mo., 
Joseph Smith and Frederick G. Williams ordained David 
Whifmer President of the Stake of Zion, [Missouri] 
Then Joe said the time had come when he must point out 
and ordain his successor. Said he : ' Some have supposed 
that Oliver Cowdery would be the man, but the Lord has 
made known to me that David Whitmer is the man 
Joe and Williams then stepped out and ordained David to 
be ' Prophet, Seer, Revelator and Translator and '.Presi- 
dent of the whole Church ' to be Joe's successor. 

This statement comes from Dr. W. E. McLellm, one 
of the first twelve Mormon Apostles, who says he was 
present and saw it done, Joe had taken the cholera and 
thought he was going to die. 



After having been the Prophet's alter ego for eighteen 
months, John C. Bennett exposed him m a book and m 
public lectures. The book is - a holy terror, but my 
studies have convinced me that its disclosures are essen- 
tially true and reliable, and I have no good reason to 
doubt that part of them where the Doctor treats of the 
secret regulations introduced by Joe for directing the rela- 
tions of the sexes. I introduce Bennett's own words ; 

-The Mormon Seraglio is very strictly and system- 
atically organized. It forms a grand lodge, as it were, 
and is divided into three distinct orders or degrees. 

296 Mormon Portraits. — I. Sidelights. 

'' I. The Cyprian Saints. 

"The members of the Female Relief Society have 
the power, when they know or even suspect that any 
Mormon female has, however slightly, lapsed from 
the straight path of virtue, of bringing her at once 
before the Inquisition. This body is solemnly organized 
in secret and select council, and by its members the poor 
terrified female is questioned and threatened until she 
confesses the crime she has committed. She is immedi- 
ately, by the council, pronounced a Cyprian, and is 
excluded from any further connection with the Relief 

Bennett says that these women, branded as they are by 
the Relief Society, are at the service of the trustworthy 
members of the church. 

"■ 2. The Chambered Sisters of Charity. 

** This order comprises that class of females who in- 
dulge their propensities, whether married or sifigie, by the 
express permission of the prophet. Whenever one of the 
Saints of the male sex becomes enamored of a female 
and she responds to the feeling, the loving brother goes 
to Holy Joe and states the case. It makes, by the by, no 
difference whatever if one or both parties are already pro- 
vided with conjugal help-mates. The prophet gravely 
buries his face in his hat, in which lies his peep-stone, 
and inquires of the Lord what is His will and pleasure in 
the matter. Sometimes, when Joe wants the woman him- 
self, an unfavorable answer is given ; but generally the 
reply permits the parties to follow the bent of their in- 
clinations, which they do without further ceremony, 
though with a strict observance of secrecy, on account of 
the Gentiles. The result of this system is that not in- 
frequently men having wives of their own are living with 
other women, and not infrequently with other men's 
wives. Families are estranged and separated and chil- 
dren neglected." 

Bennett says that these ''Sisters of Charity " were 
much more numerous than the Cypria?i Saints. 

But Let No Gentile Knoiu It. 297 

''3. The Consecratees of the Cloister. 
'' This dei^ree, also called Cloistered Saints, is composed 
of females, whether married or unmarried, who, by an ex- 
press grant and gift of God, through his prophet are set 
apart and eonsecrated for the benefit of particular mdi- 
viduals, as secret spiritual wives. They are accounted 
the special favorites of Heaven, and the most honorable 
among the daughters of Jacob. Their spiritual husbands 
are altogether from among the most eminent members ot 
the Mormon church. This is the highest degree in the 
Harem and is held as the very acme of perfection, its 
ranks are filled up in the following manner : When an 
apostle, high priest or elder conceives an aff^ection lor a 
female and he has satisfactorily ascertained that she ex- 
periences a mutual flame, he communicates confidentially 
to the prophet his a f aire de coeur, and requests him to ' in- 
quire of the Lord whether or not it would be proper tor 
him to take unto himself the said woman for his spiritual 
wife " Again, it is no obstacle whatever to this spiritual 
marriage if one or both parties should happen to have a 
husband or wife already united to them according to the 
laws of the land. * The prophet puts this queer question 
to the Lord, and if he receives an answer m the affirma- 
tive (which is always the case where the parties are m 
favor with Joe) the prophet, either in person or by a 
duly authorized administrator, proceeds to consecrate the 
sister in the following solemn manner : 

"The parties assemble in the lodge room and place 
themselves kneeling before the altar. The admmistra- 
tor commences the ceremony by saying, — 

" ' You, separately and jointly, in the name of Jesus Christ the Son 
of God, do solemnly covenant and agree that you will not disclose any 
matter relating to the sacred act now in progress of consummation, 
wherebv any Gentile shall come to the knowledge of the secret pur- 
poses of this order, or whereby the Saints may suffer persecution; your 
lives being the forfeit.' 

" After the bow of assent is given by each of the pair, 

the administrator then pro ceeds — ^ 

■5^ It is a chief tenet of Mormon theology that no marriages ex- 
cept those performed by the Mormon priesthood are valid. 

298 Mor7?wn Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

" ' In the name of Jesus Christ, and by the authority of the holy 
priesthood, I now consecrate you and set you apart by the imposition 
of my hands, as husband and wife, according to the laws of Zion and 
the will of God our Heavenly Blather ; for which especial favor you 
now agree to serve Him with a perfect heart and a willing mind, and 
to obey His Prophet in all things according to his divine will.' 

"Again the nod of assent is given by the man and 
woman, and the administrator continues in a solemn and 
impressive manner — 

"■'\ wow anoint you with holy, consecrated oil, in the name of 
Jesus Christ and by the authority of the holy priesthood, that you may 
be fully and unreservedly consecrated to each other and to the service 
of God, and that with affection and fidelity you may nourish and cher- 
ish each other, so long as you shall continue faithful and true in the 
fellowship of the Saints; and I now pronounce upon you the blessings 
of Jacob, whom God honored and protected in the enjoyment of like 
special favors; and may the peace of Heaven, which passeth all un- 
derstanding, rest upon you in time and in eternity 1' 

''The parties then rise and embrace each other, and 
the robe of investiture is placed upon and around them by 
the administrator, who says, — 

" ' According to the prototype, I now pronounce you one flesh, 
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. 

"The robe is then removed, and the parties leave the 
cloister, with generally a firm belief, at least on the part 
of the female, in the sacredness and validity of the cere- 
monial, and thereafter consider themselves as united in 
SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE, the duties and privileges of which are 
in no particular differe?it from those of any other fnarriage 
covenant. ' ' 

I believe that Bennett helped Joe to organize this fe- 
male order, and that the bustling little doctor, like Brig- 
ham Young, Heber C. Kimball, John Taylor and other 
members of the inner circle, freely availed himself of 
the blessings of Abraham and Jacob. Until fairly dis- 
proved I must believe every word of the for7nulce, oaths, 
etc., given by Joe's accomplice and mentor, Bennett, as 
above. I find them to be in perfect harmony with the 
facts, documents and deductions presented in this vol- 

Don't Mind Your Dishonor. 299 

The reader feels surely interested in the manner in 
which Joe and his friends treat that contemptible farce, 
the Gentile marriage. Joe's liaisons, were, as a rule, con- 
tracted with MARRIED women. I have given several ex- 
amples, see pp. 55, 56. 66, 69. Some of the husbands 
found out very late that their wives had been exalted to 
the top round of the celestial ladder by the great an- 
nointer; I quote " Apostles " Orson Hyde and Erastus 
Snow, the latter of whom is said to have made this 
refreshing discovery only recently, but who was deep in 
other people's celestial secrets in Nauvoo, having kept 
there a house of refuge for celestial brides " m trouble. 
It has been a principle of this '' church," and it is yet for 
all I know, that it is no good Saint's business to inquire 
into any doings of a man who has a higher degree of 
priesthood than himself. He may discover that tlie priest 
of hio-h degree is on the most intimate terms with his 
(the lower priest's^ wife— never mind ; he has to say to 
himself- "It is none of my business; I was not able to 
exalt my wife ; brother X assures her of a higher degree 
of glory: the Lord's name be praised ! " I shall give 
more cases and names pertaining to this matter m 
Vol II. of this work, and clinch this little chapter with a 
few choice remarks on marriage by Brother Brigham, 
'' preached " in 1874: 

-I have said a number of times, and I will say again to you 
ladies who want to get a bill of divorce from your l^^^^af ^' ^f^^^/.^ 
they do not treat you right, or because you do ^ot exactly like their 
ways, there is a principle upon which a woman can leave ^ man but 
if th^ man honors his priesthood it will be pretty h-'^ -ork for you to 
get away from him. If he is just and right, serves God and is full of 
fustice,Le,mercvand truth, he will have the power that is sealed 
upon him, and will dc^what he pleases with you When you want to 
getabillof divorce you had better wait and find ou whether the 
Lord is willing to give you one or not, and not come to me I tel 
the brethren and sisters, when they come to me and ^^ant a bill of 
divorce, that I am ready to seal people and administer in the ordx. 
nances, and they are welcome to my services; but ^^ hen they 
undert;ke to break the commandments aiul tear t^^^P-^f^l^^/^^^f^ 
of the Lord, I make them give me something. I tell a man '^e ha. to 
give me $10 if he wants a divorce. For what ? My services ? No 
for his foolishness. If you want a divorce, give me $10, so that i can 

300 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

put it down in the book that such a man and such a woman have 
dissolved partnership. Do you think you have done so when you 
have obtained a bill of divorce ? No, nor ever can if you are faith- 
ful to the covenants you have made. It takes a higher power than a 
bill of divorce to take a woman from a man who is a good man and 
honors his priesthood — IT MUST BE A MAN who possesses a higher 
POWER IN the priesthood, or else the woman is bound to her hus- 
band, and will be, forever and ever." 

You see the chap anointed with the higher priesthood 
can ' ' take a woman from a man ' ' — and save and exalt 
her, but nobody else. This opens a grand field, truly, 
for prophetic and apostolic enterprise. It is a religion^ 
you know, and, as never-lying George Q. Cannon has 
said and printed so often, ^^ we are the purest people.''^ 
But to us unregenerated Gentiles and outsiders the whole 
thing, as from the first secretly taught and practiced by 
the leaders, will always seem the most consummate and 
devilish syste?n of prostitution ever masked with the name 
and pretense of religion, in any epoch, any country ! 



We have heard of Mrs. Emeline White, the tender- 
hearted lady, who could not stand the sight of a melan- 
choly steamboat captain (see p. 60). She was the daugh- 
ter of ''General" Davison Hibard, and her sisters were 
like unto her, exceeding good-hearted. The Hibards 
lived at Commerce before the saints s^tled there and re- 
named the place Nauvoo. They were not vulgar Messa- 
linas, these Hibard girls, but rather natural-born sisters 
of charity. They remind one of Jean Jacques Rouss- 
eau's generous friend, Mrs. Warren. Emeline was one of 
Joseph's pets. While yet trying to conquer her, he sent 
her a billet doux, which shows at once the ardor of his 
passion and his willingness to repay his Dulcinea's affec- 
tion with the gifts and blessings of the Tithing Store. I 

The Tithing-Store Supports the Harem. 301 

would not miss this rich little bit of a document in my 
collection for anything : 

" My Sweet Emeline. 

" You know that my love for you, as David said to Jonathan, is 
' wonderful, passing the love of women.' And how can that be? 
You know it is only figurative. I mean you have my most supreme 
affections [Poor Emma!] O that I had yours as truly! May I not 
hope that it will be so ? At all events, be my friend, my best friend. 
If you want anything while I am gone, call upon either of the Bish- 
ops — Vinson Knight or Alanson Ripley — and show them the signa- 
ture of ' Old White Hat,' and they will provide for you. Do not be 
afraid to receive anything from me, and these men are confidential. 
You need not fear to write me ; and I do assure you that a few lines 
would be very consoling on a journey. Sign it * Rosanna.' " 

" Your humble servant, 

" Old White Hat." 

Now this is as charming as can be. The lion plays 
mouse. How condescending in a great Prophet thus to 
trifle with the divine source of revelation, the Old White 
Hat. It is Pythia joking about her tripod. I wonder to 
what high priest, apostle or secretary the billet was dic- 
tated; probably to Richards or Clayton, though may 
be to friend Bennett himself. Joe was then absent from 
Nauvoo, in Springfield, 111., but there was surely some 
confidential "scribe" with him, such as were always on 
hand to take down the word of the Lord. " Joseph Smith," 
said Emma on her death-bed "could neither write nor 
dictate a coherent and well-worded letter." Bennett is 
evidently well posted in this matter, as he speaks of other 
love-letters addressed by the Prophet to " my sweet Em- 

Well, lam just "foolish" or "corrupt" enough to 
believe that the letter given above is entirely genuine. I 
see the prophetic earmarks, especially in the reference to 
Joe's faithful bishops. Vinson Knight was the wretch who 
dared to offer Mrs. Pratt his miserable Tithing House 
truck if she would hearken to the prophet's infamous prop- 
ositions. It is evident that it was one of Joe's celestial 
business rules, to offer to his intended victims either pro- 
visions from the "Lord's storehouse" or free board and 
lodging in the Lord's " house of boarding." Thus did 

302 Mor}no7i Portraits. — /. Side lights. 

this great fisher of womc7i bait his gospel hook ! To iUus- 
trate the p~)rophet's methods further, I quote from an affi- 
davit of one Mrs. Melissa Schindle,* which I will not 
needlessly shock my readers by reproducing in full, the 
following characteristic passage : 

" And Joseph told her, that if she would consent she could make 
his house her home as long as she wished to do so, and that she would 
never want for anything it was in his power to assist her to. He then 
told her that she must never tell of his propositions to her, for he had 
^z// influence in that place [Nauvoo],and if she told he would ruin her 
character and she would be under the necessity of leaving." 

This makes the whole infernal system clearer than ever. 
Same offers and same threats as used with Mrs. Pratt and so 
many other intended victims. And apostles, bishops, 
"lady" friends — they are all employees of the grand 
celestial institution which combines the features of harem 
and slave market ; while Brigham Young, H. C. Kimball, 
Willard Richards and a whole group of "ladies," do any 
service compatible with the character Q.dX\^^ proxctieies by 
the old Greeks. Does it not seem conceived by an "arch- 
angel's genius," the whole system, but an archangel with 
a mighty pair of arch-horns? 

I see, now, where you have graduated. Brother Brig- 
ham : it was at the Naiivoo University of crime and deceit, 
of secret whisperings, of heartless selfishness and absolute 
unscrupulousness. Like Joe, you are fully steeped in these 
things and nobody is your friend, can be your friend, but 
such as would abet you in selfish, cunning, serpentine 
schemes. Joe and you, Brigham, were the two great sal- 
vation-merchants, and the price for "exaltation" was always 
the honour, the conscience, the virtue and purity, the 
money and property of your customers — the honor of man, 
the happiness of woman ! 

You learned to rule in secret Nauvoo, Brigham Young ; 
and you to ^^<?>' secret orders, "martyr" John D. Lee! 
Secrecy — it is the faith-word of Satan. Ah, the blood- 
stained ages rise before me burthened with it. " Had we 
not done in secret what we did," says Rigdon in 1844, 

* Bennett, p. 253. , 

Secret Oaths and Devil- Covenants. 303 

just before his first tools, the Smith brothers, were slaught- 
ered, '' the church would not have been where it is to-day." 
To which I add, that but f 07' secret oaths and devil-covenants^ 
there would never have been a Mountain Meadows Massa- 
cre. Nice, is it not, O ye liberty-loving people of Utah, 
squandering millions, wasting away life's glorious ener- 
gies, fostering social and domestic hates and divisions, 
murdering the intelligence and poisoning the patriotism 
of rising generations with lying catechisms — still to per- 
petuate these silly secret mummeries of new revelation ! 



I insert here the well-known account of the death of 
Joseph and Hyrum Smith, written on the very day by 
Apostle Willard Richards, the only one of the four 
attacked who received no wound. From this report it 
would seem that Joseph fell from the window dead. It is 
quite possible that the story of his being set up against 
the wxll-curb has been manufactured later in order to make 
the lynching a perfect cold-blooded Gentile murder. Cer- 
tain it is, the Times and Seasons of 1844 makes no men- 
tion of the well-curb story, though W. Richards could 
scarcely have helped witnessing the scene at the well-curb, 
miraculous stroke of lightning and all, since he was at the 
window. Moreover, but three gun-shot wounds are found 
in the body of Joseph when it is washed and dressed for 
burial. f There should have been seven (or at least four) 

* Brigham Young preached in Provo after Lee's execution : 
" Brother Lee went to hell — not because of the Mountain Meadows 
Massacre, but for breaking his covenants and betraying the brethren." 

f "Joseph was shot in the right breast, also under tjie heart in the 
lower part of his bowels on the right side, and on the big wrinkle on 
the back part of the right hip. One ball had come out at the right 
shoulder blade." — Deseret News, Nov. 25, 1857. 

304 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

wounds had the shooting at the well-curb been a fact. But 
hear the narrative of Apostle Richards : 

" Carthage, June 27th, 1844. 
" A shower of musket-balls were thrown up the stairway against 
the door of the prison in the second story, followed by many rapid 
footsteps. While Generals Joseph and Hyrum Smith, Mr. Taylor and 
myself, who were in the front chamber, closed the door of our room 
against the entry at the head of the stairs, and placed ourselves against 
it, there being no lock on the door, and no ketch that was useable ; the 
door is a common panel — and as soon as we heard the feet at the stairs' 
head, a ball was sent through the door, which passed between us, and 
showed that our enemies were desperadoes, and we must change our 
position. General Joseph Smith, Mr. Taylor and myself sprang back 
to the front part of the room, and General Hyrum Smith retreated 
two-thirds across the chamber, and directly in front of and facing the 
door.* A ball was sent through the door, which hit Hyrum on the side 
of the nose, when he fell backwards, extended at length, without mov- 
ing his feet. From the holes in his vest (the day was warm and no 
one had a coat on but myself], pantaloons, drawers and shirt, it appears 
evident that a ball must have been thrown from without, through the 
window, which entered his back on the right side, and passing through, 
lodged against his watch, which was in his right vest pocket, completely 
pulverizing the crystal and face, tearing off the hands and mashing the 
whole body of the watch, at the same instant the ball from the door 
entered his nose. As he struck the floor he exclaimed, emphatically, 
*/';« a dead 7nan.^ Joseph looked twards him and responded, ^0 
dear ! Brothei- Hyrii7n ! ' and opening the door two or three inches with 
his left hand, discharged one barrel of a six-shooter (pistol) at random 
in the entry from whence a ball grazed Hyrum's breast, and entering 
his throat passed into his head, while other muskets were aimed at him 
and some balls hit him. Joseph continued snapping his revolver round 
the casing of the door into the space as before, three barrels of which 
missed fire, while Mr. Taylor, with a walking-stick, stood by his side 
and knocked down the bayonets and muskets which were constantly 
discharging through the doorway, while I stood by him, ready to lend 
any assistance, with another stick, but could not come within striking 
distance without going directly before the muzzles of the guns. When 
the revolver failed we had no more fire-arms, and expecting an imme- 
diate rush of the mob, and the doorway full of muskets — half-way in 
the room and no hope but instant death from within — Mr. Taylor 

*" Joseph, Hyrum and Taylor had their coats off; Joseph sprang 
to his coat for his six shooter, Hyrum /^r his single barrel, Taylor for 
Markham's large hickory cane and Dr. Richards for Taylor's cane. 
. . . Hyrum was retreating back in front of the door and snapped his 
pistol, when a ball struck him in the left side of his nose, etc." 
Deseret N'e-cus, Nov. 25, 1 85 7. 

Two Martyrs and a Half. 305 

rushed into the window, which is some fifteen or twenty feet from the 
ground. When his body was nearly on a balance, a ball from the 
door within entered his leg, and a ball from without struck his watch, 
a patent lever, in his vest pocket, near the left breast, and smashed it 
m 'pi,' leaving the hands standing at 5 o'clock, 16 minutes and 26 
seconds— the force of which ball threw him back on the floor, and he 
rolled under the bed which stood by his side, where he lay motionless, 
the mob from the door continuing to fire upon him, cutting away a 
piece of flesh from his left hip as large as a man's hand, and were hm- 
dered only by my knocking down their muzzles with a stick ; while 
they continued to reach their guns into the room, probably left-handed, 
and aimed their discharge so far around as almost to reach us in the 
corner of the room to where we retreated and dodged, and then I re- 
commenced the attack with my stick again. Joseph attempted, as the 
last resort, to leap the same window from whence Mr. Taylor fell, 
when two balls pierced him from the door, and one entered his right 
breast from without, and he fell outward, exclaiming, 'O Lord my 
God!' As his feet went oui of the window my head went in, the balls 
whistling all around. He fell on his left side a DEAD man. At this 
instant the cry was raised, 'He's leaped the -wmdotv,' and the mob 
on the stairs and in the entry ran out. I withdrew from the window, 
thinking it of no use to leap out on a hundred bayonets, then around 
General Smith's body. Not satisfied with this, I again reached my 
head out of the window, and watched some seconds, to see if there 
were any signs of life, regardless of my own, determined to see the end 
of him I loved. Being//^/// satisfied that he was dead, with a hundred 
men near the body, and more coming round the corner of the goal, 
and expecting a return to our room, I rushed towards the prison-door, 
at the head of the stairs, and through the entry from whence the firing 
had proceeded, to learn if the door into the prison were open. When 
near the entry, Mr. Taylor called out, ' Take me.' I pressed my way 
until I found all doors unbarred ; returning instantly, caught Mr, Tay- 
lor under my arm and rushed by the stairs into the dungeon, or inner 
prison, stretched him on the floor, and covered him with a bed, in such 
a manner as not likely to be perceived, expecting an immediate return 
of the mob. I said to Mr. Taylor, ' This is a hard case, to lay you on 
the floor ; but if your wounds are not fatal I want you to live to tell 
the story.' I expected to be shot the next moment and stood before 
the door awaiting the onset. 

"WiLLARD Richards." 

3o6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 



We have seen Joe playing the learned oracle of the 
age. After pretending inspiration he feigned science. It 
was the same vanity that had made him appear as " author 
and proprietor" in the first edition of the "Book of 
Mormon." Author of a book written by ancient proph- 
ets and translated by a divine prompter ! The following 
letter, printed in the Times and Seasons, is a rich speci- 
men of the " oracles" given by the Peeper, and of course 
devoutly accepted by the long-eared herd then composing 
the great mass of the " faithful." Having seen no " in- 
dignant protest" against it from the pen of Professor 
Orson Pratt, or any other Mormon professor or educator, 
I conclude that it still "stands independent" of learning. 

The Greek word "Mormon" had been chosen by 
scholarly infected Solomon Spaulding in the same kind of 
a whim as he chose others from the Latin, such as ''Alma,'' 
and the like. " Mormon" means in Greek a hobgoblin, 
and poor old crank Solomon was surely happy with a 
Greek feather in his dreamy nightcap. Joe saw his 
chance for a tremendous bluff at the learned world. So 
betakes a good handful of "diamond truth" and (no 
doubt with W. vy. Phelps as scribe) sits down to "com- 
bat " another "error of the age." Writes he : 

" Sir, — Through the medium of your paper, I wish to correct an 
error among men that profess to be learned, Hberal and wise ; and I 
do it the more cheerfully, because I hope sober-thinking and sound- 
reasoning people will sooner listen to the voice of truth, than be led 
astray by the vain pretensions of the self-wise. [That's too good, 
Joseph.] The error I speak of is the definition of the word ' Mor- 
mon.' It has been stated that this word was derived from the Greek 
word mormo. This is not the case. There was no Greek or Latin 
upon the plates from which I, through the grace of God, translated 
the Book of Mormon. Let the language of that book speak for itself. 
On the 523rd page of the fourth edition, it reads: — 'And now be- 
hold we have written the record according to our knowledge in the 
characters which are called among us the Reformed Egyptian, be- 

Joe at Home in Nine Languages, 307 

ing handed down and altered by us according to our manner of 
speech; and if our plates were sufficiently large, we should have 
written in Hebrew. Behold ye would have had no imperfections in 
our record, but the Lord knoweth the things which we have written, 
and also, that none other people knoweth our language; there- 
fore he hath prepared fneans for the interpretation thereof.^ 

" Here, then, the subject is put to silence, for ' none other people 
knoweth our language ; ' therefore the Lord, and not man, hath to 
interpret, after the people were all dead. And, as Paul said, 'the 
Avorld by wisdom know not God,' and the world by speculation are 
destitute of revelation ; and as God, in His superior wisdom, has al- 
ways given His saints, wherever He has had any on earth, the same 
spirit, and that spirit (as John says) is the true spirit of prophesy, 
which is the testimony of Jesus, I may safely say that the word Mor- 
mon stands independent of the learning and wisdom of this generation. 
Before I give a definition, however, to the word, let me say that the 
Bible, in its widest sense, means good ; for the Savior says, according 
to the Gospel of St. John, ' I am the good shepherd ; ' and it will not 
be beyond 'the common use of terms to say, that good is amongst the 
most important in use, and though known by various names in dif- 
ferent languages, still its meaning is the same, and is ever in oppo- 
sition to bad. We say from the Saxon, good; the Dane, god; the 
Goth, Goda; the German, Gut; the Dutch, Goed; the Latin, bonus; 
the Greek, kales; the Hebrew, tob; and the Egyptian, mon. Hence, 
with the addition of ' more,' or the contraction mor, we have the word 
Mormon, which means, literally, more good. Yours, 

Joseph Smith." 

Here's solid chunks of wisdom ! But compare the 
foregoing with Joseph's tale about Martin's visit to Prof. 
Anthon, and you seethe Peeper again in one of those 
providential traps reserved for the sure punishment of 
impostors. '■'■None other people knoweth* our language,''^ 
the Reformed Egyptian ; " Therefore the Lord, and not 
man hath to interpret.''^ But Prof. Anthon and Dr. 
Mitchell understand the hieroglyphics, all the same : the 
characters are trite and the translation is correct. Oh, 
Kolob, Kokob and Kokaubeam ! And then the heart- 
rending revelation which makes the Bible mean " good ; " 
that little slip in giving kalos as the Greek word for good, 
instead of agathos ; and finally, to speak with Tullidge, 
the wondrous announcement that Reformed Egyptian, 
consists, at least in this special case, not of rotten Chal- 
daic, Assyriac and Arabic, but of the fresh, living Saxon 
of our days and embalmed Egyptian : more and mon^ 

3oS Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

united in one word, like the Siamese twins, while one was 
dead and the other yet alive ! 

But you must not laugh. If you do, you're lost. 
Joseph Smith, Jr., held converse with holy angels, with the 
Father and Son — and he wrote (set his name to) this 
letter ! I 



Let us give one last glance at the high times in Kirt- 
land, Ohio. Everything was flourishing then, re\^lation, 
consecration, translation, and even sealing, as we have 
seen. It was the time when Joe and his brothers and 
their next friends got money in their hands for the first 
time in their lives. They founded mills, stores, a bank, a 
city and a temple. How solid those enterprises were is 
well known. Honest David Whitmer told Joe one day, 
alluding to the famous bank, that there were more lies 
than dollars passed over his counter. * 

The "Endowments" in the Kirtland temple were 
nothing but a big spree, so big, that the ''apparitions of 
angels," etc., were not miraculous at all. I quote from a 
letter by Dr. -McLellin, one of the first quorum of 
Mormon apostles : 

" About five hundred ministers entered that great temple about 
sunrise and remained fasting until next morning sunrise, except a little 
bread and wine in the evening. The Twelve were required to take 
large servers and set glasses of wine and lumps of bread, and go 
through the house and serve the brethren. I did my part of the 
serving. During the night a purse was made up and a wagon sent 
to Painesville and a barrel of wine procured, and then it was a titne. 
All the latter part of the night I took care of Samuel H. Smith 
[brother of the prophet], perfectly unable to help himself And I 

* " David Whitmer I believe to be an honest and truthful man. I 
think what he states may be relied on." So says Emma Smith on her 

Saintly Hyrum the Wildest of Them. 3^9 

had others removed from the house because they were unfit to be in 
decent company.'''' 

Money came in from the dupes; town lots sold/at 
high figures, and the eastern merchants sent goods on 
credit. The new prophets and apostles felt good. I 
quote from another letter of the same ex-apostle : 

" Soon fine dressier and fine parties were the go, and soon a fine 
ride was determined upon. Some fifteen couples hired fine carnages, 
with fine harness and horses and, when all was in readiness, they set 
out for Cleveland, some nineteen mdes away. They drove round and 
round through the streets. People gazed and inquired, ' Who is all 
this>' ' Oh, it's Joe Smhh, the Mormon prophet, and his company 
They put up at a first-class tavern, called for"a room, refreshments and 
something to drink. Some of them became intoxicated, and they 
broke up about twenty dollars' worth of dishes and furniture. iNext 
morning they paid their bill and set out for home. They stopped at 
Euclid— half way— and took dinner and again drank freely; and 
after they set out for home they commenced running horses, and 
turned over a buggy and broke it up, so they had to haul it home on a 
wagon. But all went swimmingly. 'We are great merchantmen, 
money plenty.' But no confessions were ever required or made in 
the church for this wild-goose chase. They still continued their 
practices and their ./r/w/^?-//?- to excess, until I sickened and, with a 
heavy heart, left the place and church and wended my way to Illinois, 
with my companion and two little children.* 

Wiliarn Smith, Joe's younger brother, and one of the 
Twelve, was the enfant terrible of that holy family. When 
drunk he was capable of anything, even givmg away the 
kev of the whole fraud. He used to beat Joseph and 
throw him down. He once struck Joe on the forehead 
and cut a watch-pocket over his eye, so that the prophet 
had to stay away from church a week or two. One after- 
noon a number of persons were playing town ball m the 
flat on the bank of the creek in Kirtland. There was 
whiskey on the ground, and ''Bill" Smith got so drunk 
that he had to sit down between the roots of a stump and 
lean back against the stump to sit up. Some of the 
brethren reminded him that he was announced to preach 

* David Whitmer told Mr. Traughber that Oliver Cowdery was on 
the ride to Cleveland, and that he said about it, " it would be a dis- 
grace to zvor idlings:' David said he heard it was Hyrum Smith who 
broke up the dishes zvith his cane. 

312 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 



In the year 1836, Joseph, about to become a big bank- 
er, visits the ancient and wealthy town of Salem' Mass. 
And here he receives a revelation, perhaps the most unique 
of them all. Why, it reads — not to speak profanely — it 
reads just as you might expect a prophet's revelation to 
read who had been on a big spree ! It seen>s that Joe 
had heard there was money buried in the collar of a va- 
cant house in Salem. He rents the house, takes a house- 
keeper along, (one of the nice, accommodating sisters from 
the neighbor city of Boston) and proceeds'* to dig in 
the cellar for the buried gold and silver.- I copy now the 
"revelation" from the latest edition of the Book of 
Doctrine and Covenants, p. 406 : 

Revelation given through Joseph the Seer, August 6th, i8j6 : 

I, the Lord, your God, am not displeased with your coming this 
journey, notwithstanding your folHes. 

I have much treasure in this city for the benefit of Zion, and 
many people in this city whom I will gather out in due time for the 
benefit of Zion, through your instrumentality ! 

Therefore it is expedient that you should form acquaintance with 
men in this city, as you shall be led and as it shall be given you. 

And it shall come to pass in due time that / luill give this city 
into your hands, that you shall have power over it, insomuch that they 
shall not discover your secret parts ; and its wealth pertaining to gold 
and silver shall be yours. 

Concern not yourselves zkiovX your debts, iox I will give you power 
to pay them. This place you may obtain by hire, etc. * And inquire 
diligently concerning the more ancient inhabitants and founders of 
this city. For there are viore treasures than one for you in this city ; 
therefore be ye as wise as serpents and yet without sin, and I will 
order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them. 

I have nothing to say. I give the floor to the in- 
ventor of the "archangel's genius." 

*This " etc." in the Lord's mouth is of special richness. 

Joe Lies Once More About Polygamy. 



I have asserted (see p. 249) that John Taylor "had a 
main hand in squelching the freedom of the press in 
Nauvoo." This appears, among many other valuable 
details, by the following extract from the minutes of the 
proceedings of the Nauvoo city council relative to the 
destruction of the press and fixtures ot the Expositor. I 
quote from \\\t Deseret News., Sept. 23, 1857, pp. 225-6: 
" City Council, Sessions of June 8 and 10, 1844. 

" Mayor [Joe] suggested that the Council pass an ordinance to 
prevent misinterpretation and libelous publications and conspiracies 
against the peace of the city. Mayor said the conduct of such men 
and such papers are calculated to destroy the peace of the city ; and 
it is not safe that such things should exist, on account of the mob 
spirit which they tend to produce. 

" Councilor Hyrum Smith spoke of the importance of suppressing 
that spirit which has driven us from Missouri, etc. ; that he would go 
in for an effective ordinance. 

" Mayor [Joe] said if he had a city council who felt as he did, the 
establishment [of the Expositor'] would be declared a nuisance be- 
fore night. Here is a paper that is exciting our enemies abroad,. 
They [the editors of the Expositor] make it a cri??ii)iatity for a man 
to have a wife on earth wJiile he has one in heaven, according to the 
keys of the priesthood ; and he then read a statement of Wm. Law's 
from the Expositor, where the truth of God was transferred into a lie 
concerning this thing [! I] What the opposition party want is to raise 
a mob on us and take the spoil from us as they did in Missouri ; said 
he ivonld rather die to-morrozv and have the thing smashed, than 
live and have it go on, for it was exciting the spirit of mobocracy 
among the people and bringing death and destruction upon us. May- 
or said he had never preached the revelation [on polygamy] in 
private, but he had in public, had not taught it to the anointed in the 
church in private, which statement many present confirmed. "^ Mayor 
said the Constitution did not authorize the press to publish libels, and 
proposed that the Council make some provision for putting down the 
** Nauvoo Expositor.^'' 

" Councilor Hyrum Smith was in favor of declaring the Expositor 
a nuisance. 

■^ What did Apostle Snow tell the author about the scene on tlie 
log, and what does Wm. Clayton say in his affidavit ? Who lies? 

314 Mormon Portraits. — I. Sidelights. 

" Councilor J. Taylor said no city on earth would bear such slan- 
der, and he would not bear it, and was decidedly in favor of active 
measures. He then read from the Constitution of the United States 
on the freedom of the press, and said : ' We are willing they should 
publish the truth ; but it is unlawful to publish libels ; the Expositor 
is a nuisance and stinks in the nose of every honest ?nan.'' 

" Mayor [Joe] read from Illinois Constitution, touching the respon- 
sibility of the press for its constitutional liberty. 

"Councilor Hyrum Smith believed the best way 7vas to smash the 
press and 'pie ' the type. 

" Mayor [Joe] remarked he was sorry to have one dissenting voice 
in declaring the Expositor a. nuisance. 

" Councilor Warrington did not mean to be understood to go 
against the proposition ; but would not be in haste in declaring it a 

" Councilor Phelps had investigated the Constitution, charter and 
laws ; the power to declare that office a nuisance is granted to us in the 
Springfield charter, and a resolution declaring it a nuisance is all 
that is required^'' 

The result of the session was, that the foUowmg resolu- 
tion was read and passed unanimously, with the exception 
of Councilor Warrington : 

" Resolved, By the City Council of the city of Nauvoo, that the 
printing office from whence issues the ' Nauvoo Expositor' is a public 
nuisance and also all of said Nauvoo Expositors, which may be or exist 
in said establishment, and the Mayor is instructed to cause said printing 
establishment and papers to be removed without delay in such manner 
as he shall direct. 

Geo. W, Harris, 

" Passed June 10, 1844. President pro teni.'" 

The following order was immediately issued by the 
Mayor : 

"State of Illinois, > 
City of Nauvoo. J 

" To the Marshal of said City, Greeting : 

"You are hereby commanded to destroy the printing press from 
whence issues the Nauvoo Expositor and pie the type of said printing 
establishment IN THE street, and burn the Expositors and libelous 
handbills found in said establishment, and if resistance be offered to 
your execution of this order by the owners or others, demol- 
ish THE house; and if anyone threatens you, or the Mayor, or the 
officers of the city, arrest those who threaten you, and fail not to exe- 
cute this order without delay, and make due return hereon. 

" By order of the City Council. 

Joseph Smith, May or, ^^ 

Joe Makes a Mob of His Army. S^S 

Marshal's return : The within named press and type is destroyed 
and pied according to order, on this loth day of June, 1844, at about 

8 « c^°^^^ P- ^^^- J. p. Greene, C. M. 

So much for Mayor Joseph Smith. But the Lieut. - 
General of the Legion cannot be mocked, either, lu sucti 
'' libelous" affairs. So he decrees as follows : 

" He\d<)Uarters Nauvoo Legion, I 
June 10, 1844. ) 

^' To Jonathan Dunham, Acting Major- General of the Nauvoo Legion: 
"You are hereby commanded to hold the Nauvoo Legion in readi- 
ness forthwith to execute the city ordinances, and especially to remove 
the establishment of the Nauvoo Expositor and this you are le.^u ea 
to do at sight, under the penalty of the laws; provided the Maishal 
shall require it and need your services. ^^^ '^^[iin 

Lieut.^ General Nauvoo Legion.'' 

According to these orders, two companies of the Nau- 
voo Legion assisted in destroying the Expositor! ^ 

I insert the following extracts from the "History of 
Joseph Smith," contained in the Deseret Neivs of 1857: 

" Sunday, June 9, 1844. At home. My health not very good in 
consequence of' my lungs being impaired by so much P^^'^l^^J^^^^^^^S' 
My b other Hyrum preached at the stand. At 2 p^ m. seveial passen- 
gers ot the stea'mer ' Osprey ' from St. Louis and Quincy arnved and 
Jut up at the Mansion. I helped to carry m their trunks and chatted 
with them in the bar room. 

''Monday, June 10. I was in the City Council rom 10 a. m to 
1:20 p. m. and from 2:20 to 6:30 p. m., investigating tlie merits of the 
Nauvoo Expositor and also the conduct of the Laws, ^igbee. Fo.ter 
and others, who have formed a conspiracy for the purpose of destroy- 
ino- my life and scattering the Saints, or driving them rom he State 
About 8 p. m. the Marshal returned and reported that he had removed 
the press; type, printed paper and fixtures into the street and des royed 
hem The posse, accompanied by some hundreds of citizens, returned 
with 'the Marshal to the front of the Mansion, when I gave them a 
short address and told them that they had done right; and that not 
a hair of their heads should be hurt for it; that they nad executed the 
orders which were given me by the City Council; that I -ould -..r 
srcbmit to have another libelous publication established in the city tl at 
I did not care how many papers were printed m the city if they would 
print the truth, but would submit to no libels or slanders from Ihem I 
?hen blessed them in the name of the Lord. This speech was loudly 
greeted by the assembly with three times three cheers. 

31 6 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

On the same day, June lo, the City Gouncil had passed 
an ''Ordinance concerning libels and for other purposes." 
Compare its language with that of the Expositor and you 
will find where the " libel" is. The ordinance says of the 
publishers of the Expositor : 

"They have turned traitors in the church and combined and 
leagued with the most corrupt scoundrels and villains that disgrace the 
earth unhung, for the heaven-daring and damnable purpose of revenge 
on account of disappointed lust, disappointed prospects of speculation, 
fraud and unlawful designs to rob and plunder mankind with impunity ; 
and whereas such wicked and corrupt men have greatly facilitated their 
unlawful designs, horrid intentions and murderous plans, by polluting, 
degrading and converting the blessings of the utility of the press to 
the sin-smoking and blood-stained ruin of innocent communities, by 
publishing lies, false statements, slandering men, women, children [I], 
societies and countries, by polishing the characters of blacklegs, high- 
waymen and murderers as virtuous . . . " 

The plans of the " degraded " publishers are " horrid, 
bloody, secret ; " they want to "destroy Mormonism, men, 
women and children, as Missouri ^Xd^y Therefore, 

" Be it ordained by the City Council of the city of Nauvoo, that if 
any person or persons shall write or publish in said city ANY FALSE 
STATEMENT or libel any of the citizens, for the purpose of exciting the 
public mind against the chartered privileges, peace and good order of 
said city, or shall slander any portion of the inhabitants of said city, 
or bribe any portion of the citizens of said city for malicious purposes, 
or in any manner or form excite the pre/itdice of the community z.gQ\n?>\. 
any portion of the citizens of said c\iy, for evil purposes, he, she or 
they shall be deemed disturbers of the peace and upon conviction 
before the Mayor, or Municipal Court, shall be fined in any sum not 
exceeding $500 or imprisoned six months, or both, at the discretion of 
said Mayor or court." 

The ordinance adds, evidently by way of a joke, that 
''nothing in this ordinance shall be so construed as to 
interfere with the frtedom of speech, or the liberty of the 
press, according to the most liberal meaning of the Consti- 
tution, the dignity of freemen, the voice of truth and the 
rules of virtue I " 

At a mass meeting of the citizens of Hancock County, 
convened at Carthage June 13, it was stated that 

" Hyrum Smith did, in the presence of the City Council and the 
citizens of Nauvoo, offer a reward for the destruction of the printing 

Morvwn Interpretation of Law. 3^7 

press and materials of the VVars.^o Signal Hyrum Smith has within 
the last week publicly threatened the life of Thos. C. Sharp, the editor 
of the Signaiy 

The destruction of the Expositor is declared a laNv-ful 
act by Joseph Smith in a letter to Governor Ford dated 
June 14, m consideration of the following section of the 
"Nauvoo City charter : 

" Sec 7 To make regulations to secure the general health of the 
inhabtamsr™ DECLARE Ihat shall «e a nuisance and to pre. 


Isn't this interpretation the acme of impudence? 
Let us close with a look at the widow of the prophet : 
''Dimick B. Huntington, with the assi^stance of Wm. Marks and W 
D Huntinrton, washed the bodies from head to foot . . • he put cot- 
ton .oaked in camphor in each wound and laid the bodies out with 
fiTe p^n dTaw'rs'and shirts, white neckerchiefs, white cotton stock- 
nne, pt.ui ^ EmmA who was at this 

After this was done, Emm A (who was at this 
tted to view the bodies. On fi 
screamed and fell, but was su 

^. nunuu^.utt. 1 fell upon his face and kissed 

him by name and begged of him to speak to her once. 

ings and white shrouds. ' After this was done ^^ma ^v u v. .. ..^ 
time nrecrnant) was permitted to view the bodies. On first see ng the 
ci^pse of her husbaifd she screamed and fell, but was -PPO^ed by D 
B Huntington. She then fell upon his face and kissed him, calhng 



Apostle Heber C. Kimball had been a potter m his 
early davs. Full of the spirit of the Kingdom he used to 
preach blind obedience to the holy priesthood. He had 
two standard images showing how far this obedience 
should go. One was that the faithful should be in the 
hands of the authorities like clay in the hands of the 
potter ; the other was not taken from POttery, still it was 
very fine in its kind: good Saints should be like 
<^ tillered ragsr He was a master spirit, Kimball was. 
Like Brigham, he had learned his little essonm Nauvoo. 
Joe Smith used to treat his apostles like tallowed rags, 

3i8 Mormon Portraits. — /. Sidelights. 

indeed. A perfect illustration is furnished by a passage 
in the prophet's autobiography, written in April, 1843, 
and contained in the Ali/t. Star, Vol. XXL, Number 2: 

" At three p. m. I met with Brigham Young, William Smith, P. 
P. Pratt, O. Pratt, \V. Woodruff, J. Taylor, Geo. A. Smith and Will- 
ard Richards, of the quorum of the Twelve, in my office, and told 
them to go in the name of the Lord God of Israel, and tell Lucien 
Woodworth to put tlie hands on to the Nauvoo House and begin the 
work and be patient till means can be provided. 

" Call on the inhabitants of Nauvoo, and gei them to bring in 
their means; then go to La Harpe and serve them the same. Out of 
the stock that is handed to me you shall have as you have need ; for 
the labourer is worthy of his hire. 

" I hereby i-ommana the hands to go to work on the house, trust- 
ing in the Lord. Tell Woodworth to put tliem on and he shall be 
backed up with it. y'oi/ must get eash, property, lands, horses, cattle, 
flour, corn, ivheat, etc. The grain can be ground in this place. If 
you can get hands on the Nauvoo House, it will give such an impetus 
to the work, it 7vill take all the devils ottt of hell to stop it. 

"Brigham Young asked if any of the Twelve should goto England. 

"I replied: 'No! I don'' t want the Twelve to go to England this 
year. I have sent them to England and they have broke the ice; 
and now I want to send some of the elders and try them. 

"You can never make anything out of Benjamin Winchester, if 
you take him out of the channel he wants to be in. Send Samuel 
James to England, thus saith the Lord! also Reuben Hedlock. Send 
these two now ; and when you think of some others, send them. 

" John Taylor, I believe you can do more good in the editorial 
department than preaching. Vou can write for thousands to read, 
while you can preach to but a few at a time. We have no one else 
we can trust the paper with, and hardly zuith you : for you suffer the 
paper to come out with so many mistakes. 

" Brother Geo. A. Smith, I don't know how I can help him to a 
living, but to go and preach, ,/>«/ on a long face, and make them doe 
over to him.^ The Lord will give him a good pair of lungs yet. 

" Woodruff can be*spared from the printing office. If 3'ou both 
stay you will disagree, I want O'-son Pratt should go. 

" Brother Brigham asked if ^le should go. ' Yes, go.' " 

* Rather hard on Thackeray, isn't it ? 



Testimonials 5 

Letter to the Public 10 

The Prophet's Parents 16 

Views of Joseph Smith 19 

Joseph Smith and his Plates 20 

Joseph likes his Glass 21 

Joseph the Wrestler 23. 

Joseph as a Student 24 

Joseph's Habits, etc 25 

Joseph as a Preacher 26 

Joseph as a General 27 

Joseph as a Presidential Candidate 29 

Joseph and Nero Boggs 30 

The Lord's Bankers in Kirtland 35 

Counterfeiting Apostles 37 

Joseph in Money Matters 39 

Secret Murders in Nauvoo 44 

Stealing in Nauvoo 50 

The Don Juan of Nauvoo 53 

The Nauvoo Pandemonium 64 

Emma, the Prophet's Wife 73 

The Revelation on Polygamy 83 

The Prophet's Brothers ill 

President Sidney Rigdon 1 17 

Dr. John C. Bennett 127 

The Nauvoo Catastrophe 136 

The Lynching of Joseph Smith 153 

Danites and Destroying Angels , 165 

Joseph as Seer and Translator 193 

The Kinderhook Plates 205 

The Book of Abraham 213 

SIDELIGHTS— (Appendix. ) 

I. The affidavits of 1833 and 1834 227 

II. The Gold Bible Company 235 

III. Spaulding's "Manuscript Found" 238 

IV. Rigdon and Spaulding's Manuscript 241 

V. The Army of Zion 243 

VI. Affidavits of Fanny Brewer and Others 249 

320 Index. 

VII. Polygamy in Kiitland 251 

VIII. Dr. Isaac Galland 252 

IX. Setting up the Kingdom . 253 

X. Rockwell and Governor Boggs 254 

XI. Martha Brotherton's Aflklavit 255 

XII. Evidence in the Trial of Joseph Smith, etc 261 

XIII. Joseph's real Character" 263 

Xiy. Patriarchal Blessings , 266 

XV. History of the Endowments • • . . . 267 

XVI. The Mormon Prophetess 272 

XVII. Old Joe and Old Lucy 275 

XVIII. Nauvoo City Ordinances 277 

XIX. Nauvoo City' Ofticers 282 

XX. The Nauvoo University 283 

XXI. The Nauvoo Legion 285 

XXII. Miss Nancy Rigdon 288 

XXIII. The Lord Corrects Himself 292 

XX ly. Brother Brigham Damns Sister Emma 294 

XXV. D. Whitmer Ordained Joseph's Successor 295 

XXVI. The Nauvoo Seraglio 295 

XXVII. A Love Letter by Joseph 300 

XXVIII. "Two Minutes in Goal " 303 

XXIX. Origin of the Word " Mormon" 306 

XXX. Apostolic Sprees 308 

XXXI. The Canada Revelation 310 

XXXII. The Treasures of Salem 312 

XXXIII. Destruction of the " Expositor " 313 

XXXIV. "Tallered Rags" 317 


Death Mask of Joseph Smith 4 

Reformed Egyptian Hieroglyphics 198 

Dollar Sign Hieroglyphics 2O9 

Kirtland Temple 212 

Resurrection of Osiris 222 

Abraham and Pharaoh '..••... 224 

Lucy Smith 225 

Brigham Voung 258 

Adam's Endowment Garment 268 

Revealed Fig Leaf Apron 269 

Man's Endowment Cap 270 

Woman's Cap and Slipper 271 

Professor Orson Pratt 284 

Major John D. Lee 286 

Date Due 

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BP895 .S6W98 

Joseph Smith, the prophet, his family 

Princeton Theological Seminary-Speer Library 

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